MAUD^H'YARDLEY 


SINLESS 


A    NOVEL 


By 

MAUD   H.  YARDLEY 


Author  of  ''The  Black  Heart 


of 
of  i 


of  London,"  etc. 


R.    F.    FENNO    &    COMPANY 

1 8  East  1 7th  Street     -     -      New  York 


SISLEY' S    LTD. 


London 


SINLESS 


"  Oh,  Love,  what  is  it  in  this  world  of  oars 
That  makes  it  fatal  to  be  loved  ?  " 

BYRON 

CHAPTER   I 

"  T"^  NGLAND  !  In  a  few  hours  Home !  And— 
r^  Beauty  waiting  for  us  !  "  The  speaker, 
.1  */  a  young  officer,  evidently  pleased  with 
himself  and  everybody  else,  brought  his  hand  down 
with  a  friendly  if  exasperating  blow  upon  the  shoulder 
of  a  man  standing  beside  him.  One  could  hardly 
recognise  it  as  a  shoulder,  or  a  man,  for  the  figure 
might  well  have  been  a  tub,  only  very  slightly  ani- 
mated, and  bundled  up  in  a  fur  coat  and  innumerable 
rugs. 

But  it  spoke — and  spoke  very  crossly. 
"  Don't   do   that !    Hang   you,    Brandling,   you 
know  I  detest  that  sort  of  horseplay  !  '* 

Captain  Brandling  laughed,  and  apologised,  and 
threw  a  handful  of  papers  on  to  the  seat  of  a  com- 
partment he  had  reserved  for  himself  and  two 
friends ;  while  one  of  them — the  bundled-up  tub — 
settled  himself,  with  much  difficulty  and  more 
grumbling,  in  the  far  corner,  and  the  other  stood  out- 
side on  the  platform  finishing  a  cigar  and  watching 
his  companions  with  pleasant,  amused  eyes.  He 
was  a  very  nice-looking  man,  not  strictly  handsome, 
but  with  that  kindliness  written  plainly  on  every 


2139023 


SINLESS 


feature  which  lent  his  face  actual  beauty.  In  figure 
he  was  rather  tall,  spare,  well-set-up,  and  broad- 
shouldered.  His  hair  was  quite  grey,  at  the  temples 
almost  white,  and  his  eyes,  which  were  very  merry, 
looked  bluer  than  ever  set  as  they  were  in  a  face 
which  was  deeply  bronzed.  He  waited  for  the 
whistle  to  be  blown,  and  then  sprang  into  the  com- 
partment himself. 

"  Will  this  beastly  train  never  start  ?  "  grumbled 
the  bundle. 

"  Going  now,"  answered  the  young  captain. 
"  Have  a  foot-warmer,  Forbes  ?  You  look  cold — 
don't  he,  Boyd  ?  " 

Boyd  struggled  with  a  smile  which  he  did  not  want 
Mr  Forbes  to  see.  Though  they  had  travelled  over 
from  India  in  the  same  ship  they  had  seen  very  little 
of  each  other  ;  for  Forbes  was  too  utterly  selfish  and 
generally  disagreeable  to  make  friends  easily,  and 
Boyd  had  never  made  even  the  slightest  effort  to 
cultivate  his  acquaintance.  Brandling  had  known 
him  for  years,  Boyd  he  had  only  met  on  the  way 
home,  but  both  men  had  been  his  guests  for  one 
night  which  they  spent  in  Paris,  and  would  be  his 
companions  now  as  far  as  Charing  Cross. 

The  young  captain  was  the  cheeriest  of  com- 
panions— perhaps  a  trifle  too  talkative  and  a  little 
worrying  with  his  perpetual  jokes — but  the  per- 
sonification of  good  nature  and  merriment.  As  the 
train  steamed  onward,  gradually  increasing  speed, 
he  put  aside  his  hat,  and  stretched  his  slim  young 
limbs  along  one  side  of  the  carriage. 

"  I  said  England  suggested  Home,  and  hinted  at 
Beauty,"  he  remarked,  "  and  neither  of  you  replied. 


SINLESS 


You're  both  married  men — what  does  home-coming 
mean  to  you  ?  " 

Forbes  answered  by  a  prolonged  grunt,  and  rolled 
himself  more  comfortably  in  his  rugs.  "  Mean  ?  " 
he  said,  turning  a  dark,  bearded  face  towards  the 
speaker — "  it  means  that  if  this  is  a  specimen  of  the 
climate  I  would  rather  be  anywhere  else.  It's 
trying  enough  over  there,"  with  a  slight  backward 
movement  of  his  head,  as  if  India  were  just  across 
the  railway  track,  "  but  one  gets  used  to  it  in  ten 
years." 

"  Ten  years  ? "  said  Boyd,  who  had  not  yet 
spoken,  while  the  unconscious  gleam  of  half  scorn 
hi  his  eyes  gave  way  to  the  first  touch  of  interest 
they  had  shown  at  any  remark  made  by  Mr  Forbes. 
"  I  have  been  away  from  England  exactly  the  same 
length  of  time." 

"  By  Jove ! "  exclaimed  Captain  Brandling, 
sitting  up,  "  have  you  really  ?  And  not  been  back 
at  all  ?  " 

"  Not  once.  If  you  are  amazed  at  that,  Brandling, 
you  will  be  still  more  so  when  I  tell  you  that  I  have 
not  seen  my  wife  for  all  those  ten  years  !  "  Boyd 
gave  this  information  with  a  slight  smile,  but  there 
was  just  a  little  restlessness  in  his  voice,  the  faintest 
touch  of  impatience  hi  a  slight  gesture  he  made  ; 
and  the  young  captain  said  "  Great  Scott ! "  with 
more  energy  than  originality.  "  Not  seen  your 
wife  for  ten  years !  Why,  you  won't  know  -her." 

"  Shall  I  not  ?  "  It  was  the  only  answer  Boyd 
made,  but  there  was  a  world  of  meaning  in  it.  It 
told  of  a  tender  memory  that  could  never  die  ;  it 
showed  that  "  absence "  could  indeed  make  the 


SINLESS 

"  heart  grow  fonder  "  ;  and  it  caused  young  Brand- 
ling to  search  the  face  of  the  quiet,  generally  very 
reticent  man  gravely,  and  to  tell  himself  that  who- 
ever his  wife  she  was  a  "  thundering  lucky  woman." 

"  Nor  have  I,"  declared  Mr  Forbes  suddenly. 
"  In  the  position  I  have  held — and  I  take  it  Mr 
Boyd  held  one  similar — women  about  one  would  be 
distinctly  in  the  way.  I  represented  that  to  my 
wife  from  the  hour  I  went  out  to  India,  and  I'm 
happy  to  say  she  had  the  sense  to  agree  with  me 
entirely." 

"  That  was  fortunate,"  said  Boyd,  with  some 
contempt  he  could  not  disguise.  "  But,  personally, 
I  do  not  agree  with  you.  If  a  man  is  to  live  on  one 
side  of  the  world  and  his  wife  on  the  other  they  had 
far  better  not  have  married  at  all." 

"  Far  better  !  "  agreed  Forbes,  quite  amiably  for 
him.  "  Most  people  would  be  better  off  altogether 
— unmarried  ! " 

"  Why,  then,  if  it  is  not  an  impertinent  question, 
did  you  not  bring  your  wife  out,  Boyd  ?  "  asked 
Brandling,  a  little  hurriedly,  with  intent  to  ward  off 
what  might  become  an  uninteresting  argument. 

"  It  was  part  of  a  bargain  her  people  made  with 
me  when  I  married  her.  Her  mother  was  in  very 
delicate  health,  and  would  not  hear  of  her  daughter 
going  far  away.  She  is  in  equally  delicate  health 
still  " — with  a  slightly  sarcastic  smile — "  and  my 
promise  to  in  no  way  urge  my  wife  to  come  out  to 
me  has  held  good  all  this  time.  You  see,  when  I 
went  out  to  India  I  anticipated  remaining  there  at 
the  utmost  three  years.  I  am  not  a  believer  in  long 
engagements,  so  we  were  married  before  I  left." 

4 


SINLESS 


Boyd  spoke  a  little  curtly,  not  unpleasantly  so, 
but  as  if  desirous  of  getting  quickly  away  from  the 
subject.  It  was  a  sore  point  with  him,  this  deter- 
mination, so  long  continued,  on  his  wife's  part  to 
hold  him  to  his  promise,  to  place  her  mother  before 
her  husband.  But  he  never  blamed  her  ;  always 
he  blamed  her  people,  always  he  had  found  for  her 
excuses. 

In  his  corner,  in  his  bundle  of  rugs,  Forbes  was 
chuckling  amusedly.  The  chuckle  brought  on  a  fit 
of  coughing  ;  but  the  amusement  held  good,  and  he 
extricated  one  hand  from  a  fur  pocket  to  wipe  his 
eyes  and  smooth  his  short,  hard  beard. 

"  I'm  laughing  at  the  thought  a  remark  of  yours 
conjured  up,  Brandling,"  he  volunteered,  "  about 
Mr  Boyd  not  recognising  his  wife.  By  Jove !  I'm 
quite  sure  my  wife  will  never  know  me.  When  I 
left  England  " — grinning  still — "  I  was  as  slim- 
figured  as  either  of  you.  I'd  no  beard,  I  wasn't 
bald,  and  I  was  altogether  a  thundering  decent- 
looking  chap.  Ah !  I  can  see  you  don't  believe 
it ;  but  it's  true.  I  put  on  flesh  with  an  enlarged 
liver  !  Time  has  not  been  good  to  me,  and  I'll  bet 
I'm  not  a  day  older  than  you,"  nodding  towards 
Boyd. 

"  Forty  !  "  was  the  brief  reply. 

"  Forty-four,"  said  Mr  Forbes  ;  and  neither  of 
his  companions  could  hide  the  genuine  surprise  his 
information  caused. 

"  I  quite  envy  you  !  "  declared  Captain  Brandling. 
"  You're  both  going  back  to  a  new  life,  a  new  world, 
as  it  were.  Husbands  and  wives  reunited  after  ten 
years  !  It's  a  charmingly  novel  idea." 

5 


SINLESS 

And  Forbes  grunted,  and  Boyd  took  up  a  news- 
paper. 

This  ended  the  conversation.  In  ten  minutes 
Brandling's  eyes,  large  and  heavily  fringed  as  a  girl's, 
were  closed  in  sleep.  From  the  far  corner  Forbes 
snored  loudly  ;  only  Boyd  remained  awake,  alive 
to  the  rumble  of  the  train,  the  shrill  whistle  of  the 
engine,  the  dim,  dark,  indistinct  country  through 
which  they  sped.  His  thoughts  were  very  far  away 
from  his  companions — they  were  with  a  woman,  a 
woman  who  was  perhaps  counting  the  hours  as  im- 
patiently as  he  till  they  met  again,  whose  last  letter 
had  told  him  that  she  would  meet  him  upon  his 
arrival  in  London,  that  he  must  look  for  her  by  the 
large  bookstall,  where  she  would  wait,  lest  after  all 
these  years  he  had  forgotten  her.  Forgotten ! 
Boyd  read  the  message  again  with  a  tender  smile, 
and,  glancing  hastily  at  the  two  sleepers,  held  it  for 
a  long  moment  against  his  lips.  Then  he  pulled  out 
from  the  right-hand  pocket  of  his  waistcoat,  a  flat 
gold  case  attached  to  his  watch-chain,  and  as  he 
gazed  at  the  pictured  face  within,  his  mind  travelled 
back  over  the  long  years  to  a  time  when  he  had 
known  but  three  brief  months  of  perfect  happiness 
— to  a  time  of  love,  on  the  memory  of  which  he  had 
had  to  be  content  to  live  so  long — to  the  woman  who 
was  his  wife  and  his  sweetheart  still,  and  who  was, 
even  now,  waiting  impatiently  for  his  return.  It  was 
a  very  sweet  face  upon  which  he  looked — very 
young,  and  beautifully  shaped — the  artist  had  been 
guilty  of  no  exaggeration  of  colouring.  A  severe 
critic  would  perhaps  have  said  the  lips  were  a  trifle 
too  full,  the  eyes  too  close  together,  the  perfect  line 

6 


SINLESS 


from  ear  to  chin  absent ;  a  woman  would  have 
looked  only  once  at  the  picture,  and  she  would  have 
told  you  instantly  and  without  thought,  that  the 
chin,  even  now,  gave  indication  of  doubling  itself  at 
an  early  age,  that  the  eyelids  would  one  day  swallow 
up  the  lovely  eyes,  that  the  cheeks  would  grow 
rounded  and  fuller  with  the  passing  years,  and  that 
the  perfect  little  uptilted  nose  would  be  quite  lost 
between  them.  But  the  critic  and  the  woman 
might  have  been  altogether  wrong  ;  and  at  anyrate 
Boyd  was  neither — he  was  just  a  lover,  in  whose  eyes 
the  pictured  face  was  perfect.  By-and-by  he  looked 
at  his  watch,  found  that  another  half  hour  should 
end  the  journey,  and  was  suddenly  shot  forward 
so  violently  by  the  stopping  of  the  train  that  he  fell 
heavily  against  the  sleeping  captain,  who  awoke 
with  a  start. 

"  Oh  !  Are  we  there  ?  Eh  ?  What  ?  Is  it  an 
accident  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know.  I  fancy  we've  run  into  some- 
thing." Boyd  was  letting  down  the  window  as  he 
spoke,  and  letting  in  a  great  cloud  of  damp  brown 
mist.  He  sniffed  cautiously,  and  then  shut  up  the 
window. 

"  Fog,"  he  said.  "  Good  old  English  fog.  I  have 
not  forgotten  the  appearance  or  the  smell." 

And  Forbes  was  coming  out  of  his  sleep  with  many 
grunts  and  much  coughing. 

"  Who's  opening  the  window  ?  Good  heavens  ! 
the  air's  like  a  wet  blanket.  What  do  you  say  ? 
It's  a  fog  ?  Oh,  confound  it  !  And  we  shall  have 
to  sit  here  and  freeze  for  hours,  I  suppose." 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   II 

IT  was  indeed  a  fog — and  that  which  brought  the 
three  men  to  a  halt  in  their  journey,  which 
enveloped  the  line  and  the  stations  and  the 
lights  in  impenetrable,  smoky  mist,  which  shut  off 
all  sight  of  the  signals,  was  nothing  to  compare  to 
the  fog  which  had  suddenly  fallen  upon  London.  It 
was  one  of  the  very  worst  of  them.  As  one  looked 
out  upon  the  streets  one  might  easily  have  believed 
that  one  was  facing  a  dead  wall.  There  was  nothing 
to  be  seen  ;  even  the  lights  of  the  lamps,  the  glare 
of  hotel  vestibules,  were  smothered  in  thick  yellow 
mist.  There  was  not  a  sound  save  that  of  a  cab 
whistle  blown  violently  at  intervals,  but  apparently 
with  no  result. 

Down  the  broad  staircase  into  the  hall  of  the 
Victoria  Hotel  a  lady  came  slowly,  and  even  the 
lights  in  which  she  stood  penetrated  the  fog  only  to 
the  distance  of  a  few  inches  from  her  eyes.  There 
were  few  people  about  except  the  servants,  and  of 
these,  one  pulled  back  the  door  rather  hesitatingly 
as  the  lady  advanced  towards  it. 

"  It's  that  bad  outside,"  he  observed  respect- 
fully, "  that  not  a  vehicle's  going  and  there's  not  a 
soul  about." 

"  Thank  you.  I  see  it  is.  But  I'm  only  going 
to  meet  the  Dover  train  at  Charing  Cross.  It's 
quite  simple  that  little  way." 

8 


SINLESS 

The  porter  shrugged  his  shoulders.  He  did  not 
think  so,  but  if  this  dainty,  lovely  lady  chose  to  brave 
the  fog  it  was  no  business  of  his.  He  went  so  far  as 
escorting  her  to  the  pavement,  as  suggesting  that 
she  should  cross  straight  in  front  of  the  hotel. 
Then  she  was  lost  in  dripping,  yellow  darkness,  and 
he,  left  to  turn  back  to  the  square  of  faint  light  cut 
in  the  fog. 

It  would  seem  no  difficult  task  to  reach  Charing 
Cross  Station  from  the  Victoria  Hotel,  but  on  such 
a  night  to  travel  half-a-dozen  yards  was  a  serious 
undertaking.  Upon  the  pavements  were  horseless 
cabs ;  in  the  roads,  drawn  close  to  the  kerbs,  were 
carts  of  all  kinds,  some  horseless  too,  others  with 
trembling,  nervous  beasts  still  hitched  to  them. 
Voices  could  be  heard,  but  from  whence  they  came 
one  could  not  tell ;  the  scrape  of  a  foot  moving 
cautiously,  a  muffled  cry  as  someone  stumbled,  were 
the  only  sounds  that  reached  the  lady's  ears  as  she 
groped  her  way  along.  Great  flaring  lights  looked 
no  larger  than  the  tip  of  one's  finger  ;  and  men  and 
boys  with  torches,  and  rough  voices  that  frightened 
her,  seemed  to  spring  from  the  ground  on  every  side. 
She  heard  Big  Ben  strike  the  half  hour  ;  when  she 
had  left  the  hotel  it  was  not  yet  the  quarter.  Added 
to  the  unpleasant  conviction  that  at  any  moment 
she  might  step  down  into  some  cellar,  she  came  to 
the  conclusion  that  she  was  lost.  A  few  jocular 
gentlemen  shouting  and  laughing  knocked  up 
against  her,  the  mist  seemed  to  grow  thicker,  blacker, 
and  the  lady,  groping  her  way  to  where  a  faint 
light  shone,  caught  her  breath  in  a  little  sob  of 
nervous  fear.  It  was  only  a  street  lamp,  but  to 

9 


SINLESS 

this  she  clung  desperately,  as  to  a  friend  ;  and  on 
the  curious,  unaccustomed  stillness  the  quarter 
hours  chimed  steadily  out.  It  was  absurd — she 
could  not  stand  here  all  night — she  must  ask  help 
of  the  next  passer-by.  How  foolish  she  was  to 
disregard  the  porter's  warning,  to  venture  out  on 
such  an  evening.  She  was  surrounded  by  hundreds 
of  dwelling-places,  hi  the  midst  of  huge  buildings 
full  of  living  people,  and  she  was  as  completely 
lost  as  though  London  were  the  Sahara  Desert.  A 
man  came  along  whistling.  The  lady  did  not  pause 
to  think  to  what  class  he  might  belong,  but  mur- 
mured a  desperate  and  uncertain  "  I  beg  your 
pardon,"  which  arrested  him.  He  struck  a  match, 
and  looked  down  into  her  pretty,  frightened  face  in 
surprise  as  instinctively  he  raised  his  hat. 

"  Lost  ? "  he  inquired  cheerfully.  "  I  don't 
wonder.  Can  I  help  you  ?  " 

"  I  hope  you  can  and  will,"  she  returned  quickly. 
"  I  was  never  so  completely  puzzled." 

He  caught  the  sound  of  tears  in  her  voice,  and 
answered  hastily :  "  Don't  be  afraid.  If  you  will 
trust  me,  and  tell  me  where  you  want  to  go,  I  will 
do  my  best  to  help  you." 

"  I  want  to  get  to  Charing  Cross  Station." 

"  Oh !  come,  that's  not  bad.  You  are  now 
somewhere  about  the  Temple.  Will  you  take  my 
arm  ?  We  shall  not  lose  each  other  so,  and  the 
roads  are  very  slippery.  I  have  a  special  knack 
of  finding  my  way  about  in  fogs,"  he  added  cheer- 
fully, and  certainly  seemed  to  lead  her  on  with  as 
much  ease  as  if  it  were  broad  daylight.  "  May  I 
ask  if  you  are  going  to  travel  to-night  ?  " 

10 


SINLESS 

"No;  I  was  going  to  meet  my  husband,  on  the 
train  from  Dover.  I  shall  be  very  late." 

"  Not  much  more  so  than  the  train,  I  expect." 
The  stranger's  words  and  manner  were  very  com- 
forting ;  already  the  lady  had  lost  her  fears,  and 
was  stepping  out  quite  boldly  at  his  side.  They 
had  perforce  to  make  several  halts,  but  at  last  the 
station  was  reached  hi  safety.  Upon  the  platform 
he  gently  released  her  arm. 

**  How  can  I  thank  you  enough  ?  "  she  asked, 
holding  out  her  hand  frankly.  "  But  for  you  I 
don't  know  where  I  should  be  now." 

"  Don't  think  of  it !  I  hope  you  will  meet  your 
husband  safely.  Good-night."  And  he  was  gone, 
leaving  her  in  the  centre  of  a  station  crammed  with 
people  whose  trains  should  have  borne  them  away 
long  ago. 

She  found  an  official,  and  made  inquiries  of  him. 

"  Yes,  ma'am.  She's  in — been  in  the  last  quarter 
hour,"  alluding  to  the  train  mentioned.  "  Not  so 
late  as  might  be.  Was  you  coming  to  meet  any- 
one ?  'cause  the  passengers  have  all  gone." 

All  gone  !  How  ominous  the  two  words  sounded. 
Surely  her  husband  would  not  be  among  them ! 
He  knew  she  would  meet  him  ;  he  would  make  allow- 
ance for  her  being  late  in  such  a  fog.  She  pushed 
through  the  people,  and  made  her  way  to  one  of  the 
barriers,  which  was  scarcely  distinguishable.  He 
would  guess  that  she  would  stand  still  in  one  spot, 
so  as  to  facilitate  their  meeting,  and  so  she  took  up 
her  position  in  the  corner,  with  her  back  to  the 
bookstall,  and  where  there  were  the  least  number 
of  people. 

it 


SINLESS 

Meanwhile  Boyd,  who  had  made  half-a-dozen 
tours  of  the  station  hi  the  dim  light,  addressed  one 
or  two  ladies  and  been  severely  snubbed,  was  scour- 
ing the  first-class  waiting-rooms.  Brandling  had 
left  his  friends  to  brave  the  fog,  and  Mr  Forbes  had 
exhibited  considerable  useless  temper. 

"  My  dear  chap,  don't  be  an  ass,"  he  had  advised, 
when  Boyd  had  begun  his  search.  "  Of  course,  your 
wife  wouldn't — couldn't — come  out  on  such  a  night. 
I  know  very  well  mine  won't,  and  I'm  not  going  to 
look  for  her.  If  she'd  had  any  brains  she'd  have 
put  up  at  the  Station  Hotel  here — but  women  never 
have  an  idea  worth  the  name.  I'm  not  going  to 
risk  being  smashed  up  to  go  out  in  a  fog  like  this, 
and  you're  an  idiot  if  you  do  !  "  and  had  taken  him- 
self off  to  the  nearest  Spiers  &  Pond's  bar,  ordered 
a  hot  drink,  and  settled  himself  comfortably  in  the 
corner  by  the  fire. 

But  Boyd  made  still  another  round.  He  re- 
membered the  message  his  wife  had  sent,  and  he 
made  straight  for  the  bookstall,  which  was  now  as 
deserted  as  it  had  been  closed  in  by  people  a  few 
minutes  ago.  Very  close  to  it  there  was  not  a 
woman  at  all.  Boyd  began  to  think  himself  the 
idiot  Mr  Forbes  had  politely  called  him,  when 
someone  in  the  far  corner  by  the  barrier  attracted 
his  attention.  A  woman,  who  would  not  have  been 
distinguishable  at  all  but  that  she  was  standing 
directly  under  (a  huge  light — a  woman  who  was 
plainly  waiting  for  someone,  and  who  was  peering 
anxiously  about  her.  He  went  quickly  in  her 
direction  ;  there  was  no  hesitation  in  his  manner 
or  mode  of  address  now,  no  fear  of  a  rebuff.  He  had 

la 


SINLESS 


caught  the  glint  of  lovely  anxious  eyes,  the  sweet 
wistfulness  of  a  beautiful  face,  the  half -pathetic 
droop  of  warm,  rich  lips.  He  touched  her  arm. 

"  Nell ! " 

And  she,  giving  a  quick  start,  turned  to  him  with 
a  little  half -hysterical  laugh. 

"  Oh,  Ken,  it  is  you  at  last !  I  was  so  afraid  you 
would  be  gone  !  " 

They  were  in  a  public  place,  and  Boyd  was  an 
Englishman,  otherwise  he  would  have  given  way 
to  the  desire  which  was  consuming  him  to  kiss  her 
fondly.  As  it  was,  he  took  her  hand  into  a  clasp 
that  was  painful,  and  bent  his  head  down  to  hers. 

"  My  darling  !  Fancy  coming  out  to  meet  me 
on  such  a  night !  Let  us  get  away  from  here. 
You  are  staying — where  ?  " 

"  At  the  Hotel  Victoria.  We  must  walk.  I  lost 
my  way  coming.  And  your  luggage  ?  " 

"  I  have  my  bag ;  the  rest  can  stay  here  till  the 
morning." 

As  they  reached  the  street,  the  woman  gave  a 
little  cry  of  pleased  surprise.  With  that  fickleness 
which  belongs  particularly  to  a  fog,  the  heavy 
yellow  smoke  had  suddenly  rolled  back,  leaving  the 
way  clear  for  a  short  distance.  Beyond,  it  was 
heavier  than  ever,  but  this  slight  lift  gave  some 
relief.  Boyd,  grasping  his  bag,  kept  time  in  long, 
even  strides  with  his  companion's  hurried  steps, 
turned  briskly  round  into  Northumterland  Avenue, 
and  a  minute  later,  with  a  sigh  of  relief,  through 
the  hotel  doors.  Discarding  the  lift,  they  mounted 
the  stairs  to  the  first  floor,  a  page  ushering  them 
into  a  charming  sitting-room  in  which  a  huge  fire 

'3 


SINLESS 

crackled  out  to  them  a  merry  welcome.  Without 
ceremony  Boyd  closed  the  door  in  his  face,  and, 
turning  to  the  woman,  took  her  quickly  into  his 
arms. 

"  Now  !  "  he  said,  and  with  a  long  sigh,  held  her 
sweet,  shy  lips  to  his. 


>4 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   III 

SHE  drew  herself  from  his  embrace  quickly 
and  a  little  shyly.  The  passionate  tender- 
ness of  his  kisses  had  sent  the  hot  colour 
from  her  throat  to  the  roots  of  her  hair.  In  the 
darkness  and  the  fog  she  had  scarcely  seen  his  face, 
and  now,  as  she  saw  the  light  of  joy  shining  in  his 
eyes,  as  she  felt  the  pressure  of  his  arms  still  about 
her,  some  new,  incomprehensible  touch  of  answering 
tenderness  rose  in  her  heart,  and  sent  a  little  thrill 
of  gladness  through  her  that  left  her  weak  and 
nervous. 

"  How  you  have  changed  ! "  she  said  hastily. 
"  Not  so  much  in  feature — though,  of  course,  your 
hair  being  grey  makes  a  great  deal  of  difference — 
as — as — expression,  manner — oh  !  I  can  hardly  ex- 
plain it !  " 

'*  At  present,"  he  declared,  rubbing  his  hand- 
kerchief across  his  forehead,  "  I  might  be  an  under- 
study for  a  collier !  I  think  you've  changed  too, 
Nell,  though  I  knew  you  at  once.  I  always  knew 
that,  lovely  as  you  were  as  a  young  girl,  as  a  woman 
you  would  be  ten  times  lovelier.  Sweet  "—drawing 
her  close  to  him  again — "  have  you  never  thought 
what  a  terrible  slice  out  of  our  lives  those  ten  years 
have  been  ?  We  have  a  great  deal  to  make  up  to 
each  other." 

She  did  not  ans  ver.    He  could  feel  her  heart 

»S 


SINLESS    

beating  heavily,  her  hands  trembling  in  his  hold. 
His  own  eyes  were  moist,  his  voice  hushed  with 
emotion ;  and,  as  though  his  heart  was  too  full  for 
words,  he  turned  suddenly  away,  passing  into  his 
dressing-room. 

Nell  waited  to  hear  the  click  of  the  latch,  and  then 
fled  to  her  own  room  like  one  possessed.  There  she 
closed  the  door,  and  stood  with  her  face  towards  it, 
as  if  afraid  to  see  it  open  again.  What  had 
happened — why  had  all  the  world  seemed  to  change 
in  this  last  half  hour  ?  Was  she  the  same  woman,  or 
had  she,  too,  been  changed,  as  by  some  magic  spell  ? 
There  was  only  the  breadth  of  a  room  between  her  and 
her  husband — the  husband  whom  she  had  not  seen  for 
ten  years,  to  whose  home-coming  she  had  looked 
forward  with  little  real  pleasure.  She  remembered 
that  he  had  been  the  husband  rather  of  her  mother's 
choice  than  of  hers,  that  his  position  and  wealth  had 
been  his  chief  attractions  in  her  indifferent  eyes  long 
ago,  that  she  had  been  delightfully  content  in  her 
temporarily  single  life,  and  that  she  had  thought  of 
his  return  with  a  touch  of  regret  of  which  she  was 
ashamed,  and  which  she  would  not  own  even  to  her- 
self. And  yet,  at  the  sound  of  her  name  in  his  voice 
to-night,  a  touch  of  unaccustomed,  inexplicable 
gladness  had  leapt  to  life  within  her.  At  the  warmth 
of  his  kisses  her  heart  had  beat  to  suffocation  ;  at 
the  touch  of  his  hands,  the  light  in  his  eyes,  the 
tenderness  of  his  voice  she  had  trembled,  and  stood 
shy  and  nervous  before  him,  as  a  girl  —far  shyer,  far 
more  nervous  than  when  he  had  taken  her  from  her 
home  long  years  ago.  Her  mind  went  back  to  that 
time  swiftly,  and  the  only  clear  memory  it  brought 

16 


SINLESS 

her  was  that  she  had  blessed  him,  then,  for  his 
matter-of-fact  manner,  and  because  he  refrained 
from  too  tender  exhibition  of  his  affection. 

Some  sound  in  the  next  room  disturbed  her 
thoughts — the  waiters  bringing  dinner.  She  threw 
aside  her  outdoor  clothes,  plunged  her  face  into  the 
warm,  scented  water  put  ready  for  her,  and  brushed 
out  her  hair  swiftly,  twisting  it  into  a  loose,  careless 
knot  on  the  top  of  her  head,  and  letting  its  waves  and 
little  short,  curled  rings  fall  in  place  at  will.  Then 
she  opened  the  wardrobe,  and  her  hand  closed  upon 
a  most  becoming  nfgligt.  Already  a  half-uncon- 
scious desire  to  look  her  best  in  her  hubsand's  eyes 
possessed  her. 

And  Boyd  was  wandering  round  the  sitting-room, 
open,  unmistakable  delight  expressed  upon  his  face 
— pleasure  that  was  almost  boyish.  He  looked  at 
its  cosy  hangings,  at  the  blazing  fire,  at  a  little  heap 
of  useless  needlework  on  a  side  table,  an  open  book 
on  a  chair.  Everything  seemed  to  speak  to  him  of 
happiness  and  the  woman  he  had  left  here  a  few 
minutes  ago.  He  went  over  to  the  dividing  door, 
and,  scarce  waiting  for  permission,  passed  through 
it.  His  appreciative  eyes  went  from  the  woman, 
gowned  in  some  soft,  shimmering  white  stuff,  to  the 
thousand  graceful  feminine  knick-knacks  to  which 
they  were  unaccustomed,  and  back  again  to  Nell's 
rose-tinted,  pretty  face.  And  he  leant  against  the 
mantelpiece,  and  stretched  his  arms  above  his  head 
with  a  long  sigh. 

"This  is  life!"  he  said  softly.  "Come  here, 
Nell.  You  have  a  thousand  things  to  tell  me— of 
your  mother,  of  all  the  people  at  home,  all  we  used 

B  I7 


SINLESS 

to  know — but  I  don't  want  to  hear  now,  to-night, 
selfish  as  it  sounds.  I  want  only  to  hear  of  your- 
self ;  I  want  you  to  tell  me  how  glad  you  are  to  be 
with  me  again,  and  how  happy  you  are  going  to 
make  me.  You  have  scarcely  spoken  to  me  yet.  I 
want  you  to  ask  me,  and  I  want  to  tell  you,  of  my  life 
since  we  parted,  Nell.  Do  you  know  why  ?  "  He 
lifted  her  face,  and  brought  his  own  close  to  it. 
"  Because — because — thank  God  !  there  is  not  a 
chapter  in  it  I  cannot  lay  bare  for  your  eyes  to  read. 
It  is  the  sort  of  thing  any  man  might  say — most  men 
would — but  I,  because  it  is  the  simple  truth.  You 
believe  that,  Nell  ?  " 

"  Oh  yes — yes,"  she  returned,  seeming  to  find  her 
voice  suddenly,  and  for  the  first  time  yielding  her- 
self willingly  to  his  caresses.  "  But  I  don't  deserve 
your  gentleness,  your — love  and  faith,  Ken.  Oh ! 
I  know  it — no  one  better.  I  don't  think  I  can  ex- 
plain— I  doubt  if  I  shall  ever  be  able  to — but  through 
all  those  years  I  have  not  thought  of  you  as — as — 
you  seem  to  have  thought  of  me.  It  is  horrible," 
— feverishly — "  I  hate  myself  for  it,  and  I  am  afraid 
you  will  never  understand.  You  will  be  angry ; 
I  am  going  to  be  punished  just  when  at  last " — 
flushing  crimson,  but  raising  her  eyes  bravely  to  his 
— "  I  know  all  that  your  love  might  be  to  me." 

"  Nell,  what  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  Only  this  :  I  never  cared  for  you  as,  I  have  seen 
since,  a  woman  can  care  for  a  man.  I  suppose  it 
was  because  I  was  a  child,  so  ignorant  and  foolish. 
I  had  no  idea  what  love  was  ;  but  marriage  meant 
new  luxury  and  a  good  deal  of  freedom  for  me,  and 
—and — be  angry  if  you  must — I  was  not  terribly 

ll 


SINLESS 

disappointed  when  you  went  away.  I  have  not 
longed  for  your  return.  Good  heavens  !  " — passion- 
ately— "  if  I  had  felt  like  that,  do  you  think  anyone 
could  have  kept  me  from  you  ?  " 

He  was  in  no  mood  to  blame  even  her  mother  now. 
He  had  made  such  endless  excuses  for  Nell  during 
those  years  that  pardon  came  very  easily,  and  so 
he  drew  her  closer,  and  silenced  her  fondly. 

"  You  were  such  a  child  !  "  he  allowed  gently. 
"  The  blame  lies  with  me  from  the  beginning  for  con- 
senting to  leave  my  wife  ;  but  since  that  is  past  and 
gone,  Nell,  can  we  not  begin  afresh  ?  I  think  that  I 
would  rather  have  the  love  of  a  woman  than  of  a 
child,  after  all " — smiling — "  and  if  I  can  teach  you 

at  last  to  give  me  that Shall  I  find  the  task  a 

hard  one,  Nell  ?  " 

The  hours  passed  swiftly  ;  they  took  their  dinner 
t$te-&-tete,  and  talked  commonplace  nothings  for  the 
benefit  of  the  servants.  Outside,  silence  reigned,  and 
the  fog  grew  more  dense  ;  within,  there  were  two 
hearts  at  least,  content.  Nell  felt  as  if  she  were 
still  struggling  out  of  some  odd  dream ;  she  could 
not  realise  that  this  man,  who  was  such  an  utter 
stranger  to  her,  was  her  husband ;  and  there  rose 
within  her,  above  all  else,  a  sense  of  undefined  shame 
that  he  should  hold  for  her  irresistible  attraction 
and  she  feel  for  him  what  was  undeniably  a  tender- 
ness of  which  she  had  believed  herself  incapable, 
that  held  her  dumb,  and  rendered  her  pitiably  shy. 

The  clock  chiming  twelve  strokes  broke  a  long 
silence  that  had  fallen  upon  them.  Boyd  rose,  and, 
drawing  her  over  to  the  window,  pulled  aside  the 
curtains.  A  dead  wall  of  black  mist  met  their  eyes  ; 


SINLESS 


not  a  sound  came  to  their  ears.  They  might  have 
been  the  only  two  living,  breathing  creatures  in  all 
the  great  city.  The  man  dropped  the  curtain,  and 
stood  looking  down  at  her. 

"  How  lovely  you  are  !  "  he  said  below  his  breath. 
"  Nell,  I  have  said  good-night  to  your  picture  every 
night  for  all  these  years.  I  shall  never  have  to  say 
it  again." 

Then,  with  a  swift  movement,  she  snatched  her- 
self out  of  his  arms,  and  went  quickly  through  the 
half-open  dividing  door,  and  leant  against  it,  her 
heart  beating  so  that  she  thought  it  must  be  heard 
in  the  other  room,  and  her  cheeks  aflame. 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  IV 

AS  if  in  derision,  as  if  delighted  at  some  special 
joke  of  his  own,  the  sun  shone  down  upon 
London  next  morning  as  he  had  rarely 
shone  this  winter.  He  twinkled  a  merry  eye  over  all 
the  earth,  and  peeped  inquisitively  through  the  lace 
curtains,  behind  which  the  blinds  had  only  just  been 
drawn  up,  right  across  the  room  into  Nell's  eyes. 
Nell  by  gaslight,  in  exquisitely  becoming  gown,  was 
a  delight ;  Nell  in  the  glare  of  morning,  in  her  nest 
of  snow-white  linen  and  soft  laces,  with  the  bright 
masses  of  her  waving  hair  crushed  beneath  the 
weight  of  her  head  and  falling  round  her  face  as 
though  they  loved  their  resting-place,  was  a  dream 
and  a  revelation. 

And  so  Boyd  thought  as  he  glanced  up  from  the 
tea  -  cups  which  he  was  filling,  at  her  faultlessly 
tinted  complexion,  the  soft,  rounded  chin,  the  shy 
blue  eyes  that  now  and  again  met  his  to  fall  beneath 
the  lingering  tenderness  of  their  glance. 

"  Cream  and  sugar  ?  "  he  asked  when  he  had 
finished  regarding  her  with  exhaustive  admiration 
that  had  at  last  made  her  draw  the  blue  silk  of  the 
coverlet  over  the  lovelier  blue  of  her  eyes. 

"  Cream — no  sugar,  please,"  she  returned  from 
the  temporary  safety  of  its  shelter,  and  in  a  moment 
more  lifted  herself  up  on  one  elbow,  as  he  stood  over 
her  with  a  cup  in  each  hand. 

31 


SINLESS 

"  Does  it  not  seem  absurd,"  he  asked,  with  a  light, 
boyish  laugh,  seating  himself  close  to  her  on  the  edge 
of  the  bed,  "  that  I  should  have  to  ask  you  if  you 
take  cream  and  sugar  ?  " 

She  did  not  answer  ;  and,  in  spite  of  managing 
his  cup,  he  contrived  to  kiss  the  tip  of  one  little  ear, 
that  shared  the  blush  of  the  soft  cheek  beneath  it. 

"  You  will  spill  your  tea,  and  make  me  upset 
mine,"  she  warned  him,  not  looking  up. 

"  Never  mind,  there  is  plenty  more."  After  a 
short  silence  he  added : 

"  You  are  happy,  sweetheart  ?  " 

The  smile  that  came  upon  her  lips  was  answer 
enough,  the  momentary  pressure  of  her  fair  face 
against  his  arm. 

She  gave  him  back  her  cup  presently,  and  nestled 
among  her  pillows  again  with  her  hands  locked  be- 
hind her  head.  Her  eyes  followed  him  as  he  went 
across  the  room. 

A  good-looking,  well-formed  man  never  looks 
better  than  he  looks  in  his  shirt  sleeves,  and  Boyd 
had  that  slim,  straight  cut  which  went  far  to  belie 
his  years.  His  hair,  sprinkled  generously  at  the 
temples  with  grey,  looked  darker  because  it  had  been 
smoothly  brushed  down  while  still  wet ;  the  clear 
bronze  of  his  face  spoke  of  perfect  health,  and  the 
light  in  his  nice,  kindly  eyes  of  utter  content. 

Nell  listened  dreamily  while  he  talked  to  her.  All 
the  world  was  new  and  strange  to  her,  and  though 
there  were  signs  of  busy  life  without,  all  around 
them,  still  it  seemed  to  her  that  he  and  she  were 
alone  in  the  perfect,  mysterious  happiness  which 
belonged  to  them — surely  as  it  had  never  belonged 

22 


SINLESS 

to  any  other  man  and  woman.  She  heard  the 
clocks  striking  the  hour  without  heed  for  the  passing 
of  the  morning.  For  her,  time  might  have  taken  it 
into  his  head  to  stand  still. 

Boyd,  coming  back  to  her,  stooped  to  kiss  the  half- 
closed  eyes. 

"  Lazy  little  thing  !  "  he  said  fondly.  "  Have  you 
any  idea  what  time  it  is,  Nell  ?  To-day  is  absolutely 
our  own.  What  shall  we  do  ?  I  know  what  going 
home  means  " — with  a  decided  head  shake — "  and 
I  cannot  consent  to  give  you  up  to  one  of  them  yet. 
We  will What  shall  we  do,  Nell  ?  " 

"  You  shall  go  away  while  I  dress,"  she  declared. 

"  Very  well.  I'll  think  out  some  plan.  Half-a- 
moment  though ;  I'd  better  just  tell  them  about 
the  luggage." 

He  rang  the  bell  as  he  spoke,  and  presently  went 
half  way  to  the  door  to  meet  the  maid  who  answered. 

"  I  want  to  send  someone  for  my  luggage  at " 

he  began,  but  the  maid  interrupted  respectfully  : 

"  That  will  be  for  one  of  the  porters  to  see  to,  sir. 
I'll  send  him  up  to  you  now." 

Apparently  the  man  was  not  far  off,  for  in  a  few 
moments  he  was  standing  outside  the  door,  which 
Boyd  held  a  little  open  while  he  gave  his  directions. 

"  I  want  you  to  send  over  to  Charing  Cross  for 
my  luggage,"  he  said.  "  I  left  all  instructions  with 
one  of  the  men.  That's  his  number,"  taking  a  paper 
out  of  his  pocket-book.  "  Have  everything  sent 
over  here,  because  I  don't  know  what  time  we  shall 
leave,  or  if  at  all,  to-day.  My  name  is  on  every- 
thing—Boyd." 

"  Beg  pardon,  sir." 


SINLESS 


"  Boyd.  My  good  man,  you're  not  deaf,  are  you  ? 
B-O-Y-D  !  " 

In  the  pause  which  ensued,  while  the  man  still 
looked  helpless  and  Boyd  stared  at  him  as  though 
he  were  some  kind  of  hopeless  idiot,  the  maid  re- 
entered  with  a  telegram,  which  she  took  over  to  Nell, 
who,  as  Boyd  closed  the  door  a  moment  later  upon 
both  servants,  impatiently,  slid  from  the  bed,  and, 
throwing  a  wrapper  hastily  round  her,  stood  looking 
at  him  with  wide,  terrified  eyes. 

"Why  did  you  say  that — why  did  you  tell  him " 

she  began  swiftly,  and  then  paused,  the  flimsy  bit 
of  paper  stretched  to  tearing  point  between  her 
stiffening  fingers,  while  Boyd,  staring  wonderingly 
at  her,  came  and  read  the  message  over  her  shoulder. 

"To  Mrs  Forbes,  Hotel  Victoria,  London. 

"  Held  up  at  Charing  Cross  Hotel  by  fog.  No 
idea  you  would  venture  up.  Arrived  home  first 
train  this  morning.  So  sorry.  Expect  you  earliest 
possible  moment. — Kenneth  Forbes,  Holden  Manor, 
Berks." 

"  That  is  you  ? "  she  said,  pointing  with  one 
trembling  finger  to  the  two  names,  while  her  teeth 
chattered  in  her  head  as  though  from  severe  cold. 
"  That  is  my  husband's  and  my  name.  How  can 
I  get  a  telegram  from  you,  and  you  here  ?  And — 
and — you  told  the  porter  your  name  is  Boyd  ! 
Don't  look  at  me  like  that — answer — me — speak  ! 
What  does  it  mean  ?  Oh !  my  Heaven,  don't  look 
like  that !  For  God's  sake,  answer  me !  Aren't 
you — aren't  you " 


SINLESS 

The  words  died  on  her  lips,  for  the  man  was  looking 
down  upon  her  with  wide,  darkening  eyes  that  started 
from  his  face,  grown  white  and  haggard  all  in  one 
moment,  and  was  saying  half  aloud,  incoherently, 
as  if  every  syllable  were  being  torn  from  him  : 

"  Forbes — India — held  up  at  Charing  Cross — so  he 
was — so  he  was  !  "  And  then,  with  a  cry  of  horrified 
despair ;  "  My  God !  what  hideous  mistake  is 
this  ?  " 

But  Nell  did  not  answer.  She  had  put  up  her 
hands  as  though  to  ward  off  a  blow,  and  the  next 
moment  she  lay  senseless  at  his  feet. 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   V 

WHEN  Nell  opened  her  eyes  they  met 
Boyd's  fixed  anxiously  upon  her.  She 
was  lying  in  a  big  arm-chair,  her  head 
propped  up  by  pillows  ;  the  laces  at  her  throat  were 
loosened,  and  her  hair  was  damp  as  from  the  recent 
application  of  water.  For  a  moment  she  did  not 
speak,  for  a  moment  clear  memory  would  not  come  ; 
a  heavy  weight  seemed  to  be  pressing  on  her  head, 
an  odd,  chill  fear  tugging  at  her  heart,  from  which 
every  drop  of  blood  seemed  to  be  going  in  slow  drips. 
Then  she  remembered,  and  as  she  sat  up,  pushing 
the  damp  rings  of  hair  from  her  forehead,  and  in- 
stinctively drawing  her  wrapper  more  closely  round 
her,  a  great  scorching  wave  of  red  went  over  her 
face,  and  faded  again  only  to  leave  her  deadly  white. 

"  Don't  say  anything  yet,"  Boyd  entreated  from 
his  position  at  the  other  side  of  the  mantelpiece. 
"  Keep  quiet  a  minute  —  till  you  are  quite  re- 
covered." He  spoke  in  calm,  even  tones ;  no  one 
would  have  guessed  that  it  was  a  struggle  to  utter 
each  word,  that  the  hands  thrust  into  his  pockets 
were  shaking,  and  that  his  heart  felt  to  be  painfully 
pulseless.  Wonder,  horror,  regret,  remorse  were 
all  fighting  a  useless  battle  within  him,  and  over  all 
there  was  a  terrible  pity  for  the  silent  woman  who 
cowered  trembling  away  in  the  corner  of  her  chair. 

"  I  am  quite  well  now,"  she  said  heavily.     "  Not 


SINLESS 

speak  ?  Can't  you  understand  " — a  little  wildly — 
"that  if — if  this  position  is  not  explained  quickly, 
I  shall  go  mad  ?  Is — it  all  a  mistake — a  hideous 
mistake,  as  you  said  ?  Oh  no ;  it  could  not  be,  it 
could  not  happen  !  " 

"  It  has  !  Listen  to  me,  and  for  both  our  sakes 
I  implore  you  to  be  calm,  not  to  give  way.  You 
are  brave,  you  have  courage — I  see  it  in  your  eyes — 
and  thank  Heaven  for  it,  for  you  will  want  every 
atom  of  your  bravery  and  courage  now." 

She  tried  to  rise,  but  her  limbs  shook  beneath  her, 
and  he,  with  gentle  touch,  put  her  back  in  the  chair. 

"  Listen,"  he  said  again.  "  Incredible,  impossible 
as  it  seems,  there  is,  unfortunately,  no  doubt  that 
you  and  I,  by  some  trick  of  Fate,  met  last  night 
absolutely  by  mistake.  I  was  able  to  think  a  little, 
I  studied  that  telegram  whilst  you  were  unconscious 
just  now,  and  I  begin  to  grasp  a  situation  which 
appears  past  any  kind  of  belief.  I  even  know  this 
man  Forbes,  who  " — wincing — "  you  say  is  your 
husband." 

"  You  know  him  !  " 

"  We  travelled  over  from  India  together  ;  we  were 
both  the  guests  of  a  man  named  Brandling,  who 
entertained  us  for  the  night  we  remained  in  Paris, 
and  with  whom  we  came  as  far  as  Charing  Cross 
yesterday.  He,  Forbes,  and  I  held  similar  posts  in 
Bombay ;  we  were  there  about  the  same  number  of 
years.  We  chanced  to  retire,  and  to  return  to 
England  at  the  same  time." 

"  Then  why  was  he  not  at  the  station  to  meet 

me — why "  she  began  hastily,  across  the  man's 

shortly  spoken  words. 

•r 


SINLESS 

"  As  you  know,"  he  returned,  speaking  rather 
rapidly,  because  every  word  of  the  explanation  was 
torture  to  him,  "  there  was  a  dense  fog,  the  train 
was  long  delayed — outgoing  trains  appeared  to  be 
delayed  still  longer — and  when  we  arrived,  there 
were  hundreds  of  people  simply  crowding  the  plat- 
forms, so  that  one  could  hardly  move,  and  fighting 
their  way  towards  the  barriers.  Added  to  that,  it 
was  almost  impossible  to  see  for  the  fog  ;  and  I 
grew  a  little  nervous,  for  you — my  wife,  I  mean — 
had  arranged  to  meet  me.  Of  course,  as  I  received 
her  letter  just  before  leaving  for  England,  you  under- 
stand it  is  several  weeks  since  I  had  the  message ; 
and  she  did  not  say  then  where  she  would  stay  in 
town.  I  wired  to  her  from  Paris,  received  a  reply, 
and  still  expected  to  meet  her  at  Charing  Cross. 
Forbes'  wife  also  was  to  meet  him  there,  but  the 
moment  he  saw  the  state  of  the  weather  he  pooh- 
poohed  all  idea  of  her  turning  up,  or  of  my  wife  coming 
either.  I  did  not  heed,  and  he  took  himself  off  to 
some  warm,  comfortable  corner,  where  I  left  and 
forgot  him.  Then  I  searched  the  station  half-a- 
dozen  times  without  success.  I  began  to  think 
that  selfish  beggar — I  beg  your  pardon — Forbes 
was  right.  After  a  while  the  crowds  cleared  away 
a  little,  and  my  search  was  easier.  My  wife  had 
written  that  I  must  look  for  her  by  the  big  book- 
stall, and  to  that,  now  that  I  could  do  so,  I  made 
my  way.  What  fatality  " — turning  to  her  suddenly 
and  passionately — "  what  miserable  chance  made 
you  wait  also  at  that  very  spot  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,"  she  returned  weakly,  kneeling 
close  to  the  fire,  and  stretching  out  her  cold,  trembling 

*8 


SINLESS 


hands  to  the  blaze.  "  I  was  nervous,  I  had  lost 
my  way  already,  and  had  reached  the  station  only 
through  the  kindness  of  some  gentleman,  who 
piloted  me  through  the  fog.  It  seemed  impossible 
to  get  through  the  people  at  first,  and  the  porters 
said  all  who  had  arrived  by  the  train  I  came  to  meet 
had  then  gone.  I  felt  afraid  to  venture  out  into  the 
streets  again ;  I  felt  sure  you — he — would  make 
allowances  for  my  being  late,  and — and — conclude 
that  I  should  keep  at  one  fixed  spot  rather  than  roam 
over  the  station,  and  so  I  got  near  the  bookstall " 

"  And  I  saw  you  there,"  Boyd  went  on,  continuing 
the  explanation  excitedly.  "My  Heaven,  I  knew 
you  !  I  never  hesitated  ;  doubt  was  nowhere  in 
my  mind — why  should  it  be  ?  You  were  at  the 
meeting-place  arranged,  you  were  looking  anxiously 
about  for  someone.  I  spoke  your  name,  and  you 
answered  me,  giving  me  mine.  Good  God !  why 
did  you  do  that  ?  " 

"  Because  my  name  is  Nell,  and — and  his,  my 
husband's,  Kenneth." 

*'  Identical  with  mine  in  the  first  syllable  at  any 
rate,"  Boyd  answered,  with  a  groan.  "  There 
ought  " — impatiently — "  to  be  some  law  against 
any  two  people  being  christened  by  the  same 
name."  Then,  the  wild  unreason  leaving  his 
voice,  the  impatience  dying  down,  and  only  the 
misery  left,  he  stooped  suddenly,  and,  drawing  her 
up  from  her  kneeling  position,  held  her  there  before 
him  by  both  her  hands. 

IC  You  poor  child  !  "  he  said  gently.  "  Heaven 
knows,  I  am  the  last  who  should  utter  an  impatient 
word  to  you.  If  you  could  turn  upon  me  and  heap 

29 


SINLESS 


on  my  head  every  possible  reproach,  scathe  me  with 
abuse,  I  think  I  should  be  almost  glad.  To  feel 
the  meanest  coward  on  earth  would  be  better  than 
to  know  oneself  so  utterly  helpless.  But  tell  me 
this  " — suddenly — "  how  in  mercy's  name  could  you 
ever  have  mistaken  me  for  a  man  like — like — 
Forbes  ?  My  mistake  was  reasonable  enough.  My 
wife  may  not  be  in  the  least  like  you  now,  but  you 
are  just  the  sort  of  woman  into  which  I  should  have 
said  she  would  have  grown.  But  I — good  heavens  !  " 
recalling  to  mind  the  unprepossessing  appearance  of 
Forbes,  his  bulky,  ungainly  form,  his  voice,  rough 
or  wheezy  with  a  perpetual  cough,  his  dark  face, 
almost  covered  with  coarse,  stubbly  hair,  his  selfish- 
ness and  boorish  manners,  and  his  evident  dislike 
and  scant  respect  for  women.  "  My  worst  enemy 
would  surely  be  puzzled  to  trace  the  slightest  re- 
semblance between  us."  There  was  a  touch  of 
pardonable  annoyance  in  his  tones,  and  upon  him 
a  new,  wondering  amazement. 

"  You  are  very  like  what  he  was  ten  years  ago, 
anyhow.  Changed — yes.  I  told  you  that — so  very 
changed,  but  oh  !  so  greatly  for  the  better.  But 
the  figure,  the  height,  the  features  are  just  the 
same  (in  a  less  horrible  situation  Boyd  could  have 
laughed),  save  the  grey  hair.  Ah  !  but  it  was  your 
manner  in  which  I  noticed  most  change,  and  I  have 
heard  " — desperately — "  that  life  abroad  alters  one's 
manner  so  much.  Oh !  and  I  rejoiced  in  that  so  ! 
I  " — speaking  quickly — "  had  almost  dreaded  his 
return.  I  felt  that  I  should  never  be  so  happy 
again  as  I  had  been  all  those  ten  years — and  then 
you  were  so  gentle,  so  thoughtful,  so  companionable, 

30 


SINLESS 


my  heart  warmed  towards  you.  I  was  feeling  lost 
and  nervous  and  lonely  in  that  wretched  station, 
and  from  the  moment  you  put  your  hand  on  my 

arm  and  said  '  Nell,'  the  loneliness  went — the 

Oh  !  " — snatching  her  hands  out  of  his,  and  throwing 
herself  back  in  the  chair,  with  burning  face  buried 
in  the  cool  pillows — "  what  am  I  saying — what  am 
I  saying  ?  " 

He  did  not  answer  at  once.  His  face  had  grown 
very  set  and  white  and  his  eyes  very  dark.  Up  to 
now  he  had  been  weighed  down  by  the  horror  of 
the  situation  into  which  they  had  been  flung  by 
cruel  chance  ;  he  had  been  racking  his  brains  how 
to  make  that  situation  easy  as  possible  for  her ;  he 
had  forgotten  everything,  everyone,  in  his  fierce, 
useless  rage  against  himself,  his  unbounded  pity 
for  her,  which  helped  her  not  at  all.  But  with  her 
low,  wailing  words  another  thought  came  to  him  ; 
some  still,  small  voice  kept  telling  him  that  the  new 
tenderness  which  had  leapt  to  life  in  her  heart 
found  answering  passion  in  his.  Let  her  be  the 
veriest  stranger,  though  till  yesterday  he  had  never 
looked  upon  her  face  nor  heard  of  her  existence, 
she  was  the  woman  who  had  held  his  love  for  years, 
to  whom  he  had  been  faithful,  of  whom  he  had 
dreamed  in  her  home  across  the  seas.  There  could 
be  no  two  such  women.  This  one  it  was  who  had 
been  with  him  in  spirit,  it  was  she  whom  he  loved ; 
and  that  being  so,  what  of  his  wife  ?  A  great 
shudder  went  over  him.  At  every  turn  the  way 
seemed  harder,  the  possibility  of  complications 
more  to  be  dreaded.  His  wife  was  waiting  for  him 
in  one  part  of  the  country,  this  woman's  husband 

3' 


SINLESS 

for  her,  in  another,  and  he  and  she  must  part  at 
once,  and  go  their  separate  ways.  He  moved  nearer 
to  her,  and  touched  her  shoulder. 

"  Nell,  listen  to  me.  Raise  your  head  and  look 
at  me.  We  have  explained  everything  to  each 
other  to  the  best  of  our  ability,  we  have  done  no 
wrong  knowingly  or  intentionally,  we  have  been 
the  victims  of  Fate — Chance — what  you  will.  We 
have  met,  I  suppose,  as  no  two  people  ever  met 
before  or  will  ever  meet  again  ;  and  by  an  accident 
or  mistake  which  no  one  would  credit,  no  one  be- 
lieve possible,  we  are  together  here  to-day,  but  an 
hour  ago  happy  in  the  knowledge  that  we  belonged 
to  each  other.  It  is  not  your  fault  and  it  is  not 
mine,  but  that  does  not  make  the  way  easier  for 
us.  It  has  just  occurred  to  me — I  am  ashamed  to 
say  only  just — that  there  are  two  others  to  be 
considered  whom  I  had  utterly  forgotten :  your 
husband,  and  my  wife.  This — this — must  never 
come  to  their  ears.  You  must  see  that  too.  We 
must  take  yesterday  and  to-day  and  set  them  apart 
from  our  memories,  shut  them  away  from  our  lives. 
They  must  represent  a  page  folded  down  which  no 
eye  may  ever  read,  no  hand  ever  unfold,  for  your 
sake  and  for  the  sake  of  those  other  two.  You 
understand,  you  agree  with  me  ?  "  he  added  sharply, 
closing  his  fingers  on  one  of  her  wrists,  and  searching 
her  eyes  closely  as  she  made  no  answer.  "  Good 
Heaven  !  you  can't  think  me  wrong — you  can't 

imagine    that — that "    The   words    would    not 

come,  they  were  choked  and  stifled  in  his  throat, 
but  she  read  the  mingled  fear  and  doubt  and  misery 
in  his  eyes,  and  shook  her  head  gravely. 

32 


SINLESS 


"  If  you  and  I  were  free,"  he  pursued  restlessly, 
"  there  would  be  no  need  for  another  moment's 
worry — there  would  be  a  simple  way  out  of  all  this 
unbearable ' ' 

"  You  argue  as  if  I  were  disputing  the  soundness 
of  your  judgment  or  the  fact  that  you  are  as  blame- 
less as  I,"  she  interrupted  heavily.  "  But  can't  you 
realise  that  I  am  as  anxious  to  fold  down  the  page 
as  you,  to — to  leave  this  place  with  all  speed,  to  blot 
out  memory  if  I  only  may  ?  Oh  !  you  are  the  man — 
you  are  strong — it  is  all  so  little  to  you  ;  but  I  am 
the  woman,  and  though  I  may  be  weak  I  am  not  a 
child  or  a  fool,  and  I  know  what  such  a  position 
means — I  know  that  all  the  servants  now  are  full  of 
wonder  and  suspicion.  If  any  see  me  here,  if " 

"  My  dear  child,  don't  worry  over  those  trivialities. 
Put  them  away  from  you,"  he  said  quickly,  "  for 
they  are  not  worth  a  moment's  thought." 

"  Are  they  not  ?  I  took  these  rooms  in — my  own 
name,  you  gave  yours  when  you  sent  for  your 
luggage." 

"  Which  has  not  been  noticed.  Wait  a  moment. 
Sit  down  there,  Nell,  and  leave  this  to  me."  He 
rang  the  bell.  "  Has  my  luggage  been  brought 
over  ?  "  he  inquired,  meeting  a  servant  half  way  to 
the  door. 

"  No,  sir.  Porter  can't  find  the  man  whose 
number " 

"  Very  well ;  leave  it  alone,  please.  I  don't  want 
it  now,  and  when  I  do  I'll  see  to  it  myself.  You  have 
not  the  intelligence  of  a  fly  among  you  here.  Tell 
them  at  the  office  we  are  leaving  in  an  hour." 

"  You  are  right,"  Nell  said ;  "  perhaps  they  did 
G  33 


SINLESS 


not  notice.  Please  go  away  " — dully.  "  I — I — must 
dress  and  pack " 

He  did  not  attempt  to  touch  her ;  he  opened  the 
door,  and  passed  into  the  next  room,  and  went  over 
to  the  mantelpiece,  and  leant  his  arms  upon  its  :orner, 
and  his  head  upon  them. 

"  Little  to  me — to  me,"  he  thought,  remember- 
ing her  passionate,  miserable  speech — "  when  I  know 
life  can  never  hold  joy  or  peace  for  me  when  once 
she  has  gone  out  of  it.'* 

Boyd  had  made  all  the  arrangements  for  their 
departure  ;  he  had  even  ordered  the  cab,  and  was 
standing  with  his  overcoat  on,  ready  to  start,  when 
Nell  came  into  the  room.  She  hesitated  midway 
between  the  door  and  the  hearthrug.  It  seemed  as 
though  she  could  not  lift  her  eyes  ;  to  utter  a  plain 
conventional  good-bye  was  beyond  her  power,  and, 
moreover,  she  knew  that  he  would  accompany  her 
downstairs  for  appearance  sake.  So  she  stood  silent, 
with  her  white  face  sunk  as  low  as  it  would  go  into 
the  great  fur  collar  of  her  coat,  and  her  hands 
clasped  tight  within  her  muff. 

"  What  can  I  say  to  you — what  are  we  to  say  to 
each  other  in  farewell  ?  "  the  man  asked,  reaching 
her  side  in  a  couple  of  quick  strides.  "  Could  you 
say  honestly  that  you  will  try  to  let  yesterday  and 
to-day  be  as  though  they  had  never  dawned  for  you  ?  " 

She  only  bent  her  face  still  lower. 

"  It  would  be  some  comfort  to  me,  child.  Women 
sometimes  put  out  of  their  memories,  in  one  hand- 
sweep  as  it  were,  even  a  love  that  has  been  part — 
best  part  of  their  lives.  Could  you  not  forget " 

She  silenced  him  with  a  gesture. 

34 


SINLESS 

"  Don't  say  another  word.  Send  me  away — now, 
at  once.  And  oh  !  if  you  have  any  pity,  any  mercy 
in  your  heart,  take  very  good  care  that  we  never 
meet  again." 

And,  Boyd  following,  she  turned  swiftly  through 
the  door,  and  into  the  hall,  and,  at  the  top  of  the 
stairs,  right  into  the  arms  of  a  stout,  red-faced  lady, 
who  addressed  her  in  delighted  tones. 

"  My  dear  Mrs  Forbes  !  How  lucky  !  I  was  just 
coming  up  on  the  chance  of  catching  you  before  you 
left.  Met  your  dear  Kenneth  this  morning  at  the 
station  as  I  was  leaving  ;  he  was  sending  you  a  wire. 
Such  a  thousand  pities  that  dreadful  fog  upset  your 
arrangements.  You've  no  idea  how  well  he  looks — 
so  stout  and  brown,  and  bearded,  and  altogether 
delightful !  " 

Boyd,  who  had  stepped  quietly  aside,  decided  that 
any  woman  who  could  use  the  word  delightful  in 
connection  with  Forbes  was  a  hopeless  lunatic  not 
worth  fearing  ;  but  Nell,  whose  legs  were  giving  way 
beneath  her,  was  murmuring  something  indistinct, 
and  trying  to  escape,  while  the  stranger  continued 
loudly  a 

*'  Of  course,  dear  Ken  couldn't  know  you  were  going 
to  be  in  town  a  few  days,  but  it  was  a  shame  to  miss 
you,  after  those  years  and  years."  (She  pronounced 
it  "  yars  and  yars.")  "  Going  to  catch  your  train  ? 
Well,  I'm  going  up  to  see  Milly,  who  is  staying  here, 
you  know.  An  revoir  !  " 

She  saw  Nell  speeding  down  the  stairs,  she  saw  the 
great  swing  doors  open  and  then  close  behind  her ; 
and  the  stout  lady  sniffed  ominously.  When  she 
reached  her  friend's  rooms  she  said  at  once  i 

35 


SINLESS 


"  Get  your  chamber-maid  here,  and  ask  her  who 
is  staying  in  the  rooms  exactly  five  doors  down. 
I'll  tell  you  why,  later,"  and  listened  intently 
while  the  maid  answered  the  question  put  to  her. 

"  Twenty-five,  six,  and  seven,  madam  ?  They're 
not  occupied.  The  lady  and  gentleman  have  just 
left.  Forbes  was  the  name,  madam." 

**  The  hussy  !  "  muttered  the  stout  lady,  purple  in 
the  face. 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  VI 

NELL  felt  that  she  would  hate  every  inch  of 
the  way  from  Northumberland  Avenue  to 
Paddington  with  bitter,  ungovernable  hatred 
all  the  rest  of  her  life,  as  well  as  the  journey  home. 
Hitherto  she  had  modestly  considered  Holden  Manor 
the  cheeriest  and  cosiest  house  she  knew ;  she  had 
loved  her  pretty  home,  which  lay  close  to  the  sweet, 
quaint  village  of  Bray,  and  had  idled  away  her 
summers  on  the  gay  river  that  was  so  dear  to  her, 
and  her  winters  in  the  bare,  brown,  picturesque 
country  which  surrounded  her.  Now  all  was 
changed.  As  the  train  ran  slowly  into  Maidenhead 
Station,  as  the  compartment  door  was  held  open  for 
her  by  one  of  her  own  men-servants,  it  seemed  as 
though  the  clear  winter  sun  had  hidden  his  face 
behind  a  grey  cloud,  from  which  he  would  never  again 
peep  forth,  or  as  if,  shine  as  he  might,  his  brilliance 
would  be  dim  to  her  for  all  time. 

Surrendering  her  rugs  and  papers  into  the  ser- 
vant's hands  she  glanced  quickly  and  furtively 
round  her,  half  dreading  to  see  a  male  figure  advanc- 
ing to  meet  her ;  but  there  was  no  one,  and  Mrs 
Forbes  ran  down  to  her  brougham  with  a  sigh  of 
relief  that  she  could  not  suppress.  After  all,  it  was 
but  putting  off  the  evil  hour  ;  but  at  least  she  might 
think  in  peace,  at  least  she  could  prepare  herself  for 
a  meeting  that  she  would  have  given  years  of  her 

37 


SINLESS 


life  to  avoid.  Nothing  had  been  very  clear  to  her 
since  she  had  left  the  hotel  and  London ;  she 
wondered  if  anything  would  ever  be  clear  to  her 
again.  She  had  seen  people  moving  about  her,  and 
heard  them  speak ;  she  moved  herself,  like  an 
automaton,  and  spoke,  too,  when  absolutely  neces- 
sary, but  it  was  all  in  a  hazy,  far-off,  dreamy  sort  of 
way.  She  had  tried  to  force  herself  to  think,  to 
come  to  some  decision,  to  make  up  her  mind  to  one 
particular  course  of  action  ;  but  the  rumble  of  the 
train  and  the  hoot  of  the  engine  seemed  to  dull  her 
brain — the  one  to  moan  at  her  :  "  What  have  you 
done  ?  "  the  other  to  shriek  in  derision  :  "  What 
will  you  do  ?  " 

What  should  she  do  ?  She  was  saying  those  four 
simple  words  over  and  over  again  to  herself,  asking 
a  question  to  which  there  came  no  answer,  when  she 
was  roused  by  the  abrupt  stopping  of  the  carriage. 
Already  she  was  at  home  !  The  flame  from  the  hall 
fire  sent  a  flickering,  uncertain  light  across  the 
bright  carpet  and  the  crimson  furniture  and  hang- 
ings ;  it  danced  a  welcome  to  her,  and  dazzled  her 
anxious  eyes ;  and  then,  from  the  most  comfort- 
able chair,  from  the  shadow  of  the  old-fashioned 
chimney-corner,  someone  rose,  with  stiff  move- 
ments and  a  grunt  of  half  pain,  half  irritability.  It 
was  Forbes — Forbes,  with  a  velvet  smoking- jacket 
on,  a  shawl  round  his  shoulders,  and  another  partly 
over  one  arm,  but  mostly  under  both  feet ;  with  a 
silk  smoking-cap  on  the  bald  bit  of  his  head  and  a 
huge  meerschaum  at  one  side  of  his  mouth. 

"  Got  back  at  last !  "  were  the  first  words  of  his 
greeting.  "  Began  to  wonder  if  you  got  my  wire. 

38 


SINLESS 


Well,  how  are  you,  Ellen  ?  Ton  my  word,  you  have 
worn  well — more  than  you  can  say  for  me,  eh  ?  " 
And  he  laughed  till  he  choked,  and  coughed  for  a 
full  minute ;  and  then,  rubbing  his  handkerchief 
briskly  across  his  mouth,  pulled  rather  than  drew 
her  nearer  to  him,  and  pressed  a  careless,  scrubby 
kiss  upon  her  pale,  trembling  lips.  "  You  would 
hardly  have  known  me,  would  you  ?  You're  dumb 
with  surprise,  aren't  you,  Ellen  ?  "  he  added,  moving 
heavily  back  to  his  chair,  and  tucking  the  shawl  well 
round  his  knees.  "  India  played  the  very  devil 
with  my  beauty,  and  ruined  my  health,  but  you 
look  fresh  as  paint,  so  that's  some  consolation." 

"  You  have  changed — immensely,"  his  wife  said, 
speaking  only  by  an  enormous  effort,  and  keeping 
well  in  the  shadow  ;  "  and  I  am  sorry  you  are  not 
well,  Ken-neth."  The  last  syllable  came  out  with 
a  jerk.  Never  again  could  she  use  the  short,  com- 
panionable "  Ken."  "  Is  it — er — rheumatism  ?  " 

He  nodded.  "  Yes ;  and  liver  and  bronchitis. 
Infernal  climate,  you  know,  and  deuced  hard  work. 
By  the  way,  you're  jolly  close  to  the  river  here.  I 
hope  it's  not  damp.  Can't  stand  it,  you  know — 
would  have  to  go  to  town." 

"  We  are  a  good  way  from  the  river  really.  And 
oh  !  it  is  not  a  bit  damp — quite  healthy."  Nell 
spoke  hastily.  She  was  bewildered,  and  yet  re- 
lieved, at  his  indifference,  his  calm,  matter-of-fact 
meeting  with  her,  as  though  they  had  been  separ- 
ated but  a  few  days ;  albeit  her  eyes  were  fastened 
upon  him  in  mixed  wonder  and  horror — fastened 
on  him,  fascinated,  as  a  child's,  that  watches  some 
gnome  hi  a  pantomime,  half  in  fear,  half  in  amuse- 

39 


SINLESS 


ment.  "  You  will  like  it  here,  I  think,"  she  ven- 
tured after  a  pause,  while  tea  was  set  out  on  a  little 
table  near  the  fire,  and  her  maid  came  and  took  her 
furs  and  outdoor  garments. 

Forbes  grunted,  and  Nell's  trembling  hands 
rattled  the  cups  with  rather  unnecessary  noise. 

"  For  goodness  sake,  don't  jingle  that  china  !  " 
the  man  said,  irritably.  "  Sorry,  but  it  sets  my  con- 
founded nerves  on  edge.  I'm  all  nerves — that's 
something  else  India's  done  for  me  !  Made  me  so 
jolly  jumpy  I  can't  bear  a  creature  in  the  room  some- 
times. Sugar  ?  "  turning  swiftly  round.  "  Good- 
ness, no — nor  yet  cream  !  Why,  my  dear  girl,  my 
liver  wouldn't  stand  that  treatment  an  hour  !  " 

Nell  put  a  little  milk  in  one  of  the  cups,  filled  it 
with  strong  tea,  and  then  carried  it  to  him,  with  a 
plate  of  bread  and  butter.  She  pulled  a  low,  broad 
stool  near  with  her  foot,  and  left  her  husband  piling 
half-a-dozen  wafer-like  slices  of  bread  and  butter  into 
irregular  sandwiches.  Then  she  lay  back  in  a  deep 
chair  while  she  watched  him,  and  while  he  covered 
his  moustache  and  beard  with  tea  and  crumbs,  till, 
against  her  will,  with  horror  growing  deeper  every 
moment,  she  likened  the  one  to  a  stubbly  bush 
hanging  with  icicles,  and  the  other  to  a  chicken-run. 

From  that  hour  to  her  dying  day  she  could  never 
have  described  her  sensations  accurately.  She 
never  knew  whether  fear  or  disgust  came  first ;  she 
never  remembered  anything  clearly  except  the 
squat,  fat  figure  huddled  away  in  a  corner,  disposing 
of  tea  and  bread  and  butter  in  a  manner  that  could 
only  be  described  as  stuffing.  She  had  heard  how 
the  unfortunate  geese  were  fed  till  they  died,  ready 

40 


SINLESS 

to  be  made  into  -pott  de  foie  gras,  and  once  someone 
had  told  her  a  horrible  tale  of  how  the  wretched 
beasts  were  nailed  by  the  feet  to  the  ground,  and 
stuffed  till  the  abnormal  size  of  their  livers  killed 
them.  In  all  probability  there  was  not  a  word  of 
truth  in  such  a  tale  ;  but  irresistibly  Nell  pictured 
Forbes  nailed  to  the  ground,  careless  of  anything,  so 
that  the  draught  was  kept  off,  and  so  that  he  had  all 
his  shawls  and  rugs.  The  silence  might  have  lasted 
five  minutes  or  five  hours — Nell  never  knew.  She 
was  like  one  in  a  horrible  dream  ;  a  great  weight 
seemed  to  lie  on  her  chest  like  an  iron  hand,  keeping 
her  down ;  a  mist,  through  which  nothing  but 
Forbes  was  clear,  hung  about  her  eyes ;  dreary 
music,  interrupted  by  sounds  he  made  while  drink- 
ing, like  the  last  drop  of  water  running  down  the 
bath  pipe,  rung  in  her  ears ;  and  over  all,  a  voice 
kept  whispering  to  her :  "  That  is  your  husband  ; 
that  is  the  man  you  married ;  that  is  he  with  whom 
you  must  pass  your  days,  so  long  as  you  or  he  or 
both  shall  live." 

With  a  startled,  involuntary  cry,  Nell  sprang  to 
her  feet ;  and  Forbes  dropped  his  cup  with  a  crash 
on  to  the  polished  floor,  where  it  lay  in  a  hundred 
pieces  in  the  midst  of  a  little  puddle  of  tea. 

"  Good  Lord !  Ellen,  what's  the  matter  ?  "  he 
demanded  shakily,  while  he  dragged  the  fringe  of 
his  shawl  out  of  the  way  of  a  little  milky  stream 
which  crept  saucily  towards  him,  and  stared  up  at 
his  wife  in  amaze.  "  Have  you  got  the  toothache  ? 
You'll  have  to  cultivate  a  little  more  repose  if  you 
expect  to  live  in  the  same  house  with  me.  Haven't 
I  explained  that  I'm  a  martyr  to  nerves  ?  " 


SINLESS 


"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Nell,  thoroughly  awake 
now,  and  stooping  to  pick  up  the  broken  cup.  "  I 
don't  know  why  I  started  so.  I — I  think  " — with 
a  sickly  little  laugh — "  I  must  have  nerves  too." 

"  'Um  !  Drink  too  much  tea,  I  suppose.  Now  " — 
suddenly — "  tell  me  how  you  managed  last  night. 
You  didn't  venture  out  in  that  appalling  fog,  of 
course  ?  " 

A  moment's  pause,  the  paling  of  Nell's  face  to 
almost  the  hue  of  death,  and  then  a  rush  of  scorch- 
ing flame  from  neck  to  brow ;  a  superhuman  effort 
to  gain  mastery  over  her  voice,  and  then  she  spoke. 

"  N — no.  It — it — was  too  bad,  was  it  not  ?  No 
one  could  see,  and  traffic  was  all  at  a  standstill." 

"  It  was  abominable  !  "  Forbes  declared.  "  But 
why  the  dickens  you  couldn't  have  let  me  know 
you  were  going  to  stay  at  the  Victoria  Hotel — why 
you  couldn't  have  written,  or  even  wired,  to  Paris, 
I  can't  understand.  There  was  I,  hung  up  at 
Charing  Cross,  not  five  minutes  away,  and  you,  I 
suppose,  sending  messengers  across,  and  sitting  up 
half  the  night  waiting  for  me — eh  ?  " 

"  Y — yes,"  returned  Nell,  and  sank  back  again 
into  the  chair,  crushed  beneath  the  weight  of  this 
second  lie. 

"  You  were  a  good  while  getting  down  here,  too," 
he  said  indolently.  "  I  sent  the  wire  early." 

"  Was  I  ?  "  Nell  wished  with  all  her  soul  she 
could  answer  in  a  sentence  of  more  than  two  words 
at  a  time.  She  felt  Forbes'  small,  quick  eyes  upon 
her,  and  knew  with  humiliation  that  she  coloured 
beneath  them.  "  I — I — I — suppose  there  was  a 
lot  to  do,  and  I  was  slow.  Oh !  " — suddenly  siart- 

4* 


SINLESS 


ing  to  her  feet  again,  and  thereby  bringing  another 
frown  to  her  husband's  forehead — "  oh  !  I  wish  I  had 
let  you  know !  I  wish  you  had  met  me !  I  wish 
with  all  my  soul  I  had  not  been  such  a  fool  as  to 
take  the  chances  of  missing  you  at  that  wretched 
station ! "  and  stopped  confused,  her  hands,  that 
had  been  stretched  out  towards  him  passionately, 
falling  limply  to  her  sides. 

Forbes  regarded  her  with  something  like  curiosity. 
Women  were,  and  ever  had  been,  incomprehensible 
to  him,  and  he  decided  uncomfortably  that  this 
outburst  on  his  wife's  part  was  closely  allied  to 
hysteria. 

"  You  are  extravagant  in  your  regrets  or  your 
mode  of  expressing  them,"  he  observed,  in  tones 
sufficiently  chilling  to  suppress  any  further  ex- 
pressions of  the  kind.  "  It  was  decided  waste  of 
one  hotel  bill  at  anyrate  " — reflectively.  And,  not 
noticing  that  Nell  shrank  back  as  if  she  had  been 
struck,  he  continued :  "  Do  we  dine,  or  do  you  go 
in  for  country  *  suppers  '  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not  " — recovering  herself.  "  We  dine 
at  eight,  unless — if — that  suits  you." 

"  Make  it  half -past  seven,  Ellen.  My  digestion 
won't  stand  late  meals.  I  always  go  to  bed  at 
nine.  And  that  reminds  me :  I've  only  groped 
round  a  bit,  but  I  don't  see  a  suitable  room  on  this 
floor." 

"  Not  a  suitable  room  ?     Suitable  for  what  ?  ** 

"  If  you  won't  strip  the  words  out  of  my  mouth  "— 
with  faint  irritation — "  I'll  tell  you.  Suitable  for 
me !  You  don't  imagine  I  can  mount  flights  of 
stairs,  do  you  ?  Good  heavens ! "  and  Forbes 

43 


SINLESS 

breathed  more  heavily  at  the  bare  idea,  "  I  should 
die  on  the  way  up  !  No  ;  I  never  go  off  the  ground 
floor." 

"  You  mean  you  want  rooms  got  ready  for  you 
down  here  ?  "  asked  Nell,  with  quick  anxiety  he 
quite  misunderstood.  "  Oh !  why  did  you  not  let 
me  know  ?  " 

"  Forgot  it " — laconically.  "  Besides,  I  could  not 
write  out  a  whole  list  of  requirements.  Don't  be 
afraid" — with  a  wheezy  laugh — "that  the  appear- 
ance of  your  house  will  be  spoiled.  You  need  not 
alter  it  much  :  I  don't  even  go  to  bed." 

"  Not  go  to  bed !  You  always  sit  up  !  "  gasped 
Nell,  aghast. 

"  Yes.  I  sleep  in  snatches,  and  in  the  biggest 
and  most  comfortable  chair  I  can  get ;  there's 
bound  to  be  one  about  the  house  somewhere.  I 
very  seldom  get  a  wink  at  night ;  it's  on  and  off 
through  the  day  that  I  get  my  best  naps.  Bless 
you,  I'd  choke  if  I  laid  down." 

"  Oh  !  "  said  Nell ;  and  in  that  small  word  there 
was  enough  expression  to  fill  a  volume ;  into  the 
short  sound  that  left  her  lips  lingeringly  there  were 
crowded  the  touches  of  a  hundred  varying  tones 
that  indicated  a  hundred  varying  thoughts.  "  Will 
you  come  with  me  now  and  select  the  rooms  you 
would  like  best  ?  There  are  five  on  this  floor  " — 
hastily — "  and  two  are  very  sunny  and  pleasant." 

"  I'll  have  those,  then,"  declared  Forbes  comfort- 
ably. "  No  ;  I  needn't  look  at  them — all  rooms 
look  alike  in  this  light  ;  and  besides,  I  don't  care,  so 
that  I  can  be  warm  and  uninterrupted  in  them. 
I  hate  noise,  and  I  hate  people  poking  about  me. 

44 


SINLESS 

If  I'm  let  alone  I  don't  worry  anyone,  but  if  I'm 
bothered  I'm  a  beastly  bad-tempered  beggar." 

"  You  shall  not  be  bothered  ;  I  will  see  to  that," 
said  Nell  quickly,  and  she  spoke  with  the  first  touch 
of  brightness  in  her  voice  that  could  have  been  heard 
in  it  to-day.  She  even  smiled  a  little,  and  the 
shrinking  fear,  which  had  marked  her  manner  since 
the  moment  of  her  re-entrance  into  her  home,  had 
disappeared  altogether.  She  even  drew  nearer  to 
him,  and,  resting  one  hand  upon  the  shawl  that 
covered  his  shoulders,  bent  forward  a  little,  while 
with  the  other  she  pointed  across  the  hall  to  a  heavy 
pair  of  curtains. 

"  They  are  only  just  over  there — beyond  those 
hangings,"  she  said. 

Forbes  looked  up  at  her ;  he  saw  the  slight  flush 
upon  her  pretty  face,  he  felt  the  pressure  of  her  little 
hand,  and  he  read  an  unwelcome  tenderness  in  her 
attitude.  Decidedly  his  wife  was  not  only  inclined 
to  be  hysterical,  but,  worse  still,  to  be  sentimental. 
A  strong,  firm  maid  might  grapple  with  the  former 
condition,  but  from  sentiment  he  alone  would  be  the 
sufferer  ;  and  he  felt,  with  a  sense  of  injury,  that  he 
was  wholly  incapable  of  battling  with  it.  He  re- 
moved his  shoulder  from  her  clasp,  and  rose  to  his 
feet  with  some  difficulty. 

"  There's  something  more,  Ellen — something — er 
— I  may  as  well  say  at  once.  I — er — never  was  a 
ladies'  man,  as  you  probably  did  not  discover ;  I 
certainly  am  not  one  now.  Why  I  married,  God 
only  knows ! "  with  flattering  wonder  in  every 
husky  tone  of  his  voice.  "  But  we  have  lived  very 
comfortably  without  each  other  for  ten  years,  eh  ? 

45 


SINLESS 


and  there's  no  earthly  reason  why  we  should  not 
live  now  beneath  the  same  roof  just  as  comfortably, 
just  as  good  friends,  as  when  the  seas  divided  us." 

"  None  whatever — none  whatever,"  agreed  Nell, 
harking  back  to  her  short,  jerky  sentences,  made  up 
of  repetitions,  and  striving  wildly  to  hear  her  hus- 
band's voice  through  a  sound  as  of  rushing  waters 
in  her  ears.  "  I — I — think  I'll  go  now,  Kenneth. 
I  have  to  dress,  and — and — you  might  take  a  nap 
by  this  cosy  fire  " — laughing  feverishly.  "  I'll  send 
Benson  until — until  your  own  man  arrives — and 
you'll  tell  them  just  how  you  want  the  rooms  fixed 
up,  won't  you  ?  " 

Forbes  grunted  ;  and  then  he  watched  her  push 
the  rough  waves  of  her  hair  back,  as  though  their 
weight  worried  her,  and  heard  her  little  catching 
laugh,  that  sounded  close  to  tears,  and  saw  that  she 
thrust  a  chair  aside  nervously  and  ran  quickly  up 
the  wide  stairs  at  the  far  end  of  the  hall. 

"  A  fidgety,  nervous,  restless  woman,"  he  said 
to  himself  disappointedly — "  the  most  trying  kind 
to  have  about  one  !  I  foresee  that  the  last  nerve 
I've  got  will  be  shattered  !  " 

And  upstairs  Nell  was  lying  right  across  her  bed, 
her  face  crushed  hard  into  the  pillow,  her  slight 
frame  shaken  by  low  sobs  that  almost  choked  her, 
the  hot  tears  soaking  the  white  linen  upon  which 
they  fell. 

But  it  was  not  in  grief  alone  that  Nell  wept. 


46 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  VII 

NELL  lived  through  the  next  week  like  one 
in  a  dream.  Try  as  she  would  she  could 
not  bring  herself  to  the  realisation  of  her 
position  ;  everything  had  happened,  since  her  re- 
turn home,  to  make  the  way  too  easy  for  her.  She 
had  anticipated  heaven  knows  what  misery  with 
fear  and  dread  that  were  well-nigh  insupportable, 
and  she  had  found  the  way  amazingly  smooth. 

She  wondered  often  if  she  were  really  alive,  or  if 
she  were  some  spirit  wandering  in  another  world, 
and  released  only  at  intervals.  She  fought  with  all 
her  strength  to  put  aside  the  memory  of  one  face, 
one  voice,  the  one  glimpse  of  utter,  perfect,  incom- 
prehensible, and  terrible  happiness  that  had  been 
hers ;  she  tried  to  take  up  something  like  her  old 
life  in  the  old  way  ;  she  tried  to  be  interested  in  her 
home,  and  in  her  surroundings  ;  and  at  the  end  of 
each  day  she  knew  that  her  efforts  were  a  complete 
failure.  She  wanted  to  turn  down  one  page  in  her 
life's  history,  and,  do  what  she  would,  it  lay  open 
always  before  her.  She  grew  almost  angry  that  it 
should  be  so  ;  she  told  herself  again  and  again  that 
it  need  not  be.  In  scarcely  any  way  was  her  life 
altered  by  the  homecoming  of  her  husband. 

Sometimes  half  the  day  would  be  gone  before  she 
saw  him  ;  his  man  seemed  to  be  the  one  creature 
whom  he  could  endure  constantly  in  attendance, 

47 


SINLESS 


and,  followed  by  him  and  a  bundle  of  shawls,  Forbes 
emerged  from  his  room  into  the  cosy  hall  every 
day  between  the  hours  of  twelve  and  one.  Break- 
fast was  served  to  him  then  ;  and  afterwards  he 
might  wander  into  the  dining-room  if  Nell  happened 
to  be  taking  luncheon  alone,  to  keep  her  company, 
he  said,  but  in  truth  to  do  her  the  doubtful  kindness 
of  watching  her  eat,  and  commenting  freely  upon 
the  mixtures  with  which  he  declared  she  was  ruining 
her  digestion. 

In  the  afternoons,  if  it  were  moderately  fine,  he 
might  accompany  her  in  her  drive  ;  but  then  the 
horses  had  to  go  at  a  snail's  pace,  the  carriage  must 
be  a  closed  one,  and  Nell  must  sit  in  such  a  position 
that  she  kept  off  him  any  possible  draught. 

Tea  was  a  very  favourite  meal  with  him,  and  it 
was  at  five  o'clock  only,  and  in  the  dim  light  of  the 
heavily  furnished,  curtain-darkened  hall  that  he  ever 
consented  to  meet  any  of  his  wife's  visitors.  There 
he  would  sit,  huddled  up  in  his  rugs,  a  special  little 
table  at  his  side,  piling  the  bread  and  butter  into 
heaps,  and  with  his  mouth  crammed  full  of  it,  chuckle 
at,  rather  than  with  those  who  came  to  call  upon 
Nell. 

The  dinner  hour  had  now  been  put  back  a  little — • 
it  had  become  seven  o'clock  :  and  Forbes  betook 
himself  to  his  beloved  arm-chair  half  an  hour  earlier 
in  consequence — and  Nell's  evening  ended  for  her 
on  the  stroke  of  nine  ! 

Do  you  think  she  cared  ?  Do  you  think  she  dis- 
liked to  look  forward  to  the  long  hours  that  must 
elapse  before  she  could  bring  herself  to  go  to  bed  ? 
Not  she  !  Nell  went  through  the  day  in  a  dream 

48 


SINLESS 

of  one  sort,  and  with  the  chiming  of  nine  hours,  she 
awoke  to  fall  into  a  dream  of  quite  another. 

She  had  set  herself  a  sort  of  task,  and  she  per- 
formed it  religiously.  From  that  day  when  she  had 
found  her  husband  waiting  for  her  by  the  hall  fire, 
from  that  hour  when  he  had  taken  elaborate  pains 
to  make  her  understand  that  their  lives  would,  in 
the  future,  be  lived  very  nearly  as  much  apart  as 
they  had  been  in  the  past,  from  the  hour  when  Nell 
had  flung  herself  down  upon  her  bed,  and  sobbed  her 
heart  out  in  passionate  thankfulness  for  the  selfish 
coldness  of  the  man  from  whom  she  had  dreaded  a 
word  or  glance  of  tenderness,  she  had  made  up  her 
mind  that  the  day  should  be  his,  and  the  night  hers. 

Such  alterations  as  he  desired  in  the  daily  routine 
she  yielded  him  willingly,  gladly — so  willingly  and 
gladly  that  Forbes  suspected  a  desire  upon  his  wife's 
part  to  stand  very  well  in  his  eyes — so  much  of  her 
society  as  he  desired  she  gave  him  ungrudgingly ; 
to  his  tastes  and  his  fads  she  pandered  with  so  much 
tact  that  he  was  hardly  aware  of  it.  And  when  the 
day  was  over — out  of  which  there  were  few  hours 
at  best  given  to  him — she  saw  his  servant  come  for 
him  like  a  nurse  for  a  child  ;  and  she  watched  him 
stumbling  through  the  hall  and  the  rooms,  over  the 
fringe  of  his  eternal  rug,  and  she  felt  his  stubbly 
beard  scratch  her  on  the  forehead  or  in  the  eye, 
in  that  salute  which  he  evidently  thought  she  ex- 
pected, and  which  did  duty  for  a  good-night  kiss. 
And  she  heard  his  door  close  upon  him ;  and  in  her 
heart  there  rose  a  murmur  of  thankfulness  which 
found  utterance  on  her  lips  in  the  barely-framed 
words—"  Thank  God  !  " 

P  49 


SINLESS 


And  afterwards  the  hours — those  most  precious 
hours  of  all  the  twenty-four — were  hers. 

To-night  Nell  was  a  little  restless  ;  her  day  had 
been  spent  mostly  in  the  house,  in  the  rooms  which 
were  her  husband's,  because  he  had  caught  a  bad 
cold  ;  and  he  had  divided  his  attention — while  she 
read  to  him  the  newspapers — between  sips  of 
glycerine  and  whiskey,  and  a  carbolic  smoke  ball, 
the  use  of  which  sent  cold  shivers  down  Nell's  back. 

Her  head  ached  a  little,  and  the  house  felt  close. 

"  Every  window  and  door  shut,"  she  murmured 
to  herself  with  a  faintly  impatient  movement,  "  Is 
it  any  wonder  that  my  head  seems  to  swim  ?  " 
And  took  up  a  light  shawl,  and  wrapping  it  closely 
round  her  shoulders,  went  out  of  the  house  and 
down  the  garden  paths  till  she  reached  the  road  side. 
There  she  was  as  much  alone  as  in  her  own  garden  ; 
there  all  was  silence.  The  long,  winding  road  was 
utterly  deserted,  the  young  winter  moon  shone 
down  upon  her,  a  solitary,  lonely,  lovely  figure,  as 
she  leant  against  the  side  of  the  wooden  gate  which 
divided  the  road  from  her  grounds,  and  lifted  her 
face,  with  a  little  tired  smile,  to  the  cloudless  sky 
above  her.  f 

"  Must  all  life  be  like  this — always — through  the 
next  forty  years  which  I  am  likely  to  live  ?  "  Nell 
asked  herself,  not  for  the  first  time  during  the  past 
week.  And  when  the  question  had  passed  her  lips 
half  aloud,  reproached  herself  for  its  utterance,  for 
the  thought  which  prompted  it.  "  How  better 
could  I  live  it  ?  How  more  kindly  could  fortune 
have  treated  me  ?  Should  I  not  be  glad  indeed 
that  my  days  are  passed  shut  up  within  the  four 

50 


SINLESS 


walls  of  my  own  home — that  by  degrees  I  shall 
drop  out  of  the  memory  of  old  friends — that — that — 
there  is  scarcely  any  alteration  in  the  old  life  I  have 
led  for  ten  years.  It  was  not  hard,  ten  days  ago — 
Heaven  in  its  mercy  has  smoothed  the  way  for  me 
.  .  .  and  yet,  and  yet — oh,  God  !  "  lifting  her  eyes 
again  to  the  pale  moon  that,  set  lovingly  beside  her 
companion  star,  shone  coldly,  mercilessly  down  upon 
the  lovely,  troubled  face  upraised  in  unconscious 
pleading,  "if  it  must  be  so  why  did  I  ever  learn — 
why  did  I  ever  know  how  full  of  joy  and  how  crowded 
with  misery  life  could  be  ?  "  Faintly  as  the  words 
were  spoken  they  sounded  in  her  own  ears  in  loud, 
unjust  reproach  that  was  wickedness,  addressed  as 
they  were  to  the  heavens  above  her  ;  and  Nell 
bowed  her  head  on  the  top  bar  of  the  gate  that  was 
silver-frosted,  and  struck  icily  cold  to  her  hot  fore- 
head. Every  night  for  more  than  a  week  she  had 
come  down  here  to  be  alone  and  to  think — to  think, 
though  she  knew  that  way  madness  lay.  Every 
night  here,  and  in  the  solitude  of  her  own  room  she 
had  fought  a  desperate  battle  with  the  memory 
that  would  haunt  her,  that  kept  fast  hold  of  her. 
Her  prayers  for  forgetfulness  were  unanswered  ;  and 
strive  as  she  would  to  put  the  knowledge  from  her, 
it  came  home  to  her  every  hour  of  the  day  and  night 
that  never  again  could  she  take  up  the  threads  of 
life  where  she  had  left  them  on  that  fatal  day  when 
she  had  set  out  from  her  home  to  meet  her  husband 
in  London. 

A  quick  step  on  the  road,  not  a  dozen  yards  from 
her,  roused  Nell.  With  a  start  she  looked  up  to 
see  a  man  turning  the  corner  which  bent  round 

Si 


SINLESS 


just  by  the  gate  on  which  she  still  leant ;  and  the 
blood  leapt  to  her  face,  and  then  seemed  to  ebb 
slowly  from  her  heart  till  a  horrible  feeling  of  faint- 
ness  almost  overcame  her.  That  bold,  quick  walk, 
the  upright  carriage,  the  spare  figure,  yet  fine,  broad 
shoulders — the  moon-light  made  them  all  clear  and 
distinct ;  it  only  threw  the  face  in  shadow,  and  left 
the  features  unrecognisable  at  this  distance. 

A  moment  more  and  the  man  had  reached  her 
side. 

"  I  wonder,"  he  said,  lifting  his  hat  and  trying  to 
meet  Nell's  eyes,  "  if  you  could  direct  me  to  Holden 

Manor ?  "  and  paused  in  some  little  natural 

astonishment  because  her  answer  was  a  long  sigh 
that  told  plainly  of  keen  relief,  and  a  nervous  laugh 
that  sounded  very  close  to  tears.  "  I  should  be  very 
grateful,"  he  added,  "  for  I  am  ashamed  to  say  I 
have  lost  my  way  completely." 

Then  Nell,  recovering  herself,  looked  up  at  the 
speaker,  and  pointing  to  the  house  behind  her  said  j 

"  You  have  lost  yourself  at  your  destination, 
then — this  is  the  Manor  House." 

"  Indeed  !  How  fortunate  !  It  is  rather  late  to 
make  a  call,"  smiling,  and  wondering  whom  she 
might  be,  "  but  in  spite  of  that  I  must  confess  that 
I  came  down  to  see  Mr  and  Mrs  Forbes " 

"  I  am  Mrs  Forbes,"  said  Nell,  and  the  stranger 
had  hard  work  to  silence  the  "  Never  !  "  which  rose 
to  his  lips.  "  You  must  be  a  friend  of  my  husband's, 
since  I  have  not  the  pleasure  of  knowing  you — won't 
you  come  up  to  the  house  now  you  have  found  it  ?  " 

"  My  name  is  Brandling,"  he  returned,  accepting 
the  invitation  and  following  her  along  a  narrow  path, 

52 


SINLESS 

still  lost  in  open  admiration,  and  in  secret  amaze- 
ment. This  Forbes'  wife !  This  woman  who  in 
the  moonlight  looked  so  dazzlingly  lovely — this  the 
woman  whom  Forbes  had  left  behind  him  when  he 
went  to  India,  and  to  whom  he  had  been  very 
grateful  for  consenting  to  stay  behind.  For  a  long 
moment  Brandling  could  not  get  beyond  his  own 
introduction  of  himself ;  but  Nell  did  not  seem  to 
notice,  and  when  they  came  to  a  wider  piece  of  the 
path,  turned  to  him  with  a  friendly  little  smile.  If 
he  had  only  known  how  intense  was  her  gratitude 
to  him  for  being  himself,  and  not  the  man  she  had 
for  one  horrible  moment  feared  he  was,  he  would 
not  have  been  surprised. 

"  I  wonder  that  you  could  get  lost  in  this  little 
place,"  she  said,  "  especially  if  you  have  come 
straight  from  town." 

"  But  I  have  not,  Mrs  Forbes ;  and  I  ought  to 
know  Bray  like  the  ABC.  Only  somehow  the 
houses  seemed  to  me  to  have  got  pushed  out  of 
place,  or  else  my  memory  of  some  years  ago  serves 
me  badly.  No,  I  came  down  last  night  to  stay  with 
the  Champerownes  at  Maidenhead  for  the  week-end 
—you  know  them  ?  " 

"  Oh  yes." 

"  Then,  through  them  I  heard  that  Forby — I  beg 
your  pardon,  we  always  call  him  that — was  living 
at  the  Manor.  You  know  we  travelled  over  from 
India  together,  Mrs  Forbes.  I  had  only  the  name 
of  his  club  ;  and  when  I  heard  I  was  so  near  I  took 
the  liberty  of  hunting  him  up.  We  were  immensely 
late  getting  away  from  dinner  to-night,  and  I  left 
the  others  at  the  station  and  lost  myself  coming 

53 


SINLESS 


here — Good  gracious  !  you're  not  ill  are  you,  Mrs 
Forbes  ?  " 

The  young  captain  broke  off  in  his  rapid  chatter 
as  Nell  swayed  slightly  in  his  direction,  and  as  he 
saw  that  her  face  was  white  as  death.  The  one 
word  India  had  flung  her  memory  back  into  the 
dreaded  channel  again,  the  knowledge  that  she  was 
conversing  with  one  of  the  companions  of  her  hus- 
band on  his  homeward  journey  brought  to  her  mind 
with  painful  force  the  memory  of  another,  who  had 
been  his  companion  too.  With  an  effort  she  forced 
a  little  laugh. 

"  Not  at  all !  I  believe  I  am  just  a  little  cold. 
Pray  come  in,"  and  pushed  open  one  of  the  low 
windows,  and  led  the  way  to  the  most  cheery  of 
rooms  where  the  lamplight  burned  low,  and  logs 
crackled  merrily  on  the  broad  hearth. 

"  I  shall  go  and  tell  Kenneth,"  she  said,  still 
struggling  with  an  odd  feeling  of  faintness,  "  but  I 
am  afraid  he  will  not  come  out  of  his  rooms  even  for 
an  old  friend." 

"  Don't  ask  him  to,  Mrs  Forbes — I  don't  deserve 

to  be  received  at  all "  Nell  cut  him  short  with 

a  little  hand-wave,  and  left  him. 

"  What  eyes  !  What  teeth — what  a  skin — what 
hair !  "  breathed  the  impressionable  young  captain, 
with  his  back  turned  to  the  fire  and  his  hands  thrust 
into  his  pockets.  "Great  Scott!  and  all  that 
Forby's  !  My  stars  !  Fancy  living  in  India  with 
a  wife  like  that  in  England.  .  .  ." 

Thought  failed  him.  The  terrible,  reckless  in- 
gratitude of  some  people  struck  him  with  unusual 
force,  and  mingled  oddly  with  a  sense  of  undefined 

54 


SINLESS 

pity.  Before  he  had  time  to  think  the  matter  out 
further,  Nell  returned. 

"  Kenneth  will  be  charmed  to  see  you  if  you  will 
excuse  his  remaining  in  his  room,"  she  announced  ; 
and  now  the  colour  had  come  back  to  her  cheeks, 
and  there  was  brightness  in  her  eyes  that  but  en- 
hanced their  beauty  in  Brandling's.  "  You  say 
you  have  dined  ?  " 

"  Many  thanks,  yes." 

"  Then  come  with  me."  She  led  him  through  two 
rooms,  and  across  the  hall  to  where,  at  the  opposite 
side,  a  little  passage  was  shut  off  by  heavy  curtains. 
From  behind  them  there  came  the  sounds  of  a  hard 
wheezy  cough,  varied  now  and  then  by  a  mild, 
impatient  oath. 

"  Who  the  devil's  opening  the  door  ?  What  the 
— Oh,  hallo,  Brandling  !  You  !  By  Jove  !  this  is 
something  like  a  surprise  !  " 

Captain  Brandling  advanced  with  his  customary 
breezy  good  humour,  but  Forbes  waved  him  back. 

"  I  can't  shake  hands — and  for  God's  sake  don't 
come  near  my  foot !  Full  of  gout,  you  know.  It's 
this  cursed  climate — winter's  enough  to  kill  an  ox  ! 
I'm  sure  it's  being  so  near  the  confounded  river — 
my  wife  says  not,  but  I'm  sure  of  it  all  the  same. 
Glad  to  see  you — didn't  know  you  were  coming 
to-night." 

Nell  stared  at  him.  He  must  be  a  little  light- 
headed. 

"  I  just  told  you,"  she  said,  looking  at  the  amused 
captain  with  an  odd  uplifting  of  her  pretty  brows. 
"  You  said " 

"  You  came  over  and  blew  in  my  ear — I  don't 

55 


SINLESS 

know  what  you  told  me.  Make  it  a  rule  never  to 
listen  to  women's  chatter — good  rule,  Brandling." 
The  captain  said  "  Oh  !  '*,  thought  he  could  listen 
to  the  chatter  of  Forbes'  wife  for  ever,  and  wished 
with  all  his  heart  that  she  had  blown  in  his  ear. 

"  So  you  don't  like  the  climate,"  he  replied  with 
intent  to  change  the  subject.  "  You  haven't  had 
time  to  get  used  to  it.  As  you  did  not  listen  to  Mrs 
Forbes" — with  a  little  glance  from  his  handsome 
eyes  at  Nell,  who  had  thrown  herself  back  in  a  chair 
well  hi  the  shadow — "  perhaps  you  didn't  hear  that 
I  have  been  putting  in  the  week  end  with  the 
Champerownes." 

"  Why  the  dickens  do  you  shout  ?  I'm  not  deaf, 
if  I  have  got  the  gout !  Oh,  the  Champerownes  ? 
Not  seen  anything  of  them,  though  Ellen  says  they 
are  at  Maidenhead  often.  Nobody  but  a  lot  of  tea- 
drinking  old  women  ever  come  here  !  "  Brandling 
stared.  The  society  of  such  a  woman,  who  listened 
indolently  now  to  the  peevish  grumblings  of  her 
husband,  wasted  upon  tea-drinking  old  women ! 
Called  by  such  a  name  as  Ellen  !  It  was  sacrilege. 
"  Not  that  I  want  'em,"  added  Forbes,  pausing  to 
wrestle  with  a  fit  of  coughing,  and  then  applying 
the  carbolic  ball,  to  the  open  and  intense  delight  of 
his  visitor.  Before  the  performance  was  over, 
Brandling  was  in  fits  of  laughter  which  Nell  found 
contagious. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what,"  he  said,  glad  enough  that 
his  host  was  too  much  absorbed  in  his  own  miserable 
discomfort  to  notice  that  he  was  affording  amuse- 
ment. "  There's  nothing  like  a  complete  change 
to  get  rid  of  a  cold — you  haven't  got  over  the  effects 

56 


SINLESS 


of  your  entrance  into  London  in  what  they  tell  me 
was  the  worst  fog  known  for  fifty  years — it's  got 
completely  on  your  chest,  and  you  want  a  good 
bracing  place  to  throw  it  off.  Now,  this  place  isn't 
bracing,  whatever  else  it  may  be.  Come  and  stay 
with  me  for  a  bit — you  and  Mrs  Forbes — eh  ? 
what  ?  " 

"  With  you  ?  "  demurred  Forbes  after  a  long 
minute's  pause  for  thought,  in  which  the  captain's 
eyes  sought  and  appealed  to  Nell,  who  did  not 
respond  by  the  least  touch  of  interest.  "  Where's 
your  place  ?  Warwickshire,  isn't  it  ?  " 

"  No,  Wiltshire.  Mrs  Forbes,  I  appeal  to  you — 
first  that  you  yourself  will  honour  me,  and  next  that 
you  prevail  upon  your  husband  to  see  the  wisdom  of 
my  suggestion." 

"  Personally,  I  should  like  it  very  much," 
answered  Nell,  rising  and  coming  towards  both 
men  with  a  graceful  undulating  movement  which 
attracted  Brandling  greatly.  "  But  Kenneth " 

"  I  think  I  should  like  it  too,"  struck  in  Forbes. 
"  I'm  a  trifle  bored  with  this  place  already.  We'll 
have  to  move  I  think — river's  a  rubbishing  place 
for  the  whole  of  the  year.  Very  well,  Brandling, 
when  shall  it  be  ?  There  are  the  decanters  on  the 
table  over  there  ;  help  yourself — me  ?  no,  I'm 
taking  glycerine  and  whiskey.  When  do  you  go 
down  yourself  ?  " 

"  To-morrow ;  but  it  must  be  whenever  most 
convenient  to  Mrs  Forbes.  I'm  awfully  obliged  to 
you  both  for  saying  you  will  come,"  with  a  slight, 
very  graceful  bow  to  Nell.  "  We  shall  be  able  to 
amuse  you,  I  hope.  You'll  write  and  let  me  know 

57 


SINLESS 


when  to  expect  you,  won't  you,  Forbes  ?     Hedlam 
Park,  and  Dering  is  the  station.     Now  I  really  must 

get  away  or  I  shall  not  make  that  train " 

"  Let  me  order  a  trap,"  said  Nell,  going  towards 
the  door.  "  Yes,  I  insist.  They  won't  take  five 
minutes  to  put  the  dog-cart  to." 

"  Upon  my  soul  I  envy  you,  Forbes,"  declared 
Brandling,  when  Nell  was  out  of  earshot. 
"  Me  ?  What— the  gout  ?  " 
"  Not  quite  !  Your  charming  wife." 
"Oh,"  said  Forbes,  with  a  grin.  "  Well,  don't 
try  your  well-known  fascinating  powers  there,  old 
chap  !  We  know  it's  your  metier  to  console  un- 
happy married  ladies  ;  but  Ellen's  out  of  the  list. 
She's  quite  devoted  to  me  " — with  a  touch  of  half- 
complaint  that  divided  Brandling  between  disgust 
and  laughter.  "  A  conscientious,  straightforward 
woman,  you  know,  Brandling,  but  between  our- 
selves, impressionable,  romantic,  sentimental !  At 
my  time  of  life  and  in  my  state  of  health,  I  ought  to 
have  a  good,  domesticated,  middle-aged  wife  who — 
but  there,  we  all  make  fools  of  ourselves  in  our  youth. 
Thank  God  I  never  let  her  come  out  to  India  to  me 
— I  should  have  had  no  end  of  trouble  with  her  in 
a  place  like  that !  I  suppose,"  dismissing  his  wife 
easily  from  his  mind,  and  the  mention  of  India 
evidently  carrying  his  thoughts  into  another  channel, 
"  you  never  saw  anything  of  that  chap  Boyd  after 
we  left  him  ?  " 

Whatever  the  captain's  answer,  Forbes  was 
doomed  not  to  hear  it,  for  at  that  moment  Nell 
entered  to  announce  that  the  trap  had  come  round. 
She  accompanied  Brandling  to  the  door  herself,  and 

58 


SINLESS 

stood  a  moment  in  the  moonlight  to  see  him  drive 
off. 

"  I  wonder  if  I  shall  care  to  go  to  his  place,"  she 
thought  without  much  interest.  "  I  assented,  feeling 
sure  Kenneth  would  disagree  with  me  as  usual." 

"  Good  Lord  !  "  said  Brandling  to  himself,  staring 
hard  at  the  ears  of  Forbes'  horse.  "  I've  come  upon 
Beauty  and  the  Beast  at  last,  and,  by  Jove !  my 
sympathies  are  with  poor  Beauty  and  no  mistake  !  " 


59 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   Vin 

THE  proposed  visit  to  Captain  Brandling's 
country   home   was  the  only  thing   about 
which  Nell  had  seen  her  husband  in  the 
least  keen. 

She  felt  that  her  surprise  was  perhaps  unnecessary 
considering  how  very  little  she  knew  of  his  tastes 
after  all — one  might  be  a  taste  for  living  in  other 
people's  houses  ;  there  were  those  who  possessed 
it  to  an  alarming  degree.  But  certainly  Forbes 
showed  the  first  sign  of  interest,  the  only  sign  of 
pleasure  that  he  had  shown  since  his  arrival  at  home. 
If  Nell  had  been  a  little  more  interested  herself 
she  might  have  wondered  more  than  she  did,  but  it 
made  little  difference  to  her  whether  her  husband 
was  pleased  or  cross,  whether  he  chose  to  be  amiable 
or  disagreeable.  She  could  always  escape  from 
him,  and  it  was  part  of  the  bargain  she  had  made 
with  herself  that  she  should  bear  with  him  patiently 
during  the  few  hours  they  spent  in  each  other's 
society.  She  was  not  altogether  displeased  at  the 
prospect  of  a  little  change  herself,  though  it  would 
not  have  occurred  to  her  to  seek  it ;  for  the  first 
time  her  home  had  lost  some  of  its  beauty  and  its 
comfort,  in  her  eyes  ;  for  the  first  time  she  was 
willing  to  turn  her  back  upon  it. 

Hitherto  Mrs  Forbes  had  been  regarded  by  her 
friends  with  some  wonder,  chiefly  because  she  woul<3 

60 


SINLESS 


not  listen  to  their  suggestions  of  flats,  a  hotel  life, 
or  even  apartments  ;  because  they  could  not  under- 
stand a  woman  making  her  home  in  a  place  like  Bray 
all  the  year  round,  and  being  content  to  fill  her  house 
at  intervals  with  congenial  companions,  and  to  run 
up  to  town  whenever  she  felt  inclined.  Hers  had 
been  an  enviably  delightful  life,  with  all  the  freedom 
that  only  a  married  woman  can  know,  and  none  of 
the  ties ;  and  she  had  lived  it  quietly  and  very 
en  joy  ably. 

How  long  was  that  ago  ?  Was  it  years  or  only 
months  ?  Could  it  be  possible  that  in  reality  it 
was  only  a  little  more  than  a  week  ?  Nell  failed  to 
realise  that  it  was  in  truth  but  ten — now  nearly 
eleven — days  since  the  whole  scene  had  been  changed 
for  her.  And  with  that  change  had  come  her  first 
touches  of  restlessness  and  fear,  of  unhappiness  and 
discontent. 

She  had  known  women  who  craved  continually 
for  change  and  had  wondered  at  them,  she  had  seen 
those  whose  hearts  were  breaking  slowly  for  a  love, 
a  happiness  that  might  never  be  theirs,  and  though 
she  was  the  most  tender-hearted  of  women,  she  had 
failed  utterly  to  comprehend  their  discontent  and 
their  misery. 

But  she  understood  at  last — and  she  had  bought 
her  knowledge  at  the  price  of  her  whole  life's  peace. 
She  knew  now  with  the  fresh  sickening  touch  of 
dread  that  was  upon  her  always,  that  go  where  she 
would  she  could  never  find  rest  or  peace  ;  she  knew 
why  her  surroundings  were  hateful  to  her.  And  she 
foresaw  that  nothing  but  continual  change,  nothing 
but  the  empty,  so-called  amusements,  the  life  that 

61 


SINLESS 

was  all  froth,  in  which  many  of  her  friends  steeped 
themselves,  would  content  her. 

She  had  not  fully  awakened  to  this  fact  till  Brand- 
ling had  tendered  his  invitation.  Even  then,  in  her 
first  feeling  of  disinclination  to  accept  it,  she  had 
hoped  that  her  husband  would  raise  objections — 
now  she  was  a  little  glad  that  he  had  not.  Nell 
thought  that  she  should  rather  like  Brandling  ;  he 
seemed  to  be  the  personification  of  good  nature, 
and  he  was  a  handsome,  merry  boy.  The  know- 
ledge that  he  was  her  husband's  companion  on  the 
voyage  from  India  had  almost  set  her  against  him 
at  first  because  it  revived  memories  she  was  con- 
tinually endeavouring  to  crush  down,  but  she  told 
herself  this  was  folly  indeed.  A  hundred  people  had 
been  companions  of  Forbes,  perforce — at  any  time 
she  might  meet  anyone  of  them,  and,  after  all,  what 
of  it? 

"  At  anyrate  the  plunge  is  taken,"  she  said  to  her- 
self two  days  later  when,  at  her  husband's  dictation, 
she  had  written  to  Brandling  and  bidden  him  expect 
them  on  the  Friday  of  the  next  week.  "  This  place 
is  positively  unbearable — I  suppose  it's  poor  Kenneth 
who  makes  it  so — and  I  am  growing  afraid  of  my 
own  shadow.  It  wouldn't  do — it  couldn't  go  on  long 
without  ending  in  disaster.  Shut  up  here  I  would 
not  answer  for  myself — I  must  do  what  thousands  of 
others  do,  mingle  with  the  world,  live  from  hour  to 
hour  in  the  excitement  of  the  time  being,  and  forget 
in  that  way,  if  I  may  forget  in  no  other  !  " 

It  was  an  easy  resolution,  and  for  the  moment  it 
brought  her  some  comfort ;  and  hi  her  preparations 
for  departure  she  was  very  nearly  happy.  But 

62 


SINLESS 


Nell  did  not  know  that  she  was  very  ignorant  of  the 
world  and  its  ways.  She  wanted  to  forget,  and  for 
forgetf illness  she  was  ready  to  pay  almost  any  price. 

Friday  arrived,  and  with  it  a  heavy  snow-storm 
that  bid  fair  to  make  their  journey  impossible. 
Forbes  grumbled,  but  still  refused  to  leave  his  rooms 
before  the  usual  hour  ;  and  the  result  was  that  he 
and  his  wife  found  themselves  in  London  a  great 
deal  later  than  they  had  intended. 

"  It  makes  no  difference,"  Forbes  kept  continually 
repeating,  when  at  every  turn  there  was  some  delay. 
"  We  shall  get  there  in  time  for  dinner  at  any  rate — 
I  expect  Brandling  is  one  of  those  young  fools  who 
dine  in  the  middle  of  the  night !  That's  the  one 
objection  to  visiting — one  has  all  one's  regular  ways 
upset."  Nell  laughed — she  could  not  help  it,  for 
to-day,  why  she  could  not  have  said,  she  felt  in 
something  like  one  of  her  old  merry  moods.  Every- 
thing had  made  her  laugh  since  the  early  morning, 
from  Forbes'  irritable  grumblings,  his  wonderful 
appearance,  to  the  violence  of  the  storm  which 
made  their  journey  a  difficult  one.  Her  husband 
now  regarded  her  severely.  Standing  as  he  was 
upon  the  platform,  a  rug  wrapped  carefully  round 
his  legs  and  a  shawl  round  his  shoulders,  a  cap  with 
ear-flaps  tied  firmly  under  his  chin,  and  his  teeth 
chattering,  his  severity  was  somewhat  wasted  be- 
cause it  was  so  intensely  comic.  Many  were  the 
curious  glances  bestowed  upon  both  him  and  the 
woman  at  his  side,  many  were  the  remarks  passed, 
in  low  whispers.  But  Nell  did  not  heed  the  glances 
or  hear  the  remarks. 

As  the  train  backed  slowly  into  the  station  she 

63 


SINLESS 


heaved  a  small  sigh  of  content,  and  left  her  husband 
to  the  tender  mercies  of  his  man  while  she  provided 
herself  with  unlimited  papers  and  magazines.  She 
saw  out  of  the  corner  of  one  eye  that  a  guard  was 
being  ordered  to  label  one  carriage  "  Engaged,"  that 
an  unfair  allowance  of  footwarmers  was  being  de- 
manded, that  the  windows  were  being  tightly  shut, 
and  that  finally  Forbes  himself  was  being  gently 
pushed  from  behind  into  the  carriage  and  deposited, 
panting  and  swearing,  in  the  far  corner.  This  per- 
formance over,  he  signed  impatiently  to  his  wife  to 
hurry ;  and  Nell,  fresh  and  fair,  clothed  from  head 
to  foot  in  furs,  adorably  lovely,  and  in  his  eyes 
exasperatingly  young,  obeyed. 

"This  train  does  not  arrive  till  seven,"  he  an- 
nounced. "  I  hope  to  goodness  Brandling  won't 
think  we're  not  coming  !  '* 

"  Just  starting,  sir,"  put  in  his  man  quietly. 
"  Everything  you  will  need  is  in  the  bag,"  and  he 
pointed  to  a  bag  reposing  on  the  seat  by  Forbes* 
side.  Then  he  closed  the  door  and  made  his  way 
quickly  to  another  compartment  further  down. 

"  You  seem  amused,  Ellen,"  Forbes  observed 
when  they  had  well  started,  and  as  he  looked  up 
to  see  a  little  smile  upon  his  wife's  pretty  lips. 
"  And  I  should  imagine,"  testily,  "  that  you  are 
quite  insensible  to  cold." 

"  Not  quite  insensible,"  she  returned  good- 
humouredly.  "  I  feel  it  of  course,  but  I  suffer 
nothing  from  it — I  don't  get  a  red  nose,  you  know, 
or  pink  eyelids.  Won't  j^ou  have  the  other  foot- 
warmer  ?  My  feet  are  quite  warm,  thank  you." 

He  looked  at  her  rather  hard.    Was  it  possible 

64 


SINLESS 


that  she  was  attempting  to  make  fun  of  him  ? 
He  had  one  warmer  for  each  foot  as  it  was,  and  a 
hot  rubber  bag  at  his  back  ;  and  it  had  not  occurred 
to  him  to  ask  after  her  comfort.  But  Nell  was 
smiling  brightly,  and  looking  through  a  paper,  and 
had  evidently  made  him  the  offer  in  good  faith. 

"  You  can  read  to  me  if  you  like,"  he  said  a  few 
moments  later,  graciously.  His  wife  opened  the 
paper  at  once,  and  started  with  the  very  latest 
murder.  Forbes  did  not  listen  at  first ;  he  was 
thinking  to  himself  of  her,  of  her  manner  towards 
him,  her  direct  obedience  to  his  lightest  command. 

"  I  did  well  to  begin  as  I  knew  we  must  go  on,'* 
he  thought  with  much  self-gratulation.  "  She'd 
have  been  over  affectionate,  too  demonstrative  if 

not !  She's  a  little  hysterical  still "  Then  he 

lost  that  train  of  thought,  and  fell  to  marvelling  at 
the  blind  faith  of  women — of  some  women,  not 
women  in  general.  He  thought  with  satisfaction 
that  Nell  was  good-tempered  and  sweet-natured, 
and  he  saw  himself  moulding  her  into  shape 
according  to  his  own  particular  taste. 

"  I  only  hope  she  won't  be  petted  and  spoiled 
and  made  love  to  by  half  the  men,  and  so  grow 
independent,"  he  reflected,  without,  however,  any 
great  fear ;  and  fell  asleep  and  snored  loudly  for 
the  rest  of  the  journey.  He  went  to  sleep  with  the 
thought  that  there  was  a  possibility  of  this  visit 
not  being  good  for  Nell,  and  he  continued  his 
slumbers  to  the  tune  of  the  rumble  of  wheels,  and 
dead  to  memory  of  anything  or  anybody. 

When  at  last  he  awoke  it  was  with  a  start,  to  find 
Nell  gently  shaking  him,  and  trying  to  restore  to 
E  65 


SINLESS 

shape  his  cap,  ear-flaps  and  all,  which  had  got 
twisted  under  his  chin. 

"  Are  we  there  ?  By  Jove,  I  must  have  got  forty 
winks  !  Oh,  no,  I've  not  been  to  sleep  long — you 
always  try  to  make  out  that  I  get  plenty  of  rest — 
I  heard  every  word  you  read  ;  but  I  was  dreaming 
then,  that  there  was  something  for  dinner  I  did  not 
like  !  "  His  half  awake  tone  was  so  pathetic,  so 
absurdly  disappointed,  that  Nell  had  to  bury  her 
face  in  her  muff.  Then  she  jumped  out  of  the 
carriage,  and  almost  into  Brandling's  arms. 

'*  I  came  to  meet  you  myself,"  he  said  holding  her 
hand  firmly  and  gladly,  his  handsome  boyish  face 
beaming  with  pleasure,  and  his  eyes  alight  with 
admiration.  "  I  thought  you  were  going  to  basely 
throw  me  over  at  the  last  moment." 

"  No,  it  was  the  snow  that  made  us  late — the 
snow  and  Kenneth's  determination  not  to  get  up 
a  quarter  of  a  minute  earlier  than  usual."  She  re- 
leased her  hand  as  she  spoke,  and  stood  by  her  host 
while  Forbes  crawled  out  of  the  train,  and  the  guard 
waited  impatiently  to  blow  his  whistle. 

"Here  we  are  at  last,"  declared  Nell's  husband, 
"  Come  to  meet  us,  eh  ?  Very  nice  of  you  !  Hope 
it's  not  a  ten  mile  drive." 

"  No,  four.  Look  here,  Worth,"  turning  to 
Forbes'  man,  "  if  you'll  see  after  the  luggage,  and 
come  on  in  the  dog  cart  you'll  be  there  before  us." 

The  horses  were  swift,  the  roads,  down  here,  clear 
and  dry,  the  moon  was  just  beginning  to  show  in 
the  darkening  heavens.  Nell  could  see  that  the 
swift  motion  brought  a  grimace  of  agony  every  now 
and  then  to  her  husband's  face,  she  could  hear  him 

66 


SINLESS 

try,  very  badly,  to  stifle  a  groan,  as  more  than  once 
he  was  shot  forward  against  Brandling  ;  and  she  was 
aware  that  the  young  captain  was  heartlessly  for- 
getful of  his  old  friend's  sufferings. 

"  My  mother  is  very  anxious  to  know  you,  Mrs 
Forbes,"  he  was  saying,  "  You  know  I  have  described 
you,  and  as  a  thing  of  beauty  is  indeed  a  joy  forever 
to  her,  as  to  her  son,  you  will  understand  that 
anxiety " 

"  Lady  Brandling  alive,  eh  ?  "  broke  in  Forbes 
surprisedly. 

"  Oh,  very  much  !  It's  why  I  am  here — she  has 
been  very  ill  you  know,  and  wanted  me  with  her. 
We  shall  not  have  many  people  staying  in  the  house, 
because  the  mater  is  not  up  to  entertaining  them ; 
but  we  have  some  very  jolly  neighbours,  Mrs  Forbes, 
and  they  won't  let  you  grow  dull." 

"  Nor  will  you,  I  am  very  sure,"  returned  Nell. 
"  What  sweet  country  it  seems  to  be — look  at  the 
moon  shining  on  those  fields  over  there  and  the 
great  bank  of  trees  behind  them,"  she  cried  de- 
lightedly, "  oh,  and  that  big  house  beyond,  just  up 
on  the  hill !  The  lights  are  twinkling  all  over  it, 
as  if  to  welcome  someone." 

"  They  are  welcoming  you,"  declared  the  captain, 
amused  at  her  enthusiasm,  "  that  is  Hedlam."  And 
before  Nell  could  express  any  further  admiration 
the  horses  turned  in  through  wide-open  gates  and 
went  swiftly  over  a  long,  winding  drive,  to  come  to 
a  halt  before  a  door  which  was  instantly  thrown 
open. 

Beyond,  there  was  a  large  hall  in  which  two  fires, 
one  at  each  side,  were  burning  gaily.  Round  the 

67 


SINLESS 

sides,  and  drawn  close  to  the  table  in  the  centre, 
were  chairs  of  all  shapes  and  sizes,  mostly  large 
enough  to  lose  oneself  in  ;  and  at  a  distance,  well 
on  the  right,  there  stretched  upward  a  broad  flight 
of  stairs,  their  crimson  carpet  showing  bright  and 
warm  against  the  massive  darkness  of  the  woodwork. 

Nell  drew  a  small  sigh  of  pleasure  as  she  looked 
round,  and  as  an  old  lady  leant  forward  to  greet 
her. 

"  I  cannot  come  to  meet  you,  my  dear,"  she  said 
smiling  up  at  Nell  who  went  hastily  to  her  side, 
"  but  I  can  say  welcome  to  Hedlam,  and  that  I  do 
right  heartily.  Ah,  Mr  Forbes,"  giving  that  gentle- 
man her  disengaged  hand,  "  it  is  a  good  many  years 
since  we  met !  Dear,  dear,  is  it  rheumatism  that 
is  making  it  hard  for  you  to  walk  ?  Well,  well,  it 
is  fortunate  that  you  have  a  young  pair  of  legs  to 
do  the  running  for  you.  Give  me  a  kiss,  my  dear," 
pulling  Nell  gently  down  to  her,  "  I  like  your  face, 
and  I'm  a  good  judge  !  " 

Nell  smiled  and  obeyed,  and  the  eyes  that  she 
raised  to  Brandling's  were  moist,  as  he  leant  forward 
to  whisper ; 

"  Did  I  not  say  that  my  mother's  tastes  and  mine 
are  one  ?  "  while  Lady  Brandling  claimed  all  Forbes* 
attention. 

"  I  have  ordered  tea  in  your  room,"  the  old  lady 
said  turning  to  Nell,  "  though  it  is  so  late  ;  here 
comes  Marie  to  show  you  the  way."  With  a  word 
or  two  of  thanks,  Nell  followed  a  pretty,  trim  little 
maid  up  the  stairs,  while  Brandling  took  possession 
of  Forbes. 

"  I'll  show  you  your  way,"  he  said  in  an  under- 
68 


SINLESS 

tone,  struggling  to  link  his  arm  through  a  heavy 
shawl,  in  his  friend's. 

"  I  got  your  letter,  old  chap — and  of  course  I  quite 
understood.  It  would  be  deuced  bad  for  you  to 
try  and  mount  stairs  wouldn't  it  ?  Oh,  and  I've 
put  Worth  in  the  next  room  to  yours,  and  of  course 
you  know  you  are  to  do  exactly  as  you  like  about 
appearing  or  not  appearing  whenever  it  suits  you." 
He  led  the  way  to  another  part  of  the  house,  and 
presently  opened  a  door  which  led  into  a  very 
handsome  and  comfortable  suite  of  rooms  which  he 
introduced  to  Forbes  as  those  set  aside  for  his  use. 

His  guest  looked  round  with  a  grunt  of  satisfaction. 

"  Anyone  here  I  know  ?  "  he  inquired,  and  after 
the  faintest  hesitation  Brandling  answered : 

"  No.  Not  yet.  We  expected  the  Chesneys  and 
Mrs  Beaufoy ;  but  they  have  postponed  their  visit 
for  a  day  or  two.  We  are  alone  till  then — and — er — 
just  one  or  two  people  to  dine  to-night,  whom  I 
don't  suppose  you  know." 

"  What  time  do  they  dine  ?  What  did  Captain 
Brandling  say  ?  "  Forbes  inquired  of  Worth  when 
his  host  had  gone. 

"  Half  past  eight,  sir." 

"  That's  nearly  an  hour — well,  go  and  get  me 
some  biscuits  and  a  glass  of  sherry." 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  IX 

UPSTAIRS,  in  her  own  room  lighted  by 
candles  which  stood  in  clusters  on  the 
dressing-table  and  the  mantelpiece,  and 
on  brackets  in  each  of  the  four  corners,  Nell  was 
toasting  her  little  feet  by  the  fire,  and  staring 
thoughtfully  into  the  dancing  flames  that  shot  far 
up  the  wide  chimney  with  a  gentle  hiss,  as  on  their 
way,  they  licked  round  the  big,  crackling  logs. 

"  Am  I  really,  after  all,  one  of  those  mindless, 
soulless  creatures  who  are  happy  or  miserable  ac- 
cording to  the  joy  or  the  trouble  of  the  moment  ?  " 
she  asked  herself  a  little  wonderingly,  and  very 
disappointedly.  "  Will  forgetfulness  come  easily  in 
spite  of  all  my  fears,  and  will  a  life  of  pleasure  com- 
pensate me  for  the  loss  of  a  life  of  sweet  content  ?  " 
Nothing  but  the  crack  of  the  wood  gave  her  answer  ; 
and  Nell  went  on  wonderingly,  still,  and  half  aloud. 

"  Yesterday  I  was  the  most  unhappy  woman  on 
earth ;  to-night — why  is  it,  why  should  it  be  ? — 

there  is  life  in  my  heart  once  more,  there  is " 

She  made  a  half  impatient  gesture,  and  let  her  face 
fall  forward  against  the  great  arm  of  the  chair. 

It  seemed  to  her  impossible  that  she  could  be 
light-hearted  again,  impossible  that  she  could  look 
forward  to  any  part  of  the  future  with  even  the 
barest  touch  of  pleasure ;  yet,  all  day  her  natural 
merriment  had  asserted  itself.  Her  laugh  had  rung 

70 


SINLESS 

out  gaily  as  of  old,  she  had  listened  to  her  husband's 
dissatisfied  grumblings  and  his  chilling,  half  sarcastic 
complaints  with  patience,  and  even  a  little  amuse- 
ment ;  she  had  turned  her  back  on  her  home  with 
a  sense  of  content,  and  all  through  the  journey, 
up  to  this  very  moment,  she  had  felt  the  pleasurable 
excitement  of  anticipated  enjoyment.  Why  ?  It 
was  the  question  she  kept  asking  herself.  There 
seemed  to  be  no  reason  that  she  could  think  of. 
Pleasures  were  not  new  to  her,  the  paying  of  a 
possibly  enjoyable  visit  was  no  novelty.  To  all  the 
ease  and  luxury  which  might  be  hers  here,  she  was 
well  accustomed  in  her  own  home.  Yet  there  had 
been  upon  her  all  day  the  feeling  that  she  was  looking 
forward  to  something  which  would  bring  her  more 
than  mere  pleasure,  with  the  eagerness  of  a  school- 
girl— and  what  it  was  she  could  not  imagine. 

"  It  must  be  that  this  last  week  of  close  confine- 
ment to  the  house  has  been  too  much  for  me,"  she 
decided  rather  helplessly.  "Though  I  sought  the 
retirement  and  the  quiet,  they  were  evidently  not 
good  for  me.  I  let  myself  think  too  much — I  sup- 
pose a  wise  woman  would  never  have  allowed  herself 
to  think  at  all ! "  And  Nell  laughed  harshly,  and 
sprung  suddenly  out  of  her  chair,  and  stood  looking 
at  herself  by  the  light  of  the  candles  in  the  mirror. 
"  I  am  not  even  changed,  I  am  not  pale  or  worried- 
looking,  there  is  not  a  sign  of  unhappiness  about 
me  ;  and  yet  I  feel  that  I  dare  not  look  the  world 
in  the  face."  She  put  her  hand  up  to  her  bare 
throat  as  if  to  loosen  something  that  was  bound 
tightly  round  it,  and  shut  her  eyes  as  if,  with  the 
closing  of  them,  she  could  close  out  memory. 


SINLESS 

A  slight  tap  upon  the  door  roused  her.  It  was 
welcome  to  her,  for  decidedly  she  must  avoid  being 
alone.  In  answer  to  her  soft  "  Come  in,"  Marie, 
the  maid  who  had  shown  her  to  her  rooms,  entered. 

"  Her  ladyship  bade  me  ask  if  I  could  help  you, 
madam,"  the  girl  said  advancing  into  the  room. 
"  And  if  I  can  I  shall  be  pleased,  as  you  have  not 
brought  your  own  maid." 

"  That  is  kind  of  Lady  Brandling,  and  you  too, 
Marie,"  returned  Nell,  in  her  own  unaffected,  pleasant 
manner.  "  I  never  had  a  maid  in  my  life,  and  I 
don't  fancy  I  should  care  about  one — my  parlour 
maids  manage  very  well  for  me.  If  you  will  come 
when  I  ring,  Marie,  and  lace  up  my  gown " 

"  Certainly,  madam.  And  may  I  remind  you  that 
the  dinner  hour  is  half-past  eight  ?  " 

"Oh,  thank  you,"  with  a  little  start,  "I  had 
forgotten ! " 

Twenty  minutes  later  Marie  re-entered  the  room 
at  Nell's  summons  ;  and  only  her  perfect  training 
kept  the  admiration  and  surprise  out  of  her  quick, 
appreciative  eyes. 

Mrs  Forbes  was  standing  by  one  of  the  long 
mirrors,  her  bodice  in  her  hand  and  her  toilette 
almost  complete.  Her  hair,  soft  and  bright  and 
waving,  was  coiled  high  on  the  top  of  her  head, 
and  held  in  place  by  little  amber  pins,  except  where 
it  escaped  from  their  hold  and  lay  in  tiny  rings  close 
to  her  ears,  and  at  the  nape  of  her  neck.  Her  bare 
neck  and  shoulders  gleamed  like  ivory  in  the  mellow 
light,  and  her  eyes  shone  like  twin  stars. 

When  the  last  touch  was  put  to  a  toilette  that 
was  perfect  in  its  beautiful  simplicity,  the  little 

7* 


SINLESS 

maid  stood  aside  with  a  sigh  that  expressed  the 
pleasure  she  dared  not  speak. 

"  It  is  quite  all  right  then,  Marie  ?  "  Mrs  Forbes 
asked,  divining  the  girl's  thoughts. 

"  Madam  is  lovely — the  gown  a  dream  !  On  that 

fall  of  lace,  might  I  say  this  bunch  of  violets ?  " 

she  ventured,  darting  to  the  glass  in  which  Nell 
had  put  the  violets  off  her  muff,  and  shaking  them 
dry  on  her  apron.  Then  she  came  nearer  and 
against  the  pale  yellow  of  Nell's  gown,  and  the  rich- 
ness of  the  lace  that  fell  from  the  low  bodice,  she  put 
the  flowers  with  deft  fingers. 

"  I  suspect  you  of  being  an  artist,  Marie,"  de- 
clared Nell  with  a  sweet  bright  smile  of  thanks  as 
she  hastened  away  from  the  little  maid,  along  the 
winding  passages  to  the  main  staircase. 

"  Good  Heaven  !  "  murmured  Marie,  with  a  quick 
uplifting  of  her  dark  eyebrows,  "  the  wife  of  that 
old  bundle  downstairs — that,  I  suppose,"  with  quick 
intuition,  "  is  a  very  rich  bundle  all  the  same  ! " 

When  Nell  entered  the  drawing-room  two  pairs 
of  eyes  looked  up  at  her  with  open  admiration.  The 
third  pair,  which  belonged  to  Forbes,  were  shut. 
Brandling  and  his  mother  did  not  speak  at  once, 
and  they  forgot  that  it  was  not  good  manners  to 
stare. 

"  I  am  not  late,  am  I  ?  "  asked  Nell,  going  to 
Lady  Brandling's  side,  and  holding  out  her  chill 
little  hands  to  the  fire.  There  was  a  slight  flush 
on  her  cheeks,  brought  there  by  the  delight  in 
Brandling's  eyes,  and  the  sight  of  her  husband 
calmly  snoring  in  a  huge  chair  that  had  evidently 
been  introduced  into  this  room  at  his  request. 

73 


SINLESS 

"  Not  a  bit — our  guests  are,  however.  Ah,  I  hear 
the  snort  of  a  motor  now,  surely  !  "  Nell  made  a 
little  impatient  movement  with  her  hand  in  the 
direction  of  Forbes. 

**  Why  don't  you  wake  him,  and  make  him  talk  ?  " 
she  said  in  a  distressed  whisper.  "  He'll  sleep  all 
the  time  if  you  don't — right  through  dinner  and  all. 
Don't  let  him  be  ridiculous." 

Brandling  went  over  and  poked  Forbes  in  the  side. 

"  I  was  telling  you,"  he  said  loudly,  because  he 
could  never  remember  that  the  man  was  not  deaf, 
"  I  was  telling  you  that  I  had  a  little  surprise  in 
store  for  you  to-night,  and  you  went  to  sleep  !  " 

"  Beg  pardon,  I'm  sure,"  returned  Forbes,  waking 
at  once,  and  sitting  bolt  upright.  "  If  you  mind 
my  dropping  off  to  sleep  now  and  again  you  mustn't 
ask  me  here — it's  the  saving  of  my  life.  Well,  go 
on  about  the  surprise." 

"  I  only  said  that  to  wake  you.  No,  as  a  matter 
of  fact  I  ran  up  against  a  fellow  and  his  wife  the 
other  day  in  town  who  are  staying  about  five  miles 
only  from  here.  You  know  him,  he  was  at  Bombay 
with  us,  and " 

The  door  opened  at  this  moment,  cutting  short 
Brandling's  information  and  causing  all  but  Nell 
to  look  up,  as  the  old  butler  held  aside  the  curtains. 
Then,  in  his  thin  voice  he  announced  3 

"  Mr  and  Mrs  Boyd." 

What  saved  Nell  from  going  headlong  into  the 
fire  she  could  never  have  told.  In  a  hazy,  far-off 
way  she  heard  that  one  name  uttered  in  the  cracked 
tones  of  the  old  servant,  and  repeated  in  the  captain's 
hearty,  rather  loud  voice.  It  seemed  to  be  flung 

74 


SINLESS 

at  her,  to  strike  on  her  ears  with  the  sudden  startling 
force  of  a  pistol  shot.  From  that  moment  to  the 
day  of  her  death  she  never  knew  what  happened. 
She  was  conscious  of  clinging  to  the  back  of  Forbes' 
chair  for  a  moment  and  of  sending  up  a  wild,  voiceless 
prayer  for  strength  to  hear  and  see,  for  power  to 
fight  down  the  deadly  faintness  that  was  overcoming 
her. 

Then  as  in  a  dream  she  heard  Brandling  perform- 
ing the  introduction : 

"  Mrs  Forbes,  allow  me  to  present  Mrs  Boyd,  the 
wife  of  a  very  new  friend  of  mine,  and  unfortunately 
a  stranger  to  me  till  the  other  day,"  the  captain  was 
saying  in  that  pleasant,  flattering  tone  he  used  un- 
consciously to  all  women.  "  Boyd,  let  me  introduce 
you  to  Mrs  Forbes.  I  didn't  say  a  word  about  your 
being  here  you  know,  because  I  thought  it  would  be 
a  surprise  for  Forby,  eh,  Forby  ?  We  had  such  a 
jolly  time  together  coming  over,  you  know,  Mrs 
Forbes,  and  I  quite  feel  that  we  are  on  board  again. 
Ah  !  some  more  late  arrivals."  He  left  them,  then, 
and  went  to  meet  the  new-comers,  three  men  and  a 
little  woman  who  talked  loudly  ;  his  mother  was 
talking  to  Mrs  Boyd  and  Forbes,  and  Nell  and  Boyd 
were  standing  side  by  side  a  very  little  apart  from 
the  rest.  For  one  moment  he  contrived  to  get  be- 
tween her  and  the  eyes  of  everybody  in  the  room, 
and  in  that  moment  a  quick  whisper  left  his  scarcely 
parted  lips ; 

"  Courage.  Nell — for  God's  sake  don't  break 
down  ! " 

The  few  words  acted  like  magic  ;  they  brought 
her  to  life  as  it  were  again,  they  recalled  her  to  the 

75 


SINLESS 

memory  that  her  silence  would  presently  become 
remarkable.  She  felt  that  she  was  white  as  death, 
knew  that  her  legs  were  threatening  to  give  way 
beneath  her  ;  but  the  room  ceased  suddenly  to  swim 
round  her,  and  the  faces  of  her  companions  became 
clear. 

By  a  mighty  effort  she  controlled  her  voice 
sufficiently  to  say  a  few  words  to  one  and  the  other, 
while  once  more  she  sought  and  found  the  support 
of  Forbes'  chair. 

"  Don't  scratch  that  velvet !  "  he  exclaimed  softly, 
but  not  the  less  irritably,  looking  up  at  her  with  a 
frown.  "  You  know  it  sets  my  teeth  on  edge." 
Nell  removed  her  fingers  just  as  Brandling  reached 
her  side  once  more. 

"  You  will  take  Mrs  Bemister  in,  Boyd,"  he  said 
in  his  busy  manner  which  somehow  suggested  boyish 
delight  in  everything.  "  And  you,"  to  Forbes,  "  will 
take  in  Mrs  Boyd."  Then  bending  down  to  Forbes' 
ear  :  "  You'll  like  her  I  should  say — just  the  sort  of 
woman,  I  imagine,  whom  you  were  going  to  describe 
the  other  night " 

"  Dinner  is  served."  This  information  in  the 
butler's  thin  squeak. 

Brandling  gave  Nell  his  arm,  Boyd  turned  to  give 
his  to  Brandling's  mother  ;  and  how  the  rest  were 
paired  Nell  did  not  see.  Without  her  host's  support 
she  felt  that  she  could  not  have  walked  out  of  the 
room,  and  the  pressure  of  her  fingers  upon  his  coat 
sleeve  encouraged  Brandling  to  squeeze  the  soft  arm 
gently  against  his  side. 

A  few  moments  later  Nell  found  herself  seated 
at  the  table,  which  was  mercifully  lighted  by  candles 

76 


SINLESS 

that  were  shaded.  The  knowledge  that  the  weight 
of  her  body  was  taken  off  her  trembling  legs  brought 
her  some  relief,  in  that  she  was  in  less  danger  of 
fainting  ;  she  was  able  to  lean  back,  and,  while  every- 
body chattered,  to  recover  herself  sufficiently  to  look 
round  at  her  neighbours.  She  was  on  the  right  of 
Brandling,  who  was  at  the  head  of  the  table  ;  Mrs 
Boyd  was  on  his  left  with  Forbes  on  her  other  hand. 
Next  to  him  came  the  loud-voiced  little  woman  whom 
Nell  now  knew  to  be  Mrs  Bemister,  and  beside  her, 
Boyd. 

Lady  Brandling  occupied  the  foot  of  the  table, 
and  on  her  left,  between  her  and  Nell,  sat  Bemister 
and  the  two  other  men  whose  names  Nell  had  not 
caught. 

Mrs  Boyd  was  the  most  attractive  person  in  the 
room  to  Nell,  who  found  the  utmost  difficulty  in 
keeping  her  eyes  off  the  woman  to  whom  Forbes 
was  making  himself  unusually  amiable. 

She  was  a  woman  who  might  once  have  been  a 
fair  height,  but  who  seemed  as  if  she  had  shortened 
as  she  had  grown  broader.  She  had  a  short,  rather 
thick  neck,  a  complexion  that  had  once  been 
"  peaches  and  cream  "  and  was  now  what  is  described 
as  "  ruddy  "  ;  her  chin  had  doubled  itself  generously, 
her  eyes,  which  were  a  beautiful  blue,  were  half -hidden 
beneath  fat  eyelids,  and  her  nose — a  small  perfectly- 
shaped,  tip-tilted,  dainty  feature  which  had  suffered 
alteration  in  no  way,  was  very  nearly  lost  between 
the  round,  full  cheeks.  It  was  unlikely  that  she  was 
more  than  thirty,  but  she  was  dressed  in  a  manner 
which  added  years  to  her  age — dressed  without  taste 
and  without  care,  in  something  black  silk  with  a  good 

77 


SINLESS 

deal  of  dull  jet  upon  it,  and  very  evidently  made  by 
the  "  home "  dressmaker.  The  bodice  was  cut 
square  in  a  half-hearted,  shy  sort  of  way,  and  the 
sleeves  stopped  short  abruptly,  a  little  below  the 
elbow.  Round  her  neck  Mrs  Boyd  wore  a  narrow 
bit  of  velvet  ribbon  tied  in  a  chubby  little  bow  under 
the  left  ear,  and  seeming  to  want  nothing  to  finish  it 
off  so  much  as  a  bell ;  and  her  hair,  which  was  nice, 
bright  wavy  hair,  was  drawn  tightly  back  from  her 
face  and  coiled  into  a  lump  somewhere  midway  be- 
tween the  top  of  her  head  and  the  nape  of  her  neck. 
She  gave  one  the  impression  of  being  upholstered 
rather  than  dressed  ;  and  it  was  plain  that,  like 
Forbes,  she  took  a  lively  interest  hi  the  menu.  But 
she  had  a  very  pleasant,  good-natured  face,  a  manner 
which  would  be  described  as  "  jolly "  and  was 
plainly  well  satisfied  with  herself  and  her  surround- 
ings. She  also  had  a  great  deal  to  say,  and  Forbes 
got  the  benefit  of  it.  He  did  not  seem  to  mind  ;  on 
the  contrary,  when  he  could  spare  a  moment  from 
his  plate  he  laughed  and  seemed  interested  ;  and 
for  one  thing,  at  least,  Nell  was  vaguely  thankful 
to  Mrs  Boyd — she  kept  him  from  going  to  sleep. 

Something  else  gave  her  cause  for  gratitude  too- 
the  incessant,  merry  talk.  There  was  hardly  a 
moment's  silence  ;  Brandling,  who  always  said  a 
great  deal  himself,  had  the  knack  of  keeping  the  ball 
of  conversation  rolling,  and  where  for  a  moment  it 
was  likely  to  flag  to-night,  Nell  noticed  that  Boyd 
set  it  going  again,  quietly  but  with  determination 
which  she  alone  understood. 

"  You  are  very  quiet,"  whispered  Nell's  neigh- 
bour on   her   right,    a   middle-aged   man   with   a 


SINLESS 


kindly  face  and  voice  to  match.  "  Are  you  not 
well  ?  " 

"  Not  very,"  she  admitted  in  a  whisper  too,  "  but 
I  don't  want  anyone  to  know."  He  nodded,  fully 
comprehending  that  she  wished  to  be  let  alone,  and 
signing  to  one  of  the  servants  to  refill  her  glass,  him- 
self put  into  the  wine  a  few  small  pieces  of  ice. 
Nell's  eyes  thanked  him  as  she  sipped  it  gratefully. 

And  it  was  just  then  that  Brandling,  who  had  been 
talking  across  the  table  to  Boyd,  glanced  round  and 
addressed  the  company  generally  5 

"  Talking  of  long  partings,  of  years  elapsing  be- 
tween the  parting  and  meeting  of  two  people,"  he 
said,  evidently  apropos  of  something  Nell  had  not 
heard,  "  I  think  we  have  at  the  table  to-night  the 
most  interesting  illustration  of  that  sort  of  thing 
which  ever  came  under  my  personal  notice.  My 
two  friends  here,  Mr  Forbes  and  Mr  Boyd,  were  in 
India  for  upwards  of  ten  years  right  off  the  reel,  till 
about  a  fortnight  ago,  neither  of  them  having  been 
home  during  that  tune,  and  neither  of  them  having 
seen  their  wives  in  those  ten  long  years.  It  struck 
me  when  they  told  me,  as  being  a  delightfully  un- 
common situation.  It  strikes  me  now,"  with  a  bow 
and  a  flatteringly  meaning  glance  into  the  eyes  of 
first  one  and  then  the  other  of  the  women  on  either 
side  of  him,  "  as  being  positively  incomprehensible." 

"  Is  that  really  so  ?  "  inquired  Mis  Boyd  evi- 
dently much  pleased  at  the  idea,  and  searching  the 
deadly  white  face  of  her  opposite  neighbour 
amusedly.  "  I  hope  your  husband  was  more  com- 
plimentary to  you,  Mrs  Forbes,  than  mine  was  to 
me  !  He  did  not  know  me — actually  did  not  know 

79 


SINLESS 

me !  I  suppose,"  with  a  fat,  jolly  laugh,  "  it's 
not  so  surprising,  for  when  he  went  away  I  was 
a  little  bit  of  a  thing  thinner  than  you  ;  and  now 
they  tell  me  that  at  any  time  I  shall  make  a  good 
understudy  for  Miss  Connie  Ediss  !  You  know  he 
got  hung  up  in  London  on  the  night  of  his  arrival — 
it's  no  use  frowning,  Ken,"  she  added,  looking  down 
the  line  of  faces  at  her  husband,  "  I  must  tell  this 
little  joke  against  myself — he  hates  being  reminded 
of  it  for  some  extraordinary  reason,  and  as  I  always 
say,  I'm  sure  he  need  not  if  I  don't — well,  he  got 
hung  up  as  I  said  ;  there  was  a  horrible  fog — I  was 
to  meet  him  in  town,  but  the  fog  was  thick  at 
Wimbledon,  where  we  live  you  know,  and  I  knew  it 
would  be  worse  farther  up  the  line,  so  did  not  budge. 
And  the  next  day  when  it  was  quite  afternoon  and  I 
could  not  imagine  what  he  was  playing  at,  and  begun 
to  get  a  bit  nervous,  I  thought  I'd  take  a  walk  to  the 
station  and  see  a  few  trains  come  in.  Sure  enough 
out  of  one  of  them  walks  my  lord,  looking  as 
lugubrious  as  a — as  I  don't  know  what,  and  not 
casting  an  eye  one  way  or  another  ;  and  I  stood  by 
the  barrier  laughing  to  myself  and  thinking  what  a 
start  I'd  give  him.  But  he  came  right  through, 
looking  on  the  ground,  and  when  I  put  out  my  hand 
and  said  something  to  him  he  raised  his  hat  and  said 

'  I  beg  your  pardon,  madam,  you  are  mistaken '  " 

"  You  must  take  this  little  story  of  my  wife's  with 
a  grain  of  salt,"  broke  in  Boyd,  striving  vainly  to 
keep  the  vexation  out  of  his  voice,  and  not  daring 
to  look  up  in  Nell's  direction.  "  The  lights  were  not 
lit,  and  I  had  not  expected  her  there — and  for  a 

moment  I  should  have  passed  her " 

80 


SINLESS 

Brandling  was  laughing,  and  Mrs  Boyd  was  guilty 
of  bestowing  upon  Nell  a  delighted  and  most  un- 
ladylike wink. 

"  By  the  way,  how  did  you  fellows  manage  ?  "  in- 
quired Brandling,  who  had  a  maddening  habit  of 
wanting  to  get  to  the  root  of  everything.  "  I  left 
them,  you  know,  at  Charing  Cross,  Forby  huddled 
up  in  the  refreshment-room,  vowing  he  would  not 
dream  of  moving,  and  Boyd  fighting  his  way  round 
the  station  and  getting  horribly  sat  upon  by  no  end 
of  ladies.'* 

"  I  stayed  huddled  up,"  said  Forbes  with  his 
mouth  full,  "  but  my  wife  did  not  show  the  common 
sense  that  you  did,  Mrs  Boyd.  She  came  up  to  meet 
me,  and  had  to  stop  in  her  hotel  for  her  pains,  and 
sat  up  half  the  night  sending  messages  across  to 
the  station  —  that  was  what  you  did,  wasn't  it, 
Ellen  ?  " 

He  asked  the  question  with  his  head  a  little  on  one 
side,  and  with  a  confident,  rather  pleased  air.  He 
liked  to  feel  and  to  be  reminded  that  attention  had 
been  bestowed  upon  him,  though  he  had  no  wish  to 
reciprocate  in  any  way.  But  he  got  no  answer. 
All  eyes  were  at  last  turned  upon  his  wife,  everybody 
remembered  for  the  first  time  that  she  had  not  been 
heard  to  make  a  single  remark  ;  something  amusing 
was  evidently  expected  of  her  now.  And  Nell 
looked  back  at  them  all  with  wild  eyes  like  a  poor 
trapped  creature  at  bay ;  her  fingers,  lying  idly 
round  the  stem  of  her  glass,  closed  on  it  now  in  a 
vice-like  grip  that  shattered  it  and  set  the  broken 
pieces  deep  down  into  her  flesh. 

**  I — I — am  afraid  I  have  cut  my  hand,"  she  said 
r  Vi 


SINLESS 


with  a  helpless,  foolish  little  laugh  that  was  half 
a  sob,  "  I " 

Then  suddenly  there  was  a  general  stir  ;  Boyd, 
unconscious  of  what  he  did,  remembering  only  that 
he  had  looked  into  her  face  at  last  and  seen  on  it  the 
pallor  of  death,  came  quietly  but  quickly  round  the 
table  as  Nell  got  up.  At  the  next  clock-tick  she 
was  lying  unconscious  in  Brandling's  arms. 

"  It  is  not  a  bad  cut,"  said  the  man  who  had  been 
sitting  next  to  her.  "  Mrs  Forbes  had  been  feeling 
unwell  all  the  evening,  she  told  me  so." 

"  Poor  little  thing  !  "  exclaimed  Mrs  Boyd.  "  I 
thought  she  was  very  white.  "  Bring  her  out  in  the 
hall  and  leave  her  to  us,"  she  added  as  Lady  Brand- 
ling and  Mrs  Bemister  followed  hurriedly. 

*'  When  women  faint  at  the  least  little  thing,  you 
may  depend  upon  it,"  declared  Forbes,  coming  out 
of  half-a-dozen  "  winks  "  which  he  had  contrived  to 
snatch  unnoticed  by  anybody,  "  that  they  are  too 
tightly  laced.'^ 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  X 

WHEN  Nell  recovered  she  was  still  in  the 
hall.  Someone  had  drawn  a  sofa  near 
to  the  fire,  and  she  was  lying  upon  that, 
her  head  propped  up  by  cushions,  and  her  wounded 
hand  bound  up  in  a  handkerchief.  Mrs  Boyd  was 
dabbing  eau-de-cologne  on  her  forehead,  and  little 
Mrs  Bemister,  for  no  particular  or  sensible  reason, 
was  rubbing  the  insteps  of  both  Nell's  little  feet. 

"  There,  that's  better,"  declared  Mrs  Boyd  cheer- 
fully, "  I  begun  to  think  you  were  never  coming 
round,  and  I  was  just  going  to  send  for  a  doctor !  " 
There  was  a  good-natured  smile  on  her  lips  and  in 
what  one  could  see  of  her  eyes,  and  she  patted  Nell's 
hand  gently  as  she  spoke,  a  friendly  little  piece  of 
attention  from  which  the  recipient  recoiled  half- 
unconsciously. 

She  had  come  back  to  life,  and,  alas  !  to  memory, 
to  find  Boyd's  wife  bending  kindly  over  her,  to  hear 
the  voice  of  Boyd's  wife  chattering  cheerful  words 
of  comfort  in  her  ears,  to  feel  the  touch  of  her  soft 
plump  hands  gently  pushing  back  the  loose  wavy 
bits  of  hair  from  her  forehead. 

Nell  needed  no  other  restorative.  With  a 
smothered  murmur  which  none  of  her  hearers  under- 
stood she  drew  herself  quickly  into  a  sitting  posture. 

"  I  am  so  sorry — I  have  given  you  all  so  much 
trouble  !  "  she  said  nervously. 

83 


SINLESS 

"  I  wish,  only,  that  you  had  told  us  you  were  not 
well,  my  child,"  returned  Lady  Brandling,  smiling 
down  on  her.  "  I  thought  you  looked  the  bonniest 
creature  alive  when  we  came  in  to  dinner.  And 
your  hand  ?  Is  it  painful  ?  " 

"  It  is  nothing — I  have  been  very  silly ;  pray 
forgive  me  !  "  Every  word  came  with  difficulty. 
She  wished  they  would  leave  her  alone  ;  she  wished 
that  Lady  Brandling  would  send  her  to  bed.  The 
air,  even  in  this  wide  hall,  stifled  her ;  though  she 
shivered  with  cold  the  flame  from  the  great  burning 
logs  seemed  to  scorch  her  ;  she  thought  that  they 
must  all  be  able  to  hear  the  beating  of  her  heart  and 
to  read  her  every  thought.  And  while  she  answered 
their  many  questions  with  a  little  smile  that  she 
knew  herself  was  foolish  and  vacant,  the  men  all 
came  out  of  the  dining-room  and  straight  over  to  her 
sofa. 

Brandling  bent  over  her  solicitously. 

"  You  are  better  ?  "  he  said  gladly.  "  Look,  I 
have  brought  you  this,"  holding  out  a  small  tumbler 
full  of  champagne.  "  You  had  nothing  all  through 
dinner  but  some  bits  of  chipped  ice  !  Your  neigh- 
bour betrayed  you  !  " — laughing — "  I  don't  wonder 
you  fainted.  Now  drink  this." 

Nell  smiled  up  into  his  handsome,  anxious  young 
face.  She  was  grateful  for  his  busy  chatter,  grateful 
because  he  stood  between  her  and  all  the  rest,  and  so 
gave  her  a  little  time  to  make  up  her  mind  what  she 
should  do  next.  That,  however,  was  decided  for  her, 
and  by  Mrs  Boyd,  whose  tongue  never  was  still  for 
very  long. 

"  Somebody  said  bridge,"  she  declared,  beaming 
84 


SINLESS 

with  delight.  "  I  forget  who,  but  whoever  it  was 
I  love  them — oh,  was  it  you,  Captain  Brandling  ? 
At  the  mention  of  cards  I  forget  my  very  name  ; 
but  Ken  hates  them — don't  you  Kenyon  ?  He 
does,  whether  he  says  so  or  not,"  addressing  the 
company  genially  and  generally.  "  Come  and  amuse 
Mrs  Forbes,  Ken,  whilst  we  gamble." 

Nell  made  a  wild  effort  to  speak,  to  say  something 
which  would  convey  to  them  all  that  she  would 
rather  be  alone ;  but  not  a  word  would  come,  and 
while  she  was  silent  the  matter  was  decided  for  her. 

"  One  of  Ellen's  peculiarities  is  a  dislike  for 
cards,"  Forbes  said,  pinning  his  shoulder  shawl 
round  him  with  a  large  pebble  brooch  which  he  was 
not  in  the  least  ashamed  to  wear.  "  It's  a  point 
on  which  we  don't  agree.  I  share  Mrs  Boyd's 
taste  ;  and  I  certainly  think  bridge  one  of  the  very 
few  modern  improvements  to  be  commended.  It's 
about  the  only  thing  I  know  that  will  keep  me  from 
going  to  sleep."  With  which  remark  he  pulled  up 
a  corner  of  his  shawl  to  give  Mrs  Boyd  his  arm, 
and  piloted  her  into  the  drawing-room,  the  rest 
following  a  little  amusedly  and  very  willingly. 

"  I  believe  I'm  a  gambler  at  heart,  too,  my  dear," 
laughed  Lady  Brandling,  stooping  to  pat  Nell's 
white  cheek.  "  Come,  Mr  Boyd,  see  if  you  can 
bring  the  roses  back  to  this  child's  face.  When  you 
are  tired  of  each  other  come  and  talk  to  us." 

Then  she  left  them  ;  and  as  the  last  bit  of  her 
gown  disappeared  into  the  room  beyond,  as  the 
door  closed,  and  the  heavy  curtains  fell  behind  her, 
Boyd  came  and  stood  by  the  fireplace. 

He  did  not  speak,  but  Nell  felt  that  his  eyes  were 


SINLESS 

fastened  on  her  bent  head,  on  the  flame  of  red  that 
spread  from  her  bare  throat  to  the  roots  of  her  hair. 
She  knew  that  their  minds  had  travelled  back  to- 
gether to  another  night,  only  little  more  than  a 
dozen  nights  ago,  to  their  first  meeting  ;  she  felt 
powerless  to  keep  her  head  bent,  compelled  to  lift 
it  and  meet  his  eyes. 

"  Poor  little  girl !  "  he  said,  only  just  loud  enough 
for  her  to  hear.  "  Fate  has  still  a  grudge  against  us — 
Nell !  "  As  she  looked  round  quickly,  as  she  half 
rose  and  put  out  one  hand  as  though  to  beg  his 
silence,  he  leant  forward  and  took  the  cold  fingers 
firmly  in  his. 

"  We  are  quite  alone,"  he  said. 

"  Don't— don't  speak  here " 

"  We  are  alone,"  he  repeated,  "  but "  and  still 

keeping  her  hand  in  his,  he  led  her  across  the  hall, 
through  the  open  door  of  the  morning-room. 

She  breathed  more  freely  when  he  closed  it,  when, 
in  the  light  that  was  only  given  by  the  flaming  logs, 
she  stood  facing  him,  and  knew  that  there  were  no 
other  eyes  to  watch  her. 

"  Poor  little  girl !  "  he  said  again,  putting  her 
back  into  a  big  chair  in  the  shadow,  and  standing 
with  his  arm  resting  on  the  back  of  it  at  her  side. 

"  Can't  you — can't  you  go  away  ?  "  she  said  at 
last,  when  the  silence  grew  unbearable.  "  Didn't  you 
have  any  idea  that  I — we — were  here  ?  " 

"  Not  the  remotest !  It  is  the  very  last  thing  I 
should  ever  have  dreamed  of.  I  made  so  sure — so 
perfectly  sure  that  we  should  never  meet  again  ;  I 
should  never  have  thought  to  hesitate  about  going 
to  any  house.  I  don't  know  why,  because  of  course 

86 


SINLESS 


people  do  meet  in  the  most  unexpected  as  well  in 
the  most  unlikely  places." 

"  It  does  not  matter  what  has  led  to  this,"  she 
returned  desperately,  "  what  accident  or  fatality — 
can't  you  put  an  end  to  it  ?  You  are  the  man — 
you  can  do  as  you  please — I  cannot  !  I  could  not 
leave  without  bringing  no  end  of  questions  and 
much  wrath  upon  myself.  You're  not  going  to  stay 
in  the  house " 

"  God  forbid  !  "  No  pen  can  describe  the  mingled 
passion  and  horror  and  relief  that  rung  out  in  the 
two  simple  words. 

"  — You  are  only  in  the  neighbourhood  !  Then 
you  can  go  to-night,  to-morrow,  but  soon  !  " 

It  seemed  to  her  that  he  hesitated,  that  his  reply 
was  very  long  in  coming  ;  and  she  got  up  and  stood 
before  him,  with  one  hand  resting  on  the  mantel- 
piece and  the  other  pressed  hard  down  on  her  breast 
just  above  her  heart. 

"  Why  are  you  silent ?  You  can't  mean  that 

you  won't  go  ?  " 

*'  It  is  not  a  question  of  *  won't ' — it  is  simply 
that  I  may  find  it  quite  as  difficult  to  leave  as  would 
you.  Believe  me  I — I  will  do  my  utmost ;  but  you 
must  not  blame  me,"  with  a  faint  mirthless  smile, 
"  if  it  is  not,  as  you  suggest,  to-night,  or  to-morrow. 
I  can  contrive,  at  all  events,  that  we  do  not  meet 
again." 

"  But  you  cannot,"  she  broke  in  swiftly.  "And — 
and  I  could  not  endure  it !  Do  you  think  I  could 
bear  to  know  you  were  watching  me,  my  life — do 
you  think  I  could  bear  to  watch  yours.  Oh,  it  is 
horrible,  it  is  beyond  all  endurance — it  will  kill 


SINLESS 

me  !  Is  it  that  it  is  not  so  dreadful  to  you  ?  " 
sobbingly.  "  Is  it  because  you  are  a  man " 

"  Hush — hush  !  Don't  grieve  so  !  God  knows 
I  would  not  willingly  bring  you  another  moment's 
pain !  Don't  imagine  that  I  am  not  heeding  you, 
because  I  am  silent.  If  you  understood,  with  sup- 
pressed passion,  "  you  would  know  that  I  dare  not 
trust  myself  to  speak  without  consideration — I've 
got  to  weigh  every  word,  lest  I  should  say  those 
that  are  clamouring  for  utterance  in  my  heart. 
Don't  shrink  away  from  me  as  though  you  were 
afraid  ;  I  am  not  going  to  touch  you.  I  am  only 
telling  you  the  truth — to  you  alone  it  is  left  to  me 
to  be  honest — to  all  others  I  must  play  a  part  and 
act  a  lie  !  You  guess  rightly — this  meeting  is  not 
so  dreadful  to  me  as  to  you  ;  it  is  not  so  frightfully, 
miserably  painful  as,  a  few  hours  ago,  I  should  have 
declared  it  would  be. 

"  Don't  think  I  am  lessening  the  gravity,  the 
dangers  of  it,  because  I  say  this.  I  am  telling  you 
because  it  is  the  simple  truth — the  truth  that  came 
to  me  at  that  moment  when  I  saw  you  standing  in 
the  drawing-room — the  truth  that  has  been  troubling 
me  ever  since.  When — on  that  day  when  we 
parted,  I  thought — and,  as  God  is  my  witness, 
hoped,  that  we  should  never  meet  again — I  saw  you 
leave  me  with  the  feeling  that  life  itself  was  going 
from  me  ;  and  I  started  forth  to  go  through  my 
barren  existence,  to  take  up,  instead  of  life,  a  living 
death,  with  every  intention  of  fighting  through  it 
with  my  best,  most  honest  endeavours.  From  the 
very  start  I  knew  I  was  being  worsted  in  the  fight ; 
I  knew  that  no  matter  into  what  life  I  plunged,  not 

88 


SINLESS 


even  the  relief  of  momentary  forgetfulness  would 
be  mine — the  sort  of  forgetfulness  that  every  man 
can  command  for  the  time.  I  knew  that  I  must 
look  on  all  the  world,  and  all  the  women  in  it  with 
passionless  eyes ;  I  knew  that  the  sun  could  never 
shine  in  my  heart,  and  the  hues  of  the  earth  must 
always  be  dull  greys  for  me  ;  that  everything  must 
be  a  weariness,  and  nothing  a  joy,  just  because  so 
long  as  I  should  live  one  woman,  lost  to  me,  would 
never  release  my  soul.  And  do  you  know  what  the 
result  of  that  knowledge  that  grew  upon  me  with 
every  passing  hour,  was  ?  It  was  to  rouse  within 
me  a  craving  for  the  sight  of  your  face  again,  the 
sound  of  your  voice.  Oh,  if  any  one  had  come  to 
me  and  said — 'Go  yonder  and  you  may  see  her, 
hear  her,  speak  with  her,'  I  should  not  have  gone  ; 
I  should  have  fled  from  the  temptation  as  from 
hell.  The  craving  might  be  there,  but  I  should 
never  voluntarily  have  satisfied  it.  And  I  came 
here  to-night,  and  we  met  once  more — and  the 
truth  was  revealed  to  me  in  that  moment  of 
our  meeting.  I  was  not  sorry — I  would  not 
have  had  a  moment  changed  —  I  was  glad,  oh, 
my  God  !  mad  with  gladness  !  I  would  not  have 
avoided  you  then  if  I  could  have  done  so.  I 
lived  again  ;  and  I  knew  as  I  know  now,  that  I 
have  neither  the  power  nor  the  will  to  fight  Fate 
any  more  I " 

Every  word  left  his  lips  slowly,  distinctly,  quite 
simply.  They  sunk  deep  into  the  woman's  heart 
and  filled  her  with  a  new  unthought  of  dread.  She 
was  still  standing  before  him,  looking  straight  into 
his  eyes,  reading  there  the  terrible  restraint  he  was 

89 


SINLESS 

putting  upon  himself,  gathering  all  her  courage, 
and  well  knowing  that  it  was  so  little. 

"  Does  that  mean  that  you  will  not  go  ? — Does  it 

mean  that ?  "     Her  quick,  breathless  questions 

were  cut  short  by  the  abrupt  entrance  of  young 
Brandling.  Each  had  the  presence  of  mind  not  to 
stir  ;  Nell  gave  a  little  laugh  that  might  have  been 
at  something  her  companion  had  said,  and  Boyd 
rested  easily  against  the  chair  back.  Brandling 
came  up  to  them  in  his  breezy,  good-natured  way. 

"  We  are  all  pining  for  you  both,"  he  said  with 
his  handsome  eyes  fixed  on  Nell.  "  Forby  is  getting 
thoroughly  fidgetty  now  that  you  are  out  of  his 
sight,  Mrs  Forbes — he  says  you  are  the  only  person 
who  knows  which  kind  of  acid  drops  he  sucks  in  the 
evenings.  His  man  has  hunted  through  Forby' s 
room,  and  now  will  you  let  Marie  search  yours  ? 
And  meantime  do  come  into  the  drawing-room  and 
bear  us  company,  both  of  you." 

Brandling  was  still  smiling  happily  at  the  thought 
of  Forbes's  missing  sweets  ;  Nell's  colour  had  risen 
with  mingled  relief  at  the  opportunity  of  escape, 
and  disgust  at  the  memory  of  the  exhibition  her 
husband  generally  made  of  himself  over  these  special 
evening  acid  drops  ;  and  Boyd,  unnoticed  by  either, 
had  seemed  to  snatch  at  every  word  Brandling  was 
saying,  just  as  if  they  were  important,  valuable 
words,  and  not  mere  half  nonsense. 

"  They  are  in  the  little  bag  that  I  expect  got  put 
in  my  room  by  mistake,"  Nell  said  quickly,  "  I'll 
go  up  for  them  myself." 

"And  you  will  come  down  again  ?  "  said  Brandling, 
holding  the  door  open  for  her. 

90 


SINLESS 

"  Surely."  Both  men  followed  her  into  the  hall, 
both  watched  her  as  she  ran  lightly  up  the  great 
staircase. 

"  A  case  of  Beauty  and  the  Beast  if  you  like, 
there,"  declared  the  captain,  in  an  undertone.  "  I 
wanted  you  to  meet  Forby's  wife — I  can  tell  you, 
when  I  first  came  upon  her  at  Bray,  and  discovered 
who  she  was,  you  could  have  knocked  me  down 
with  half  the  proverbial  feather.  She's  the  loveliest 
thing  I've  seen  for  many  a  year — and  buried  in  a 
place  like  Bray  with  that  old  horror  for  sole  com- 
panion !  He  seems  game  to  stay  here  anyhow  ;  and 
your  wife  tells  me  that  you  are  both  remaining  for 
some  time  with  her  mother.  Between  us  we  ought 
to  be  able  to  make  it  lively  for  the  little  girl !  I'll 
tell  you  what  it  is,  Boyd,"  suddenly  wheeling  round 
and  searching  his  companion's  rather  pale  face, 
"  I've  never  known  you  to  be  so  silent  in  my  life " 

"  My  dear  chap,  everyone  is  silent  when  you  start 
talking  !  "  returned  Boyd  with  a  laugh,  and  seeming 
to  come  to  life  suddenly.  "  Shall  we  go  and  see 
what  the  bridge  players  are  doing  ?  "  And  they 
went ;  and  Boyd  answered  several  questions  about 
Mrs  Forbes  quite  correctly,  and  was  persuaded  to 
join  the  players.  And  all  the  time  something  his 
host  had  said  in  the  morning-room  kept  recurring  to 
him,  rendering  it  difficult  to  him  to  follow  the  re- 
marks which  were  passing  ;  while  above  every  word, 
above  everything,  there  came  with  foolish,  exasperat- 
ing persistence,  upon  his  ears  the  echo  of  one  parti- 
cular sentence — "  Between  us  we  ought  to  be  able 
to  make  it  lively  for  the  little  girl ! " 

When   Nell  returned   to  the   drawing-room  she 

9' 


SINLESS 


seemed  to  have  completely  recovered ;  she  bore 
the  general  inquiries  well,  she  was  evidently  greatly 
amused  by  many  little  things  her  host  said  to  her, 
and  she  conducted  the  delivery  of  Forbes's  acid 
drops,  and  silenced  his  grumblings  with  good  humour 
and  tact  that  gained  her  admiration  from  all.  She 
never  once  looked  in  Boyd's  direction,  and  she  took 
a  low  chair  as  close  to  Lady  Brandling's  side  as 
possible. 

The  time  passed  happily  enough  for  most ;  and 
the  party  broke  up  at  a  fairly  early  hour,  because 
the  guests  had  some  distance  to  go,  and  a  message 
had  been  brought  by  Boyd's  man  that  the  heavy 
snow-storm  had  made  the  roads  in  a  lamentable 
condition,  and  Lady  Brandling  declared  that  Nell 
was  looking  tired  out. 

They  all  assembled  in  the  hall — one  of  the  most 
attractive  parts  of  the  house — to  speed  the  parting 
guests.  There  was  a  good  deal  of  rumbling  and 
snorting  on  the  part  of  motor-cars  outside,  a  good 
deal  of  muffling  up  and  shivering  on  the  part  of  the 
women  who  were  to  start  out  on  a  cold  journey 
home,  and  there  were  many  encouraging  remarks 
from  Forbes,  who  had  remained  out  of  his  so-called 
bed  later  than  he  had  ever  done  since  his  return  to 
England,  and  who  was  chuckling  delightedly  at  the 
thought  of  his  neighbours'  discomfort,  and  his  own 
comfort. 

"  I  don't  envy  you  !  "  he  said  generally,  "  going 
back  in  motors,  too  !  The  invention  of  the  devil — 
of  the  devil,  madam,"  addressing  his  hostess,  who 
was  of  his  opinion  but  who  might  not  have  ex- 
pressed herself  so  strongly.  "  Keep  oiat  of  the 

92 


SINLESS 


draught,  Ellen — you'll  be  having  toothache  to- 
morrow  " 

"  I  never  had  it  in  my  life,"  said  Nell  lightly, 
"but  Lady  Brandling  is  sending 'me  to  bed  before 
everybody  goes.  I  confess  to  being  a  little  tired, 
and  so  I  will  say  good-night." 

She  held  out  her  hand  to  each  of  the  women  in 
turn,  and  then  to  the  men.  Upon  him  who  had 
been  her  neighbour  at  dinner,  she  smiled  sweetly. 

"  I  shan't  forget  how  you  helped  me  through," 
she  said  softly.  Everybody  was  chatting  and 
laughing  ;  the  servants  were  handing  round  mulled 
wine  ;  Forbes  was  brewing  himself  some  hot  whiskey 
and  water,  and  squeezing  lemon  into  it  with  much 
relish  and  a  great  deal  of  noise  made  with  his  mouth  ; 
his  wife  was  by  no  means  the  centre  of  attraction  as 
she  got  through  her  farewells  rapidly.  Now,  her 
host  was  bending  over  her  pretty  injured  hand, 
holding  it  lightly  but  impressively  to  his  lips,  and 
murmuring  something  very  pleasant  and  obviously 
sincere  about  his  delight  in  welcoming  her  to  his 
home ;  now,  there  were  only  her  husband  and 
Boyd  left  to  whom  she  had  to  say  good-night. 

She  looked  round  in  search  of  them  both  ;  with 
a  little  throb  of  relief  she  saw  that  they  were  gone — 
she  might  get  away  without  speaking  to  either. 
But  Lady  Brandling  detained  her  a  moment,  and  in 
that  moment  she  saw  that  Boyd  and  Forbes  were 
returning  to  the  hall  from  the  direction  of  her 
husband's  rooms. 

"  Just  been  having  a  bit  of  a  chat  about  the  old 
place,"  he  said,  meaning  India,  and  hugging  his 
shawls  tightly  round  him  with  a  shiver,  "  and 

93 


SINLESS 


showing  Mr  Boyd  how  well  our  host  is  doing  me  ! 
They're  rattling  rooms — you  must  look  at  them 
to-morrow,  Ellen  :  you'll  be  able  to  improve  mine  at 
home  on  the  pattern  of  these.  Off  to  bed !  eh  ? 
Good-night."  He  nodded  over  the  rim  of  his  glass 
that  he  had  been  carrying  about  with  him  ;  and 
Nell,  with  a  little  bow  to  Boyd,  and  her  eyes  on 
the  carpet,  turned  quickly  and  ran  upstairs.  And 
as  she  did  so,  Forbes  went  over  to  the  fire,  and 
Boyd  snatched  her  handkerchief  from  the  hands  of 
a  servant  who  had  just  picked  it  up. 

"  Your  handkerchief,  Mrs  Forbes,"  he  said  for  the 
benefit  of  the  company  who  neither  saw  nor  heard 
him  ;  and  was  on  the  upper  landing  as  soon  as  she. 
A  wide  curtained  arch  hid  them  from  view  ;  the 
man  seized  her  hands  in  a  grip  that  brought  a  little 
cry  to  her  lips. 

"  I  have  been  mad  with  one  thought,"  he  whis- 
pered over  her  breathlessly,  while  his  eyes  that 
burned  down  into  hers  said  far  more  than  the  hasty 
words,  while  in  them  she  read  passionate  satisfaction 
too  great,  too  madly  glad  for  speech,  "  and  I  have 
lived  in  the  hell  of  that  torture,  since  we  parted, 
without  reason." 

Then  he  dropped  her  hands,  and  went  down  the 
stairs  again ;  and  Nell  stumbled  on  blindly  to  her 
room, 


94 


SINLESS 


WE  are  told  that  there  is  nothing  to  which 
one  cannot  get  used.  Nell  had  been 
told  the  same  thing  often,  and  she  had 
heard  that  it  was  so  with,  perhaps,  a  little  smile  of 
disbelief ;  but  she  would  not  have  smiled  dis- 
believingly  to-day — she  would  have  admitted  that 
there  was  a  great  deal  more  in  use,  in  habit,  than  she 
had  ever  dreamed. 

It  was  now  two  months  since  she  had  re-entered 
her  pretty  home  at  Bray  to  find  her  husband,  muffled 
up  in  shawls,  awaiting  her  on  the  hall  hearth ;  since 
she  had  come  out  of  an  exquisite  love  dream  into 
a  hideous  nightmare,  since  she  had  awakened  to 
the  knowledge  that  she  was  but  a  shuttlecock  that 
Fate  had  determined  to  toss  about  on  a  merciless 
battledore  at  will. 

And  she  had  grown  almost  used  to  the  treatment. 

Five  weeks  out  of  those  two  months  had  been 
already  spent  beneath  Lady  Brandling's  roof — five 
weeks  of  such  mingled  pleasure  and  pain,  joy  and 
misery,  happiness  and  perfect  torture,  that  they 
would  hardly  bear  looking  back  upon.  And  yet 
she  had  grown  used  to  the  life  that  she  and  her 
fellows  led. 

There  was  nothing  for  the  amusement,  the  enter- 
tainment, the  complete  comfort  of  her  guests,  of 
which  Lady  Brandling  or  her  son  did  not  think  ;  and 

95 


SINLESS 

it  would  have  been  a  fastidious  person  indeed  who 
could  have  discovered  aught  to  cavil  with  in  the  life 
at  Hedlam. 

The  Forbes,  out  of  all  the  large  house-party,  had 
alone  been  persuaded  to  remain,  and  at  the  end  of 
the  fourth  week  had  found  themselves  the  only 
guests. 

This  arrangement  was  not  without  its  charm  ; 
there  was  something  so  delightfully  homelike,  yet 
so  deliciously  luxurious  about  this  charming  home 
that  appealed  to  one  equally,  whether  one  visited 
it  with  a  huge  party  or  quite  alone. 

Nell  was  not  sure  if  she  liked  best  the  freedom 
of  belonging  to  so  large  a  gathering  that  she  could 
rarely  be  missed,  or  idling  through  the  days  practi- 
cally by  herself.  In  both  cases  she  had  found  any 
amount  of  opportunities  for  indulging  in  solitude — 
in  long  lonely  walks,  in  equally  lonely  rides,  in  hours 
spent  alone  in  her  pretty  rooms. 

At  the  beginning  of  her  visit,  when  she  had  first 
set  eyes  upon  the  one  man  above  all  others  whom 
she  had  prayed  might  never  cross  her  path,  she  had 
decided  that  something,  anything,  must  be  made  to 
happen  which  would  necessitate  her  instant  departure 
from  Hedlam  :  but  she  had  found  that  there  was 
nothing  which  would  serve  her  as  excuse.  There 
was  no  little  obstacle  to  her  continuing  her  visit 
which  her  kind  host  and  hostess  could  not  combat ; 
there  was  no  help  to  be  gained  from  Forbes,  because 
he  seemed  quite  content,  and  quite  ready  to  remain 
as  long  as  his  friends  chose  to  have  him. 

He  did  not  attempt  to  disguise  the  fact  that  he 
found  this  place  in  every  way  preferable  to  his  own 

96 


SINLESS 

home,  that  Nell  succeeded  in  rather  getting  on  his 
nerves,  and  that,  as  he  had  neither  power  nor  in- 
clination to  seek  society,  he  was  very  willing  to  allow 
society  to  seek  him. 

And  Nell  had  realised  that  it  was  hopeless  to  think 
of  escape,  and  had  depended  with  feverish  anxiety 
upon  Boyd's  departure. 

Here  Nell  had  met  with  fresh  disappointment. 
The  days  sped  by  and  still  the  Boyds  remained  in 
the  neighbourhood.  Mrs  Boyd  and  her  mother 
determined  that  the  visit  should  be  a  long  one,  and 
he,  who  had  been  absent  from  his  home  and  his 
country  for  ten  long  years,  was  powerless  to  make 
any  reasonable  excuse  for  leaving  either  the  one  or 
the  other  again. 

And  Nell  had  grown  used  to  the  knowledge 
that  he  was  living  within  a  six  miles  drive  of  Hedlam  ; 
she  had  grown  used  to  seeing  him  once  or  twice  in 
every  week  ;  used  to  his  dining  with  the  Brandlings  ; 
used  to  his  joining  the  shooting  parties  ;  used  to 
seeing  him  in  one  or  other  of  the  little  villages  as  she 
drove  through  them. 

She  could  give  him  cool  friendly  greeting,  she  could 
let  him  hold  her  hand  for  the  shortest  of  minutes, 
now,  without  that  scorching  flood  of  colour  that  at 
first  had  spread  over  her  face  at  the  mere  sound  of 
his  voice.  She  could  sit  next  to  him  at  the  table 
without  fainting,  and  she  could  seem  to  find  the 
amusement  and  the  pleasure  in  his  society  that  she 
found  in  that  of  any  who  came  beneath  Lady  Brand- 
ling's hospitable  roof. 

Nell  had  learned  many  things  in  these  few  weeks 
— among  them  the  art  of  self-control ;  she  had 
o  97 


SINLESS 

learned  how  to  prevent  that  which  was  in  her  heart 
from  showing  itself  in  her  eyes  ;  and  she  had  learned 
the  value  of  continual  occupation,  continual  amuse- 
ment, as  barriers  to  disturbing  thoughts.  These  she 
had  learned  for  her  own  good,  for  her  own  momentary 
comfort  and  partial  happiness. 

But  she  had  learned  other  things  too,  and  one  of 
them  was  the  utter,  hopeless  misery  of  Boyd's  life 
— hopelessness  and  misery  that  had  nothing  to  say 
to  his  unfortunate  meeting  with  herself,  that  was 
accentuated  by  it,  but  that  would  have  been  there 
in  any  case. 

It  was  plain  to  all  who  knew  Boyd  and  his  wife, 
plain  to  those  not  possessed  of  the  anxious,  uncon- 
sciously ever-watchful  eyes  of  which,  to  her  cost, 
Nell  was  possessed.  Never  were  two  people  in  all 
the  great  world  more  utterly  unsuited  to  each  other 
than  Boyd  and  his  wife  ;  never  were  all  the  tastes, 
all  the  ideas,  all  the  likes  and  dislikes  of  any  couple 
more  completely  at  variance. 

And  strangely  enough,  it  was  their  very  indiffer- 
ence to  each  other — indifference  veiled,  hidden, 
kept  so  well  in  the  background  that  never  sign  of  it 
escaped  either — which  made  Boyd's  life  just  bear- 
able, and  hers  as  easy  and  sunny  and  happy  as  it  had 
been  all  through  the  years  in  which  she  had  lived  very 
comfortably  without  him. 

Mrs  Boyd  was  what  is  called  a  nice  woman ;  she 
would  also  have  been  called  a  good  woman,  and  there 
could  not  be  a  doubt  that  she  was  both.  She  was 
an  admirable  house-keeper  of  the  strictly  middle- 
class  type — the  sort  of  house-keeper  who  ordered 
breakfast  at  eight  o'clock,  and  was  in  the  dining- 


SINLESS 

room,  with  a  tight-fitting  dress  on  and  a  high  linen 
collar,  ready  to  eat  it  at  five  minutes  to. 

She  kept  her  servants  strictly  in  order,  and  spent 
most  of  her  life  watching  them.  She  had  a  very 
pretty  house  of  the  villa  type  in  Wimbledon,  and  she 
visited  and  was  visited  by  all  the  neighbours.  Every 
Thursday,  when  she  was  "  at  home,"  she  sipped  tea 
with  these  neighbours,  and  talked  the  latest  mild 
scandal,  the  sewing-class,  and  dress.  She  some- 
times took  part  in  a  local  concert,  attended  all  the 
bazaars,  and  went  to  church,  certainly  once  every 
Sunday.  She  had  already  awakened  to  the  fact 
that  she  understood  her  husband  not  at  all,  but  she 
was  not  going  to  admit  it  even  to  herself. 

To-day,  while  Lady  Brandling  and  Nell  were 
sitting  cosily  over  their  tea  and  listening  to  the 
chatter  of  Mrs  Bemister,  who  had  come  to  bid  them 
farewell,  Mrs  Boyd  became  the  subject  of  con- 
versation. 

"  I  hardly  know  what  to  make  of  either  of  them," 
declared  the  visitor,  glancing  over  the  rim  of  her  cup 
at  first  Nell,  who  was  busily  picking  up  stitches  in  a 
sock  Lady  Brandling  was  knitting,  and  then  at  her 
hostess,  who  answered ; 

"  Why  ?  " 

Mrs  Bemister  shrugged  her  slight  shoulders. 

"  It  is  difficult  to  explain.  They  seem  so 
amusingly  unsuited.  Do — do  you  like  her — Mrs 
Boyd  ?  " 

"  I  have  really  seen  very  little  of  her — I  like  her 
husband  immensely,"  Lady  Brandling  returned. 

"  Do  you,  Mrs  Forbes  ?  "  A  long  pause,  and  Nell 
counting  half  aloud — "  One,  two,  three — I  beg  your 

99 


SINLESS 


pardon,"  she  added,  "  I  was  afraid  of  losing  count." 
But  Mrs  Bemister  had  only  been  feeling  her  way, 
and  she  did  not  wait  for  an  answer  to  her  question. 
She  knew  she  might  speak  almost  without  reserve. 

"  Well,  she's  quite  a  nice  little  woman,  but  she 
ought  to  have  been  married  to  almost  anyone 
else " 

"  That  is  the  sort  of  thing  which  can  be  said  of 
nine-tenths  of  one's  friends,"  declared  Lady  Brand- 
ling with  a  little  laugh,  "  in  these  days  at  all  events. 
I  understand  that  Mrs  Boyd  is  a  splendid  house- 
keeper, and  really  a  marvel  with  the  servants,  and 
I'm  sure  she  is  a  woman  who,  if  she  had  had  children, 
would  have  brought  them  up  on  the  good  old 
lines " 

"  But  she  wouldn't  have  been  able  to  get  through 
an  ordinary  doorway  !  What  a  little  tub  it  is  !  We 
have  seen  a  great  deal  of  them,  at  least  her,  you 
know,  and — why,  you're  not  going,  are  you,  Mrs 
Forbes  ?  " 

Nell  had  risen  suddenly,  and  had  gone  over  to  the 
window.  She  had  grown  used  to  almost  everything, 
but  something  told  her  to  escape  before  she  heard 
any  more  that  Mrs  Bemister  had  to  say. 

"  If  Lady  Brandling  will  excuse  me." 

The  old  lady  patted  Nell's  little  hand  as  she  passed, 
and  when  the  door  had  closed  behind  her,  Mrs 
Bemister  made  a  wry  face. 

"  Didn't  she  like  what  I  said  ?  "  she  inquired. 

"  I  don't  know.  But  when  it  comes  to  a  question 
of  unsuitable  marriages — well,  I  fancy,  poor  child, 
she  is  painfully  reminded  of  her  own." 

"  Of  course  !  How  stupid  of  me  !  I'd  actually 
100 


SINLESS 

forgotten  all  about — him  !  And  I  said  something 
about  a  tub,  too — so  stupid  of  me."  And  then  she 
dismissed  the  subject  airily. 

Meantime  Nell  was  speeding  across  the  shadowy 
gardens  in  the  direction  of  the  high  road.  The 
shooting  party  had  not  yet  returned,  and  she  did 
not  want  to  meet  Brandling,  because  he  might  insist 
on  accompanying  her  in  her  walk  now  that  it  was 
growing  dusk. 

She  slipped  through  the  lodge-gates,  and  down 
a  side  road  which  led  to  the  village.  The  blood 
was  tingling  in  her  veins,  the  colour  which  Mrs 
Bemister's  words  had  brought  into  her  cheeks,  still 
burned  there. 

"  I  thought  I  didn't  mind  what  anyone  said — I 
thought  I  did  not  mind  anything  !  "  she  said  to  her- 
self resentfully,  "  but  I  begin  to  think  I  am  mistaken 
in  myself.  Oh,  why  did  I  stay  here — why  did  I  not 
force  Kenneth  to  take  me  home  again  at  once  ? 

Why ?  "  She  had  addressed  her  questions  half- 

aloud  to  the  roughly  swaying  trees  ;  and  now  she 
quickened  her  pace,  and  laughed,  half  aloud,  too,  at 
the  folly  of  addressing  the  questions  to  anything. 

She  had  been  continually  realising  afresh  her  utter 
helplessness,  she  had  believed  herself  grown  used 
to  it  as  she  had  grown  used  to  so  many  things  ;  but 
now,  all  at  once,  it  seemed  to  her  that  she  must  rebel 
— rebel  openly. 

She  had  been  quiet,  so  foolishly  quiet,  for  so  long  ; 
she  had  allowed  herself  to  hope — for  what  ?  The 
question  presenting  itself  suddenly,  she  stopped  dead 
in  her  hasty  walk,  looking  outward  over  the  stretch 
of  dim,  dreary  country,  as  dim  and  dreary  as  all  her 

101 


SINLESS 


life  must  be,  now ;  stopped  and  stretched  out  her 
hands  as  though  to  ward  off  some  evil ;  stopped, 
with  a  little  sob  catching  in  her  throat,  with  a  wild 
glance  round,  like  some  creature  at  bay,  hunted, 
haunted,  her  own  thoughts  the  hunters,  her  heart's 
secret  the  ghost  that  rose  up  in  her  path  always,  that 
put  out  its  cold,  ruthless  hand  to  rob  her  of  peace  of 
mind. 

In  the  dim  light  hovering  between  the  dead  day 
and  the  coming  night,  in  the  shadow  of  the  great 
gaunt  trees,  with  the  sighing  wind  moaning  dis- 
mally in  her  ears,  Nell  looked  out  on  the  scenery 
about  her  with  the  eyes  of  a  woman  who  sees  no  hope 
anywhere,  with  the  growing  agony  and  fear  that 
might  be  felt  by  one  chained  to  a  rock,  left  to  the 
mercy  of  the  waves  that  were  creeping  nearer  and 
ever  nearer,  washing  only  now  over  her  feet,  but  as 
they  rose  higher,  telling  the  victim,  with  their  steady, 
triumphant  roar,  that  presently  they  would  close 
over  her  head  without  pity. 

There  was  no  sound  save  that  made  by  the  wind ; 
there  was  not  a  human  thing  near  her.  Down  in 
the  hollow,  the  lights  of  the  little  village  twinkled 
uncertainly. 

On  her  right  was  a  road  to  that  village  ;  and  she 
turned  away  from  the  sight,  from  the  thought  of 
going  where  there  would  be  people  to  look  at  and 
speak  with  her,  with  a  shudder.  On  her  left  was 
the  opening  of  a  great  wood  that  formed  part  of 
the  Hedlam  property  ;  and  Nell  turned  towards  it 
instinctively,  as  a  poor  wounded  animal  drags  itself 
to  some  hidden  corner  to  bear  its  misery  and  its  pain 
alone. 

IO2 


SINLESS 


For  the  first  time  in  her  life  she  felt  fatigue  that 
threatened  momentarily  to  overpower  her ;  her 
breath  came  in  little  short  gasps  ;  her  heart  beat  and 
her  head  throbbed  as  they  beat  and  throb  after  a 
long  run.  A  little  faint,  sickly  feeling  crept  over 
her ;  and  instinctively  she  sought  the  support  of 
a  slender  tree.  There  at  its  root  was  the  trunk 
of  one  that  had  fallen  and  that  had  been  shaped 
into  a  sort  of  rough  log  bench.  Nell  sat  down  upon 
it  gladly,  unfastening  the  collar  of  her  fur  coat  as 
though  its  soft  pressure  choked  her,  and  letting  her 
head  fall  back  till  it  rested  against  a  support  of  rough 
knotted  bark. 

A  bird,  startled,  rustled  in  the  leaves  above  her  ; 
once  some  soft,  live  thing  touched  her  foot,  and  sped 
onward  in  fear  of  her.  But  Nell  did  not  heed.  She 
was  saying  to  herself  :  "  What  can  I — what  shall  I 
do  ?  "  not  as  she  had  said  it  often  before,  but  in  sheer 
desperation,  in  the  sudden  knowledge  that  there  was 
escape  for  her  nowhere. 

When  nearly  half  an  hour  had  passed  and  the 
crunching  of  fallen  leaves  behind  her  told  her  that 
some  one,  some  human  thing,  was  near,  she  did  not 
move,  or  open  her  eyes.  The  loneliness,  the  dark- 
ness of  the  place  held  no  terrors  for  her  ;  and  when 
the  disturber  of  her  solitude  came  close  and  then 
to  a  sudden,  surprised  halt  in  front  of  her,  she  still 
remained  with  her  head  against  one  tree,  and  her 
weak  body  resting  gratefully  on  the  other.  But  her 
eyes  opened  and  looked,  through  the  dim  light, 
straight  up  into  Boyd's. 

"  Are  you  ill  ?  Has  anything  happened  ?  Good 
Heavens  !  what  are  you  doing  here — at  this  hour — 

103 


SINLESS 

in  this  place  ?  "  he  said  sharply,  divided  between 
wonder,  wild  joy  at  seeing  her,  and  still  fear  for  her. 
"  Nell,  speak  to  me." 

She  looked  back  at  him  in  a  little  blank  way 
that  frightened  him,  and  that  made  him  stoop 
forward  to  take  one  of  her  hands  into  his  clasp. 
She  showed  no  sort  of  surprise  at  his  presence,  no 
resentment  at  his  touch  ;  she  even  smiled  back 
into  his  anxious  face.  And  he  noticed  that  for  one 
moment  her  fingers  clung  in  their  hold  upon  his 
hand. 

"  Speak  to  me,"  he  said  again.  <c  Something  is 
wrong " 

"  Something  !  "  The  one  word,  uttered  without 
bitterness,  but  with  such  miserable  emphasis,  gave 
him  answer  enough. 

"  You  must  tell  me,"  he  declared  swiftly,  coming 
nearer  ;  and  putting  one  knee  on  the  tree  trunk 
which  formed  her  resting  place,  bent  down  to  search 
her  face  in  the  misty  dusk.  In  all  the  world  they 
might  have  been  utterly  alone.  "  You  must  tell  me," 
he  said  again.  "  I — say  what  you  will "  pas- 
sionately, "I,  who  brought  into  your  life  all — the 
only  misery,  it  has  ever  known,  have  a  right  to 
know " 

As  she  drew  her  fingers  from  his  hold,  then,  and 
turned  sharply  away,  he  noticed,  suddenly,  that 
her  coat  was  undone,  that  beneath  it  her  throat 
and  a  little  of  her  neck  was  bare.  The  wind,  bitterly 
cold,  blew  roughly  against  the  soft,  uncovered  flesh. 

"  Do  you  want  to  catch  your  death  of  cold  ?  "  he 
said  half  angrily,  with  miserable  anxiety  in  every 
tone  ;  and  drew  the  furs  closer  about  her,  and  with 

104 


SINLESS 


gentle  fingers  fumbled  clumsily  with  the  fastenings. 
"  Are  you  trying  to  kill  yourself  ?  Nell,  is  life  too 
hard  after  all — is  it  quite  unbearable  ?  I  knew  it 
would  be — I  knew  it  must — for  you  as  for  me. 
Nell,  do  you  know  that  this  is  the  first  time,  since 
we  met  in  Brandling's  house,  that  you  and  I  have 
had  one  moment  alone  ?  Yes,  you  do  know  it — 
you  know  it  well  because  you  have  taken  such  care 
that  it  should  be  so !  And  I  have  watched  you ! 
I  thought  once  that  I  could  not  look  on  at  your  life, 
that  I  could  not  watch  your  heart  breaking — I 
thought — you  remember  that  night — that  when  the 
time  came  for  me  to  leave  you,  when  the  tune  came 
to  leave  you  with  him — my  God !  I  thought  I 
should  have  to  kill  you  !  I  was  not  sane — I'd 
forgotten  every  one  in  the  house,  in  the  world,  but 
you !  I  only  knew  that  you  were  mine — that  you 
belonged  to  me — and  that  .  .  .  and  then  you  went 
away  from  us  all — all — up  the  stairs,  and  I  followed 
you,  with  your  handkerchief  that  you  had  dropped 
— and — and — the  madness  that  was  in  me  died 
down — I  was  sane  again.  Darling " 

She  drew  farther  from  him ;  he  saw  her  eyes 
widen  with  fear,  and  he  heard  her  breath  coming 
quickly,  unevenly. 

"  What  does  it  matter  ?  "  he  went  on  swiftly. 
"  Why  should  I  seek  to  hide  it  from  you  ?  Why 
may  I  not  say  aloud  the  words  that  are  ringing  in 
my  heart  day  and  night  ?  Oh,  God  !  such  hideous 
days  and  nights — I  told  you  so  then — and  I  tell  you 
so  again.  You  are  my  darling — you  are  my  whole 
life !  Do  you  expect  me  to  say  I  am  sorry  for  this 
meeting,  sorry  that  at  last  I  can  speak  to  you  and 


SINLESS 

you  can  hear  me  without  a  dozen  ears  wide  open  to 
catch  every  word  we  say  ?  Well,  you  will  be  dis- 
appointed then  !  I  won't  say  it — I'm  not  sorry — 
I'm  glad — glad  I  I  had  hungered  for  the  sight  of 
you,  for  the  sound  of  your  voice,  for  the  touch  of 
your  dear  hands,  before — I  confessed  so  much — I 
would  not  say  I  was  sorry  then,  why  should  I  now  ? 
Well,  I  have  seen  you,  I  have  heard  your  voice ; 
when  you  could  not  help  yourself  you  have  let  me 
take  your  hand.  And  I  have  not  been  satisfied. 
Nell,  this  must  end — it  cannot  go  on  !  I  have 
cheated  myself  into  the  belief  that  it  could,  but  I 
knew  all  the  time  that  it  was  cheating  !  Why  do 
you  look  at  me  like  that — with  that  horror  ?  I  am 
only  laying  bare  my  heart  to  you — to  whom  alone 
I  can  be  honest.  I  told  you  so  that  night — I  told 
you  that  to  all  others  I  must  act  a  lie — but  I  will 
not  act  one  to  you,  and  I  will  speak  now,  because 
once  you  are  gone  out  of  my  sight  Heaven  knows 
when.  .  .  .  Listen,  when  I  saw  you  at  yonder  house 
that  night,  when  I  have  met  you  there  since,  when 
I  have  watched  the  fight  which  you  were  fighting, 
and  the  torture  of  your  life,  do  you  know  that  I  have 
thought  sometimes  that  it  would  kill  you  ?  Do 
you  know  that  I  have  been  mad  with  fear ;  and 
that  I  have  wanted  to  take  you  away  from  it  all, 
from  everyone,  right  under  the  eyes  of  everyone — 
I  have  been  sorely  tempted  to  hold  you  here  in  my 
arms  and  to  cry  aloud  to  them  all  that  you  were 
mine — mine  !  You  are  mine,"  suddenly  reaching 
down  and  lifting  her  shrinking  form  on  to  his  heart, 
where  she  lay  helpless,  panting,  white  as  death. 
"  You  are  mine — body  and  soul,  as  you  never  have 

106 


SINLESS 

been,  as  you  never  can  be  another's !    Say  it — say 
it ! " 

"Areyoumad?  Have  you  no  pity  ?  Letmego " 

"  Say  it !  " 

"  Let  me  go — you  hurt  me " 

**  If  I  kill  you,  I  will  hear  it  from  your  own  lips  !  " 

She  made  him  no  answer.  She  strove  to  press  him 
back  from  her,  to  escape  from  him  and  the  power 
of  his  eyes  that  seemed  to  search  her  soul.  She 
fought  with  all  her  might  against  the  sense  of  com- 
fort that  the  mere  sound  of  his  voice,  the  pressure 
of  his  arms  brought  her,  against  the  longing  to  turn 
to  him  and  sob  out  all  the  pent-up  misery  of  her 
heart  in  the  safe  shelter  of  his  tender  hold. 

She  fought  for  mastery  over  herself,  for  power  to 
resist  him,  because  she  knew  that  if  she  yielded  but 
to  one  moment  of  the  joy  that  was  creeping  into 
her  heart  he  would  read  in  her  eyes  what,  with  her 
lips>  she  would  never  gain  the  courage  to  tell  him. 

"  Say  it,"  he  whispered  again,  and  all  the  fierce 
command  had  died  out  of  his  voice.  "  You  are 
mine " 

He  held  her  closer  still  against  his  breast,  he  could 
feel  her  heart  beating  heavily  against  his  own  ;  he 
gave  back  the  only  shy  caresses  he  had  ever  won 
from  her,  in  breathless  kisses  on  her  lips  and  eyes, 
and  throbbing  throat.  In  that  moment  every  bitter 
thing  was  banished  from  her  mind,  in  that  moment 
memory  was  lulled  to  rest  in  a  trance  of  sweet  for- 
getf ulness  that  both  shared. 

In  the  night-silence  and  the  darkness,  that  was 
about  them,  the  world  seemed  to  hold  no  othej 
thing  than  their  love. 

107 


SINLESS 


All  through  their  lives  they  must  suffer,  he  through 
her  and  she  through  him  ;  this  one  moment  of 
happiness  and  complete  forgetfulness  she  at  least 
could  give  him,  and  she  gave  it  unstintingly,  in  the 
answer  he  sought  from  her  quivering  lips  that  were 
held,  still,  close  to  his. 

"  What  need  to  say  it,  when  you  know  ?  "  she 
asked  him  softly.  "  In  heart  and  mind,  in  thought 
and  act  I  am  yours,  and  yours  alone,  surely,  irre- 
vocably— in ' ' 

"  Go  on,"  he  said  breathlessly. 

"  Oh,  more — so  much  more  than  you  can  guess — 

than  you  may  ever  know "  The  words  that  he 

did  not  understand,  that  contented  him  enough  in 
the  tenderness  they  expressed,  died  away  in  a  sob, 
and  Nell,  pressing  her  face  against  his  arm,  broke 
down  at  last  into  such  hopeless,  agonised  weeping 
as  the  man  prayed  in  his  heart  he  might  never 
witness  again.  She  wept  as  she  had  never  done  in 
all  her  life,  in  such  uncontrollable  agony,  such 
abandonment,  such  weakness,  such  passionate 
grief,  that  her  whole  slight  frame  was  rocked  and 
shaken  like  a  leaf  in  a  storm. 

And  the  thought  came  to  him  that  this  was  but 
part  of  the  suffering  he  must  watch  her  bear,  if 
their  lives  were  to  be  lived  out  as  they  had  been 
lived  during  the  weeks  which  had  elapsed  since  their 
first  meeting ;  but  part  of  the  suffering  he  would 
have  to  look  upon  while  he  stood  by,  powerless  to 
offer  her  consolation,  though  she  was  the  one  w<Mnan 
in  the  world,  the  woman  for  whom  he  would  have 
gladly  laid  down  his  life. 


108 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  XII 

IT  was   many  minutes   before  Nell  recovered, 
before  she   drew  herself    from  his  hold,  and 
with  a  movement  which  forbade  him  to  follow 
her  went  to  a  little  distance  from  him. 

Her  breath  still  came  unevenly,  like  the  breath 
of  a  child  who  has  fallen  asleep  crying,  her  step  was 
uncertain. 

Boyd  left  her  alone  for  a  little  while  ;  he  kept 
silence,  also.  Every  moment  the  darkness  grew 
deeper  ;  here  in  the  wood,  it  was  growing  intense. 
Something  in  it  reminded  Nell  of  the  hour,  per- 
haps, because  she  came  slowly  back  to  him, 
presently. 

"  It  is  late — I  had  forgotten  the  time.  They  will 
miss  me,  and  Captain  Brandling  is  quite  capable  of 
heading  a  search  party  at  a  moment's  notice,"  she 
said,  with  an  effort  to  speak  calmly,  even  lightly. 
"  I — must  get  back — you,"  quickly,  a  little  fear- 
fully, "  must  let  me  go.  And — and — I  must  say 
just  this  to  you  first.  .  .  .  You  said  just  now  that — 
this  life  could  not  go  on  ;  you  are  right.  It  cannot, 
if — if — we  are  to  meet  again  like  this.  Something 
of  it  might  have  been  avoided  if  only  you  had  gone 
away  as  you  half  promised,  as  I  begged  you,  from 
the  first  moment  when  you  found  that  I  was  here. 
Won't  you  ?  Won't  you — for  my  sake  ?  " 

"  Now  ? — to-day ?     This  very  hour ?  " 

109 


SINLESS 

"  Yes." 

"  Is  that  what  you  really  mean  ?  Do  you  want 
me  to  take  myself  absolutely  out  of  your  life — to 
go  where  I  can  be  sure  of  never  seeing  you,  never 
hearing  the  sound  of  your  voice  ?  Do  you  really 
mean  that  you  are  going  to  try  living  this  false,  this 
hideous,  unbearable  life,  and  that  you  want  me  to 
live  mine  on  the  same  lines,  just  because  we  know 
it  is  what  the  world  calls  right  ?  " 

"  I — don't  know  why — I  cannot  go  into  reasons — 
I  dare  not  attempt  argument,"  she  returned  weakly. 
"  I  only  know  what  must  be  wisest  and  best,  for  you 
and  for  me  too,  I  only  know  what  is  right  and  just 
to — to  your  wife  and  my  husband — I " 

"  Well,  I  cannot  do  it,"  declared  Boyd,  with  set 
lines  of  determination  coming  about  his  mouth.  "  I 
tell  you  I  can't  do  it — and  I  cannot  let  you  !  " 

"  Listen,"  he  went  on,  while  she  turned  away 
with  a  hopeless  gesture,  "  we  cannot  talk  here  ;  and 
there  is  a  great  deal  we  must  say  to  each  other — at 
least  I  must  say  to  you.  It  is  late,  now,  and,  as  you 
say,  you  will  be  missed — they  may  commence  a 
search  for  you.  Nell,  I  may  be  able  to  do  as  you 
wish — God  knows  I  would  not  bring  you  one 
moment's  suffering  more  than  I  have  brought  you 
already.  I  want  to  do  only  that  which  is  for  your 
happiness,  for  your  future  peace  ;  but  hi  obeying 
you  when  you  send  me  from  you,  I  don't  know  that 
I  should  be  doing  that.  If — if  we  had  never  met 
again,  if  either  of  our  lives  could  have  been  made 
barely  possible  in  the  lines  in  which  they  had  been 
cast,  I  might  have  agreed  with  you  ;  but  as  it  is  I  can- 
not. You  are  breaking  your  heart,"  passionately, 

no 


SINLESS 


"  you  are  ill !  I  can  see  you  failing — do  you  think 
I  can  bear  that  ?  " 

"  Not  if  you  watch  it.  But  if  you  go  away — if 
you  go  where  you  can  hear  nothing  of  me " 

"  It  would  be  worse  !  I  couldn't  rest — I  should 
have  to  hear  of  you.  Don't  you  understand  what 
it  is  to  me  to  live  only  for  those  moments  when  we 
meet,  when  I  can  look  at  you  across  a  table,  when 
I  can  touch  your  hand,  and  see  your  smile,  even  if 
it  is  not  for  me  ?  " 

"  It  is  madness " 

"  Yes,  but  madness  that  has  the  only  touch  of 
comfort  our  lives  hold  ;  madness  that  I  at  least 
live  for  ;  madness  that  brings  one  moment  of  some- 
thing like  content  that  is  worth  the  torture  after- 
wards ! " 

"  Then  if  you  won't,  I  must  go.  I  can't  stand 
it — I  dare  not !  What  is  it  that  you  are  trying  to 
do  ?  To  break  down  all  my  resolve  ?  To  show 
me  more  surely  every  hour  that  I  am  pitifully  weak 
after  all  ?  To  keep  on  pointing  out  to  me  the  way 
to  happiness  till  I  grow  mad  and  reckless  and  till  I 
let  you  lead  me  where  you  will  ?  Oh,  I  thought 
you  loved  me — with  a  very  different  love  to  that 
which  we  see  every  day.  It — it  was  hard — hard 
enough  before  you  came — are  you  of  all  others 
going  to  make  it  harder  still  for  me  ?  " 

"  That  seems  to  be  my  fate,"  he  returned  a  little 
bitterly,  "  I  who  love  you  above  everything  on  earth 
or  in  heaven.  Nell,  will  you  give  me  a  little  tune 
to  think  ?  " 

"  Only  to  make  matters  worse — I  tell  you  thought 
is  fatal ". 

in 


SINLESS 


"  But  will  you  ?  I  must  let  you  go  now — I  dare 
not  detain  you.  But  if  I  am  going  to  take  myself 
out  of  your  life  once  and  for  all,  I  am  not  going  to 
leave  you  like  this.  Will  you  give  me  a  little  time  ? 
Will  you  see  me  again — will  you  meet  me  some- 
where ?  I  may  come  round  to  seeing  as  you  do, 
or  to  appearing  to  do  so,  at  any  rate,  and  I  may  part 
from  you  forever,  but  I  swear  to  you  that  if  I  do 
it  shall  not  be  now,  and  here,  at  this  moment.  You 
say  you  cannot  argue ;  but  I  can ;  and  you  must, 
you  shall  hear  me  !  Will  you  ?  " 

"  If  you  insist " 

"  No,  I  ask  you.  If  we  are  never  to  meet  again, 
surely  you  cannot  grudge  me  a  few  hours  out  of  one 
of  your  days  !  '* 

She  hesitated.  She  was  after  all  only  a  woman  ; 
and  a  woman  who  loved  him.  And  all  her  soul  cried 
out  for  the  love  and  tenderness  that  answered  hers. 

He  took  her  hands  and  held  them  close  against  his 
heart. 

"  To-morrow,"  he  said  quickly.  "  I  will  drive 
to  the  cross-roads,  just  above  Bookham — you  know 
the  place  ?  Will  you  be  there  ?  Will  it  be  too 
far  ?  Can  you  get  away  ?  At  two — at  three,  any 
hour  you  like " 

"  At  three,"  she  said  hastily.  "  Now  let  me  go." 
And  snatching  her  hands  out  of  his,  she  turned 
sharply  away,  and  sped  down  the  wood  path,  and 
out  towards  the  road,  before  he  was  aware  of  her 
intention. 

Boyd  watched  her  as  far  as  he  could  ;  he  knew 
she  would  be  quite  safe  on  that  road  ;  his  only  fear 
was  lest  her  strength  should  fail  her.  And  so,  with 

112 


SINLESS 

quick  strides,  he  followed  till  he  could  see  that  she 
was  still  hastening  on,  and  that  presently  she  passed 
through  the  lodge  gates. 

Nell  managed  to  slip  into  the  house  without  being 
noticed.  She  was  very  late,  and  already  those  in 
the  house  had  retired  to  their  rooms  to  dress  for 
dinner ;  to-night  there  was  a  dinner-party,  and 
presently  the  guests  would  begin  to  arrive. 

Marie,  faithful  and  very  active,  was  in  Nell's 
room  busily  preparing  for  the  toilette,  busily  putting 
everything  ready,  from  the  little  shoes  to  the  tiny 
amber  combs  for  Nell's  hair.  She  ran  down  the 
corridor  too,  to  Lady  Brandling's  room,  and  told 
her  that  Mrs  Forbes  had  returned,  which  stopped 
any  inquiry.  And  Nell  hastened  through  the 
dressing,  and  arrived  rather  late  in  the  drawing- 
room,  with  flushed  cheeks,  and  looking,  as  Brandling 
told  her,  more  lovely  than  ever.  This  was  one  of  her 
dream  nights,  one  unlike  any  she  had  passed  since 
the  night  of  her  introduction  to  Hedlam.  She 
wanted  to  think  and  she  had  not  a  moment ;  she 
was  haunted  by  the  folly  of  the  promise  she  had 
made  Boyd,  and  haunted  by  the  knowledge  that 
still  she  wanted  to  keep  that  promise.  Everybody 
seemed  to  talk  to  her  at  once,  everybody  seemed  to 
want  an  answer  at  once.  Where  had  she  been  ? 
What  had  made  her  go  out  on  such  a  miserably  cold 
night  ?  Did  she  like  rambling  over  the  country 
alone  ?  Was  not  she  afraid? 

By -and -by  Forbes  dragged  his  attention  from 
his  soup  plate  to  address  his  wife. 

"  I  hope  you  don't  take  long  to  pack  up,  Ellen," 
he  said. 

H  113 


SINLESS 


To  pack  up  ?    Why- 


"  Mrs  Forbes,"  broke  in  Captain  Brandling,  "  be 
disobedient  for  this  once — declare  you  won't  go — 
tell  Forby  he  must  take  this  little  journey  alone " 

"  Whatever  are  you  talking  about  ?  "  asked  Nell, 
puzzled  and  a  little  alarmed. 

"  We're  going  to  London — to-morrow  morning. 
I've  decided.  I  should  have  told  you  about  it,  but, 
of  course,"  with  as  much  resentment  as  he  could 
crowd  into  the  words  with  his  mouth  full,  "  you 
were  not  here  to  listen.  I'm  going  to  London — to 
see  a  new  doctor " 

"  To  London  !  To  see  a  new  doctor  !  Why,  you 
haven't  seen  one  at  all  yet,  have  you  ?  "  There  was 
surprise  and  a  touch  of  consternation  in  her  voice 
that  made  everyone  look  at  her ;  and  then  Nell 
recollected  that  there  were  others  at  the  table  beside 
herself  and  her  husband — a  fact  that  he  did  not 
trouble  to  consider — and  blushed  crimson  as  she 
also  remembered  that  he  would  probably  launch 
into  a  discussion  that  would  surely  be  best  left  till 
they  were  alone.  "  No,  I  don't  take  long  to  pack," 
she  added  hastily,  and  turned  to  Brandling,  who, 
catching  the  appeal  in  her  eyes,  turned  the  general 
attention  from  Forbes  and  herself. 

"  It's  true,"  he  said  to  her,  in  a  soft  little  whisper, 
when  everybody  else  was  talking,  and  when  they 
were  able  to  indulge  in  a  little  conversation,  un- 
heard. "  Gratwicke  dropped  in  this  evening,  while 
you  were  out — you  met  him  I  think  ? — and  he  was 
terribly  loud  in  his  praises  of  a  young  doctor  who  has 
just  come  under  his  notice.  Quite  young,  but  mar- 
vellously clever.  It  appears,"  lowering  the  whisper 

114 


SINLESS 

to  almost  a  breath — "  that  he  pulled  a  chap  round 
with  all  the  dread  complaints  that  poor  old  Forby 
thinks  he's  got,  and  a  few  others  thrown  in  !  Set 
him  up  for  another  forty  years,  more  or  less,  and 
altogether  made  a  cure  that  will  in  turn  make  his 
name.  Gratwicke  grew  positively  eloquent — Forby 
literally  drank  in  every  word  ;  and  I  tell  you,  Mrs 
Forbes,  he  came  near  to  dancing  with  delight  ! 
Result — orders  for  remove  to  town  to-morrow  ;  if 
you  agree,  result  two  will  be  a  broken  heart  for  me  !  " 

"  How  silly  you  are  ! "  said  Nell,  chiefly  because 
Brandling's  information  nearly  took  her  breath 
away,  and  she  felt  incapable  of  making  any  other 
answer. 

The  dinner  seemed  endless  to-night,  the  hours, 
afterwards  in  the  drawing-room,  to  pass  on  leaden 
wings.  The  guests  were  old,  and  unamusing,  and 
slow  to  go.  Forbes  slept  in  snatches,  and  sometimes 
snored.  Brandling  devoted  himself  to  Nell,  and 
Nell  listened  dreamily  and  flatteringly,  and  kept  her 
eyes  furtively  on  the  clock. 

Contrary  to  custom,  when  she  had  bidden  Lady 
Brandling  and  Brandling  good-night,  she  followed 
her  husband  to  his  room. 

"  I  want  a  few  minutes  with  you,"  she  said,  with 
a  glance  towards  the  next  room,  where  she  knew 
Forbes'  man  was  waiting.  "  Send  Worth  away." 

Forbes  grunted,  but  obeyed  ;  and  Nell  took  a  few 
steps  up  and  down  the  hearth-rug. 

"  It's  about  what  you  said  at  dinner — about  some 
doctor " 

"  Some  doctor,"  repeated  Forbes.  "  The  coming 
doctor  1 — if  all  accounts  be  true,  a  man  who  will 

"5 


SINLESS 


startle  the  world !  I'm  not  much  of  a  believer  in 
doctors  as  you  know,  but  one  can't  blink  facts  ; 
and  Gratwicke,  who's  one  of  the  cleverest  and  best 
known  doctors  of  our  time,  swears  by  this  new  man. 
His  name's  Oswald — Owen  Oswald — ever  heard  of 
him  ?  " 

"  Never.  Do  you  mean  that  you  want  to  consult 
him  about  yourself  ?  " 

"  Not  only  want,  but  intend  to.  Gratwicke  tells 
me  that  he  is  only  going  to  be  in  town  for  a  week, 
just  now,  as  he  has  some  wonderful  case  on  in  Scot- 
land, where  he  is  going  to  stay  at  the  house  of  the 
patient — it's  a  case  that  will  add  no  end  of  honours 
to  those  he  has  already  won.'* 

"  What's  his  speciality  ?  Rheumatism,  liver, 
bronchitis  ?  I  should  have  thought  they  might 
have  been  grappled  with  by  the  ordinary  practi- 
tioner here  or  at  Bray." 

"  I  don't  remember,"  observed  Forbes  with  some 
offended  dignity,  "  having  asked  your  opinion. 
Mine  is  a  special  case,  the  details  of  which  I  am  aware 
you  take  no  very  great  interest  in.  I  talked  them 
over  with  Gratwicke,  however,  and  he  advises  me 
strongly  to  see  this  man  Oswald.  You  appear  to  be 
on  the  point  of  putting  forth  objections,  Ellen " 

"  Not  at  all.  I  merely  thought  such  sudden 
determination — odd.  It's  rather  a  hasty  way  to 
leave  here,  isn't  it  ?  after  all  Lady  Bran " 

"That  is  an  affair  which  I  have  settled — in  the 
circumstances  they  quite  understand  my  haste." 

"  But — but — "  said  Nell,  looking  down  at  her 
shoes  now  and  struggling  to  keep  the  anxiety  out 
of  her  voice,  "  is  it  necessary  for  me — to  go  too  ?  " 

116 


SINLESS 

Forbes  threw  back  the  edge  of  his  shawl  that  had 
been  wrapped  closely  round  his  chest,  as  though  in 
an  endeavour  to  draw  breath  with  more  ease. 

"  Necessary ! "  he  repeated  with  amazement. 
"  Necessary  !  Are  you  aware  what  you  are  saying, 
Ellen  ?  Have  you  forgotten  that  you  are  my  wife  ?  " 

Forgotten  !  Nell,  in  her  present  agitated  state  of 
mind,  nearly  laughed  aloud. 

"  You  have  Worth,"  she  submitted,  "  I— I— hate 
town." 

"  Which  is  unfortunate.  Pass  me  that  spoon, 
please.  Gratwicke  says  that  I  could  not  have  been 
doing  a  worse  thing  than  taking  glycerine — he  says 
honey  and  whiskey  are  admirable  together,  and 
relieve  the  chest  far  more  rapidly.  I  can't  get  any 
honey  here.  There's  a  place " 

Nell  made  an  impatient  gesture  which  silenced 
him : 

"  You  can  get  tons  of  it  in  jars  at  any  time  of  the 
year.  But  what  about  to-morrow  ?  " 

"  We  leave  about  noon " 

"  Then  I  for  one  can  do  no  such  thing — I  simply 
could  not  be  ready." 

"  There  is  not  another  good  train  till  late  in  the 
afternoon." 

"  Then  it  will  have  to  be  that  or  none."  Forbes 
had  never  heard  his  wife  speak  with  so  much  deter- 
mination, with  so  much  curbed  anger  in  her  voice. 
He  stared  at  her  hard  for  several  moments  ;  and  he 
noticed  for  the  first  time  that  her  face  was  unusually 
pale,  that  the  pretty  rounded  cheeks  were  hollowing 
a  little,  that  there  were  purplish  rings  beneath  the 
lovely  eyes. 

117 


SINLESS 


"  You  don't  look  over  well  yourself,"  he  remarked 
grudgingly,  "  white  and  pasty  ;  and  you're  irritable 
too  !  I'll  tell  you  what  it  is — I'll  get  this  man 
Oswald  to  have  a  look  at  you  too,  and  tell  me 
what " 

"  If  you  dare  to  mention  my  name  to  him — if — " 
began  Nell,  turning  upon  her  husband  with  such 
sudden  passion  that  for  a  moment  he  thought  she 
had  gone  mad.  And  the  hot  blood  rushed  into  her 
face  to  stay  there,  to  keep  riveted  upon  it  Forbes' 
sharp,  merciless  eyes.  "  I — I — mean  that  I  am 
quite  well  and  that  I  have  not  the  remotest  inten- 
tion of  being  bothered  with  a  doctor,  even  if  you 
choose  to  be."  Then  without  another  word,  with- 
out waiting  for  any  more  information  about  the 
morrow,  she  turned  her  back  upon  her  husband  and 
went  out  of  the  room. 

"  Mad  !  "  was  Forbes*  inward  comment.  "  I 
used  to  think  she  was  inclined  to  be  hysterical,  but 
now  I'm  certain  she  is  mad.  I  shall  have  to  be  a 
good  deal  more  firm  with  her — I've  been  too  easy. 
And,  by  Jove  !  she  has  changed  lately  !  I  was  half 
afraid  this  visit  would  somewhat  spoil  her,  and  it  has  ! 
Not  a  bad  thing  it's  coming  to  an  end." 

Forbes  settled  himself  comfortably,  and  waited 
for  Worth  ;  in  five  minutes  he  had  forgotten  Nell, 
and  everything  else  except  his  own  immediate  needs. 

His  wife  snatched  up  a  Bradshaw  from  a  corner 
in  the  hall,  and  went  hastily  to  her  room  to  search 
through  it  for  the  only  good  train  to  London  after 
mid-day. 

It  was  one  which  did  not  leave  so  late  as  her 
husband  would  have  made  her  believe  ;  but  still  one 

ill 


SINLESS 

which  put  aside  even  the  bare  possibility  of  her 
keeping  her  promise  to  Boyd.  She  could  not  see 
him — there  was  mingled  bitter  disappointment  and 
keen  relief  in  the  thought — but  she  must  find  some 
means  of  telling  him  so,  by  a  message,  by  a  letter, 
in  any  way.  But  she  could  not  let  him  think  she 
had  purposely,  deliberately  broken  her  word  ;  she 
would  not  force  upon  him  the  conviction  that  she 
was  afraid  to  keep  it.  She  must  let  him  know — but 
how  ?  She  could  not  send  a  message  openly  by 
any  of  the  servants,  because  there  was  no  earthly 
reason  why  she  should  let  him  hear  of  her  departure, 
why  she  should  give  the  information  to  a  man  who 
was  a  mere  acquaintance.  She  feared  to  send  it 
secretly.  It  would  not  be  possible  even  to  snatch  the 
time  to  meet  him  and  tell  him  herself. 

While  she  had  been  thinking,  she  had  thrown 
aside  her  gown  ;  and  now  she  wrapped  a  thick 
morning-gown  round  her  and  thrust  her  feet  into 
soft  slippers. 

There  was  only  one  thing  for  it,  she  must  write, 
and  she  must  slip  down  to  the  house  letter-box. 
With  any  luck,  and  fairly  decent  postal  arrange- 
ments locally,  Boyd  would  get  the  letter  early  in  the 
afternoon. 

She  wrote  nothing  but  the  bare  information  that 
she  was  leaving  for  town  next  day,  sealed  and  ad- 
dressed the  letter,  and  slipped  it  among  the  folds 
of  her  wrapper. 

Then  she  opened  the  door  a  little  way,  and  waited 
till  she  saw,  by  the  absence  of  light,  that  everybody 
had  gone  to  bed.  Brandling  slept  at  the  other  end 
of  the  long  passage  leading  to  the  right  from  her 

119 


SINLESS 


room  ;  Lady  Brandling  not  quite  so  far  off  Nell 
had  heard  both  doors  close  long  ago,  and  now  she 
ventured  to  creep  out  from  her  own  room. 

There  was  no  light ;  there  was  not  even  a  moon 
to  shine  in  at  the  long  hall  windows.  She  could  just 
distinguish  the  marble  busts  of  some  of  the  Brand- 
lings which  stood  in  alcoves  all  down  the  huge  stair- 
case, looking  cold  and  ghostly  among  the  dark  walls 
and  darker  picture  frames.  She  could  hear  the  clock 
ticking  loudly  and  evenly  in  the  hall  below  ;  as  she 
leant  for  a  moment  over  the  gallery  rail,  she  could 
hear  that  no  living  soul  was  about. 

She  felt  guilty,  and  she  knew  that  if  she  met  any- 
one she  would  appear  guilty.  But  the  lower  hall 
was  reached,  crossed  softly ;  the  dogs  paid  no  heed 
to  her  save  by  a  gentle,  welcoming  flapping  of  their 
tails.  A  moment  more  and  she  would  have  reached 
the  box.  A  slight  sound  behind  her  made  her  start, 
and  with  difficulty  keep  back  a  little  cry  of  alarm. 
There  was  no  one  to  be  seen  ;  only  the  sound  of  a 
heavy  breath  to  be  heard.  Nell  dropped  her  letter 
into  the  box,  groped  her  way  back  to  the  stairs,  and 
then,  with  her  heart  beating  so  that  she  could  hear 
no  other  sound,  she  fled  back  to  her  room. 

"  It  wasn't  anyone  !  It  must  have  been  one  of 
the  dogs — what  a  fool  I  am  ! "  she  said  to  herself, 
shutting  her  door  and  sinking  into  her  chair  by  the 
fire. 

And  downstairs  Forbes  was  creeping  cautiously 
back  to  his  chair. 

"  Ellen  !  "  he  was  saying  to  himself,  breathing 
freely  and  loud  now,  and  not  troubling  to  keep  quiet. 
"  Ellen  !  Stealing  down  secretly,  after  all  the  house 

1 20 


SINLESS 

has  retired,  to  the  post-box  !    No,  she's  not  mad 
after  all — she's  devilish  cunning  !     Up  to  something 
That  comes  of  leaving  a  woman  good-looking  and 
young,  to  her  own  devices  for  ten  years  ! " 


in 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  XIII 

EN,"  said  Mrs  Boyd,  looking  round  a 
mass  of  flowers  in  the  centre  of  the 
table,  "  you've  frowned  four  times  in 
two  minutes  without  knowing  it,  and  you  have  sent 
all  your  lunch  away  untasted.  What's  the  matter  ?  " 

Boyd  started  ;  to  his  everlasting  chagrin,  he  felt 
that  he  flushed  almost  like  a  woman.  His  wife's 
eyes  were  upon  him,  so  were  her  mother's  ;  and  an 
answer  was  unavoidable.  He  laughed,  but  the 
laugh  rung  false. 

"  My  dear  child,"  he  said,  "  it  you  count  my 
frowns  when  I'm  thinking,  you'll  have  all  your  work 
cut  out." 

His  mother-in-law,  who  still  posed  as  an  invalid, 
and  was,  as  usual,  lying  on  the  sofa,  made  a  sound 
that  might  have  been  called  a  derisive  snort. 

"  If  you'll  excuse  my  saying  so,"  she  remarked  in 
a  tone  that  plainly  showed  her  intention  to  speak 
whether  they  excused  her  or  not,  "  I  think  Kenyon 
has  done  little  else  but  frown  to  himself  since  he 
came  home " 

"  What,  this  morning  ?  "  he  asked  smiling. 

"  I  meant  since  your  return  from  India.  I  shall 
begin  to  suspect  you  of  a  liver." 

"  I  fear,"  said  Boyd,  somewhat  sharply,  "  I  owe 
you  an  apology  for  being  very  poor  company,  not 
to  say  disagreeable." 

122 


SINLESS 


"  Oh,  I  don't  mind.     I  was  thinking  of  Helen." 

"  Helen  can  take  care  of  herself,"  remarked  that 
lady  with  a  jolly  laugh  and  a  slight  wink  at  Boyd. 
Then  she  got  up  from  the  table  and  tucked  her  arm 
comfortably  into  his,  and  presently  led  him  out  of 
the  room  to  another  at  the  other  side  of  the  hall. 

"  Is  anything  wrong  ?  "  she  inquired  when  she 
had  shut  the  door.  "  I  wasn't  going  to  give  it  away 
to  mother  that  I'd  noticed  it  too,  because  she  never 
knows  when  to  leave  off  talking,  but  you're  down 
about  something,  aren't  you  ?  " 

"  I  don't  think  I  understand  you " 

"  Oh  yes,  you  do !  Is  it  money  ?  Have  you 
had  any  losses  that  you  haven't  told  me  about  ? 
You  need  not  be  afraid  that  I  shall  make  a  fuss.  My 
tastes  are  simple  enough,  goodness  knows,  and  what's 
more  I  don't  mind  confiding  to  you  that  I've  saved 
a  little  bit  all  these  years,  when  you  were  more  than 
merely  generous,  and  I  lived  more  than  merely 
quietly.  A  little  bit  of  a  house  and  one  servant 
wouldn't  trouble  me,  but  I  daresay  it  would  jar  on 
you  a  bit.  But  we'll  come  to  that  presently.  When 
a  man  worries  secretly,  frowns  to  himself,"  with  a 
fat  smile,  "  can  go  without  his  lunch,  and  starts  as 
if  you'd  shot  a  pistol  in  his  ear  when  you  speak  to 
him  suddenly,  it's  one  of  two  things — money  or 
love  !  Now  I  know  it's  not  love — at  least " 

"  I  wish  you  would  not  be  absurd,  Helen,"  Boyd 
broke  in  swiftly.  He  had  not  flushed  again  ;  he  felt 
as  though  every  drop  of  blood  had  left  his  face. 
"  I'm  afraid  you  are  growing  like  your  mother — 
imaginative." 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,"  retorted  Mrs  Boyd  with  a  little 

"3 


SINLESS 

tiptilting  of  her  pretty  nose.  "  I  know  things  or  I 
don't ;  and  I  know  that  you've  got  something  on 
your  mind — say  what  you  will !  I  can't  blame 
you,"  she  added  coming  closer  to  him,  and  laying 
a  plump  little  hand  on  his,  "  for  not  confiding  in 
me  ;  after  all  we're  pretty  nearly  strangers,  aren't 
we,  Ken  ?  All  the  years  that  have  gone  make  a  good 
gap  in  the  lives  of  a  man  and  a  woman  when  they 
spend  them  apart  at  opposite  ends  of  the  world  ; 
but  even  if  we've  got  to  start  afresh,  and  pretty 
late  at  that,  there's  no  reason  why  we  shouldn't 
start  by  being  friends — pals,  you  know.  I've — I've 
— wanted  to  say  something  of  this  to  you  before, 
only  there — well,  I  suppose  I  was  a  little  shy  about 
it.  But  this  is  as  good  an  opportunity  as  need  be. 
We're  not  very  well  suited,  Ken,  but  there  are  others 
worse  off  than  us  in  that  respect ;  I  haven't  an  idea 
about  anything  that  would  accord  with  yours  ;  I 
don't  think,"  smiling,  and  wrinkling  up  her  fat 
little  face,  "  that  I'm  what  might  be  called  exactly 
a  marrying  woman — I  enjoyed  my  years  of  freedom 
very  much,  and  I  can't  pay  you  the  compliment  of 
saying  that  I  was  desperately  unhappy  without 
you  ;  but  all  the  same  I'm  glad  enough  to  have 
you  back,  and  as  I  said  just  now,  there's  no  reason, 
surely,  why  we  shouldn't  be  the  best  of  pals,  even 
if  we  can  never  be  lovers " 

"  I  don't  think  I  called  for  this  information — 

for "  begun  Boyd,  with  a  maddening  sense  of 

hopeless  uneasiness  upon  him  ;  but  his  wife  in- 
terrupted with  her  little  fat  laugh. 

"  Not  in  words.  I've  been  watching  you  for 
some  time,  Ken,  and,  as  I've  tried  to  make  you  see 

"4 


SINLESS 

more  than  once  or  twice,  I'm  not  quite  a  fool.  I 
can  see  that  you  are  unhappy,  out  of  your  element, 
restless,  jumpy — if  you  had  not  such  a  thorough 
good  temper  you'd  be  irritable — I  can  see  that,  for 
you,  life  is  going  all  wrong  since  you  came  back 
from  India.  I  can  see  that  when  we  get  back  to 
Wimbledon  it  will  go  a  good  deal  worse — it's  en- 
durable here,  because  most  of  your  time  has  been 
spent  out  shooting  and  up  at  Hedlam  ;  but  a  villa 
isn't  in  your  line,  you'll  loathe  the  neighbours 
calling,  and  you'll  perfectly  detest  the  Vicar  and 
his  family " 

Boyd  laughed,  to  ease  himself  of  nervous  ex- 
clamation which  he  felt  he  would  have  to  make. 

"  My  dear  girl,  I  needn't  see  the  Vicar  or  the 
neighbours  either." 

*'  You  can't  avoid  it  any  more  than  you  can  avoid 
seeing  me " 

"  Who  says  I  desire  to  avoid  that  ?  "  inquired 
Boyd  with  an  attempt  at  playfulness  which  was  a 
dismal  failure. 

"  Ken,  let's  talk  sense." 

"  With  all  my  heart."  He  made  the  reply  hastily, 
and  with  his  eyes  on  the  clock.  The  hands  were 
creeping  round,  his  wife  threatened  to  launch  into 
what  she  called  a  long  talk,  and  within  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  at  most  he  would  have  to  leave  the  house 
to  be  at  the  cross-roads  and  to  meet  Nell,  even  if 
he  drove.  Mrs  Boyd  saw  the  impatience  in  his 
eyes  and  heard  it  in  his  voice.  But  there  was  a 
vein  of  obstinacy  underlying  her  good-humoured 
indifference,  and  she  had  determined  to  have  her 
say. 


SINLESS 

"  Well,  what's  wrong  ?  I've  suggested  money 
and  love,"  with  a  merry  laugh  over  the  last  word, 
"  and  you've  as  good  as  pooh-poohed  both.  You're 
feeling,  then,  that  you  won't  be  able  to  stand  the 
life,  and  you — you  are  disappointed  in  me  !  Is  that 
it?" 

"  You  have  an  extraordinary  knack  of n 

"  I've  the  brain  to  see  when  a  person  is  evasive 
at  all  events  !  You  married  me  of  your  own  free 
will — I  don't  mind  being  candid  enough  to  own 
that  I  married  you  mostly  to  please  mother,  though 
I  liked  you  more  than  I  could  ever  have  liked  any 
other  man.  I've  changed  in  appearance  but  not  in 
thoughts  or  ways  or  views.  But  I  can  understand 
that  these  past  years  have  made  a  difference  to  you 
that  they  would  never  have  made  to  a  woman  of 
my  temperament.  I  don't  want  to  chain  you  down 
by  my  side,  and  don't  think  that  I  want  to  get  rid 
of  you  again.  I  just  want  you  to  realise  that  we 
belong  to  each  other  and  we've  got  to  make  the  very 
best  of  it ;  but  that,"  with  one  of  her  expressive 
but  rather  terrible  winks,  "  need  not  prevent  you 
from  travelling,  say,  and  from  getting  out  of  home 
when  you  think  you  can't  bear  it  any  more.  I 
shan't  be  dull  and  I  shan't  be  insulted.  Have  I 
put  it  plainly  ?  Haven't  I  expressed  myself  with 
nearly  sufficient  delicacy  to  please  you  ?  It's  not 
exactly  an  easy  thing  to  have  to  say,  but  I  flatter 
myself  I  said  it  rather  well — and  there  you  stand 
looking  at  me  as  though  you'd  never  seen  me  before, 
and  not  attempting  to  compliment  me  on  my  able 
choice  of  words." 

There  was  not  a  trace  of  anger  in  her  voice ;  her 
126 


SINLESS 

pretty  little  nose — the  one  feature  that  remained 
true  to  her  face — suggested  impudent  amusement, 
but  good-natured  amusement  always,  and  her  eyes 
blue  as  the  sky,  and  twinkling  merrily  out  of  their 
bed  of  fat  eyelids,  and  little  mountains  of  soft  cheek 
beneath  them,  laughed  up  into  his  encouragingly. 

For  the  life  of  him  Boyd  could  make  no  immediate 
reply.  She  was  telling  him  more  plainly  than  she 
had  ever  told  him  by  word  or  act  of  hers,  that  he 
was  free  to  go  his  way — as  free  as  when  the  seas 
divided  them ;  that  she  could  be  happy  enough 
with  him,  but  quite  happy  without  him.  She  was 
tempting  him  as  she  had  no  idea  it  would  be  in  her 
power  to  tempt  him,  and  she  was  unconsciously 
pointing  out  a  path  which  she  herself  was  making 
it  so  very  easy  for  him  to  take.  If  he  and  Nell  went 
to  the  other  end  of  the  earth  this  very  day,  he  would 
not  have  it  on  his  conscience  that  he  had  broken  his 
wife's  heart.  She  would  scarcely  miss  him — and  he 
was  living  out  his  life  in  torture  beneath  the  same 
roof  with  her !  If  it  were  only  possible  to  make 
Nell  see  the  situation  as  it  really  was — if  she  would 
only  realise  how  utterly  alone,  apart  from  all  the  rest 
of  the  world  he  and  she  were  ;  if  she  would  only 
understand  that  no  one  wanted  either  of  them — 
that  they  were  more  free  than  any  two  people  had 
ever  been  yet  to  go  their  way,  the  world  forgetting 
and  by  the  world  forgot.  And  then  the  hot  blood 
surged  over  his  dark  face  in  shame  at  the  realisation 
that  he  had  been  thinking  such  thoughts  in  the  very 
presence  of  his  wife,  of  the  woman  who  was  seeking 
to  hold  out  to  him  the  hand  of  friendship,  because 
she  had  had  the  wit  to  discover  that  friendship  only 

"7 


SINLESS 

could  ever  be  their  feeling  for  each  other,  and  because 
she  had  no  regret  for  the  love  that  could  never  be 
theirs.  He  had  forgotten  her,  their  surroundings, 
all.  Out  of  the  distance,  now,  it  seemed  to  him, 
her  voice  recalled  him  from  the  ecstacy  of  the  brief 
past  to  the  madness  cf  the  possible  future — recalled 
him  with  light,  chaffing  words  spoken  in  the  comfort- 
able certainty  that  the  hint  of  prediction  they  held, 
was  but  a  touch  of  her  own  humour. 

"  There's  only  one  thing,  Ken — I  hope  you'll 
never  go  and  fall  in  love  with  some  other  woman — 
not  that  I  should  be  so  very  jealous,  but  I  couldn't 
bear  to  see  you  right  down  unhappy  that  way — I 
hate  unhappiness  altogether  you  know.  If  a  poor 
little  kiddie  is  looking  into  a  sweet-shop  window, 
I  always  have  to  give  it  a  penny,  and  it's  not 
generosity  and  pity,  it's  just  that  I  hate  to  see  a 
creature  miserable  when  a  little  thing  that  I've  got, 
perhaps,  will  make  it  happy  again — and  I'm  afraid 
— I'd  have  to  give  you  up  to  her — like  I  give  the 
penny,  you  know " 

"  For  God's  sake  be  silent !  "  cried  Boyd,  finding 
voice  at  last,  and  wheeling  round  upon  her  so 
suddenly  that  even  she  was  a  little  startled.  "  Have 
you  any  idea  what  you  are  saying — do  you  even 
know  what  you  talk  about,  I  wonder,  when  your 
tongue  runs  along  so  fast !  Do " 

"  I'm  sorry  if  I've  vexed  you — I  oughtn't  to  have 
said  that,  I  suppose ;  but  I  thought  it,  and  I'm 
nothing  if  not  honest.  Well,  you  won't  give  me 
your  confidence  ;  but  I've  said  what  was  in  my 

mind  and "  The  entrance  of  a  soft-footed 

parlour  maid  cut  Mrs  Boyd  short. 

128 


SINLESS 

"  A  letter  for  you,  sir,"  the  girl  said,  walking  up 
to  Boyd  and  holding  out  to  him  Nell's  letter  on  a 
tray. 

"  Thank  you,"  he  said,  and  as  the  servant  retired, 
looked  up  to  see  his  wife's  eyes  fixed  curiously  upon 
him — looked  up  to  catch  a  momentary  glimpse  of 
his  ashen  face  in  an  opposite  mirror.  He  had  never 
seen  Nell's  writing  in  his  life,  but  he  knew  the  letter 
was  from  her — he  knew  instinctively  that  it  held 
some  message  which  spelt  disappointment,  fresh 
anxiety  for  him.  And  he  thought  that  his  wife's 
twinkling  eyes  must  read  his  mind,  that  her  ears 
must  hear  the  great  throb  that  his  heart  had  given. 

Then  he  dropped  the  letter  into  his  pocket  with 
all  the  carelessness  he  could  assume  at  the  moment, 
and  with  a  lame,  indistinct  murmur  about  being 
late,  turned  and  left  the  room.  Five  minutes  later 
Mrs  Boyd  heard  the  dog-cart  rattle  down  the  drive. 

"  Late  for  what  ?  "  she  said  half  aloud,  "  I  don't 
remember  that  he  said  he  was  going  anywhere — 
perhaps  he  told  mother."  And  rubbed  her  hand- 
kerchief over  the  back  of  a  chair  where  she  suspected 
hidden  dust,  and  forgot  her  husband  altogether  in 
a  violent  scolding  which  she  inflicted  upon  the  house- 
maid who  had  left  it  there. 

Meanwhile,  Boyd  hastening  towards  Bookham, 
let  the  mare  slow  down  to  a  trot  while  he  took 
from  his  pocket  Nell's  letter,  which  told  him  in  a  few 
brief  words  not  only  that  she  was  compelled  to 
break  her  promise  to  him  to-day,  but  that  she  was 
leaving  for  London  that  afternoon. 

There  was  not  a  word  beyond  the  information ; 
the  letter  begun  without  a  heading,  and  ended  with 
i  129 


SINLESS 


her  own  little  name.  There  was  not  a  trace  of 
regret  or  anxiety  in  one  line  of  it,  there  was  not  the 
bare  hint  of  a  comforting  word — there  was  nothing 
on  the  little  sheet  of  paper  that  he  could  treasure 
and  keep  and  read  and  re-read  again  and  again. 
Yet  its  very  coldness,  its  bareness,  told  him  how 
hard  it  had  been  to  pen,  how  it  was  made  curt  and 
cold  only  because  she  had  not  dared  to  trust  her 
hand  to  write  more.  He  had  not  understood, 
himself,  how  he  had  counted  upon  meeting  her  to- 
day, how  he  had  worried  through  the  long  hours, 
how  he  had  lived  only  for  this  one,  and  the  thought 
of  seeing  her — built  upon  this  hour  that,  after  all, 
brought  him  only  a  few  chill  words  full  of  keenest 
disappointment. 

The  mare  was  walking  now,  at  her  own  sweet 
will,  unheeded  by  her  master ;  the  cold  winter 
sun  was  dim,  the  light  had  gone  out  of  the  day  and 
out  of  the  world.  The  cold  sharp  air  was  not  colder 
than  his  heart,  not  sharper  than  the  pain  of  it. 
The  country  around  him  had  grown  hideous,  there 
was  beauty  nowhere.  Nell  had  gone — she  had  said, 
vaguely,  to  London,  but  she  had  given  him  no  ad- 
dress. A  bird  came  out  upon  a  branch  overhead, 
and  with  its  sweet,  gay,  sudden  song,  startled  the 
mare  so  that  she  swerved  to  one  side.  Boyd  in- 
stinctively gathered  the  reins  closer  ;  but  he  looked 
up  at  the  bird  with  unseeing  eyes,  and  ears  that 
were  deaf  to  its  mellow  note. 

Nell  was  gone — the  very  birds  were  mute ! 


139 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XIV 

IF  the  world  had  grown  dark  and  colourless  to 
Boyd,  it  was  not  allowed  to  become  so  to  Nell, 
who  was  kept  so  busy  from  the  moment  when 
she  rose  that  morning  till  she  and  her  husband  were 
fairly  on  their  journey  to  London,  that  she  had 
hardly  time  to  think,  hardly  a  moment  to  breathe 
at  ease.  Captain  Brandling  was  in  silent  fits  of 
laughter  from  breakfast  till  luncheon  was  over, 
albeit  he  was  full  of  sorrow  at  parting  with  his 
mother's  and  his  guests.  But  Forbes  had  been  too 
funny,  his  complaints  had  been  too  childish  and 
amusing,  his  wants  none  could  satisfy ;  and  Worth 
went  through  the  ordeal  of  leaving  Hedlam  for 
town  with  a  face  so  expressionless,  with  patience  so 
infinite,  backed  by  Mrs  Forbes,  who  kept  her  temper 
with  wonderful,  iron  will,  that  between  his  spells  of 
laughter,  Brandling  was  lost  in  admiration  of  both 
servant  and  mistress. 

And  at  last  it  had  ended.  Brandling  had  driven 
them  to  the  station,  he  had  seen  a  carriage  strewn 
with  foot-warmers,  rugs,  and  newspapers  ;  he  had 
listened  to  Forbes  grumbling  at  his  wife,  who  seemed 
to  pay  little  or  no  heed,  he  had  seen  the  wonderful 
cap  with  its  ear-flaps  tied  carefully  under  Forbes' 
chin,  and  Forbes  himself,  with  all  the  comforts  he 
could  possibly  secure,  stowed  away  in  the  far  corner 
of  his  compartment,  already  prepared  to  drop  off 


SINLESS 

to  sleep,  and  utterly  careless  of  his  wife's  comfort — 
after  which  Brandling  and  Worth  looked,  however, 
with  great  energy — and  he  had  squeezed  Nell's  littlfe 
hands  hard,  and  made  her  promise  to  come  to 
Hedlam  again  very  soon. 

And  then  he  had  watched  the  train  steam  out  of 
the  station,  and  had  strained  his  eyes  for  the  last 
glimpse  of  Nell's  rather  watery  smile,  and  had  gone 
back  to  the  carriage  in  a  more  thoughtful  mood 
than  was  usual  with  him. 

"  I  had  thought  it  was  just  Beauty  and  the 
Beast,"  he  reflected,  "  but  I  see  it's  Beauty  and  a 
detestable,  brutal  old  bear.  Great  Scott !  what  a  life 
for  a  child  like  that !  "  . 

And  within  the  fast  moving  train,  Forbes  was 
already  snoring,  and  Nell  was  leaning  forward,  her 
hands  palm  upwards,  and  her  little  tired  face  resting 
in  them,  her  eyes  dark  and  misty  and  full  of  trouble, 
fixed  on  the  moving  scene  beyond,  her  thoughts  with 
Boyd.  He  would  have  received  her  letter — he  would 
know  long  before  now  that  she  must  break  her 
promise  to  him  ;  or  if  not,  he  would  have  gone  to 
meet  her,  and  he  might  be  waiting  at  the  cross- 
roads at  this  very  moment.  He  would  wait  there 
perhaps  for  hours,  not  knowing  why  she  had  failed 
him.  She  remembered  suddenly  that  the  train 
would  pass  through  Bookham,  that  at  a  level-crossing 
which  was  only  just  above  the  cross-roads,  it  would 
slow  down.  She  might  be  able  to  look  out — it 
would  be  possible  to  see  any  one  seated  in  a  high 
dog-cart,  waiting  there.  There  was  scarcely  a 
moment  to  lose,  already  the  train  was  slowing  a 
little  and  the  whistle  was  shrieking  out  its  warning. 

132 


SINLESS 


With  a  quick  movement  Nell  was  on  her  feet,  the 
window  was  let  down,  to  admit  a  rush  of  bitterly 
cold,  damp  air.  All  the  country  was  wrapped  in 
gloom  and  dusk,  but  it  was  not  too  dusk  for  her  to 
distinguish  Boyd  at  any  rate.  In  her  anxiety  she 
leaned  far  out  of  the  window,  heedless  of  danger, 
neither  thinking  nor  caring  that  the  door-catch 
might  be  defective  and  she  hurled  to  her  death  at 
any  moment ;  her  eyes  strained  outward  to  the 
deserted,  dreary  roads,  her  handkerchief  ready  to 
wave.  With  a  thrill  of  something  like  disappoint- 
ment she  realised  that  there  was  no  one  there  to 
wave  to.  With  at  last,  an  ungovernable  feeling  of 
anger,  she  heard  Forbes  wailing  to  her  of  the 
draught,  of  the  cold,  of  the  fact  that  she  was  "  giving 
him  his  death."  And  she  came  back  to  her  seat, 
and  closed  the  window  with  an  unnecessary  bang. 

"  Good  Lord,  Ellen  !  "  exclaimed  her  irate  spouse 
"  what  the  dickens  are  you  trying  to  do — kill  your- 
self ?  Can't  you  rest  for  an  hour  or  two  in  a  train, 
even,  without  wanting  every  window  open,  and 
leaning  out  of  it  so  that  you  are  nearly  on  the  line  ! 
What  the  mischief  is  the  use  of  me  going  to  this 
doctor,  if  you  start  in  by  giving  me  the  worst  cold 
I've  had  this  year  !  " 

Nell  laughed — she  could  not  help  it — though  it 
was  indeed  a  mirthless  laugh. 

"  We  don't  know  yet  that  there  is  much  use  in 
your  going  to  him  at  all,"  she  replied  with  some 
disdain  that  she  could  not  hide,  "  and  as  for  cold — 
you  couldn't  catch  one  in  a  minute  like  that — you'll 
get  a  far  worse  one  in  the  damp  and  chill  of  London 
air." 

133 


SINLESS 


"I  should  think,"  offendedly,  "that  Gratwicke 
would  be  a  better  judge  of  that  than  you." 

"  I'm  not  so  sure — even  doctors  don't  know 
everything.  Shall  I  read  to  you  ?  " 

"  No,  not  yet— I  want  to  talk."  Nell  leant  back 
against  the  padding,  and  resigned  herself  to  the 
inevitable  with  an  audible  sigh.  Never  had  she 
been  less  inclined  to  talk — with  anyone,  least  of  all 
Forbes ;  never  had  she  longed  more  to  sit  back 
with  closed  eyes  and  to  think. 

"  Yes  ?  "  she  said  as  a  rather  long  silence  followed 
her  husband's  announcement  of  his  desire  to  talk. 

"  What  were  you  looking  out  of  the  window 
for  ?  " 

"  Air."  Lies  of  this  sort  had  become  uncommonly 
easy  during  the  last  few  weeks. 

"  Do  you  generally  wave  your  handkerchief  to 
the  air  ?  "  There  was  a  new,  half  sneering  smile 
on  his  lips  as  he  asked  the  question,  which  made 
Nell  start  as  though  some  one  had  shot  off  a  pistol 
close  to  her  ear.  In  the  half  light  that  was  made 
uncertain  by  the  dimly  burning  gas  that  flickered 
in  the  roof  of  the  carriage,  she  could  see  his  small 
eyes  gleaming  with  a  monkeyish  look,  that  was 
unpleasant  and  penetrating  ;  and  while  they  rested 
upon  her  she  felt  her  face  grow  warm. 

'*  I — it's  a  childish  habit  I've  got — of — oh — 
waving  to — to — children  as — as — we  pass." 

Forbes  grunted. 

"  A  very  childish  one,"  he  remarked.  Silence 
again  ;  and  this  time  Nell  did  not  break  it.  What 
did  he  mean  ?  Had  he  been  watching  her  pur- 
posely ?  Why,  for  the  first  time,  had  he  noticed 

'34 


SINLESS 

anything  she  did  ?  What  had  brought  that  look 
into  his  eyes  ?  For  the  first  time  it  occurred  to 
her  that  it  would  be  possible  for  him  to  be  desper- 
ately crueL 

"  You  walked  out  of  the  room  last  night  just  as 
I  was  about  to  tell  you  my  plans,"  he  observed 
presently,  still  in  a  resentful  tone.  "  I've  arranged 
with  Gratwicke,  to  remain  in  London  through  the 
winter,  for  this  man  Oswald's  convenience  ;  and  I 
think  you  had  better  see  to  the  shutting  up  of  the 
Bray  house,  and  the  hunting  up  of  a  small  one 
furnished  in  town." 

"  But  I  have  never  shut  up  the  Manor !  Never 
when  I  have  been  in  town  !  There  are " 

"  What  you  may  have  done  during  my  absence  in 
India,"  and  the  monkeyish  look  came  again  into  his 
eyes,  "  and  what  you  will  have  to  do  now  that  I  am 
at  home  once  more,  are  two  entirely  different  things. 
Expenses,  with  this  new  treatment  for  me,  will  be 
very  heavy.  I  don't  propose  to  add  to  them  by 
keeping  a  dozen  servants  and  several  horses  eating 
their  heads  off,  and  doing  nothing." 

"  You're  not  going  to  ask  me  to  put  my  horses 
down  !  "  she  cried  in  alarm  that  irritated  him. 

"  No ;  because  they  of  course  can  be  brought  to 
town,  but  we  don't  want  an  empty  house  swallowing 
up  money.  I  should  like  some  small  house  in  the 
neighbourhood  of,  say,  Kensington — Owen  Oswald 
lives  at  Knightsbridge — you  like  Kensington  ?  " 

"  Not  particularly ;  but  it  makes  no  difference  if 
I  have  to  be  in  town  at  all.  Soon  it  will  be  Spring 
and " 

She  paused  ;  soon  it  would  be  Spring — soon  the 

'35 


SINLESS 


months  would  have  slipped  away  ;  and  the  sudden 
remembrance  of  all  which  that  meant  for  her  struck 
like  a  blow  that  robbed  her  of  speech,  and  moment- 
arily of  the  power  of  thought. 

"  What  of  it  ?  "  asked  Forbes,  quietly  sucking 
menthol  and  cocaine.  "  Spring's  the  same  in  one 
place  as  the  other,  to  my  mind.  I'm  afraid,  Ellen, 
that  our  visit  to  the  Brandlings  has  somewhat 
spoiled  you — I  anticipated  it,  I  admit,  but " 

"  Spoiled  me  !    What  on  earth  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  If  you  will  give  me  the  chance  to  tell  you,  I'll 
explain.  I  mean  that  the  flattery  and  the  compli- 
ments have  not  been  good  for  you — they  have  tended 
to  make  you  er — how  shall  I  put  it  ? — er — indifferent 
— in  a  measure  independent.'* 

"  Indifferent  —  independent !  I !  To  what  —  of 
whom  ?  " 

Forbes  shrugged  his  bundled  up  shoulders  till  he 
looked  more  like  the  pantomime  gnome  to  which 
Nell  often  likened  him  in  her  thoughts,  than  ever. 

"  You've  changed  a  great  deal — lately." 

"  Have  I ;  but  it  has  taken  nothing  from  your 
comfort,  your  pleasures,  has  it  ?  even  if  I  am 
changed  ? " 

"  My  pleasures  are  very  few — my  comforts  would 
be  fewer  if  I  did  not  insist  on  them " 

"  I  have  surely  done  all  you  wished,  all  you  have 
ever  desired  me  to  do  since  you  came — home." 

"  With  a  bad  grace — again  lately.  I  don't  think 
petting  and  spoiling  good  for  your  sort  of  char- 
acter, and  I  tell  you  so  frankly." 

"  But  do  you  imagine,"  said  Nell,  with  a  smile 
in  spite  of  herself,  "  that  I  have  gone  through  life 

136 


SINLESS 


without  what  you  call  flattery,  without  a  compli- 
ment, without  friends  who  have  been  fond  of  me 
and  who  have,  as  you  would  say,  perhaps,  petted 
and  spoiled  me  ?  " 

"  Not  for  a  moment.  I  merely  meant  to  point 
out  that  I  am  not  the  sort  of  man  to  go  in  for  that 
sort  of  thing,  as  you  have  probably  discovered  by 
now,  and  that " 

But  Nell  had  thrown  back  her  head  till  her  match- 
less little  hat  was  nearly  crushed  against  the  padded 
wall,  and  was  laughing  with  that  lack  of  restraint 
that  threatened  tears  to  follow.  She  laughed  till  her 
voice  died  away  in  a  strangled  sob,  till  the  bright 
drops  that  filled  her  eyes  flowed  down  her  cheeks, 
till  her  breast  heaved,  and  till  she  was  too  exhausted 
to  utter  any  sound  but  a  little  catching  gasp. 

"  I  am  glad  to  have  afforded  you  so  much  amuse- 
ment," said  Forbes,  testily.  "  Now,  if  you  have 
finished  that  hysterical  laughter — at  what  Heaven 
only  knows — I  will  get  you  to  read  me  the  foreign 
news." 

Nell  made  no  reply ;  she  dried  her  eyes,  and  put 
her  hat  straight,  and  she  got  out  the  papers  and 
read  in  the  poor  light  and  the  swaying  train  as  well 
as  she  could  manage.  Tears  and  laughter  were  near 
still,  and  she  had  hard  work  to  control  her  voice, 
and  keep  her  mind  on  the  business  in  hand. 

When,  by  the  stations,  she  saw  that  London  was 
nearly  reached,  she  put  down  the  paper  to  Forbes* 
grunted  "Thank  you,"  and  gathered  some  of  the 
rugs  in  a  heap  ready  for  Worth. 

"  By  the  way,"  Forbes  said  suddenly,  "  I  don't 
think  I  told  you  of  the  change  of  hotel.  There  were 

'37 


SINLESS 


no  suitable  rooms  at  either  the  Savoy  or  Cecil  for 
me,  and  it  suddenly  struck  me  that  I  had  been  rather 
foolish  not  to  think  of  the  Victoria  again.  I  got 
Worth  to  telephone  up,  and  said  I'd  like  the  same 
rooms  as  you  took  before,  when  you  came  up  to 
meet  me  from  India  you  know,  and  I  had  a  message 
back,  just  before  we  left  Hedlam,  saying  we  could 
have  'em,  with  the  large  dressing-room  turned  into 
a  bedroom  for  me " 

"  The  Victoria  !  You — you've  taken  those  rooms 
— not  at  the  Cecil  ?  You  never  told  me — why  did 
you  not  tell  me  ?  I  won't  go  there — I  hate  it — they 
are  abominable  people — everything  so  badly  done — 
I — I — mean  some  may  like  it  but — I — oh,  Kenneth 

— let  us  go  somewhere  else — don't  let  us  go  there " 

Nell  paused,  breathless,  red  and  white  by  turns, 
conscious  of  having  made  an  exhibition  of  herself, 
of  having  shown  something  too  like  terror  to  be 
lightly  turned  off  or  forgotten. 

"  I'm  afraid  you  are  a  little  mad,  Ellen,"  her 
husband  remarked  with  a  slight  touch  of  pardonable 
irritability  in  his  husky  voice.  "  Your  objections 
are  as  absurd  as  unreasonable,  and  like  your  habit 
of  waving  handkerchiefs  to  the  air,  childish.  I 
suppose  you  had  no — er — fuss  with  the  people,  no 
dispute  about  your  bill  or  anything  ?  No  ?  Then 
what  can  it  matter  in  which  hotel  we  stay  for  per- 
haps a  bare  week  ?  The  train  is  stopping — please 
pull  yourself  together,  and  don't  make  an  exhibition 
of  us  both  on  the  platform.  I  shall  insist  now,  upon 
Owen  Oswald  seeing  you." 

"  And  if  you  do,  I  warn  you,  I'll  walk  out  of — of 
the  place  then  and  there." 

138 


SINLESS 

Worth  flung  open  the  door  at  that  moment,  and 
his  expressionless  eyes  rested  on  Mrs  Forbes  for  one 
second  with  genuine  pity.  Then  he  ventured  to 
put  out  his  hand  and  to  steady  her  as  she  stumbled 
like  a  drunken  woman  from  the  compartment. 


139 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XV 

THE  haste  with  which  Nell  fell  in  with  her 
husband's  desire  that  she  would  find  a 
small  furnished  house,  should  have  been 
gratifying  to  him  at  least,  and  so  perhaps  it  might 
have  been  had  he  not  regarded  it  with  faint  sus- 
picion. Within  two  days  of  their  arrival  in  London 
the  house  was  found,  ready  for  their  immediate 
occupation,  every  arrangement  made,  and  nothing 
left  for  any  one  to  do  but  to  step  in  and  take  pos- 
session. It  was  not  a  house  in  the  neighbourhood 
of  Kensington,  after  all,  but  Nell  had  not  thought 
of  that — it  was  a  house,  it  was  small,  it  was  well 
furnished,  it  was  in  no  bad  position,  and  it  would 
take  her  out  of  the  hotel.  She  had  searched  for  it 
with  feverish  haste,  she  had  hustled  the  slow- 
moving,  dignified  house-agent  nearly  out  of  his  few 
wits,  she  had  telegraphed  for  three  of  her  own 
servants  from  Bray,  and  she  had  positively  romped 
along  with  every  arrangement  in  a  manner  which 
took  away  everyone's  breath,  till  there  was  nothing 
left  to  settle,  and  till  Forbes  found  himself  ensconced 
in  a  very  comfortable  if  small  suite  of  rooms  on  the 
ground  floor  of  a  nice,  well-kept  little  house  in  Half 
Moon  Street.  He  had  protested  that  it  was  not 
Kensington  several  times,  and  his  wife  had  feigned 
not  to  hear  ;  he  had  grumbled,  as  was  his  wont,  and 
then  he  had  given  up  grumbling  and  protestations 

140 


SINLESS 

for  the  pleasure,  and  in  the  interest,  of  watching  his 
wife,  whose  whole  manner  was  absolutely  incom- 
prehensible to  him,  and  inspired  him  not  only  with 
the  desire  to  make  a  study  of  her,  but  to  go  deep 
into  the  reasons  for  what  he  considered  her  most 
extraordinary  behaviour. 

With  Forbes,  to  study  a  person  meant  simply  to 
watch  him  or  her  with  suspicion — in  Nell's  case  the 
suspicion  grew  with  every  hour  since  he  had  seen 
her  creeping  down  stairs  at  Hedlam  in  the  middle 
of  the  night  to  drop  a  letter  into  the  post-box.  He 
had  never  watched  any  one  before,  and  it  was  a 
pastime  which  afforded  him  unsuspected  pleasure, 
even  at  times  amusement.  He  had  never — if  he 
could  help  it — given  a  thought  to  any  one  but  him- 
self, he  had  never  intended  to  give  any  particular 
thought  to  his  wife,  beyond  keeping  her  well  up  to 
her  duties,  beyond  keeping  her  busy  always  for 
him ;  but  he  found  the  sensation  of  being  taken 
out  of  himself,  of  watching  cat-like,  for  every  sus- 
picious act  or  look  of  hers,  quite  pleasurable. 

Forbes'  mind  was  not  naturally  a  refined  one, 
and  it  was  naturally  a  suspicious  one.  Nell  had 
drawn  it  away  from  himself  to  herself,  and  she  had 
set  it  moving  actively. 

He  had  started  to  think  about  her  as  he  had  never 
thought  about  her  before,  and  he  could  not  stop. 
His  thoughts  were  not  quite  pleasant  and  not 
flattering  to  himself.  But  he  told  himself  he  could 
afford  to  wait,  and  while  he  waited,  he  grew  more 
exacting,  more  trying,  both  to  Worth  and  Nell  every 
day. 

And  one  morning,  when  he  had  fidgeted  through 
141 


SINLESS 


nearly  a  week  waiting  for  the  visit  of  Dr  Oswald, 
a  visit  which  had  been  unavoidably  delayed,  Worth 
came  to  announce  that  the  doctor  had  arrived. 

Owen  Oswald  was  a  tall,  rather  spare-figured  man, 
with  a  clever  face  that  would  have  been  a  trifle  too 
grave  had  it  not  been  for  a  certain  merry  twinkle 
in  his  eyes  that  were  kind,  blue  as  the  sky,  and  the 
one  really  handsome  feature  of  his  face.  He  had 
a  brown  healthy  skin,  a  smile  that  could  be  nice 
but  that  was  generally  a  trifle  too  cynical,  and  fine 
teeth  that  were  almost  dazzling  in  their  whiteness. 

He  came  into  the  room  where  Forbes  was  seated, 
not  expecting  to  find  anything  so  humorous  in  ap- 
pearance, and  his  lips  widened  into  a  smile  which 
was  full  of  irrepressible  amusement. 

"  Mr  Forbes,  I  believe,"  he  said,  advancing 
cheerily  and  holding  out  his  hand.  "  I  had  a  long 
letter  from  Gratwicke,  as  I  expect  you  know,  and 
he  told  me  so  much,  that  I  do  not  feel  we  are  meeting 
quite  as  strangers." 

Forbes  grunted.  He  did  not  quite  like  the  man 
entering  the  room  with  that  smile — he  was  one  of 
those  people  who  imagine  that  a  doctor  cannot  be 
clever  if  he  is  cheerful. 

"  I  don't  know  about  that,"  he  declared,  none  too 
pleasantly,  "  but  if  Gratwicke  wrote  for  hours,  he 
couldn't  have  told  you  all  there  is  to  tell  about  me." 

"  Of  course  not — that  remains  for  you  to  do, 
and  the  rest  for  me  to  find  out."  Oswald's  tone 
was  professionally  soothing,  now,  and  restored 
Forbes  to  as  much  good-humour  as  was  possible 
to  him. 

"  Do  you  believe,"  he  asked  suddenly,   "  that 

14* 


SINLESS 

rheumatism  and  bronchitis,  can  ever  really  be 
cured  ?  " 

Oswald  smiled. 

"  You  must  not  ask  me  questions  yet,"  he  said, 
*'  you  must  answer  some  of  mine — and  mind  you,  I 
shall  put  you  through  a  most  puzzling  list !  " 

And  he  did.  For  nearly  three  quarters  of  an  hour 
he  questioned  and  Forbes  answered — sometimes  the 
young  doctor  actually  seemed  to  try  to  chaff  him  out 
of  several  of  his  pet  ideas  about  himself,  and  in  the 
end,  Forbes  discovered  that  if  he  intended  to  go 
through  with  this  man's  cure,  he  would  have  to 
begin  to  think  about  himself  in  an  entirely  different 
way.  It  seemed  a  little  hard  at  first,  even  annoying, 
but  there  was  something  so  earnest,  so  convincing 
in  Owen  Oswald's  manner,  something  about  him 
altogether  which  inspired  so  much  confidence,  that 
Forbes  found  himself  giving  way  with  less  than  his 
usual  gracelessness. 

"  Now,"  said  Oswald,  "  you  are  going  to  take 
exactly  what  I  send  you,  you  are  going  to  drop  all 
that  coddling  up  in  shawls  like  an  old  woman,  and 
you  must  begin  by  disabusing  your  mind  altogether 
of  the  notion  that  you  are  anything  of  an  invalid 
at  all.  Get  them  to  move  your  rooms  upstairs, 
trot  up  and  down  the  stairs  two  or  three  times  a 
day  yourself,  to  begin  with,  and  increase  that  form 
of  natural  exercise  till  you  go  up  and  down  like  an 
ordinary  person.  Go  out — walk — get  in  a  week- 
end here  and  another  there — go  to  the  play — in 
short  take  on  all  the  amusement  you  can,  and  forget 
all  about  yourself  and  your  imaginary — forgive  me 
— your  imaginary  ailments " 


SINLESS 

"  Imaginary  !  "  Forbes  burst  out,  having  kept 
silence  and  patience  as  long  as  he  could.  "  Imagi- 
nary !  Do  you  mean  to  say  you  think  I  imagine 
pain — imagine  I  can't  breathe — imagine  my  liver 
is  all — all  over  the  place !  Damn  it,  sir,  do  you 
suppose  I  got  you  here  to  make  fun  of  me  !  " 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,"  said  Oswald  with  the  utmost 
good-humour  and  much  amusement,  "  but  you  got 
me  here  to  tell  you  the  truth,  and  to  do  you  what  good 
I  can,  and  I  am  trying  to  do  it !  I  don't  say  go  in 
for  all  these  things  at  once — after  the  life  you  have 
apparently  led  for  years,  it  would  be  an  impossibility ; 
but  go  in  for  them  by  degrees.  Get  yourself  gradu- 
ally out  of  the  shell  into  which  you  have  crawled — 
quite  unconsciously,  no  doubt — and  don't  go  back 
to  it.  You  are  married  ?  "  suddenly. 

"  Yes,"  disagreeably. 

"  Poor  woman  !  "  was  Oswald's  inward  comment, 
but  aloud  he  said  : 

**  Pardon  me — your  wife  is  young  ?  " 

"  Good  Lord,  yes !  Do  you  think  I'm  such  an 
old  fogey  that " 

"  Not  at  all — I  was  thinking  that  if  she  were 
quite  young  she  would  be  the  most  excellent  com- 
panion for  you,  if  you  will  only  allow  her  to  be." 

"  You  see  you  don't  happen  to  know  Mrs  Forbes," 
said  Forbes  with  an  ugly  sneer  that  was  almost 
unconscious.  And  what  he  might  have  said  next 
was  never  known,  because  at  that  moment  the  door 
opened  and  Nell  looked  in,  only  to  draw  quickly 
back. 

"  I'm  so  sorry  !  "  she  said  shyly,  "  Worth  did  not 

tell  me  that  you  were  not  alone,  Kenneth " 

144 


SINLESS 

"  Come  in — come  in "  said  Forbes  irritably. 

Then  with  a  kind  of  "  I  told  you  so  "  look  at  Dr 
Oswald,  he  added,  "  Dr  Owen  Oswald — my  wife." 
And  for  once  there  was  just  a  touch  of  pride — 
selfish,  triumphant  pride — in  his  glance  and  tone. 

Oswald  saw  and  heard  neither  the  one  nor  the 
other.  He  was  holding  Nell's  hand,  murmuring 
something  pleasant  and  meaningless,  and  looking 
down  at  her  with  a  puzzled  frown. 

"  I  have  been  making  your  husband  quite  angry 
with  me,  Mrs  Forbes,"  he  said,  still  with  the  puzzled 
frown,  but  also  a  good  deal  of  open  admiration  in 
his  pleasant  eyes,  that  seemed  as  though  they  could 
not  leave  her  little  flushed  face.  "  I  want  him  to 
do  lots  of  things  that  at  present  he  considers  most 
disagreeable,  but  if  you  will  help  me,  I  feel  sure  we 
shall  conquer  him  and  all  his  ailments  in  time." 

"Don't  for  Heaven's  sake,"  broke  in  Forbes, 
"  put  her  up  to  hustling  me  all  over  the  place.  I 
don't  say  your  idea  isn't  a  good  one — I  suppose  as 
you  know  your  business  as  well  as  Gratwicke  swears 
you  do,  it's  all  right — but  don't  rush  me — give  me 
breathing  time — don't  expect  me  to  do  these  things 
all  at  once." 

"  I  don't — I  only  say  you  must  begin  by  leading 
a  more  active  life." 

"  What  is  it  you  want  him  to  do  ?  "  inquired  Nell, 
hoping  to  silence  Forbes,  who  was  likely  to  treat  this 
gifted  young  man  much  in  the  same  way  as  he  would 
treat  anyone  whom  he  paid,  and  with  as  little  con- 
sideration as  he  would  bestow  upon  his  man-servant. 

"  We  will  talk  about  that  a  little  later  if  you  will 
spare  me  half-an-hour.  Mr  Forbes  has  had  quite 

K  145 


SINLESS 


enough  of  me  for  one  day !  Don't  begin  by  con- 
tradicting me,  my  dear  sir — good-bye  ;  I  shall  call 
to  see  you  on  Friday — mind  you've  done  a  little  bit 
of  stair-climbing  by  then." 

Dr  Oswald  held  open  the  door  for  Nell  to  pass 
out  as  he  spoke,  and  presently  closed  it  again  and 
followed  her  across  the  hall  to  a  small  morning-room 
at  the  other  side. 

"May  I  stay  a  little  while — are  you  busy  now, 
Mrs  Forbes  ?  Do  you  mind  ?  " 

"  No — indeed.  You  want  to  talk  to  me  about 
the  treatment  for  my  husband  ?  " 

"  Yes  ;  I  talked  to  him — very  straight,  and  he  did 
not  like  it." 

"  He's  not  used  to  it.    What  did  you  tell  him  ?  " 

She  leant  back  in  a  big  chair  near  the  fire  as  she 
spoke,  and  felt,  with  half  discomfort,  half  resent- 
ment, that  his  eyes  travelled  from  the  toes  of  her 
shoes  to  the  top  of  her  head.  It  was  true  that  there 
were  admiration,  curiosity,  and  something  like  be- 
wilderment in  them,  but  not  one  of  these  held  a 
touch  of  anything  that  could  offend. 

And  then  Oswald  repeated  to  her  a  good  deal  of 
what  he  had  said  to  Forbes. 

'*  Absolutely,"  he  added,  "  if  he  ever  hopes  to  be 
worth  anything  again,  he  must  not  lead  the  life  he 
has  been  leading.  He  must  go  out  and  about — he 
must  walk — you  can  make  him.  Worry  him  till 
he  takes  you  to  the  theatres,  to  receptions,  to  all 
the  social  functions  that  you  of  course  must  attend. 
You  follow  me  ?  Make  him  think  of  something  but 
himself." 

"  You  set  me  a  colossal  task,"  returned  Nell  with 
146 


SINLESS 


a  little  unconscious  curl  of  her  pretty  lips  that  told 
the  quick-eyed  man  before  her  more  than  she 
dreamed,  "  and  one  to  which  I  fear  I  am  quite 
unequal.  Why  don't  you  see  what  you  can  do 
with  his  man — Worth  has  immense  influence  with 
him,  and  I  fancy  he  is  just  a  trifle  afraid  of  Worth — 
now  I  never  inspired  fear  in  even  a  small  Page ! " 

"  Still,  I  want  your  help  more  than  Worth's — I 
want  the  sort  of  help  that  you  alone  could  give  me. 
But  I  will  not  worry  you  about  that  now,  Mrs 
Forbes.  I'll  wait  and  see  what  impression  my 
words  have  made  upon  him,  and  whether  reflection 
makes  him  see  a  little  the  wisdom  of  following  my 
advice  as  far  as  I  have  given  it.  First  of  all,  though, 
hustle  him  out  of  those  rooms — move  his  bedroom 
upstairs — and  get  him  out  of  the  way  of  sleeping 
in  snatches  and  in  a  chair." 

He  watched  her  while  he  was  speaking.  He  saw 
the  colour  come  and  go  in  her  cheeks ;  his  keen, 
practiced  eyes  took  in  at  once  the  unnatural  shadows 
beneath  hers,  the  faintly  drawn  look  about  her 
mouth,  the  slight  depressions  in  the  soft  rounded 
cheeks.  And  he  deliberately  turned  the  conversa- 
tion from  Forbes,  and  talked  to  her  lightly  and 
quite  amusingly  for  several  minutes.  Then  he  rose, 
and  with  the  renewal  of  his  promise  to  come  again 
on  Friday,  left  her.  He  walked  very  slowly  and 
thoughtfully  in  the  direction  of  Piccadilly,  his  eyes 
alternately  set  upon  the  damp  pavement  and  the 
dull,  leaden  sky.  Then  he  hailed  a  hansom  and 
gave  the  address  of  his  own  house.  And  he  threw 
himself  back  in  one  corner  of  the  cab  and  frowned 
hard  while  he  puzzled,  half  aloud  a 

*47 


SINLESS 

"  Where  have  I  seen  that  woman  before  ?  Hers 
is  not  a  face  that  any  man  is  likely  to  forget — and 
yet  I  don't  know  her,  and  it  was  evident  that  she 
remembered  me  not  at  all.  But  for  all  that  her 
face  is  quite  familiar — I've  heard  her  voice  too. 
When  it  had  that  shy  tone  as  she  first  entered  the 
room  I  recognised  it — when  there  was  that  keen 
touch  of  alarm  in  it  at  one  or  two  things  I  said 
about  that  horror  of  a  husband  of  hers,  it  seemed 
more  than  ever  to  come  back  to  me  familiarly. 
Hang  it !  Of  all  the  worrying  things — ah  ! " 

The  exclamation  was  so  sudden,  so  sharp,  that  the 
driver  heard  it  and  lifted  the  trap. 

"  Did  you  speak  to  me,  sir  ?  " 

"  No — no.  Go  on.  By  Jove,  I  have  it ! " 
Oswald  added  to  himself.  And  before  his  mind's 
eye  there  rose  the  worst  fog  of  the  year — a  black 
dead  wall  of  smoky,  choking  mist,  out  of  which  to- 
wards him  there  came  a  woman  whose  voice  was 
full  of  fear,  and  whose  hands  went  out  to  him 
eagerly,  trustfully,  as  she  asked  his  help.  He  was 
saying  cheering  words  to  her  and  piloting  her  safely 
from  somewhere  about  the  Temple  to  Charing  Cross  ; 
and  then  he  was  saying  good-bye  to  her,  beneath 
the  dim  lights  of  the  fog-filled  station,  and  telling 
her  that  he  hoped  she  would  meet  her  husband 
safely.  She  was  thanking  him  gratefully,  in  her 
pretty  low  voice,  and  telling  him  that  but  for  his 
assistance  she  did  not  know  what  would  have  be- 
come of  her.  The  whole  scene  came  back  to  him  ; 
and  a  little  smile  of  recollection  and  distinct  relief 
at  that  recollection  played  round  his  mouth  and  in 
his  eyes. 


SINLESS 


"  Of  course — it  is  she  !  I  remember  perfectly 
how  she  was  lost  in  the  fog,  and  how  she  was  going 
to  meet  her  husband  at  Charing  Cross.  I  knew  her 
voice  and  face  were  familiar  to  me,  though  I've 
hardly  thought  of  her  from  that  night  till  this  day. 
And  so  she  did  find  him  safely — and  what  a  find  ! 
He  says  he  has  been  in  England  but  a  few  months 
after  years  spent  in  India — it  was  just  about  the 
time  of  his  return  that  I  met  with  her — that  very 
night  in  the  fog  !  Curious  what  a  small  world  it 
really  is.  I  must  talk  to  her  about  it  and  see  if 
she  remembers. 

"  She  puzzles  me  a  bit  even  now  that  I  can  place 
her.  She's  ill  and  she's  hiding  it — she's  failing,  and 
she  won't  give  in.  She  is  in  a  state  of  nerves — by 
Jove,  she  is  a  far  more  interesting  study  than  the 
man,  I'll  warrant !  " 

The  sudden  stopping  of  the  cab  roused  him  from 
thought,  and  the  young  doctor,  contrary  to  his 
custom  went  about  for  the  rest  of  the  day  unable  to 
forget  his  new  patient,  and  still  more  unable  to  for- 
get that  patient's  wife. 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XVI 

A  ND  you  really  think  I  am  better  ?  I 
/\  think  I  am  myself,  but  I  might  be  mis- 

-/.  ».  taken  where  you  are  not."  Forbes  made 
the  remark,  and  asked  the  question  with  his  head  a 
little  on  one  side,  as  was  his  habit  whenever  he  was 
rather  pleased  with  himself.  The  world  was  a 
month  older,  and  Dr  Oswald  had  become  part  and 
parcel  of  the  little  house  in  Half  Moon  Street.  He 
was  to  be  seen  there  every  day  ;  in  company  with 
Forbes  or  Mrs  Forbes  he  was  to  be  seen  driving 
sometimes,  at  social  gatherings,  even  once  or  twice 
at  the  theatre.  Forbes  had  grown  to  look  upon 
his  presence  as  an  absolute  necessity — he  pooh- 
poohed  the  idea  of  Nell  helping  to  drag  him  out  of 
what  Oswald  called  his  shell — no  one  but  the  doctor 
himself  could  do  that. 

And  the  doctor  did  it.  His  time  was  almost  all 
his  own,  his  practice  was  as  yet  very  small,  his 
patients  numbered  scarcely  half-a-dozen,  and  all 
these  were  men  who  had  demanded  his  whole  at- 
tention as  did  Forbes.  He  had  performed  some 
wonderful  cures,  he  had  seemed  to  handle  his 
patients  and  their  ailments  much  as  he  chose,  with 
ease  and  sometimes  what  looked  like  carelessness, 
that  was  remarkable,  and  all  those  who  had  given 
themselves  up  entirely  to  his  treatment  had  reason 
to  be  more  than  merely  grateful  to  him.  But  as 


SINLESS 

yet,  he  was  practically  unknown.  Forbes  knew  this  ; 
he  paid  him  a  high  fee,  and  he  demanded  his  con- 
stant attention  and  almost  his  constant  companion- 
ship. With  Mrs  Forbes  the  young  doctor  did  not 
get  on  quite  so  well ;  it  was  plain  to  him  that  she 
made  every  effort  to  avoid  him,  and  while  she  was 
never  uncivil  she  was  also  never  at  all  friendly. 
She  had,  as  Oswald  had  predicted  to  himself  that 
she  would,  proved  a  far  more  interesting  study  than 
her  husband  ;  and  slight  as  had  been  his  oppor- 
tunities of  studying  her  during  the  last  month,  the 
doctor  had  contrived  to  make  several  little  dis- 
coveries concerning  his  patient's  wife,  which  if  they 
hardly  surprised  him,  at  least  puzzled  him.  He  was 
thinking  over  them  now,  behind  an  evening  paper, 
when  Forbes'  question  brought  him  back  to  the 
present  and  his  surroundings. 

"  Think  you  are  really  better  ?  "  he  answered 
suddenly,  as  one  might  whose  thoughts  had  been 
far  away.  "  My  dear  sir,  I'm  positive  of  it — you  are 
better,  I'll  wager,  than  you  have  been  for  the  last 
two  or  three  years,  anyhow." 

"  That's  true — quite  true.  I  wouldn't  be  sur- 
prised if  you  really  did  make  a  new  man  of  me  ! " 
Forbes  spoke  in  his  usual  patronising  tone,  ap- 
parently making  no  more  difference  in  speaking  to 
Dr  Oswald  than  he  would  have  made  hi  speaking 
to  the  butcher ;  and  the  doctor,  who  was  used  to 
him  now,  and  a  little  amused  too,  nodded  and 
smiled,  and  then  looked  up  in  sudden  surprise  as 
his  patient  went  into  such  a  fit  of  unrestrained 
laughter  that  the  chances  were  he  would  choke. 

"  What  on  earth's  the  matter  ?  "  asked  the  younger 


SINLESS 

man.  "  You'll  do  yourself  an  injury  if  you  laugh 
like  that !  What  has  amused  you  ?  "  But  Forbes 
declined  to  reply,  and  laughed  on  till  from  sheer 
exhaustion,  he  was  forced  to  cease. 

"  Delighted  to  hear  such  a  good  account  of  my- 
self," he  said  after  a  long  pause,  but  was  well  aware 
that  his  companion  did  not  believe  him.  "  Well, 
look  here,  Oswald,  now  that  I'm  a  little  bit  out  of 
hand  as  it  were,  I  want  you  to  turn  your  attention 
to  my  wife." 

"  I've  done  that  already." 

"  Ah  !  You've  noticed,  too,  that  there  is  some- 
thing wrong  ?  " 

"  Anybody,  without  the  trained  eye  could  see 
that  her  health  is  failing — I  thought  you  knew." 

"  Knew  !  Of  course  I  could  see  it  too,  but  then 
women  have  such  silly  fads,  and  they  are  always 
eating  unwholesome  things  in  the  way  of  sweets, 
and  drinking  unlimited  tea,  and  ruining  their 
digestions." 

"  Mrs  Forbes  has  no  fads  that  I  can  discover, 
and  as  for  the  rest,  why,  I  believe  she  starves." 

"  Wants  to  get  thin,  then,  or  something.  You 
have  not  spoken  to  her  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not.  Unless  she  consulted  me,  or  you 
had  mentioned  it,  it  was  not  my  business." 

Forbes  was  laughing  again — this  time  in  a  sort  of 
delighted  chuckle. 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you,"  he  said,  "  why  I  did  not  say 
anything  to  you  before.  First  I  did  not  want  you 
interrupted  in  your  attention  to  me,"  Oswald's 
eyebrows  went  up  disgustedly — he  could  not  help 
it ;  "  and  then  she  swore  that  if  I  ever  said  a  syllable 

153 


SINLESS 

about  her  to  you  she  would  walk  out  of  the  house 
there  and  then." 

"  Oh,  then  it  was  personal  objection  to  me." 
"  Not  a  bit  of  it.  She  did  not  know  you  when  she 
said  that.  It  was  quite  a  month  ago  ;  the  day,  in 
fact,  when  we  started  from  Hedlam  for  town.  She 
was  put  out,  and  it  rather  appeared  to  me,  upset  at 
leaving  so  hastily — women  have  no  consideration  for 
any  one  but  themselves — and  I  suppose  because  she 
was  extra  worried,  I  noticed  that  she  was  looking 
anything  but  well.  I,"  not  looking  at  Oswald,  who 
was  watching  him  keenly,  "  have — have — observed 
her  more  closely  since,  and  really  sometimes  I  think 

she  is  a  little "     He  tapped  his  forehead  to  finish 

the  sentence  with  an  illustration  of  his  meaning. 
**  Something  I  said,  set  her  going  almost  into 
hysterics  in  the  train,  then  I  caught  her  leaning  out 
of  the  window  in  a  most  dangerous  manner  and 
waving  her  handkerchief  to  children  at  the  level- 
crossing,  if  you  please  !  and  after,  when  I  happened 
to  tell  her  that  I  had  changed  our  hotel  and  that  I 
had  telephoned  to  the  Victoria — indeed  for  the  very 
rooms  she  had  occupied  when  she  came  up  to  town 
to  meet  me  on  my  arrival  from  India,  and  that  I'd 
secured  them,  I  thought  she  would  have  gone  into 
a  fit — absolutely  for  nothing  !  I  told  her  I  should 
get  you  to  have  a  look  at  her,  and  it  was  then  that 
she  declared  if  I  did,  she'd  walk  out  of  the 
house." 

"  I  don't  wonder,"  retorted  Oswald  somewhat 
sarcastically.  "  If  you  tell  a  woman  you'll  get  a 
doctor  to  '  have  a  look  at  her  '  much  as  you'd  order 
your  coachman  to  overhaul  a  horse,  I'm  not  sur- 

'53 


SINLESS 

prised  that  she's  a  bit  put  off.  I  expect  that  is  why 
she  dislikes  me." 

"  Does  she  dislike  you  ?  "   . 

"  At  all  events  she  avoids  me — she  seems  a  little 
bit  afraid  of  me — I  can  see  why  now." 

"  Oh,  can  you  ?  "  answered  Forbes  in  a  tone  that 
somehow  made  the  doctor  vaguely  conscious  of 
having  said  the  wrong  thing.  "  Why  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  suppose  she  thinks  I  shall  watch  her,  and 
perhaps,"  with  a  slight  laugh,  "  prescribe  for  her." 

*'  Well,  that's  what  I  want  you  to  do.  If  she 
thinks  I've  spoken  to  you,  she'll  get  into  a  rage  ; 
if  you  do  it — I  mean  tell  her  what  you  think — on 
your  own  responsibility,  perhaps  she'll  listen." 

"  You  mean  me  to  understand  that  you  are 
anxious  about  her  ?  " 

"  I  don't  want  her  falling  ill  just  as  I'm  getting 
better  and  she  can  presently  travel  about  a  bit  with 
me,  as  you  have  ordered.  I  dare  say  a  good  talking 
to  and  attention  to  diet  would  put  her  right ;  and  it's 
unfair  to  me  and  every  one,  to  go  and  lay  herself  up, 
when  naturally  she  is  a  young  lion  of  strength. 
Women  never  value  their  health  till  they've  lost  it. 
To  be  absolutely  candid,  Oswald,  I'm — I'm  a  bit 
suspicious  that  there's  something  on  her  mind — 
something  troubling  her  that — I  know  I  can  trust 
you — the  fact  is  my  wife  and  I  are  practically 
strangers.  As  you  know,  I've  been  out  of  England 
for  upwards  of  ten  years,  and  she  has  not  been  with 
me — as  you  probably  don't  know.  I  ought  never 
to  have  married — women  are  a  nuisance  at  best, 
and  I  don't  understand  them  at  all,  or  wish  to. 
My  wife's  a  mighty  good-looking  woman,  and  she's 

*54 


SINLESS 


young — she  has  been  younger  still,  during  all  the 
years  of  my  absence,  and  I  cannot  help  wondering 
if  it  is  possible,"  with  his  head  on  one  side,  "  that 
she  can  have  formed  some  attachment." 

"  I'm  quite  certain,"  interrupted  Oswald  with 
some  suppressed  heat,  "  that  whatever  you  think 
you  have  no  right  to  talk  to  me  of  your  wife  in  this 
way.  Hang  it  all,  man,  I'm  nearly  a  stranger  to  you, 
and  absolutely  one  to  her." 

"  Oh,  if  you're  going  to  take  it  like  that,"  grumbled 
Forbes  offendedly,  "  well  and  good — I'll  say  no 
more,  but  I  can  think  anyhow  ;  and  as  I  wanted  you 
to  find  out  if  she  is  fretting,  or  what  the  dickens  is 
the  matter,  I  thought  a  hint  would  help  you  along." 

Oswald  admitted  to  himself  that  the  hint  was 
helping  him  along,  but  he  was  not  going  to  admit 
it  to  Forbes. 

"  All  right,"  he  said  presently,  "  I'll  see  what  I 
can  do  so  far  as  her  health  is  concerned,  but  I'm  not 
going " 

"  You  can  take  it  from  me  I'm  right  somewhere — 
women  don't  change  as  she  has  changed  lately  un- 
less  " 

M  •  And  called  some  druggists  and  physicians, 

And  tried  to  prove  his  loving  spouse  was  mad, 
But  as  she  had  some  lucid  intermissions, 
He  next  decided  she  was  only  bad  I '  " 

quoted  Oswald,  twisting  the  lines  to  suit  the  occasion, 
and  bringing  a  vexed  frown  to  Forbes'  ugly  little  eyes. 

"  Oh,  if  you're  going  to  spout  Don  Juan  at  me — 
I've  spoken  to  you  in  confidence " 

'*  You  need  not  trouble  to  remind  me  of  that.  I 
think  I'll  be  off  now.  Good-night — oh,  and  don't 
forget  to  tell  Worth  about  the  new  medicine." 

'55 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XVII 

NELL  was  coming  down  Regent  Street  as 
swiftly  as  a  high  March  wind,  which 
threatened  to  lift  her  off  her  feet,  and  a 
light  fall  of  snow,  fine  as  powdered  glass,  which 
blew  blindingly  into  her  eyes,  would  allow  her.  She 
paused  at  the  corner  end  of  Swan  and  Edgar's  to 
gain  breath,  and  then,  turning  quickly,  ran  into  the 
arms  of  a  woman,  who  hailed  her  delightedly,  and 
drew  her  rapidly  out  of  the  crowd.  She  was  a  woman 
with  a  large  round  face,  a  larger  and  rounder  voice, 
she  was  tall  and  very  stout  and  carried  an  armful 
of  parcels.  And  Nell  recognised  her  instantly  with 
a  sinking  heart. 

"  What  luck  !  "  she  exclaimed  breathlessly,  roaring 
her  remark  through  the  wind.  "  Wherever  have 
you  and  Ken  got  to  lately  ?  Fancy  running  up 
against  you  here  too,  just  by  purest  accident ! 
Why,  it's  four  months — four  months  on  the  23rd — 
since  I  saw  either  of  you  !  You  remember,"  peering 
into  the  girl's  flushed  face,  "  how  you  were  just 
leaving  the  Victoria  Hotel  when  we  last  met  ? 
You'd  missed  Ken,  in  that  horrible  fog  we  had,  and 
you  were  just  off  home,  and  I  was  going  up  to  see 
Milly.  Dear — dear — it  only  seems  like  yesterday  ! 
And  when  I  got  back  to  Bray,  I  found  you  had  both 
gone,  and  the  house  was  practically  closed  ;  and  I 
heard  you'd  gone  to  some  friends  of  the  Champ- 

156 


SINLESS 


erownes — the  Brandlings.  Well,  let's  walk  on  a 
little  bit — where  are  you  staying — still  at  the 
Vic " 

"No,"  broke  in  Nell  hastily.  "We  have  a 
furnished  house  in  Half  Moon  Street — Kenneth  is 
in  town  to  consult  some  new  doctor,  who  is  already 
doing  him  a  great  deal  of  good." 

"  Oh,  indeed  !  I'm  glad  of  that.  I  thought  him 
looking  well,  though,  even  in  that  glimpse  I  got  of 
him,  on  that  morning  when  I  came  to  town — you 
remember." 

"  Oh,  yes  !  I  remember,"  said  Nell  desperately, 
feeling  that  a  repetition  of  the  events  of  that  day 
would  drive  her  mad.  Of  all  the  cruel  tricks  Fate 
had  played  her,  this  was  surely  one  of  the  most 
cruel — to  fling  this  woman,  of  all  others,  across  her 
path. 

**  Are  you  going  home  now  ?  You  might,  if  you 
were  very  sweet,"  with  a  loud  laugh  and  a  brisk 
nod  of  her  head,  "  ask  me  back  to  tea  ?  I've  known 
your  dear  husband  ever  since  he  was  a  little  kiddie, 
so  I  don't  feel  it's  cheek  to  invite  myself,  though  you 
and  I  don't  know  much  of  each  other — and  that's 
all  your  fault,  young  lady !  "  Her  tone  was  jocose, 
her  face  very  red,  and  if  her  eyes  were  unusually 
watchful  as  they  fastened  themselves  on  Nell's  face, 
Nell  did  not  notice,  because  she  was  feigning  to  battle 
with  a  gust  of  wind  before  answering,  and  asking 
herself  meantime  what  she  could  and  should  do. 
She  knew  the  woman  sufficiently  well  to  be  sure 
that  flight  was  as  impossible  as  excuse  ;  Nell  might 
say  she  was  not  going  home,  but  her  companion 
would  demand  her  address  and  would  surely  turn 


SINLESS 


up  to  see  Forbes.  After  all,  did  it  matter  much 
really  ?  Nell  tried  to  comfort  herself  with  the  re- 
collection that  she  had  only  met  her  on  that  fatal 
morning  just  as  she  was  leaving  the  hotel — that  the 
woman  had  been  too  busy  telling  her  about  Forbes 
to  have  noticed  Boyd.  Nell  remembered  that  he 
had  stepped  far  aside  in  the  hall,  and  that  there 
were  many  other  people  there  beside  themselves. 
If  this  woman  alluded  to  that  time,  she  knew  no 
more  than  did  Forbes,  than  did  the  rest  of  the 
world — it  would  be  folly,  perhaps  worse,  to  seem 
to  put  her  off. 

Her  face  was  hot  when  she  turned  it  to  her  com- 
panion. 

"  I — I  beg  your  pardon,"  she  said.  "  This  fearful 
wind  takes  one's  breath  away,  does  not  it  ?  I — we 
— Kenneth  will  be  charmed  I  am  sure,  if  you  will 
come  back.  Shall  we  have  this  cab  ?  "  She  hailed 
a  passing  hansom  as  she  spoke,  and  her  companion 
smiled  a  little  grimly  to  herself. 

("A  bit  jumpy  at  meeting  me !"  she  said  inwardly, 
"  but  can't  well  get  out  of  it,  brazen  little  cat ! ") 

"  Well,  and  so  you  are  in  town  ?  "  she  said  when 
they  were  seated.  "  Have  you  given  up  Bray  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no.  We  are  staying  up  for  this  doctor,  you 
know.  Dr  Owen  Oswald — have  you  ever  heard  of 
him?" 

"  No  ;  and  so  he's  doing  Ken  a  lot  of  good — I'm 
very  glad.  I  suppose  you  hardly  know  yourself 
after  all  these  years  of  freedom  ?  I  must  say  you 
were  very  quiet,  and  lived  a  very  simple  life  for  so 
young  and  pretty  a  woman.  Do  you  miss  the 
freedom  ?  " 

158 


SINLESS 

"Not  at  all,"  returned  Nell  untruthfully,  and 
with  a  suspicion  of  haughtiness  in  her  voice.  "  Miss 
Blake — she  is  still  in  town — she  is  well  ?  " 

"  Very  fairly.  She  has  gone  to  her  people  in 
France.  Ah  !  are  we  here  ?  "  She  struggled  out 
of  the  cab,  followed  by  Nell,  and  there  was  an  ex- 
pression on  the  lady's  face  that  told  of  expected 
enjoyment. 

Five  minutes  later  she  was  grasping  Forbes* 
hands,  shouting  in  his  ears  her  delight  at  seeing 
him,  and  being  introduced  to  Dr  Oswald,  who  had 
come  in  a  few  moments  before  her. 

"  Your  wife  tells  me  you  are  taking  some  sort  of 
cure  ?  Bravo  !  It  looks  as  though  it  agreed  with 
you  !  Never  saw  you  looking  better — now,  Mrs 
Forbes  wants  a  doctor's  care  more  than  you  by  the 
look  of  her— eh,  Dr  Oswald  ?  " 

"  Oh,  please  leave  me  out  of  the  discussion," 
pleaded  Nell,  vexed,  while  she  threw  aside  her  furs 
and  sunk  into  a  chair  with  the  air  of  one  quite 
fatigued.  "  People  will  insist  on  it  that  I  am 
delicate  because  I  have  not  cheeks  like  a  dairy- 
maid. Shall  I  tell  them  to  bring  tea  in  here, 
Kenneth,  or " 

"  Oh,  in  here  by  all  means.  I  feel  disinclined  to 
move,  and  I'm  sure  Mrs  Jessop  won't  mind.  I 
have  not  had  a  talk  with  you  for  many  years." 

"  Only  those  few  minutes  on  the  station  at  Maiden- 
head, when  you'd  lost  your  wife  in  a  fog  and  were 
sending  wild  telegrams  all  over  the  place.  It  was 
funny,  thought  it  was  vexing  too — you  ought  to 
have  seen  him,  Mrs  Forbes." 

"  You  are  not  going,  Dr  Oswald  ?  "  inquired  Nell 


SINLESS 

as  the  doctor  rose,  and  for  the  first  time  she  looked 
at  him  with  something  like  appeal  in  her  eyes. 
She  had  caught  a  half-pitying  expression  in  his  eyes 
lately,  something  more  kind  than  she  had  suspected  ; 
and  it  seemed  to  her  in  some  vague,  unaccountable 
way,  now,  that  in  this  room  he  was  her  one  friend. 
"  Do  stay  and  drink  some  tea,  though  you  may  con- 
demn the  habit."  She  stretched  out  her  hand  and 
touched  his  arm,  and  even  through  his  coat  sleeve 
he  could  feel  that  it  was  burning  hot.  For  one 
moment,  unseen  by  either  of  the  others,  he  covered 
it  with  his  own,  and  there  was  something  in  the 
firm  warm  clasp  that  gave  Nell  courage. 

"  I  wondered  where  you  two  had  got  to,"  Mrs 
Jessop  was  telling  Forbes  loudly,  while  Nell's  eyes 
thanked  Oswald,  and  he  resumed  his  seat.  "  Then 
I  heard  from  the  Champerownes.  It  was  quite  a 
bit  of  luck  running  up  against  your  wife  to-day." 

"  Where  are  you  staying  ?  "  asked  Forbes. 

"  Well,  nowhere,  at  present.  The  fact  is  I've 
only  just  come  up  to  town  this  very  day,  and  as 
Milly's  left  her  hotel  I  shall  have  to  find  a  room 
somewhere — I'm  bound  to  remain  for  the  week  any- 
way, and  I'm  rather  regretting  that  I  don't  belong 
to  one  of  these  womens'  clubs  you  know — only 
people  are  such  scandal  mongers  that " 

"  You  must  stay  here,  my  dear  madam,  we  can 
put  you  up  easily,  can't  we,  Ellen  ?  There's  room — 
plenty." 

"  Could  you  really — would  you  ?  "  cried  Mrs 
Jessop,  to  whom  the  saving  of  a  hotel  bill  was  a  joy 
in  the  mere  thought  only,  indeed,  and  looked  un- 
certainly in  Nell's  direction. 

1 60 


SINLESS 


"  We  have  a  spare  room,"  the  girl  said,  with  set 
teeth  and  a  wild  effort  to  smile,  to  infuse  into  her 
tones  even  a  touch  of  cordiality. 

"  How  awfully  good  of  you !  How  sweet ! 
Thanks  so  much — I've  only  a  bag,  which  I  left  in 
the  cloak-room  at  Waterloo,  and  I  can  send  for  that 
later.  I  said  it  was  luck,  meeting  you,  and  it  is  ! 
It  will  be  quite  like  old  times,  Ken — only  when  I 
remember  you  best  you  were  not  married  !  You 
must  let  me  help  you  if  I  can,  Mrs  Forbes — give  Ken 
his  physic  and  all  that  sort  of  thing  you  know. 
No,"  with  scarcely  a  pause  for  breath,  and  un- 
conscious that  Oswald  was  regarding  her  with  some 
of  the  horror  a  man  always  has  of  a  very  talkative 
woman,  "  I'll  tell  you  why  I  particularly  dislike 
staying  alone  at  a  hotel — people,"  mysteriously, 
"  will  talk.  Oh,  I  know  I'm  no  longer  young,  or 
beautiful,  but  even  so,  one  has  to  be  a  bit  careful. 
People  are  such  frightful,  pardon  me,  liars.  Now, 
I'll  give  you  a  case  in  point " 

("  How  she  talks  !  "  murmured  Nell  in  an  under- 
tone to  the  doctor,  with  a  little  pale  smile  more  sad 
than  tears. 

"  Why  don't  you  get  away  ?  Go  to  bed ;  let 
me  send  you  something — you  really  are  ill,"  he 
murmured  back.) 

"  I'll  give  you  a  case  in  point,"  went  on  Mrs 
Jessop  turning  round  just  as  Nell  shook  her  head 
in  answer  to  Oswald's  whisper.  "  It'll  make  you  laugh 
particularly." 

"  Why  ? "  inquired  Nell,  glad  to  be  able  to  say 
something. 

"  I'll  tell  you.    You  remember  the  day  we  met 


SINLESS 

on  the  stairs  of  the  Victoria,  just  as  you  were  flying 
off  home  to  Bray ?  " 

"  You  met  there  that  day  ?  You  never  told  me, 
Ellen,"  said  Forbes,  looking  hard  at  his  wife's  white 
face. 

"  I  suppose  I  forgot,"  she  returned  faintly,  "  it 
wasn't  very  important  anyway." 

"  Well,"  Mrs  Jessop  continued,  with  what  Oswald 
thought  real  relish,  and  Nell  thought  cruel,  madden- 
ing persistence,  "  that  morning  I  went  up  to  see 
Milly — I  told  you  on  the  stairs,  but  I  daresay  you've 
forgotten  that  too,"  with  a  jolly  laugh.  "  The  fact 
is  she  couldn't  get  back  to  you  quickly  enough,  Ken  ; 
so  we  must  forgive  her  memory  !  I  went  up  to 
Milly,  anyhow,  and  on  my  way  I  noticed  some  rooms 
that  were  empty,  and  which  turned  out  afterwards 
to  have  been  vacated  by  you,  that  I  thought  Milly 
would  like  better  than  those  she  had  been  obliged 
to  take  when  the  place  was  so  full."  Mrs 
Jessop  paused  to  take  a  sip  of  tea,  and  to  dispose 
of  a  fragment  of  bread  and  butter  ;  and  Oswald  saw 
that  Nell's  face  was  livid.  "  And  so  I  told  Milly,  and 
we  sent  for  the  chambermaid  to  ask  if  they  really 
were  free.  *  Twenty  five,  six  and  seven  ? '  she  said, 
'  the  lady  and  gentleman  have  just  gone — Mr  and 
Mrs  Forbes  ! '  Ha  !  ha  ! — there  now,  was  a  mistake 
for  you  !  A  nice  kettle  of  fish  if  it  had  been  someone 
else  !  Of  course  it  did  not  matter,  because  she  only 
said  it  to  me  and  Milly,  and  we  knew  it  was  a  mis- 
take, and  /  knew  that  you  had  come  up  to  meet  Ken 
and  missed  him,  and  all  that — but  supposing  I 
hadn't — and  I'd  been  one  of  those  horrid  scandal- 
loving  people — and  you'd  been  there — and " 

i6a 


SINLESS 

"  Oh,  will  you  be  quiet ! "  burst  out  Nell,  un- 
conscious of  what  she  was  saying,  desperate,  goaded 
almost  to  madness.  "  I — I — beg  your  pardon — my 

head  is  raging — and  you "  But  words  failed  her. 

So  did  her  legs  ;  and  as  she  rose  to  take  flight  from 
the  room,  before  Oswald,  who  had  not  missed  one 
fleeting  expression  of  her  poor  harassed  little  face, 
could  spring  up  to  her  rescue,  the  floor  seemed  to 
give  way  beneath  her,  and  with  a  little  cry  she  fell 
backwards,  her  head  coming  with  a  crash  upon  the 
fender  bars. 

"  Good  Heavens  !  "  cried  the  visitor.  "  I  knew 
she  was  looking  awful,  but  why  on  earth  did  she 
not  say  that  her  head  was  so  bad  before  ?  " 

"  If  you  will  allow  me,"  said  Oswald,  turning 
quietly  to  Forbes,  with  Nell  lying  white  and  silent 
in  his  arms  now,  "  I'll  carry  Mrs  Forbes  upstairs 
to  her  room  and  tell  the  servants  what  to  do  for 
her." 

"  Let  me  come — pray  let  me  come  !  "  urged  Mrs 
Jessop,  but  the  doctor  waved  her  unceremoniously 
aside. 

"  I  prefer  the  parlour-maid,"  he  said. 

"  She's  been  ill  for  weeks,"  declared  Forbes, 
helping  himself  to  more  bread  and  butter,  "  but 
she's  so  obstinate,  and  headstrong,  and  won't  take 
advice.  Give  me  a  little  more  tea,  please,  Mrs 
Jessop." 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER    XVIII 

WHEN  Nell  came  back  to  life  she  found 
herself  in  bed,  in  a  darkened  room  that 
she  thought  empty  of  everyone  but 
herself,  and  with  a  sharp,  stinging  pain  at  the  back 
of  her  head,  which  was  put  back  on  a  pillow  covered 
with  cool,  damp  cloths.  As  memory  returned  to 
her,  the  slow  tears  filled  her  eyes,  and  through  them 
she  suddenly  saw  Dr  Oswald  coming  towards  her 
from  the  far  corner  of  the  room. 

He  slid  his  arm  beneath  her  shoulders,  and  held 
to  her  lips  a  glass. 

"  Don't  speak  till  you  have  finished  this,"  he 
said,  "  then  you  may  talk  to  me,  but  no  one 
else." 

"  How  long  have  I  been  here  ?  "  she  questioned 
when  she  had  obeyed  him. 

"  Four  or  five  hours." 

"  Then  it  is  night  ?  " 

"  Yes." 

"  And  you  have  been  here  all  the  time  ?  " 

"  Yes." 

"  Why  ?  " 

"  You  wanted  a  good  deal  of  looking  after — 

and "  looking  her  full  in  the  eyes,  "  I  thought 

you  would  prefer  that  I  should  attend  you  than  that 
they  should  call  in  someone  who — might  understand 

your  wishes  less.  There — there "  as  she  looked 

IU4 


SINLESS 

at  him  startled,  "  don't  worry.  I'm  your  friend — 
remember  that,  anyhow." 

It  seemed  to  her  then,  that  he  had  seen  into  her 
very  soul.  Her  heart  and  her  mind  were  laid  bare 
to  him  ;  and  the  secret  they  had  cherished  was  no 
longer  hers  alone. 

With  a  little  stifled  murmur  she  turned  and  hid 
her  face  between  the  pillow  and  his  arm  ;  and  he 
was  silent — he  waited  till  she  should  speak. 

"  What  have  I  done  to  my  head  ?  "  she  asked  at 
last. 

"  Nothing  very  much.  You  gave  it  a  nasty  knock 
on  the  fender  ;  but  it  will  be  all  right  by  to-morrow, 
and  if  you  will  not  bother  it  about  anything  you'll 
be  about  in  a  couple  of  days  at  most." 

"  Is — is  she — Mrs  Jessop — here  still  ?  "  . 

"  Rather  !  Bentley  is  looking  after  her  ;  and  she 
has  dragged  your  husband  off  to  the  theatre.  I 
advised  him  to  go  ;  I  thought  it  would  save  her 
fussing  over  you,  and  by  the  time  they  get  back  I 
can  have  her  locked  out  of  your  room.  I'm  going 
to  stay  here  to-night." 

"Why?"  sharply.  "  I'm— I'm— not  ill— you 
said  so." 

"  I  know.  But  I'm  going  to  stay — I'm  going  to 
see  nobody  worries  you." 

"  How  good  you  are,"  she  whispered  faintly, 
twining  her  fingers  for  a  moment  round  his. 

"  I  am — wonderfully  !  "  he  laughed.  "  Now, 
reward  me — go  to  sleep,  and  don't  think  of  anything 
or  anybody." 

'*  Very  well ;  thank  you."  He  moved  gently  in 
the  direction  of  the  door. 

'65 


SINLESS 

"  Dr  Oswald,"  Nell  called  faintly,  and  he  returned 
at  once.  "  You  won't  go  away  ?  " 

"  No,  I  promise." 

"  They— he— won't  think  it  odd  ?  " 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it— leave  all  that  to  me." 

"  And  if — and  you  won't — and — oh " 

"  If  they  both  question  me  till  they  haven't  a 
breath  left,  I  shall  only  be  able  to  tell  them  that 
you  have  given  your  head  a  bad  bump,  that  you 
are  very  tired,  that  I've  given  you  something  to  put 
you  to  sleep,  that  you  are  a  very  obstinate  woman, 
and  I've  had  to  stupefy  you  into  obedience,  and  that 
by  the  day  after  to-morrow  you  will  be  flying  all 
over  the  place  again.  Now,  are  you  satisfied  that 
I'm  not  quite  a  fool  ?  '* 

"  You  are  an  angel  of  goodness,  I  think." 

"  That's  right.    Now,  good-night." 

Once  downstairs,  the  smile  left  the  doctor's  eyes, 
his  face  took  on  a  very  grave,  distressed  expression. 
He  threw  himself  back  into  a  chair  by  the  fire,  and 
fell  so  deeply  into  thought  that  the  hours  passed 
unheeded,  unnoticed,  till  he  was  roused  by  the  re- 
turn of  Mrs  Jessop  and  Forbes. 

"  How  is  she  ? "  demanded  the  lady  at  once  of 
Oswald. 

"  Oh,  doing  splendidly.  It's  a  mere  scratch. 
She  will  be  all  right  to-morrow." 

"  Did  you  manage  to  find  out  what  made  her 
faint  ?  "  asked  Nell's  husband. 

"  Yes  ;  she's  been  suffering,  it  seems,  for  several 
days  with  neuralgia,  and  had  taken  some  powders, 
which  were  evidently  doing  her  more  harm  than 
good.  She  was  out  in  the  wind  to-day,  and  that 

166 


SINLESS 


put  the  finishing  touch  to  the  pain.  Then  she  tried 
to  keep  up  while  Mrs  Jessop,"  bowing  a  little  to  the 
lady,  "  was  entertaining  us  all — and  there  you  are, 
you  see." 

"  Humph  !  "  said  Forbes,  and  his  mouth  and  eyes 
grew  hard. 

"  But  you're  staying  all  night  on  her  account," 
struck  in  Mrs  Jessop,  "  you  are  sure  you  are  not 
saying  this  just  to  ease  our  minds  ?  " 

The  doctor  smiled  in  a  way  that  Mrs  Jessop  did 
not  quite  like. 

"  You  are  mistaken,  madam,  I  am  staying  en- 
tirely on  Mr  Forbes'  account." 

"  Oh,"  said  the  visitor  ;   and  Forbes  said  3 

"  Oswald,  ring  the  bell,  will  you  ? — I  can  manage 
my  supper  now,  I  think." 

It  was  about  eight  o'clock  in  the  evening,  three 
days  later,  when  Nell  crept  down  the  stairs  a  little 
falteringly,  and  letting  herself  through  the  hall-door 
went  out  into  the  dark  blustery  night  alone.  She  had 
excused  herself  earlier  in  the  evening  from  accom- 
panying Mrs  Jessop  and  her  husband  to  a  concert, 
and  they  had  left  her  in  peace  at  home  and  alone. 
On  the  morrow  their  visitor  would  be  leaving — to- 
night at  least  was  Nell's  own. 

She  walked  slowly  through  the  streets  till  a  cab 
came  in  sight ;  then  she  hailed  it,  gave  the  driver 
Dr  Oswald's  address,  and  in  less  than  ten  minutes 
was  being  shown  into  the  doctor's  study. 

"  Is  this  wise  ? "  he  asked,  coming  forward 
without  any  other  greeting,  and  taking  both  her 
little  icy  hands.  "  You  really  ought  not  to  be  out 
on  a  night  like  this." 

167 


SINLESS 


"  I  don't  know,"  she  returned,  "  I  only  knew  I 
had  to  see  you,  and  I  should  have  come  through  a 
river  to  do  that." 

"  You  might  have  sent  for  me." 

"  No,  I  had  rather  be  here." 

"  Well,  I  won't  argue  with  you.  Come,  tell  me 
the  trouble."  He  drew  forward  a  chair,  and  took 
away  her  fur  coat,  and  waited  patiently  for  her  to 
speak.  But  she  was  very  silent.  Her  face  was  white 
as  death  one  moment,  and  flushed  like  the  heart  of 
a  rose  the  next,  and  her  eyes  were  fixed  on  the  fire. 

"  I  came  because  I  wanted  to  ask  you  something 
— to  say  something  to  you,  and — and — now — I 
cannot  find  the  words,"  she  said  miserably,  and  with 
that  undertone  of  shyness  in  her  pretty  voice  that 
had  attracted  so  many. 

"  But  try — you  know  you  can  trust  me,  surely  ? 
I  told  you  the  other  night,  I  am  your  friend — re- 
member that." 

"  It  is  why  I  came  to  you.*' 

"  Well,  let  it  be  why  you  open  your  heart  to  me. 
I  think  I  understand  something,  at  all  events,  of  what 
you  want  to  say,  and  I  know  how  difficult  it  must 
be  for  a  woman  like  you.  But  if  you  will  just  re- 
member that  I — I — am  wiser  than  the  rest  of  the 
world — that  already  your  secret  is  shared  with  me, 
whether  you  would  or  not — you  won't  find  it  quite 
so  hard  to  speak."  Her  face  grew  hot  again,  and 
her  breath  came  unevenly.  And  he,  wishing  to  give 
her  time  to  recover,  said  lightly  3 

"  Are  you  a  believer  in  Fate  ? " 

"In  Fate!  In  Fate!  Oh,  my  God!  Believe 
in  it !  When  I  am  its  most  miserable  victim  !  " 

1 68 


SINLESS 

"  Poor  child  !  Well,  I  was  going  to  ask  you  if 
you  remember  a  certain  foggy  night  quite  three 
months  ago  now  when  someone  helped  you  to  find 
your  way  to  Charing  Cross." 

"  It — it  was  you  then  !  Oh,  I  have  thought  so 
often  that  I  knew  your  face  a  little :  I  was  sure  I 
knew  your  voice  !  " 

"  I  remembered  you  the  moment  we  met,  but  it 
took  me  an  hour  or  two  to  recall  our  first  meeting. 
I  was  only  going  to  say  that  I  think  I  am  fated  to 
help  you,  so  bear  that  in  mind." 

"  You  never  reminded  me  before,  why  ?  " 

"  I  never  had  much  opportunity  ;  and  I  think  it 
must  have  been  a  sort  of  instinct  that  held  me  silent. 
Added  to  that,  you  seemed  to  dislike  and  to  avoid 
me,  and  I  thought  you  would  not  care  to  remember." 

"  I  never  disliked  you — I " 

"  No,  I  understand  now.  Forbes  was  always 
urging  you  to  consult  me,  and  you  thought  I  should 
watch  you.  Won't  you  tell  me,  now,  what  you  came 
to  tell  me  ?  " 

"  Yes.  I — I — want  you  to  try  to — get  him — my 
husband — to  let  me  go  away — for — for — a  good 
while,  several  months,  where — where — I  could  be 
alone — where  he  would  not  go  too.  Oh,  I  know 
it  would  be  difficult — almost  impossible — but  he 
believes  in  you  so  completely  now,  and  he'd  listen 
to  you  where  he  would  not  heed  me,  and — and — oh, 
don't  you  see  it  is  only  you  who  could  do  it — it — 

it — is  my  only  chance "    She  had  risen  and  was 

walking  restlessly  up  and  down  the  room.  The 
first  words  spoken,  the  rest  came  more  easily, 
feverishly,  rapidly. 

169 


SINLESS 

"  Because — what  that  abominable  woman  told  as 
a  joke  was — true  ?  "  he  asked  very  low. 

"  Yes.  Oh,  if  I  explained — if  I  told  you  the 
whole  story  you  never  could  understand,  you  never 
could  bring  yourself  to  believe " 

"  My  dear,  I  should  believe  every  word  you 
uttered,  no  matter  how  wild  or  improbable  it  might 
be,  because  I  believe  you  are  incapable  of  a  harmful 
lie,  because  I  am  certain  you  are  the  soul  of  truth 
and  honour." 

"  Ah  !  you  mock  me." 

"  God  forbid — I  do  not.  I  have  studied  people 
all  my  life — I  know  human  nature — and  I  don't 
meet  a  good  woman  without  knowing  it." 

"  A  good  woman  ! "  she  cried,  covering  her  face 
with  her  hands,  and  sinking  down  again  into  a  chair 
by  the  table.  "  A  good  woman  !  You  say  that  to 
me,  knowing  what  you  know,  and  yet  you  are  not 
mocking  me ! " 

"  I  say  it  to  you  unhesitatingly.  Do  you  think 
I  am  narrow-minded  prig  enough  to  pretend  to 
despise  you  for  a  mistake,  a  fault — the  fault  only  of, 
perhaps,  too  great  trust  ?  Do  you  think  I  should 
dare  to  look  down  lightly  upon  you  because  you 
are  human,  a  very  woman  to  your  soul,  loving,  and 
craving  love.  Thank  God,  I  have  at  least  the 
justice  in  me  to  admit  that  if  a  man  would  but 
measure  a  woman's  life  by  his  own,  he  would  under- 
stand that  he  had  a  right  to  expect  very  little. 
Don't  you  realise  that  I  can  understand  what  your 
temptations  may  have  been — don't  you  know  that 
I  have  learned  enough  of  your  life  and  that  of  your 
husband,  who  could  live  his  at  one  side  of  the  world 

170 


while  he  left  you  to  your  own  devices  at  the  other, 
to  tell  me  that  if  ever  a  woman  needed  pity,  not 
censure,  that  woman  is  yourself  !  Poor  child  !  I 
understand  that  you  have  no  loophole  of  escape  in 
your  husband's  eyes  and  in  the  eyes  of  the  world  ; 
but  all  the  contempt  in  my  heart  is  first  for  the 
man  who  could  leave  you,  and  next  for  the  man 
who  has  brought  you  to " 

"  Do  not — do  not !  "  she  said,  putting  out  her 
hands  before  her  as  though  he  had  struck  her. 
"  Oh,  you  are  good  and  pitiful— you  are  such  a 
friend  as  surely  no  woman  ever  had  yet ;  but  you 
don't  understand — you  can't — you  never  will.  You 
deserve  that  I — I — should  tell  you  all ;  but  even 
then,  you  would  blame — and  it  would  not  be  just " 

"  Just !  Good  God  !  What  sort  of  a  treacherous, 
pitiful  cad  is  the  man  who  has  tempted  you  to " 

"No— no " 

"  Be  angry  if  you  will — woman  that  you  are,  be 
lenient  and  forgiving  through  your  love — but  I  will 
say,  what  can  he  be  that  you  are  here,  throwing 
yourself  on  the  mercy  of  a  stranger  at  this  moment, 
at  such  a  time — instead  of  with  him !  " 

"  You  don't  understand,"  she  kept  wailing,  again 
and  again.  *'  It  is  I — it  is  my  fault,  or  my  will, 
that  I  am  here — he— he — does  not  know " 

"  Granted  he  is  ignorant  of  what  is  to  come,  he 
is  not  ignorant  of  what  has  passed.  God  !  if  it  was 
a  woman  I  loved " 

She  went  across  the  room  to  him  swiftly,  and 
silenced  him  with  her  hand  put  before  his  mouth. 

"  Don't  !  Your  blame  of — of — him — hurts  me 
more  than  any  contempt  you  could  have  heaped 

171 


SINLESS 

on  me.  You  know  that — that — I  should  not  have 
been  apt  to  consider  my — my  husband  ;  no  one  in 
their  senses  would  expect  a  woman  to  think  much 
of  duty  in  such  a  case.  He  cares  nothing  for  me, 
nor  ever  has  for  anyone  but  himself,  all  through  his 
life  ;  and  he  would  not  mind  if  I  left  him  to-morrow 
except  for  the  scandal  and  the  talk.  If  I  died,  his 
only  regret  would  be  that  he  could  never  find  a 
paid  servant  who  would  bear  with  his  temper,  and 
wait  upon  him  as  carefully.  You  know  what  I  am 
saying  is  the  truth — you  know  if — if — I  exchanged 
the  misery  of  my  life  for  the  love  that  I  might  have, 
no  one  in  his  heart  could  honestly  deem  me 
wrong." 

"  And  yet " 

"  And  yet  one  must  not  make  the  innocent  suffer 
— the  wife  who  never  harmed  me  by  thought  or 
act." 

"  Forgive  me,"  he  said,  taking  her  hands  and 
leading  her,  weak  and  helpless  as  she  was,  to  a 
chair.  "  I  have  given  you  pain — I  judged  quickly 
and  harshly.  You  are  right,  I'm  afraid  I  don't 
thoroughly  understand.  One  day  perhaps  you  will 
give  me  your  whole  confidence.  Meantime  the  way 
in  which  you  want  my  help — the  getting  away — 
the  length  of  time — it  will  be  difficult.  It  will  want 
more  thought  than  I  can  give  it  offhand  at  the 
present  moment — it  will  want  planning.  Will  you 
let  me  think  about  it,  and  let  you  know  a  little 
later  ?  " 

"  I  have  no  right  to  come  to  you  like  this — to 
force  my  troubles  on  you,  have  I  ?  " 

"  I   give   you   the    right,    anyway,"    he   smiled. 
172 


SINLESS 

Then  suddenly,  "  You  have  a  mother  ?  "  A  little 
shudder  went  over,  her  very  lips  grew  white. 

"  Yes  ;   but  you  understand — I  have  no  one." 

He  was  silent,  touched  to  the  heart  by  the  pathos 
of  those  few  words. 

Five  minutes  later  he  had  put  her  cloak  round  her 
again. 

"  Let  me  put  you  into  a  cab,"  he  said. 


•73 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XIX 

WHILE  Nell  had  been  paying  her  short 
visit  to  Owen  Oswald,  her  husband  and 
Mrs  Jessop,  grown  tired  of  their 
evening's  entertainment,  returned  to  Half  Moon 
Street,  leaving  a  bare,  chill  concert-room  for  a 
cheery  fireside,  which  was  far  more  to  Forbes'  taste. 

Mrs  Jessop  had  made  no  demur  when  he  had 
suggested  that  they  should  go  home  ;  indeed,  she 
watched  him  with  great  interest.  She  had  very 
sharp  eyes,  and  she  had  noticed,  even  during  her 
short  visit  to  Forbes  and  his  wife,  that  it  had  become 
the  man's  way  to  do  many  things  that  were  wholly 
unexpected.  He  would  announce  his  intention  of 
remaining  indoors  all  day,  in  spite  of  anything  Oswald 
might  say,  and  then,  just  as  Nell  came  into  the  hall 
dressed  for  driving  or  for  walking,  he  would  decide 
to  accompany  her. 

Mrs  Jessop  saw  that  he  was  now  as  much  interested 
in  his  wife  as  he  had  been  interested  only  in  himself, 
and  that  when  he  seemed  to  be  striving  only  after 
his  own  comfort,  when  he  was  continually  grumbling 
at  the  lack  of  attention  bestowed  upon  him,  he  was 
all  the  time  watching  Nell  with  sharp,  calculating 
eyes,  listening  for  her  every  word  with  ears  that 
might  appear  deaf  to  all  she  said,  but  which  never 
missed  a  sound.  He  would  seem  to  excuse  her 
willingly  from  joining  a  theatre  or  concert  party, 

*74 


SINLESS 

and  then  before  half  the  evening  was  over  he  would 
decide  to  return  to  his  home.  And  a  queer  smile 
would  play  for  a  moment  round  all  that  could  be 
seen  of  his  mouth  beneath  its  stubbly  beard,  when 
he  heard  that  Mrs  Forbes  was  at  home,  hi  her  own 
rooms,  and  when  he  saw  the  light  of  unmistakable 
disappointment  which  Nell,  to  save  her  life,  could 
not  keep  out  of  her  tell-tale  eyes. 

To-night,  when  his  man  came  to  meet  him  at  the 
foot  of  the  stairs,  Forbes  gave  the  usual  order. 

"  Tell  Mrs  Forbes,  one  of  you,  that  I  have  come 
back." 

"  Mrs  Forbes  is  not  at  home,  sir,"  said  Worth  with 
what  Mrs  Jessop,  listening  carefully,  thought  a  touch 
of  real  relish  in  his  even,  usually  toneless  voice. 

"  Not  at  home  !  Not  at  home  !  God  bless  me  ! 
where's  she  gone  at  this  time  of  night  ?  " 

"  I  couldn't  say,  sir ;  I  will  inquire  if  any  message 
was  left  with  Bentley." 

"  Yes,  do — and  bring  something  to  the  library — 
some  sandwiches,  biscuits,  wine — you  know." 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Not  at  home ! "  repeated  Forbes,  breathing 
rather  more  heavily,  and  turning  to  look  the  visitor 
straight  in  the  face.  "  What  do  you  think  of 
that  ?  " 

"  My  dear  Kenneth,  there  isn't  anything  to  think. 
I  expect,"  with  a  fat  laugh,  "  that  she  made  up  her 
mind  you  and  I  wouldn't  be  back  till  well  after 
eleven,  and  she  got  tired  of  her  own  company,  and 
sought  some  congenial  companions  —  or  —  com- 
panion" and  laughed  again,  while  she  unwound  her 
head  out  of  a  wonderful  fleecy  shawl,  and  while 

'75 


SINLESS 


Forbes  fixed  upon  her  red,  expressive  face,  eyes  that 
seemed  anxious  to  read  her  every  thought. 

**  Do  you  mean  anything  ?  "  he  inquired  huskily, 
and  throwing  his  thick,  squat  body  heavily  down 
into  a  chair  by  the  fire.  The  gas  was  turned  very 
low,  the  flame  from  a  huge  lump  of  coal  which  had 
just  split  in  two,  sent  a  flickering,  dancing  light  over 
Forbes'  face,  that  looked  a  trifle  pale  to-night. 
"  Gone  out  to  see  anyone  at  ten  o'clock,  and 
after " 

"  I  don't  see  why  not ;  and  as  for  meaning  any- 
thing, well,  what  is  there  to  mean  ?  " 

"  You  answer  my  question  with  another,  and  that 
is  the  sort  of  evasion  that  in  my  mind  is  always 
suspicious.  I  never  was  suspicious  of  any  living 
creature  till  lately,  but — but — upon  my  word  if  there 
isn't  some  game  that  Ellen  is  up  to,  or  has  been — 

m— m — " 

Mrs  Jessop  put  a  quick  finger  warningly  on  her 
lip,  and  said,  "  Tezzy  voo ! "  which  Forbes  rightly 
interpreted  as  a  suggestion  that  he  should  hold  his 
tongue  till  the  servant,  who  was  just  entering  with 
a  well-laden  tray,  should  have  departed  again. 

"  Bentley  says,  sir,  that  Madam  left  no  message. 
Bentley  thinks  that  Madam  expected  you  would  be 
late." 

"  'Um  !  "  grunted  Forbes.  Then  before  the  door 
was  well  shut,  turned  to  his  companion  again. 

"  If  she's  not  up  to  some  game  or  another  I'll 
eat  my  hat — that  was  what  I  was  going  to  say." 

Mrs  Jessop  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  My  dear  Kenneth,"  she  said,  munching  an 
olive,  "she  is  young,  and  I  must  say,"  a  little  un- 

176 


SINLESS 

willingly,  "  immensely  pretty ;  you  left  her  quite 
alone  for  a  big  slice  of  her  life  and  a  bigger  one  of 
yours,  and  she's  got  so  used  to  perfect  freedom,  that 
she  does  not  understand  anything  else.  You  don't 
mean  to  say,"  lowering  her  voice,  "  that  you  seriously 
— that  you're  really  suspicious  of — of-— — " 

"  I  don't  quite  know  what  the  devil  I  am  sus- 
picious of,"  declared  her  host  with  more  force  than 
politeness,  "  but  I'm  not  wrong  anyway,  and  I  tell 
you — well,  she's  changed  in  a  most  extraordinary 
way — she's  no  more  the  same  woman  as  on  the  day 
she  came  home  to  Bray " 

"  After  having  missed  you  in  town  and  mixing 
all  your  arrangements  up  through  that  terrible  fog — 
yes  ;  I  remember  quite  well.  I  met  her  on  the 
stairs  at  the  Victoria  Hotel  as  I  think  I  told  you 
the  other  day,  and  thought  her  looking  very  agitated 
then,  even  more  so  than  she  looks  now,  when  really 
she  seems  ready  to  jump  at  her  own  shadow." 

"  You  do  mean  something — you  do  know  some- 
thing— you  meant  it  and  you  knew  it  the  other 
day,  when  you  were  telling  that  story  of  your  meeting 
with  Ellen,  and  the  mistake  about  her  having  stayed 
at  the  hotel  with "  \ 

"  Kenneth  !  "  Mrs  Jessop's  tones  were  severe,  re 
proachful,  a  little  horrified  even,  and  her  face  was 
quite  crimson.  But  she  did  not  look  indignant. 
On  the  contrary,  she  cast  one  nervous  glance  at  her 
host,  and  then  lowered  her  eyes  till  the  scant,  fair 
lashes  made  a  pale  fringe  on  her  florid  cheeks ;  and 
helped  herself  to  some  port,  and  swallowed  it  down 
quickly  as  though  it  might  give  her  courage. 

Forbes  struggled  out  of  his  chair  and  crossed  a 

M  177 


SINLESS 


small  bit  of  the  room  to  lay  a  heavy  hand  on  Mrs 
Jessop's  arm. 

"  Don't  try  beating  about  the  bush,"  he  said. 
"  Before  Heaven,  I  believe  I'm  not  suspicious  for 
nothing.  I'm  sure  you  know  more  than  you  care 
to  say  ;  and  I  don't  think  it  is  right  of  you  !  We've 
known  each  other  all  our  lives,  pretty  well,  and  you 
ought  to  be  honest  with  me — you '* 

"  Now,  Kenneth,  don't  excite  yourself !  You'll 
be  ill — you'll  work  yourself  into  one  of  your  tempers 
— well  I  remember  them,  though  the  last  I  saw  was 
when  you  were  not  more  than  nine — and  that  sharp- 
eyed  doctor  of  yours  will  go  for  me  !  Keep  calm. 
I — oh,  I  do  believe  I  ought,  as  you  say,  to  tell  you 
all  the  truth — all  I  do  know — and — and — oh,"  with 
tearful  indignation,  "  what  was  the  use  of  mj'  pur- 
posely avoiding  you  all  this  time — why  didn't  I 
keep  away  altogether — what  unfortunate  chance 
took  me  to  that  miserable  place  at  all  that  day." 

"  What  place  ?  " 

*'  Oh,  the  hotel,  of  course  !  You  know  as  well  as 
I  do " 

"  Look  here,"  said  Forbes,  reaching  towards  the 
tray  and  helping  himself  liberally  to  sandwiches, 
"  I  mean  to  know  all  you  do — this  very  moment, 
so  you  may  as  well  out  with  it." 

"  And  then  you'll  go  and  make  a  horrible  row  and 
fuss — you'll  get  ill  again  !  It's  all  very  well  to  say 
you  don't — you — that  there  isn't  any  love  lost 
between  you  and  Nell,  but  you'd  be  the  one  to  make 
twice  the  scene  that  a  man  who  was  madly  in  love 
with  her  would  make.  Oh " 

"  You  quite  mistake  me,"  declared  Forbes.  "  I 
178 


SINLESS 


intend  to  make  no  fuss — either  now  or  at  any  time. 
And  if  you  have  any  fear  that  I  shall  mention  your 
name  you  may  rest  easy  on  that  score." 

"  I  do  think  you  ought  to  know — I  do  think  it  is 
a  shame  that  you,  tied  by  the  leg  as  it  were,  at 
her — her — mercy  one  might  say,  should  be  hood- 
winked as  you  have  been.  And  yet,  Kenneth,  it  is 
not  for  me M 

"  But  I  say  it  is,"  returned  Forbes  with  his  mouth 
full,  and  his  little  monkeyish  eyes  cruel.  "  It  is  for 
you  to  be  outspoken  and  honest,  if  no  one  else  is. 
I  tell  you  I've  had  my  suspicions  for  the  past  few 
weeks,  and  they've  grown.  I'm  sure  there's  some- 
thing in  that  tale  about  the  hotel — I'm  sure  of  it, 
now  I  come  to  remember  how  wildly  agitated  she 
was  at  the  mention  of  staying  there  again — I'm  sure 
she's  been  deliberately  making  a  fool  of  me  right 
along,  and  if  I  have  not  seemed  to  notice,  it  has 
been  because  I  intended  to  watch " 

"  Wait  a  minute,  Kenneth,"  Mrs  Jessop  inter- 
rupted nervously.  "  You  are  sure  that  there  is  no 
one  about  ? — the  servants  wouldn't  be  listening  ? — 
one  cannot  be  too  careful." 

"  There's  no  one  about ;  don't  make  that  an 
excuse.  You  can  speak  as  freely  as  you  please. 
Now,  plainly — she  wasn't  alone — that  night — at  the 
Victoria.  She  had  not  any  intention  of  meeting  me 
(pooh  !  I  can  see  it  all  now-— she  could  have  let  me 
know  as  well  as  possible  ;  she  could  have  telegraphed 
to  Paris  to  say  where  she  was  staying,  as  I  told 
her  !).  The  fog  helped  her  as  an  excuse,  but  all  the 
time " 

"  I  don't  know  about  her  intentions,  and  the  fog 
179 


SINLESS 

helping  her  ;  but "  and  Mrs  Jessop  made  a  sort 

of  gasping  sound,  as  though  she  were  trying  to  force 
words  that  were  unwilling  to  come,  as  though  she 
had  determined  suddenly,  desperately,  to  speak, 
"  but  I  do  know  that — she  wasn't  alone." 

"  Ah  !  "  What  Forbes  might  have  said  next  had 
to  be  left  to  his  hearer's  imagination,  because  a  crumb 
got  into  his  throat,  and  Mrs  Jessop  was  occupied  for 
a  full  two  minutes  in  pouring  him  out  more  wine, 
and  thumping  him  violently  on  the  back,  which,  at 
intervals,  and  between  gasps  of  mingled  anger  and 
pain,  he  told  her  "  hurt  infernally." 

"  Oh,  my  dear  Kenneth,"  moaned  Mrs  Jessop, 
when  he  had  somewhat  recovered,  "  I've  said  it 
now,  and  I'm  almost  sorry  I  let  you  persuade  me. 
It's  an  awful  thing — it's  going  to  lead  to  dreadful 
things  too — I  can  see  it  will,  by  your  whole  manner, 
and  I  wish  I'd  had  nothing  to  do  with  the  affair  at 
all.  But  it's  true — I  found  out  that,  for  certain, 
and — and — a  good  deal  more.  But  I  must  say  it 
serves  you  right,  in  a  way,  for  leaving  a  woman  like 
Nell " 

"  Fiddlesticks  !  Deuce  take  it,  Bessie,  is  a  woman 
not  to  go  straight  because  her  husband  happened  to 
be  at  the  other  side  of  the  world  for " 

"  It  frequently  occurs,"  returned  his  companion, 
with  a  slight  sniff.  "  But  what  are  you  going  to 
do,  Kenneth — what  are  you  going  to  say  to  her — 
you  won't  divorce  her " 

Forbes  laughed,  quite  a  hearty  enjoyable  laugh. 
His  eyes  gleamed,  and  he  stroked  the  hard  hair  on 
his  face  with  a  steady  hand. 

"  Do  ?  "  he  repeated.  "  I've  not  quite  made  up 
1 80 


SINLESS 

my  mind  yet.  Divorce  her  ?  Not  I !  Give  her 
the  freedom  she  is  craving  for  !  I  should  be  a  fool ! 
No,  I  told  you  I  shan't  make  any  fuss,  I  shall  be 
remarkably  quiet  and  calm  ;  but,"  with  a  laugh  full 
of  intense  delight,  with  a  slight  smacking  of  his  lips, 
as  Mrs  Jessop  had  heard  him  smack  them  at  the 
sight  of  some  specially  toothsome  dish,  "  she  has 
had  her  way  for  a  good  long  spell — now  I'm  going  to 
have  mine.  I'm  much  obliged  to  you  for  being 
quite  honest  with  me.  I  shan't  ask  you  any  more, 
though  as  you've  been  on  the  spot  and  I  haven't, 
you  probably  know  a  good  deal.  What  you've  said 
is  sufficient.  If  my  suspicions  needed  confirmation, 
you've  confirmed  them."  And  he  leant  back  in  his 
chair,  seeming  to  forget  her  utterly,  and  leaving  her 
to  finish  her  slight  supper  in  nervous  haste  very  rare 
with  Mrs  Jessop.  She  wanted  an  excuse  for  escape  ; 
she  dreaded  to  hear  the  sound  of  the  opening  hall 
door,  she  shuddered  at  the  thought  of  meeting  Nell's 
blue,  thoughtful  eyes.  She  could  not  depend  upon 
Forbes  keeping  cool,  and  she  could  not  be  sure  that 
he  would  refrain  from  mentioning  her  name,  though 
he  had  promised  this.  She  watched  him  for  a  little 
while,  leaning  back  and  staring  into  the  fire,  with 
now  and  again  a  light  coming  into  his  eyes  that  sent 
a  small  shiver  down  her  back,  and  she  told  herself 
he  could  be  very  horrid  to  deal  with.  Then  she  got 
up,  and  having  cast  about  for  something  to  say, 
finally  made  for  the  door. 

"  I — I'm  going  early  to-morrow,  you  know, 
Kenneth,"  she  said  hurriedly,  "  and  I'm  rather  tired 
and  I  think  I'll  get  to  bed — if  you  don't  mind  being 
alone  ? " 

181 


SINLESS 

No  answer,  and  Mrs  Jessop  rattled  the  door 
handle  a  little.  Either  the  noise  or  some  thought 
roused  Forbes.  He  turned  suddenly,  and  made  a 
gesture  of  detention. 

"  Hold  on  a  minute — come  back,  Bessie." 

Mrs  Jessop  obeyed  like  a  child. 

"  Did  you  tell  me — the  name  of  the  man  ?  " 

"  No." 

"  Why  ? " 

"  Because  I  don't  know  it  myself.  The  chamber- 
maid whom  I  questioned,  as  you  may  remember  I 
said,  told  me  Mr  and  Mrs  Forbes — and  a  piece  of 
brazen  impudence  I  must  say  I  thought  it !  " 

Forbes  grinned.  He  stroked  his  beard  again, 
reflectively,  and  then  he  said  good-night  in  the  most 
absent  tone. 

"  You — you  won't  mention  me  ?  "  ventured  Mrs 
Jessop  on  her  way  to  the  door  again.  "  You  made 
me  tell  you,  and  it's  not  worth  while  to  drag  more 
people  into  the — the  affair  than " 

"  I  shan't  mention  your  name.     I've  said  so." 

"  Better  not,  I'm  sure."  Then  Mrs  Jessop  went, 
glancing  from  one  side  of  the  hall  to  the  other, 
and  darting  as  quickly  as  she  could  manage  up  to 
her  own  room. 

Arrived  there,  she  declined  the  services  of  the 
obliging  maid,  locked  the  door,  and  sat  down  on 
the  bed  to  think  out  what  had  really  happened. 

"  I  always  meant  to  give  Mrs  Forbes  a  little  lift 
up  for  many  a  past  snubbing  that  I've  had  to 
swallow,"  she  said  to  herself,  "  and  I  always  in- 
tended that  Kenneth  should  know  what  I  knew, 
when  the  opportunity  arrived.  But  I'd  no  notion 

182 


SINLESS 

that  it  was  going  to  arrive  just  now,  and  in  the  way 
it  has.  I  think  I  played  »y  part  pretty  well  any- 
how— I  think  I  seemed  reluctant  enough  to  give  the 
little  hussy  away  !  "  Mrs  Jessop  listened  for  the 
sound  of  the  door  bell,  she  listened  in  a  hazy  sort  of 
way  for  voices  raised,  or  voices  kept  low,  but  sharp 
with  anger ;  but  no  sounds  came  to  her.  And 
having  eaten  of  Nell's  bread,  and  dwelt  beneath  her 
roof,  and  kissed  her  cheek,  and  betrayed  her  de- 
liberately and  gladly,  she  lay  upon  the  luxurious 
bed  of  Nell's  providing,  and  told  herself  that  she 
had  only  done  her  duty  by  poor,  foolish,  trusting 
Kenneth,  and  fell  into  a  sound  sleep  with  a  fairly 
clear  conscience. 

And  downstairs  Forbes  was  going  over  almost 
every  hour  since  his  arrival  in  England  from  India. 

He  went  back  to  that  night,  to  the  following  day 
when  Nell  had  turned  up  at  Bray,  very  late.  He 
thought  so  then  and  he  thought  so  doubly,  now. 
There  was  not  a  word  or  act  of  hers  that  he  could 
not  now  recall ;  there  was  not  a  glance  of  her  eyes, 
not  an  inflection  of  her  voice  that  he  could  not 
bring  to  mind.  He  remembered  how  she  had  given 
up  a  good  deal  of  the  days  to  him,  and  then  how 
she  had  made  frequent  and  reasonable  excuses  to 
get  away  from  their  home  ;  and  he  looked  into  the 
fire  steadily  now,  and  muttered  to  himself : 

"  Artful,  designing,  calculating,  treacherous  !  " 
And  afterwards  he  went  over  their  visit  to  the 
Brandlings'  house.  It  was  there  that  Forbes  had 
first  grown  really  suspicious.  He  went  over  every 
day,  remembering  now,  little  things  which  he  had 
quite  forgotten,  or  had  not  noticed  at  the  time. 

'83 


SINLESS 

And  suddenly  his  mind  went  to  their  first  dinner 
beneath  Lady  Brandling's  hospitable  roof,  to  Brand- 
ling's history  of  the  journey  taken  by  himself  and 
Forbes  and  Boyd  from  India,  to  his  inquiries  as  to 
how  the  belated  travellers  had  managed,  and  to  Nell's 
unaccountable  fainting  fit.  Forbes  thought  it  was 
all  clear  to  him  now.  He  sat  smoking  and  grinning 
grimly.  No  wonder  she  had  fainted  !  No  wonder 
she  had  behaved  in  so  extraordinary  a  manner  from 
Hedlam  to  London  ;  no  wonder  she  was  ready  to 
jump,  as  Mrs  Jessop  said,  at  her  own  shadow !  No 
wonder  her  health  was  failing,  and  she  was  in  a  state 
of  nerves  bordering  on  madness — no  wonder  at  any- 
thing. With  such  a  conscience  as  hers  it  was  mar- 
vellous that  she  could  look  anyone  in  the  face. 

There  was  not  a  trace  of  anger  in  the  chuckle  in 
which  Forbes  indulged  ;  there  was  a  sort  of  savage 
delight.  Something  he  was  thinking  of  evidently 
pleased  him  well.  And  presently,  when  the  door 
opened  to  admit  Nell,  she  stopped  dead  in  surprise 
at  the  spectacle  of  her  husband  quietly  laughing  to 
himself  with  enjoyment  that  she  could  never  re- 
member him  to  have  displayed  before. 

"  So  you've  come  back  ?  "  he  said  as  she  ad- 
vanced, "  I  begun  to  think  you  had  eloped." 

"  I  went  to  see  Dr  Oswald." 

"  What  the  dickens  for  ?  " 

"  Because  he  said  he  should  not  be  here  to-night, 
and — and — my — head  seemed  to  get  worse.  The — 
the — little  drive  did  me  good." 

The  only  response  Forbes  made  was  a  grunt,  and 
then  that  maddening  little  chuckle  which  made 
Nell  fear  he  was  going  out  of  his  mind. 

184 


SINLESS 


"  What  amuses  you  ?  "  she  could  not  help  asking. 

"  Life — it  used  not,  but  it  does  now.  I  was 
thinking  how  powerfully  glad  I  am  that  I  discovered 
Oswald,  or  that  Gratwicke  discovered  him  for  me. 
I  was  beginning  to  realise  as  I  sat  here  alone — Mrs 
Jessop  went  to  bed  almost  directly  we  got  back — 
we  did  not  like  the  concert — that  he  really  has  made 
an  absolutely  new  man  of  me.  A  month  ago  I 
wouldn't  have  believed  it  possible,  but  his  treatment 
is  simply  too  wonderful  to  imagine.  Look  at  me 
now ;  I  can  get  up  and  down  stairs  pretty  nearly 
with  the  best  of  you — I  can  go  to  bed  and  sleep 
the  clock  round — I  can  enjoy  a  good  play,  I've  even 
toddled  to  a  few  senseless  receptions  with  you — and 
I  can  eat  heaps  of  things  I  did  not  dare  touch  for 
fear  of  one  of  those  villainous  attacks  that  I  simply 
have  almost  forgotten  now  !  Everybody  tells  me  I 
look  years  younger — except  you." 

"  I — think  you  do  look  much  better — I  am  very 
glad  that  you  are  so  well,  Kenneth." 

"  Are  you  ?  Are  you  really  ?  "  He  looked  up 
at  her  quickly,  and  there  was  something  in  the  look 
that  turned  Nell  hot  and  cold.  "  It's  a  funny  thing, 
you  know,  Ellen — why  don't  you  come  nearer  the 
fire  ? — but  I'm  even  beginning  to  be  able  to  stand 
women  about  me — I  don't  dislike  their  society  as 
much  as  I  did  !  You  don't  give  me  much  of  yours, 
but  I  think  I  must  be  just,  and  blame  myself  for  that, 
eh,  Nell  ?  I've  been  a  bit  of  a  churl,  and  you've 
behaved  very  well  through  it  all — we  might  start 
afresh  ?  Eh  ?  We've  a  good  many  years  to  make 
up  to  one  another." 

He  paused,  his  head  a  little  on  one  side,  while 
185 


SINLESS 


Nell  stared  back  at  him  fascinated,  in  mingled 
wonder  and  fear.  He  was  speaking  quite  pleasantly 
to  her,  he  was  even  smiling  !  True,  his  smile  was 
almost  more  terrible  than  his  frown,  but  it  was 
now  nearly  a  good-humoured  smile !  He  was 
talking  about  commencing  their  lives  anew — he  had 
actually  called  her  Nell !  And  as  that  little  name, 
that  she  had  last  heard  spoken  to  her  in  the  voice 
that  rung  in  her  ears  day  and  night,  the  voice  so 
low  and  tender,  and  so  terribly,  hopelessly  dear  to 
her,  left  his  lips,  she  caught  herself  resenting  as  an 
unwarrantable  impertinence  the  use  of  it  now,  the 
utterance  of  it,  hi  her  husband's  husky  tones. 

And  now  he  had  risen,  risen  with  comparative  ease 
from  his  low  chair  ;  and  he  had  covered  the  short 
distance  between  them,  and  stood  close  to  her,  so 
close  that  she  could  feel  his  breath  on  her  soft 
cheek. 

For  a  moment,  she  was  still,  dumb,  incapable  of 
stirring  a  ringer,  and  in  that  moment  his  lips  had 
almost  touched  hers  ;  then,  as  his  arm  went  round 
her  shoulders,  as  she  felt  herself  being  drawn  near 
to  him,  with  a  quick,  half  unconscious  movement 
of  utter  disgust  she  thrust  him  from  her,  with  one 
swift  step  she  was  at  the  other  side  of  the  table, 
her  breast  heaving,  her  lips  white,  her  eyes  ablaze. 

"  You're  shy,  my  Nell !  "  he  said  as  softly  as  his 
voice  would  admit.  "  It's  all  my  fault — but  I  shall 
have  to  woo  you  all  over  again  !  " 

But  Nell  had  fled,  up  to  her  rooms,  where  she 
locked  all  the  doors  in  the  face  of  the  amazed  Bentley, 
and  stood  against  one  of  them  panting,  wild-eyed, 
shaking  in  every  limb. 

186 


SINLESS 

In  the  room  below  Forbes  was  chuckling  to 
himself. 

"  Lesson  No.  I — and  it's  scared  her  almost  to 
death  l  "  he  said  half  aloud. 


.87 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XX 

"  WANT  to  talk  to  you — about  your  wife,"  said 
Owen  Oswald,  addressing  Forbes  late  on  the 

JL  following  evening.  The  doctor  had  only  just 
come  in,  he  had  gone  through  the  usual  questions 
to  and  from  Forbes,  and  he  was  anxious  to  get  off 
his  mind  that  which  had  been  troubling  it  all  through 
the  night,  all  through  the  hours  which  had  elapsed 
since  Nell's  unexpected,  and  slightly  embarrassing 
visit  to  him. 

"  By  all  means.     What's  the  trouble  ?  " 

Oswald  kept  his  back  to  the  light,  and  his  face 
well  in  the  shadow.  For  a  moment  he  felt  that  the 
natural  question  was  one  which  he  was  incapable 
of  answering  ;  but  when  he  spoke  it  was  in  his  most 
professional  tone. 

"  She  wants  a  thorough  change " 

"  I  quite  agree  with  you." 

"  She — ought  to  go  away  somewhere — somewhere 
quiet " 

"I've  arranged  it." \ 

Oswald  let  pass  unnoticed  the  irritating  interrup- 
tions, lost  for  an  instant  in  uncomfortable  surprise. 

"  I've  arranged  it,"  repeated  Forbes.  "  I've  been 
thinking  a  good  deal  about  it,  and  her — if  we  don't 
watch  it,  she'll  go  into  a  decline,  or  something. 
You  suggested  a  long  sea  voyage  for  me  the  other 
day  you  know,  and  I've  come  to  the  conclusion  that 

itt 


SINLESS 

I'll  take  it,  and  with  me  my  wife."  Forbes  was 
carefully  trimming  his  nails  with  a  penknife,  and 
now  he  looked  up  directly  into  the  doctor's  eyes, 
with  a  curious  light  in  his  own,  and  a  small  smile 
beneath  his  moustache. 

"  Yes,"  said  Oswald  thoughtfully  ;  "  but  I  don't 
think  I  should  say  a  sea  voyage  for  Mrs  Forbes. 
Now,  for  you,"  enthusiastically  and  hopefully,  "  it's 
the  very  thing — you  ought  to  go  a  tour  round  the 
world.  I  sent  young  Humphrey  back  and  forth  to 
South  Africa  half-a-dozen  times  right  off,  because 
he  could  not  take  the  whole  time  away  without 
touching  England,  and  you  don't  know  what  it  did 
for  him." 

"  I'm  sure  it  would  do  the  same  for  me — and  for 
my  wife " 

"  Not  for  her — she  told  me  that  she  is  a  fearfully 
bad  sailor — she's  not  strong  enough  for  a  voyage." 

"  Rubbish !  She's  a  young  lion.  Only  she's 
fretting.  You  know  what  I  said  to  you  the  other 
day  about  her.  You  have  probably  made  up  your 
mind  that  I  was  right — I've  quite  decided  that  I 
am,  and  that's  why  I'm  going  to  take  her  away  with 
me.  Change  of  scene — no  time  given  her  to  think 
and  brood — an  entirely  new  life  in  which  she  will 
forget— the  old,  eh  ?  " 

"  I  don't  quite  follow  you." 

Forbes  smiled. 

"  I'll  explain,"  he  said.  "  My  wife  has  lived  a 
life  of  absolute  freedom,  almost  from  the  hour  of  her 
marriage  to  me.  I  tried  to  tell  you  what  I  thought 
had  been  the  result  of  that  freedom  the  other  day, 
and  you  got  very  heated,  and  you  spouted  verse  at 

189 


SINLESS 

me,  and  you  practically  declined  to  listen.  She 
might  have  gone  on  living  her  life  of  freedom  but 
for  you " 

"  For  me  ! "  echoed  the  doctor,  with  a  tone  of 
indignation  in  his  voice. 

"  Yes,  you.  You've  restored  to  me  my  health, 
Oswald,  and  with  it  my  old  good  temper,  my  old 
ideas,  my  old  tastes  and  inclinations.  You've 
dragged  off  the  blue  glasses  I've  been  looking 
through,  and  though  I'm  a  bit  past  wearing  rosy  ones, 
now,  I  can  see  through  the  ordinary  clear  white  ones, 
and  I've  got  it  in  my  mind  that  there  are  a  few 
very  decent  years  before  me  yet.  You  see  I'm  going 
to  snatch  at  them — I've  come  to  the  conclusion  that 
I've  been  a  bit  selfish,  that  I  owe  my  wife  a  good 
time,  and  that  we'll  take  it  together — start  afresh, 
begin  life  again.  You  follow  me  now  ?  Well,  that's 
why  I  don't  mean  to  go  on  one  voyage  myself  while 
she  goes  on  another.  We've  spent  quite  enough  of 
our  lives  apart ;  now  we  are  going  to  spend  the  rest 
of  it  together." 

Oswald  set  his  teeth  for  a  moment ;  there  was 
nothing  he  dared  trust  himself  to  say,  yet.  Forbes 
was  moving  round  the  room,  rather  well  dressed, 
looking  brighter  and  better  than  he  had  ever  looked 
before,  free  of  his  everlasting  shawls,  his  irritating 
cough,  free  of  his  bag  in  which  he  had  been  wont 
to  carry  everything  for  his  personal  comfort,  from 
a  carbolic  smoke  ball  to  a  certain  kind  of  acid  drop. 

There  was  an  Interested,  alert  look  in  his  monkey- 
like  eyes,  there  was  even  a  certain  spring  in  his  step. 
It  was  plain  to  the  man  who  watched  him  now,  with 
ungovernable  regret,  that  he  had  been  at  last  taken 

190 


SINLESS 

completely  out  of  himself,  by  a  means  which  no 
doctors  in  the  whole  world  would  ever  have  dis- 
covered ;  and  that  being  so,  he  was  indeed  the  new 
man  which  he  described  himself. 

While  he  had  sat  huddled  up  in  shawls,  while  he 
had  guarded  himself  like  the  most  tender  of  hot- 
house plants,  while  he  had  lived  his  life  stived  up 
in  one  unhealthy  atmosphere,  a  prey  to  the  miser- 
able fear  of  all  his  imaginary  ailments,  he  was  truly 
a  sufferer,  and  one  whose  life,  as  he  lived  it,  could  not 
possibly  be  a  long  one. 

But  Oswald  had  laughed  and  almost  chaffed  him 
out  of  his  fears,  he  had  proved  to  him  that  there  was 
little  the  matter,  save  that  which  grew  out  of  his 
distorted  fancy,  and  Forbes  had  believed  him,  had 
profited  by  every  word  of  his  advice,  because  that 
advice  came  at  a  moment  when  it  coincided  exactly 
with  his  own  desire.  With  the  growth  of  suspicion 
of  his  wife  in  his  mind,  Forbes  forgot  himself,  forgot 
his  personal  fears,  forgot  all  his  ailments,  in  watching 
her,  in  endeavouring  to  fathom  the  reason  for  that 
change  which  had  come  over  her. 

Oswald  told  himself  that  the  result  was  fatal. 
In  other  circumstances  he  would  have  regarded  it 
with  the  eye  of  pride,  he  would  have  looked  upon 
Forbes'  recovery  as  another  scalp,  another  step  up 
the  ladder  of  fame.  Now  he  looked  upon  it  with 
intense  regret,  with  fear,  with  a  feeling  of  utter 
helplessness  creeping  over  him  which  he  could  never 
remember  having  experienced  before. 

"  Of  course  I  cannot  dispute  your  arrangements,'* 
Oswald  managed  to  say  at  last.  "  You've  spoken  of 
them  to  Mrs  Forbes  ?  " 

191 


SINLESS 

*'  Not  yet.  I'm  keeping  it  a  secret — for  a  nice 
little  surprise  for  her.  You  suggested  a  voyage 
round  the  world,  remember — I'll  adopt  the  sug- 
gestion I  think." 

"  I  didn't  suggest  it  for  her.  You've  been  good 
enough  to  admit  that  I've  pulled  you  through  so 
far ;  you  think  my  advice  sound — why  not  take  it 
when  I  give  it  you  for  her  ?  She  won't  stand  the 
strain  of  travel,  I  give  you  fair  warning." 

"  For  once  I  think  I'm  the  better  doctor,  then," 
laughed  Forbes  quite  good-humouredly,  "  but  we'll 
ask  her." 

He  went  out  into  the  hall  and  told  a  servant  there 
to  send  upstairs  for  Mrs  Forbes.  And  five  minutes 
later  Nell  came  down  looking  the  very  ghost  of 
herself,  seeming  to  find  difficulty  in  standing  without 
support. 

Though  all  the  day  had  passed,  she  and  her 
husband  had  not  met  since  the  previous  night, 
when  she  had  fled  from  him  and  his  new  mood  in 
sheer  terror.  Mrs  Jessop  had  departed  with  some 
haste,  contenting  herself  gladly  enough  with  Nell's 
good-bye  message  delivered  by  a  servant ;  and 
Forbes  had  chosen  to  leave  his  wife  quite  to  herself. 

But  now  he  looked  from  her  to  Oswald  with  quick, 
scrutinising  eyes,  and  observed,  though  he  appeared 
to  see  so  little,  that  instinctively,  unconsciously,  she 
made  her  way  to  the  side  of  the  younger  man,  her 
eyes  lifted  to  his  in  desperate  appeal  that  she  tried 
vainly  to  disguise,  her  fingers  clinging  to  his,  for  the 
one  moment  in  which  he  held  them  in  a  short  hand 
clasp. 

"  You  look  pasty,  Ellen,"  her  husband  said,  going 
192 


SINLESS 


back  to  something  of  his  harshness  of  manner,  and 
using  her  name  in  its  most  unattractive  form  in  the 
way  she  preferred  to  hear  it  on  his  lips.  "  I've  just 
been  talking  about  you  with  Oswald  ;  he  thinks  you 
want  a  thorough  change."  Nell  kept  her  eyes 
lowered  lest  the  gratitude  in  them  should  become 
perceptible  to  her  husband — gratitude  to  the  doctor. 
And  she  seated  herself  with  a  touch  of  weariness, 
and  leant  forward  with  her  arms  resting  on  her  knees. 
Forbes  was  supposed  to  be  a  most  unobservant  man, 
but  one  thing  he  had  noticed  particularly  during  the 
time  he  had  devoted  to  watching  his  wife.  It  was 
that  never  now,  was  she  at  that  perfect  ease  which 
had  surely  been  one  of  her  chief  charms.  He  re- 
membered that  he  had  often  accused  her,  in  his  own 
graceful  way,  of  "  lolling,"  but  to  himself  he  was 
bound  to  admit  that  it  had  been  very  graceful 
lolling.  She  never  lolled  now.  She  always  sat  for- 
ward with  her  elbows  on  her  knees,  she  had  a  trick 
of  putting  herself  behind  a  chair,  or  a  table,  she 
selected  the  least  conspicuous  position  everywhere — 
she  who  had  been  amused  to  see  crowded  round  her 
a  little  throng  of  admirers. 

Always  it  seemed  to  him  that  she  had  a  desire  to 
cringe  away  out  of  sight.  Forbes  told  himself  it 
was  her  conscience,  and  indulged  in  a  little  audible 
chuckle  which  made  his  wife  look  up  quickly. 

"  He  thinks  you  want  a  thorough  change,"  re- 
peated Forbes,  "  and  I  agree  with  him.  I  propose 
a  voyage  round  the  world — just  you  and  I — as  sort 
of  extended,  long  deferred  honeymoon.  What  ?  " 
Nell  went  to  the  pallor  of  death.  Her  eyes  sought 
Oswald's,  and  he  kept  his  back  to  her  ;  then  they 

»  '93 


SINLESS 

rested  on  Forbes,  and  he  kept  his  head  slightly  on 
one  side,  and  plainly  waited  her  reply. 

"  I  couldn't  go,"  she  said  in  desperation,  having 
pinned  her  faith  to  Oswald,  and  realised  that  he 
was  evidently  going  to  fail  her,  "  I  hate  travelling — 
I  hate  to  be  on  the  sea  !  I  am  never  well  in  London, 
but — but — I  would  rather  stay  here,  or  when  you 
go  away  let  me  go  home  again  to  Bray.  Don't 
•bother  me  about  it,  Kenneth,"  her  colour  and  her 
voice  rising  a  little,  "  I  won't  go  for  a  long  journey. 
I  wish,"  petulantly,  "  you  would  leave  me  in  peace." 

"  You  are  a  very  extraordinary  woman,  Ellen. 
I'm  trying  to  do  what  will  be  best  for  you,  and  you 
don't  like  it." 

"  Mrs  Forbes  is  a  bad  sailor,"  put  in  Oswald. 
"  I  must  confess  that  I  think  you  would  do  better 
to  go  alone,  Forbes ;  you  want  to  devote  this  first 
journey  entirely  to  carrying  out  my  instructions 
while  you  are  away  ;  you  ought  not  to  have  any 
outside  anxieties." 

"  You've  been  down  on  my  thinking  of  myself, 
like  a  ton  of  bricks,  till  now,"  complained  Forbes, 
but  very  quietly,  "  and  you  said,  yourself,  not  a 
week  ago,  that  my  wife  was  the  very  companion 
who " 

"  Mrs  Forbes  is,  I  am  sure,  the  most  charming 
companion  in  the  world,"  declared  Oswald,  with  a 
slight  bow  in  Nell's  direction  ;  "  but  you  mistook  me 
a  little  I  think — I'd — I'd  like,  if  I  could  manage  it, 
to  go  this  journey  with  you  myself,  perhaps  not 
quite  so  long  a  one  for  the  first  time,  but ' 

"  Well,  think  it  out.  Of  course  if  Ellen  is  going 
to  set  herself  against  it  from  the  start  and  get  upset 


SINLESS 


and  disagreeable,  I'm  best  off  without  her ;  but  I 
don't  quite  fancy  going  off  with  no  one  but  Worth. 
There  is  no  hurry  anyway — time  is  our  own  ;  at 
least  I  and  my  wife  need  not  stop  to  trouble  about 
it."  He  seemed  inclined  to  dismiss  the  subject  then, 
and  Oswald  encouraged  him  ;  and  presently  while 
Nell  sat  silent,  and  the  men  talked,  a  message  came 
for  Forbes,  which  took  him  out  of  the  room. 

Directly  they  were  quite  alone,  Oswald  came  over 
to  Nell's  side. 

"  I  did  my  best,"  he  said  low  and  hurriedly. 
"  You  do  not  think  so  perhaps,  but,  I  swear  to  you, 
I  did.  It  would  have  been  simple  madness  to  seem 
to  thwart  him  openly,  he's  as  obstinate  as  a  hundred 
mules,  and  moreover  there's  something  at  the  back 
of  this  new  manner  of  his.  I  suspect  the  woman 
who  was  staying  here " 

"  Mrs  Jessop  !  "  murmured  Nell,  alarmed. 

"  Yes — I'm  certain  I  am  right  too.  I'll  tell  you 
why,  and  something  more  if  you  can  contrive  to 
see  me  alone.  And  meantime  you  must  not  be  in  a 
hurry — you  must  give  us  all  time " 

"  Time  !  "  she  breathed  aghast.  "  Oh,  don't  you 
understand  that  the  hours,  the  days,  the  weeks  seem 
to  romp  round,  to  me,  that " 

"  Never  mind  what  '  seems.'  The  days  won't  go 
a  whit  more  quickly  to  oblige  anyone.  I  shall  leave 
you  now,  but  I'm  coming  back  later,  and  if  you  can 
manage  a  headache  that  will  necessitate  a  visit  from 
me,"  smiling,  "  so  much  the  better."  He  moved  to 
the  other  side  of  the  room  just  as  Forbes  returned, 
and  then  left  husband  and  wife  together. 

"  Well,  now  Oswald's  gone,  tell  me  your  real  ob- 

'95 


SINLESS 

jection  to  coming  away  with  me,"  Forbes  said, 
standing  close  to  her  chair,  "  for  of  course  it  is 
something  more  than  a  mere  dislike  to  the  sea." 

"  It  is,"  returned  Nell,  getting  up  and  facing 
him  from  the  other  side  of  the  mantelpiece.  "  I 
will  be  quite  honest  with  you,  Kenneth " 

"  Ah  !  "  The  soft  exclamation  was  so  slight  that 
Nell  did  not  hear  it.  It  had  come  to  her  suddenly 
to  speak,  some  power  stronger  than  her  will  seemed 
forcing  every  word  from  her  pale  lips. 

"  I — something  you  said  last  night — something 
you  said  again  just  now  made  me  think — made  me 
realise  that  we  could — could — never  take  up  our 

lives  again  as — as "  colouring  hotly  to  the  roots 

of  her  pretty  hair,  "  I  think  you  meant  you  would 
wish  to  take  it  up.  I — it  sounds  uncivil,  hard — 
but  I  think  we  have  lived  too  long  apart  to — to — 
Oh,  won't  you  understand  me  ?  You  have  never 
seemed  to  care  for  my  society,  you  have  shown  me 
plainly  that  you  cared  nothing  for  me,  except  as 
someone  better  than  a  servant  to  wait  on  you,  and 
bear  with  your  moods  ;  you  never  pretended  that — 
that  there  was  any  affection  in  our  matrimonial 
bargain,  and  I  have  been  more  than  content  that 
it  should  be  so " 

"  More  than  content !  Which  means  that  under 
no  circumstances  could  I  have  roused  within  you 
any  affection  for  me." 

"  Yes  ;  that  is  what  I  mean,"  she  returned,  with 
lowered  eyes  that  saw  nothing  of  the  mingling  of 
cruelty,  determination,  and  wounded  vanity  in  his. 
"  You  know  what  your  own  words  were  on — on — the 
day  when  you  first  came  home.  '  We  can  be  as 

196 


SINLESS 


good  friends  now  as  when  the  seas  divided  us.'  I — 
I — don't  think  from  what  our  lives  have  been  since, 
that  we  have  even  been  very  good  friends,  and  I  am 
very  sure  that  we  were  happier  far  when  the  seas 
did  divide  us." 

"  Speak  for  yourself,  Ellen." 

"  I  speak  for  you  too.  ¥ou  know  I  speak  truth 
— you  know  that  almost  every  word  and  act  of  mine 
jars  upon  you.  Why  then  should — you — should — 
you "  " 

"  Desire  to  change  our  mode  of  life  ?  With  re- 
stored health  I  have  lost  some  of  the  selfishness  that 
made  me  blind  to  the  injustice  that  I  was " 

"  If  you  are  thinking  of  injustice  to  me,"  she 
broke  in  swiftly,  "  forget  it — be  unjust — or  if  you 
think  you  owe  me  any  consideration  now,  show  it  by — 
by — going  your  way  and  leaving  me  to  go  mine " 

"  I  don't  think  I  quite  understand  you,"  said 
Forbes  with  some  severity,  sinking  into  a  chair  and 
regarding  her  with  disapproving,  amazed  eyes. 
**  There  was  a  time  when  it  occurred  to  me  that  you 
might  become  over-demonstrative,  over-affectionate. 
Can  it  be  possible  that  you  are  suggesting  that  we 
should — er — separate  ?  " 

Into  Nell's  eyes,  troubled  as  they  were,  there  crept 
the  ghost  of  a  smile  at  his  words  ;  but  she  answered 
very  gravely  : 

"  I  do  mean  that,  I  want  it  more  than  anything. 
It  can  profit  you  nothing  to  keep  me  at  your  side  ; 
and  when  you  speak  as — as — you  spoke  last  night — 
you  do  it  to  punish  me,  for  your  sport  of  the  moment, 
because,  I  think,  you  have  the  desire  to  be  cruel 
to  me." 

197 


SINLESS 


"  That  is  an  extremely  amiable  spirit  as  well  as 
rather  a  novel  one  in  which  to  take  the  offer  of  a 
man's  affection,  but  it  is  very  like  you,  Ellen.  And 
so  your  desire  is  for  a  separation  ?  That  we  shall 
mutually  agree  to  part  ?  I've  a  mind  to  give  you 
your  way." 

Nell  was  wise  enough  to  make  no  reply,  to  show 
nothing  of  the  gladness  that  came  with  his  words 
into  her  heart.  "  We  need  have  no  scandal — one 
thing  I  would  never  put  up  with,  and  that  is  filling 
your  neighbours  mouths  with  plenty  they  haven't 
thought  of  already,  to  say  about  you — understand 
that,  Ellen  !  I'm  going  this  journey  because  Oswald 
insists  that  it  will  be  the  crowning  of  the  cure  he 
has  already  made,  and  you,  since  you  prefer,  can  go 
home  again — I  don't  see  why  not.  Possibly,"  with 
an  odd  smile,  "  I  shall  be  grateful  to  you  in  the  long 
run  for  having  declined  to  take  me  in  earnest  in  a 
softer  mood." 

"  You — you  mean  it  ?  "  asked  Nell  slowly. 

"  Pah  !  Yes  ;  of  course  I  mean  it.  Do  you  sup- 
pose I  want  to  trot  a  woman  round  with  me  with  a 
face  like  a  wet  week  ?  Do  you  suppose  I  want  it 
dinned  into  my  ears  day  and  night  that  you  are 
ailing  ?  Somebody  who  is  strong  and  capable  and 
— and — amusing  is  the  sort  of  companion  I  need  if 
I'm  ever  going  to  get  really  well  again  ;  and  if 
Oswald  like  to  take  the  trip,  you  can  stay  at  home 
and  welcome — whether  he  takes  it  or  not,  so  far  as 
that  goes.  But  as  for  going  our  separate  ways  for 
all  time — I'll  have  to  think  it  over.  I  don't  mean 
to  be  made  the  laughing-stock  of  all  my  friends  and 
yours  just  for  a  whim  of  yours.  Now  if  you'll  send 

198 


SINLESS 


Worth  to  me  I'll  have  my  evening  nap  before  Oswald 
gets  back." 

He  turned  away  as  he  spoke,  and  Nell,  with  an 
inaudible  murmur  of  thanks  went  out  of  the  room. 
She  would  not  look  too  far  into  the  future  ;  she 
would  be  content  with  the  slight  victory  of  the 
present. 

"  Lesson  No.  2,"  smiled  Forbes  to  himself. 
"  Oswald  seems  to  back  her  for  some  peculiar 
reason.  I  think  I  shall  be  doing  well  to  give  her  a 
loose  rein  for  the  present.  By  Jove  !  " 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER    XXI 

IT  was  with  a  very  wan  little  face,  and  eyes 
that  told  of  a  sleepless  night,  that  Nell  came 
downstairs  about  noon  next  day  in  answer  to  a 
message  sent  to  her  by  Doctor  Oswald. 

"  I  did  not  think,"  he  said,  advancing  to  meet  her 
and  holding  both  her  hands  in  the  firm,  kindly  clasp 
from  which  lately  she  had  learned  to  gain  courage, 
"  that  the  worst  headache  you  could  have  had  or 
invented  last  night  would  have  been  of  any  avail ; 
and  I  knew  that  we  should  have  an  opportunity  for 
a  chat  to-day — so  I  came  up  early.  Now  tell  me, 
what  has  happened  ?  " 

"  Don't  you  know  ?     Hasn't  he— told  you  ?  " 

Oswald  drew  a  chair  nearer  the  fire  for  her,  and 
stood  himself,  with  his  broad  shoulders  against  the 
edge  of  the  mantelpiece. 

"  Forbes  hasn't  said  a  word  about  you  to  me 
since  last  evening — you  heard  all  that  was  said 
then.  He  has  rather  hurried  oif  this  morning  to 
his  solicitor's,  and  that  means  that  he  will  be  absent 
for  at  least  two  hours." 

Nell  clasped  and  unclasped  her  fingers  over  each 
other  and  turned  restless  eyes  from  the  doctor's 
face  to  the  fire.  She  had  gone  through  agonies  of 
anxiety  and  uncertainty,  she  had  passed  long  hours 
of  misery  and  bewilderment,  and  now  she  was  ex- 
periencing a  foolish  longing  to  let  the  tears  that  had 


SINLESS 

been  so  near  at  hand  for  many  days,  have  their  way 
and  flow  freely.  With  an  effort  she  gulped  down  an 
uncomfortable  lump  in  her  throat,  and  looked  up 
at  Oswald  again. 

"  When  you  had  gone — yesterday,"  she  said, 
speaking  very  low,  '  I — I — told  him  plainly  that  I 
could  not  and  would  not  take  this  trip  which  he 
proposes  to  take  himself.  I  gave  him  the  reason 
too— not  that  I  disliked  travel,  not  that  I  minded 
the  sea — nothing  trivial,  and  easily  overcome  like 
that.  What  was  the  use  ?  What  was  the  good  of 
continual  excuse  that  I  could  not  keep  up  ?  Oh," 
miserably,  "  I  have  had  so  much  of  it — I  have  grown 
weary  of  the  lies  and  the  deception " 

"  You  don't  mean  that  you  told  him " 

"  I  told  him  that  I  was  unhappy,  I  told  him  that 
we  had  spent  too  many  years  apart  ever  to  live 
happily  together.  I  said  I  wanted  him  to  go  his 
way  and  to  let  me  go  mine." 

"  And  he  ?  "  questioned  Oswald  quickly. 

"  He  seemed  after  a  moment's  astonishment, 
after  a  little  time  taken  up  in  utter  amazement,  to 
agree.  It  is  that  which  has  worried  me  all  through 
the  night,  though  it  is  that  which  I  wanted.  I  can't 
get  it  out  of  my  head  that  he  has  some  reason,  some 
motive — I  can't  believe  that  he  would  give  me  my 
way  in  anything  that  was  not  his  way — and  after 
what  you  said  to  me — after  I  had  thought  for  a  little 
while — oh,  what  do  you  think  he  means  to  do  ?  " 

Her  voice  had  risen  a  little,  she  was  speaking 
rather  incoherently  and  wildly  now  ;  and  the  man 
eaning  forward  touched  her  gently  on  the  shoulder. 

"  Don't  upset  yourself — pray  don't.     That  you 

201 


SINLESS 

have  gained  a  point  is  surely  something.  First  let 
us  remember  that  he  has  agreed  to  take  his  trip 
alone,  or  whatever  it  is  that  he  is  going  to  do,  and 
that  he  means  to  let  you  remain  behind.  That 
surely  simplifies  matters  a  good  deal.  As  for  his 
motive — if  he  has  one,  if  there's  any  card  up  his 
sleeve  that  he  thinks  of  playing  in  the  long  run, 
Heaven  alone  knows  what  it  is.  All  you  can  do  is 
to  make  the  most  of  the  time  given  you.  I  hinted 
to  you  that  I  believe  he  suspects  something,  and 
that  that  most  unpleasant  person  whom  you  had 
staying  here,  Mrs  Jessop,  is  responsible  for  most  of 
his  suspicions,  though  they  were  partly  formed 
before  she  came  on  the  scene.  I  am  going  to  be 
quite  candid  with  you — he  told  me  so." 

Nell  made  a  little  sound  that  was  something  be- 
tween a  sob  and  a  sigh,  but  she  did  not  speak  ;  she 
seemed  anxious  only  to  hear  all  that  Oswald  had  to 
tell  her. 

"  He  said  nothing  very  definite,"  pursued  the 
young  doctor,  "  he  merely  suggested  that  you  had 
formed  some  attachment — that  is  his  own  word — 
during  his  absence,  and  he  was  convinced  that  your 
failing  health  is  due  to  the  fact  that  you  are  fretting. 
I  rather  jumped  upon  him  for  the  manner  in  which 
he  expressed  himself,"  added  Oswald  with  a  touch 
of  heat  in  his  tones,  even  now,  at  the  recollection, 
"  and  he  said  little  or  nothing  more,  finding  that  I 
was  not  a  good  listener.  Altogether  I  confess  he 
puzzles  me  a  good  deal.  He,"  looking  away  from 
her,  "  seemed  anxious  that  you  should  take  this  trip 
with  him  ;  he  expressed  himself  desirous  of  starting 
life  afresh,  as  it  were,  with  you  at  his  side ;  he  put 

202 


SINLESS 

on  something  of  the  regretful,  remorseful  air,  that 
I'll  swear  he  was  far  from  feeling,  and  talked  about 
making  up  to  you  for  the  past,  during  the  future 
good  years  he  might  have " 

"  I  know, — I  know,"  she  broke  in,  with  a  little  wail 
that  held  a  piteous  touch  of  fear.  "  It  was  that 
which  decided  me,  that  which  brought  me  more  fear 
than  I  have  known  yet.  He  cares  no  more  for  me 
than  for  the  greatest  stranger  who  passes  him  in 
the  street,  and  yet  he  was  feigning  to — to — wish 
that  we  should  take  up  our  lives  together  on — on — 
different  lines.  It  was  that  which  made  me  tell 
him  honestly,  plainly,  that  whatever  his  wishes,  mine 
were  for  a  separation,  mine  were  that  we  might  part 
and — not  meet  again." 

"  And  yet  he  agreed  to  that  in  spite  of  all  he  had 
said  to  me  and  to  you  ?  "  said  Oswald,  a  deep  frown 
wrinkling  his  forehead. 

"  He  agreed  to  my  remaining  at  home  whilst  he 
went  away,  as  for  the  rest — he  would  not  say." 

"  Tell  me  this,"  said  the  doctor  suddenly.  "  How 
much  does  that  woman  know — how  much  can  she  ?  " 

"  Nothing — or  practically  nothing." 

"  But  when  she  met  you  as  she  described  in 
that  story,  which  I  felt  convinced  at  once,  she  was 
telling  with  a  purpose — when  she  saw  you  at  the 
hotel—  ?  " 

"  I  was  just  leaving.  She  gleaned  all  her  informa- 
tion from  the  hotel  servants — I " 

"  She  saw  no  one  else — she  knew  no  names  ?  " 

Nell  grew  red  as  the  heart  of  a  rose,  and  then  white 
as  the  palest  lily,  and  her  face  was  turned  from  him 
for  a  long  moment,  while  her  mind  went  back  to  that 

•03 


SINLESS 


morning  long  ago,  when  the  bewildered  servants  had 
stood  before  Boyd  while  he  had  given  an  order  for 
his  luggage  to  be  fetched  from  the  station.  And 
she  remembered,  too,  how  afterwards,  he  had  almost 
proved  to  her  that  that  order  had  been  scarcely 
noticed,  and  his  name  certainly  unheeded.  How, 
when  Mrs  Jessop  had  seized  upon  her  at  the  top  of 
the  stairs,  Boyd  had  quietly  stepped  aside,  mingling 
with  others  who  were  passing  along  the  corridor ; 
and  how  she,  Nell,  had  fled  with  all  possible  haste 
downstairs  and  out  into  the  street. 

"  To  the  best  of  my  knowledge  and  belief,  she 
knows  nothing,  save  that  I  was  there — and  not 
alone." 

"  She  has  managed  to  give  the  information  to 
Forbes  anyhow,  in  a  manner  that  makes  it  quite 
sufficient  ;  but  I  don't  quite  see  why  he  is  hiding 
his  knowledge,  such  as  it  is  from  you.  Do  you  ?  " 

"  I  do  not — except  that  I  think  he  is  a  man  who 
would  choose  the  punishment  for  me  that  he  thought 
would  be  most  lasting  and  cruel.  And  yet  he  has 
agreed  to  my  wishes — in  part ;  and  that  is  why  I 
am  convinced  that  he  has  some  object " 

"  Never  mind  ;  we  must  battle  with  that  after. 
He  will  expect  me  to  go  away  with  him,  and  I  shall 
do  it." 

"  But  can  you  spare  the  time  ?  Oh  !  why  should 
you  do  this  all  for  me  ?  " 

He  looked  down  upon  her,  quizzically,  for  a  moment, 
and  there  came  into  his  eyes  and  upon  his  lips  the 
whimsical,  half  smile  that  had  always  puzzled  her. 

"  Where  will  you  go  ?  "  was  all  he  said. 

"  Home  first ;  and — and  after,"  lowering  her 
204 


SINLESS 


voice  to  almost  a  whisper,  "  away,  altogether,  where 
no  one  will  ever  find  me."  Oswald  nodded.  He 
did  not  say  how  well  he  understood  the  difficulties 
of  carrying  out  such  a  plan.  Let  her  be  happy  and 
at  ease  in  the  thought  that  she  would  be  able  to  do 
it ;  let  her  have  this  brief  time  of  hope  at  least.  He 
knew  if  he  asked  it  of  her  she  would  tell  him  all  there 
was  to  know  ;  but  somehow  he  felt  no  inclination  to 
be  wiser  than  he  was  already.  What  he  did  feel 
was  keen  mistrust  of  Forbes,  and  a  feverish  desire  to 
see  that  he  had  no  time  to  go  back  on  what  amounted 
to  the  promise  he  had  evidently  made  his  wife,  last 
night. 

"  I  wish  I'd  never  laid  eyes  on  the  man,"  he  mur- 
mured with  savage  impatience,  "  or  else  I  wish  I'd 
never  tried  to  get  him  out  of  the  fads  that  kept  him 
the  half  invalid  he  imagined  himself." 

**  And  then,"  said  Nell,  rising  and  resting  a  timid 
little  hand  on  his  arm,  "  you  would  never  have  laid 
eyes  on  me,  and  you  would  not  have  helped  and 
comforted  me  as  you  have  now." 

"  I  should  have  seen  you,"  he  smiled,  sorry  now 
that  he  read  the  distress  in  her  lovely  tired  eyes, 
"  because  of  our  meeting  long  ago.  For  Heaven's 
sake  don't  think  that  I  meant  any  regret  that  our 
paths  in  life  had  crossed.  I  am  greatly  a  believer 
in  Fate — it  was  meant  to  be.  And  as  for  the  rest, 
if  I  have  comforted  you  at  all  and  helped  you  even 
a  little  I  am  very  glad,  well  satisfied.  Poor  little 
thing,"  he  added  suddenly.  "  Poor  frail  child  !  I 
wonder  if  anyone  was  ever  in  so  hopeless  a  position  ? 
In  all  my  experience,  and  it  is  a  varied  one,  I  can 
assure  you,  I  was  never  landed  into  a  situation  with 

205 


SINLESS 

which  at  moments  I  felt  so  helpless  to  grapple,  and 
at  other  moments  so  strong  to  fight.  Leave  the 
arrangements  principally  to  me.  If  anyone  can  keep 
your  husband  to  his  present  mood  it  is  I." 

"  And  you  will  tell  me  all  that  you  are  going  to 
do — all  that  you  do  ?  I — I — there  will  be  tunes 
when  I  shall  see  you  ?  Oh,  I  think  I  should  feel 
more  terribly  alone  than  ever  if  I  did  not  see  you 
sometimes,  hear  from  you  often.  You  have  been 
such  a  friend  as  one  might  dream  of — not  such  as 
one  ever  meets.  Ah,  don't  you  see,  that  I  know 
it  is  all  pity  in  your  heart,  and  never  censure — it  is 
all  more  than  I  deserve,  like  your  kindness,  but  it 
is  none  the  less  sweet.  And  I  shall  never  be  able 
to  thank  you,  I  shall  never  be  able  to  prove  to  you 
what  I  feel." 

He  still  held  her  hands  gently  in  his,  and  now  he 
smoothed  the  soft  backs  in  a  half-hesitating  way. 

"  You  are  aware  how  little  I  really  know,  but  you 
are  also  well  aware  that  it  is  all  I  desire  to  know," 
he  said,  smiling  down  at  her.  "  I  give  my  advice 
only  when  you  ask  it,  I  urge  you  to  nothing  you  do 
not  wish  to  do,  but  this  I  must  still  say — there  is 
one,  surely,  and  one  only,  who  has  the  right  to  stand 
between  you  and  trouble,  one  who  should  fight  your 
battles  for  you.  You  mean  to  do  what  is  right  and 
best,  you  are  sacrificing  all  your  youth,  all  your  life 
to  that  end.  But  if — if — he  was  ever  worth  your 
love,  if  that  love  is  what  I  think  it  to  be,  shared  as 
it  is  by  such  a  woman  as  you — no  vulgar,  transient 
passion,  no  wanton  wrong,  no  common  intrigue — 
I  tell  you  to  ask  yourself  if  you  are  fair  and  just  to 

him  for  whom " 

206 


SINLESS 


**  Don't — "  she  murmured  with  a  little  pleading 
glance  more  sad  than  bitter  tears.  "  I  had  almost 
fought  against  the  temptation  you  seem  to  hold  out 
to  me,  successfully — but  all  the  time  I  know,  none 
better,  how  pitifully  weak  I  am." 

"  But  if  you  will  only  think — what  is  to  be  the 
end ?  " 

"  I  don't  know — it  is  with  the  present,  and  the 
very  near  future  that  I  am  fighting  now,  and  you 

are  helping  me  to  fight.  After "  and  her  eyes 

grew  dreamy  with  a  hope  that  he  understood,  and 
that  struck  him  as  terribly  pathetic — "  after — there 
may  be  death  for  me  very  soon." 

He  did  not  answer.  He  even  thought  that  she 
might  be  right.  In  his  mind  he  likened  her  to  some 
rare,  tender  blossom,  that,  handed  over  to  a  rough, 
careless  gardener,  is  thrust  into  the  glare  of  light 
and  the  violence  of  the  cold  wind  ;  that  blooms 
proudly  for  a  little  while,  and  when  all  have  gazed 
upon  its  sweetness,  is  left  to  droop  and  to  wither, 
and  presently  to  die. 

But  he  said  nothing  of  his  thought ;  he  was  silent, 
and  Nell  thought,  with  a  little  pang  of  fear,  and  yet 
a  throb  of  joy  at  her  heart,  that  perhaps  he  had 
guessed,  too,  that  her  life  would  be  but  a  short  one 
now.  But  when  they  parted,  the  gravity  had  died 
out  of  his  merry  eyes. 

"  Don't  talk  of  death,  my  dear,"  he  said.  "  Look 
forward  rather  to  the  life  that  will  hold  more  for  you 
than  it  has  ever  held  yet." 


•07 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER  XXII 

SUMMER  had  come  once  more,  and  witti 
it,  heat  such  as  is  rarely  felt  in  England. 
To-day  it  streamed  down  pitilessly  upon 
one  of  the  prettiest  houses  in  Wimbledon,  in  one 
of  the  widest  and  best  kept  roads,  and  though  stand- 
ing in  very  pleasant  grounds,  rather  painfully  close 
to  the  town.  Its  mistress  did  not  think  it  too  close, 
she  did  not  think  it  could  be  improved  in  any  way  ; 
but  its  master  experienced  great  difficulty  in  regard- 
ing his  surroundings  without  his  nose  slightly  turned 
up  in  the  air,  and  a  glance  of  disgust  creeping  into 
his  eyes.  Against  these  evidences  of  distaste  he 
fought  manfully,  and,  on  the  whole,  pretty  success- 
fully ;  and  now  as  he  believed  himself  to  be  quite 
alone  in  possession  of  the  drawing-room  that  was 
literally  packed  with  treacherous  Geisha  footstools, 
and  spindly  tables  waiting  to  be  knocked  over,  with 
screens  in  front  of  both  doors,  and  before  everything 
that  a  screen  could  be  put  before,  and  with  fringed 
draperies  that  caught  one  on  all  sides  like  nets,  he 
gave  a  long  sigh,  and  looked  out  upon  the  trim  little 
garden  where  the  flowers  were  drooping  their  brilliant 
heads  in  the  heat,  with  all  the  misery  and  disgust,  all 
the  helplessness  and  hopelessness  in  his  eyes  that 
were  surging  in  his  heart. 

Two  plump  little  hands  were  suddenly  flapped 
across  his  eyes,  someone  stood  on  tip-toe  behind  him 


SINLESS 

to  hold  them  there,  and  someone  also  blew  warmly 
in  his  ear,  a  little  amused  laugh. 

"  What  a  poor  old  martyr  you  did  look,  Ken  !  " 
declared  Boyd's  wife,  removing  her  hands  now  and 
coming  round  to  face  him.  "  You  were  turning  up 
your  nose  at  the  swamped  lawn,  and  looking  as 
though  you  thought  geraniums  vulgar,  and  you 
kicked  my  best  new  chair  half  across  the  room  when 
you  entered.  Why  do  you  come  in  here,  if  you 
don't  like  it  ?  " 

"  I  expect  it's  to  fall  over  or  break  something," 
Boyd  admitted  easily.  "  I  don't  think  I  ever  saw 
a  room  so  jammed  full  of  stuff  in  my  life." 

"  You're  used  to  India,  my  dear,  where,  I've  heard, 
the  rooms  are  absolutely  bare.  Not  for  me,  thank 
you — I  like  comfort,  and  pretty  things  about  me. 
I  came  to  find  you  to  ask  how  soon  you'll  be  ready 
to  go  away,  if  you  are  going  with  me.  You  know 
I  always  go  to  the  seaside  every  summer  with  the 
Gordon-Smiths " 

"  That  woman  with  the  seven  tow-headed  children 
who  squint,  and " 

"  That  very  woman,  and  the  children  too.  They're 
sweet  little  things  when  you  know  them.  Well,  last 
year  it  was  Margate,  this  year  it's  to  be  Yarmouth — 
where  the  bloaters  come  from,  you  know.  Give  me 
a  good  all  round  happy-go-lucky  place,  say  I,  where 
one  can  do  as  one  likes  and  see  the  kiddies  have  a 
jolly  good  time.  We  go  about  the  end  of  July,  be- 
cause the  children  don't  break  up  till  the  twenty- 
eighth  ;  and  what  I'm  after  you  for,  is  that  we  want 
to  decide  about  the  rooms  we  shall  take.  We  have 
good  lodgings — where  they  don't  mind  noise 
o  209 


SINLESS 

and  there's  nothing  to  spoil,  you  know ;  and  Mr 
Gordon-Smith  comes  down  every  Friday  till 
Monday.  You  could  do  the  same,  or  as  you've 
no  business  to  keep  you  in  town,  come  down  alto- 
gether." 

"  One  moment,  Helen,"  entreated  Boyd,  who  could 
scarcely  repress  a  smile,  though  he  felt  anything 
but  pleased.  "  You  rattle  on  so  fast  that  I  do  not 
quite  grasp  all  you  mean.  Is  it  that  you  seriously 
think  of  me  going  away  with  you  in  company  with 
Mrs  Gordon-Smith  and  her  large  family  ?  " 

"  Why  not  ?  You  could  have  a  separate  sitting- 
room  if  you  liked,  but  it  would  be  waste  of  money. 
We're  out  best  part  of  the  day,  and " 

"  My  dear  girl,  I'm  willing  to  go  away  with  you 
to-morrow,  but  for  Heaven's  sake  let  it  be  to  some 
decent  place  and  alone." 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,  Ken  !  I'm  going  my  old  way, 
and  you  can  join  us  or  not,  as  you  please.  You're 
not  such  lively  company,  dear,  that  I  can  stand  the 
holiday  by  ourselves.  Don't  mind  me,  and  I  shan't 
mind  you.  That's  the  way  to  be  truly  happy  though 
married,"  with  a  jolly  little  laugh. 

"  I'm  really  very  sorry,"  began  Boyd,  who  would 
have  endured  almost  any  torture  rather  than  hurt 
anyone's  feelings. 

"  Don't  be.  Look  here,  Ken,  you  came  home  in 
November,  and  this  is  July — eight  months — and 
you've  not  spent  more  time  here  than  you  could 
possibly  help.  I  don't  blame  you — I  told  you  long 
ago  that  you  would  never  drop  into  Wimbledon 
ways.  The  question  is,  What  will  you  do  ?  Stay 

here  with  one  of  the  servants  and  the  boy,  or " 

aio 


SINLESS 

"  I  think  I'll  go  up  to  Scotland  with  Mead  and 
Brandling  and " 

"  Capital,"  broke  in  Mrs  Boyd.  "  How  I  did  like 
young  Brandling — such  a  nice-looking  jolly  boy ! 
He  never  came  to  see  me  as  he  promised,  though. 
Then  that's  settled,  and  you  won't  tackle  Yarmouth 
and  help  to  amuse  the  Gordon-Smith  children.  Oh, 
and  talking  of  Captain  Brandling,  reminds  me  of 
those  people  I  met  there — you  know  the  Forbeses — 
I  heard  something  of  them  the  other  day,  and  I've 
always  been  going  to  ask  you  if  you've  seen  anything 
of  them." 

"  Nothing,"  returned  Boyd,  his  face  growing  hard, 
and  all  the  life  dying  out  of  his  voice.  He  kept  his 
eyes  upon  the  flooded  lawn,  and  wished  with  all  his 
heart  he  had  not  come  into  this  room  at  all. 

Then,  because  he  hoped  to  silence  her  by  giving 
her  all  the  information  he  could,  he  added :  "  Forbes 
went  up  to  town  to  put  himself  under  the  care  of 
some  new  and  clever  young  doctor  I  believe,  and 
Brandling  told  me  that  they  took  a  furnished  house 
in  Half  Moon  Street,  I  think ;  but  then  we,  Mead 
and  I,  were  away  you  know,  and  as  you  reminded 
me  just  now,  I  have  spent  very  little  time  here — 
and — and — I  seldom  touched  London,  so  I  suppose 
I  missed  them." 

The  information  and  his  speech  were  hurried, 
even  sufficiently  impatient  to  arrest  Mrs  Boyd's 
attention. 

"  You  never  liked  them  much,  did  you,  Ken  ? 
Especially  Mr  Forbes — she  was  rather  a  nice  little 
woman  I  thought.  Had  rather  a  *  dashed  superior 
air,'  but  on  the  whole  she  wasn't  bad.  It  was  Edith 

an 


SINLESS 

Walker  who  was  telling  me  about  them  the  other 
day — I  think  there's  some  bit  of  a  mystery.  Edith 
is  governess  to  a  Mrs  Jessop's  nieces,  and  it  was  there 
she  heard  all  about  it.  She'd  heard  me  speak  of  the 
Forbeses  and  so  she  thought  I  should  be  interested 
— which  I  was.  Well,  Mr  Forbes  put  himself  in  this 
doctor's  hands,  and  came  out  simply  a  juvenile 
again !  Then  he  went  some  long  journey — he's  on 
it  still — and  his  wife  declined  to  accompany  him,  it  is 
believed.  At  all  events  she  didn't  go  ;  and  it  ap- 
pears that  there  was  some  quarrel  which  ended  in 
a  sort  of  mutual  separation.  Mrs  Jessop,  Edith  says, 
declares  that  she  wasn't  altogether  so  goody-goody 
as  she  might  have  been,  and  her  husband  found  it 
out — Edith  thinks,  if  anyone  told  him,  it  was  Mrs 
Jessop  herself,  who's  a  regular  old  scandalmonger — 
but  anyhow  he  went  off  in  a  huff,  and  she  went  back 
to  her  home  in  Bray " 

"  Which  is  surely  no  one's  business  but  their 
own,"  put  in  Boyd  in  a  wild  endeavour  to  bring  an 
end  to  information  that  was  painful  to  him  in  the 
extreme. 

"  Oh,  I  don't  know,"  remarked  his  wife  easily. 
"  When  people  do  things  right  under  other  people's 
noses,  they  can't  expect  to  keep  anything  their  own 
business — it's  public  property.  But  the  curious 
part  and  the  best  of  it  is  to  come.  Mrs  Forbes  after 
a  little  while  it  seems,  shut  up  the  home  altogether, 
and  disappeared — nobody  knew  01  apparently  cared, 
where.  But  Edith  Walker,  who  used  to  live  at 
Maidenhead  with  the  Courcys,  and  knows  Mrs  Forbes 
well  by  sight,  tells  me  that  who  should  she  meet  the 
other  day  in  a  little  out-of-the-way  village  right  in 

212 


SINLESS 


the  wilds  of  Northumberland — it  was  while  Edith 
was  taking  her  holiday — but  the  very  woman 
herself " 

"  You  mean  Mrs  Forbes  ?  "  asked  Boyd,  with  what 
he  greatly  feared  were  white  lips. 

"  Of  course  I  do — how  stupid  you  are,  Ken.  And 
not  only  that,  but  Edith  was  curious,  and  found 
out  that  she  is  living  there  under  the  name  of  Mrs 
Francis — and  if  all  accounts  are  true,"  and  Mrs 
Boyd's  little  fat  body  was  shaking  with  amusement, 
"  when  poor  Mr  Forbes  does  return,  he'll  find  himself 
a  proud  father — good  heavens  !  Kenyon  !  There 
goes  my  Dresden  wheelbarrow — you've  broken  it !  " 
Boyd  did  not  hear.  He  had  turned  round  so  sharply, 
with  a  cry  that  a  man  might  utter  if  he  had  received 
his  death  wound,  that  he  had  overset  one  of  the 
room's  many  tables,  and  with  it  the  costly  ornament 
that  had  stood  upon  it.  But  he  did  not  know  what 
he  had  done.  He  only  realised  in  a  vague,  hazy 
sort  of  way  that  something  was  damaged,  something 
had  happened  to  distress  his  wife  very  much  ;  some- 
thing that  sent  her  down  upon  her  knees,  mopping 
the  floor,  and  picking  up  bits  of  broken  china,  with 
every  now  and  again  a  fresh  exclamation  of  dismay, 
of  annoyance  that  ended  in  a  very  sob  of  grief. 

He  saw  her  as  one  sees  something  in  a  dream,  he 
heard  her  wailings  as  if  from  afar  off.  To  his 
strained  ears,  through  the  blind  tangle  of  his  mind, 
there  came  but  one  distinct,  clear  sound  and  that 
was  the  sound  of  the  words  she  had  spoken  before 
the  table  had  mercifully  gone  over  with  a  crash. 

"  It's  broken — you've  smashed  it  !  "  she  declared 
sorrowfully,  and  added  with  some  indignation, 

213 


SINLESS 

**  and  you  stand  there  as  though  nothing  had  hap- 
pened." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  said  Boyd,  coming  out  of 
his  terrible  dream  with  a  tremendous  effort,  and 
stooping  to  pick  up  some  of  the  pieces.  "  It  was 
exceedingly  clumsy  of  me,  but  I  will  get  you  another 
— half-a-dozen  more  if  you  like — I  have  seen  any 

amount  of  them  about — I "  And  then  not 

trusting  himself  to  say  another  word,  he  bolted  from 
the  room,  almost  oversetting  several  other  little 
tables  and  a  screen,  and  finally  dashing  through 
first  the  curtain-hung  door,  and  then  the  hall  one, 
which  the  parlour-maid  held  open  with  considerable 
haste  and  presence  of  mind. 

And  Mrs  Boyd,  rising  with  difficulty  from  her 
knees  looked  across  the  closely-clipped  hedge  of 
which  she  was  immensely  proud,  and  saw  him 
tearing  down  the  street  in  the  direction  of  the 
town. 

"  Silly  !  "  she  remarked  to  herself  crossly,  "  now 
he's  rushing  off  to  get  another  one,  and  he  won't 
find  its  match  in  a  week's  hunt !  " 

But  Boyd  was  not  intent  upon  matching  china. 
He  had  utterly  forgotten  the  smash  already.  He 
was  dashing  through  the  crowded  town  instinctively 
searching  for  some  spot  where  he  could  be  alone, 
out  of  sight,  out  of  the  reach  of  anyone's  voice,  be- 
yond the  possibility  of  hearing  any  more  of  "  Edith 
Walker's  "  scandal,  as  repeated  by  Mrs  Boyd. 

A  man  shrieked  something  in  his  ear  about  prime 
bacon,  another  outside  a  butcher's  shop  invited  him 
to  step  in  and  buy  ;  an  impatient  nursemaid,  who 
was  carrying  on  a  mild  flirtation  with  a  discreet 

814 


SINLESS 


policeman,  smacked  a  baby  hard  because  it  would 
not  sit  still  in  the  mail-cart. 

Boyd  regarded  one  after  the  other  in  a  vague 
uncertain  way,  disgust  in  his  eyes,  haste  in  his 
movements,  which  drew  upon  him  the  attention  of 
all  and  the  wonder  of  many.  But  he  pushed  on 
through  the  crowd  of  women  and  perambulators 
and  dogs,  until  he  reached  the  top  of  the  hill,  and 
till  the  wide,  quiet  stretch  of  common  lay  invitingly 
before  him.  Here  was  silence  at  least ;  here  he 
could  be  quite  alone  with  his  thoughts.  He  went 
on  and  on,  and  presently  threw  himself  down  upon 
a  seat  that  someone  had  fashioned  out  of  a  tree 
trunk,  on  which  any  amount  of  people  had  cut 
their  names  and  their  ages  and  all  kinds  of  brief 
information  about  themselves.  And  here  he  lifted 
his  hat  to  the  breeze,  and  his  eyes,  that  had  lost  all 
their  brightness  long  ago,  and  that  were  now  blind 
to  the  searching  sun,  up  to  the  sky,  as  if  from  the 
blue  vault  above  he  could  gain  some  comfort,  even 
some  hope. 

And  he  went  over  and  over  again  the  information 
he  had  received  to-day,  not  half-an-hour  ago,  and 
repeated  the  words  his  wife  had  said,  aloud,  as 
though  he  could  not  be  sure  he  had  heard  them  till 
they  were  spoken  hi  his  own  voice. 

How  long  he  remained  there  he  never  knew, 
how  long  he  sat  with  his  hands  sunk  in  the  palms  of 
his  hands  he  did  not  heed.  No  one  came  near  him 
— not  a  living  soul ;  he  had  all  the  brilliant  after- 
noon, and  all  the  closing  evening  to  himself,  to  give 
up  to  a  thought,  a  certainty,  that  he  felt  must  drive 
him  mad.  And  when  the  shades  of  evening  had 


SINLESS 


closed  in  about  him,  when  far  above  the  tree  tops 
he  could  see  the  little  crescent  of  the  moon  hanging 
like  a  curved  thread  of  silver  in  an  opal  sky,  Boyd 
rose,  and  made  his  way  in  the  direction  of  the  town 
again.  The  soft  breeze  stirring  among  the  leaves 
seemed  to  sigh  to  him  almost  the  last  words  he  had 
heard  in  Nell's  voice,  the  tender,  passionate  avowal 
that  he  had  wrung  from  her,  and  the  memory  of 
which  was  all  he  had  had  to  treasure.  Here  in  the 
silence  and  the  dim  light,  he  could  hear  her  pretty 
plaintive  voice  again,  he  could  feel  the  pressure  of 
her  sunny  head  against  his  aching  heart,  the  warmth 
of  her  lips  on  his  own.  He  had  treasured  every 
word  that  she  had  whispered  to  him,  he  had  heard 
in  them  all  the  love  and  the  faith  to  himself  that 
he  had  longed  to  hear,  but  he  had  not  understood 
them  as  he  understood  them  now ;  he  had  not 
gathered  the  sense  of  them  as  he  did  at  this  moment 
with  mingled  joy  and  fear,  and  bitter,  futile  self- 
reproach,  and  passionate  pitying  tenderness. 

"  In  heart  and  mind  and  thought  and  act,  I  am 
yours,  surely,  irrevocably — in  so  much  more  than 
you  may  ever  guess  or  you  may  ever  know  !  "  She 
had  said  to  him,  and  he  had  heard  all  the  love,  only, 
that  those  words  had  spoken  and  none  of  the  fear 
and  the  despair  that  must  have  been  hers.  And 
she  was  alone — more  terribly,  hopelessly  alone  than 
any  woman  had  ever  yet  been  in  all  the  world. 
She  was  hidden  away  in  a  miserable  little  village 
in  the  wilds  of  the  dreary  country,  among  strangers, 
with  none  near  to  comfort  or  care  for  her.  She  was 
alone  when  he  should  have  been  living  his  life  only 
to  bring  the  sunshine  into  hers. 


SINLESS 


"  My  God  !  "  he  thought,  while  his  heart  seemed 
to  stand  still  for  a  moment,  "  what  she  must  have 
gone  through — what  she  must  have  endured — and 
I,  fool  that  I  was,  did  as  I  thought  she  wished,  and 
went  deliberately  out  of  her  life  !  " 

It  was  late  when  he  reached  his  home ;  dinner 
was  a  thing  of  the  past,  and  an  indignant  parlour- 
maid was  preparing  to  bring  to  him  the  warmed 
remains ;  and  Mrs  Boyd  met  him  at  the  door  with 
surprise  written  all  over  her  hot,  fat  little  face. 

"  You  really  are  too  silly ! "  was  her  greeting. 
"  Fancy  tearing  all  over  the  place  at  once  to  match 
that  thing !  Have  you  been  to  London  and  all — 
what  a  goose  you  are,  Ken  !  I  didn't  wait  dinner, 
because  I  never  dreamed  you'd  come  in  to  it,  when 
you  were  so  long  ;  but  there's  plenty  left.  Hurry 
cook  up,  Dawson  !  " 

"  I'm  sorry,"  said  Boyd  desperately,  "  I'd  no  idea 
a  thing  of  that  sort  would  be  so  hard  to  get — you 
will  have  to  have  something  else,  Helen."  He  sat 
down  and  sipped  some  iced  soup  gratefully,  and 
declining  claret,  poured  himself  out  a  brandy  and 
soda,  which  made  his  wife  stare  hard  at  him,  to 
notice  for  the  first  time  that  he  was  extremely  worn 
looking  and  pale. 

"  Poor  old  fellow !  "  she  said  inwardly.  "  Done 
up,  tearing  all  over  the  place  to  please  me  !  "  Aloud 
— "  Nothing  wrong,  Ken  ?  " 

"  Only  the  heat,"  he  returned,  and  felt  he  was 
lying  beautifully.  In  the  two  minutes  it  had  taken 
him  to  swallow  his  soup,  he  had  come  to  a  sudden 
decision  ;  and  he  felt  the  better  for  it  already. 
"  I've  seen  Mead.  I  think  as  you're  off  to  the  sea- 

217 


SINLESS 

side,  and  I  shall  only  be  in  the  way  of  packing  and 
that  sort  of  thing,  I'll  be  off  too,  at  once.'* 

"  You  won't  be  in  my  way — but  just  as  you  like," 
returned  Mrs  Boyd  with  her  usual  good-humour. 
"  Edith  Walker  is  coming  in  for  a  little  music 
presently,  but " 

"  Nothing  more,  thank  you,"  said  Boyd  in  a  rather 
loud  voice  to  the  servant.  "  There's  an  up  train  at 
nine ;  I  think  I'll  take  that,  Helen." 


si8 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XXIII 

IT  was  not  till  the  following  afternoon  that 
Boyd  was  able  to  leave  London,  and  then  he 
found  that  he  had  only  just  time  to  make  the 
half-past  two  train  at  King's  Cross  for  Alnwick. 
He  had  made  Alnwick  his  headquarters  because  he 
remembered  that  on  the  rare  occasions  when  he  had 
listened  to  his  wife's  chatter  concerning  "  Edith 
Walker  "  he  had  heard  that  her  home  was  at  a  very 
small  village  called  Leathway  at  a  distance  of  some 
seven  or  eight  miles  from  the  town.  It  was  Edith 
Walker  who  had  met  Nell ;  it  was  she  who  had 
described  that  meeting  as  having  taken  place  in  a 
little  out-of-the-way  village  in  the  wilds  of  the 
country,  and  it  was  during  her  holiday,  undoubtedly 
spent  in  her  own  home,  that  it  had  happened. 

Boyd  did  not  fancy  himself  in  the  detective  line 
at  all ;  but  he  had  made  up  his  mind  to  find  Nell 
without  delay,  and  having  profited  by  the  informa- 
tion which  had  been  forced  upon  him,  he  put  two 
and  two  together  from  Miss  Walker's  report,  and 
decided  that  it  should  be  the  village  in  which  her 
home  lay  to  which  he  would  first  direct  his  at- 
tention. 

"  I  know  the  sort  of  place,"  he  had  said  to  himself, 
when  making  his  plans  on  the  previous  night.  "  One 
little  street,  three  shops,  and  half-a-dozen  houses 
at  the  most.  A  stranger  would  be  remarked  and 

•if 


SINLESS 


remembered.  There  would  not  be  much  difficulty 
in  finding  her !  Poor  child  !  Does  she  think  the 
mere  burying  of  herself  away  in  that  isolated  spot 
will  hide  her  from  the  eyes  of  the  world  ?  " 

The  journey  was  the  longest  one  Boyd  had  ever 
known  ;  he  looked  out  upon  the  country  with  im- 
patient yet  thoughtful  eyes,  and  it  never  once  struck 
him  as  odd  that  he  remembered  nothing  but  the 
object  of  this  journey,  that  he  had  no  thought  of 
what  would  be  the  result.  For  a  long  time  there 
seemed  to  be  only  one  clear  idea  to  him,  and  that 
was  that  he  had  come  to  find  Nell.  It  might  be 
an  easy  matter  or  it  might  be  a  very  difficult  one  ; 
but  it  was  all  he  could  think  of  now.  It  was  the 
present  to  which  he  devoted  himself  ;  the  future 
would  and  should  take  care  of  itself. 

When  he  arrived  it  was  nearly  midnight ;  with 
ever-increasing  impatience  he  realised  that  there  was 
nothing  to  be  done  till  the  morning. 

Sleep  was  very  far  from  him  ;  after  a  long  restless 
night  it  was  with  a  sigh  of  relief  that  he  watched 
the  dawn  breaking,  it  was  with  a  great  effort  only 
that  he  managed  to  keep  to  his  room  till  anything 
like  a  respectable  hour. 

By  nine  o'clock  he  was  on  his  way  to  the  little 
village  of  Leathway.  He  walked,  for  choice  ;  and 
he  made  inquiries  as  to  the  roads  he  must  take, 
from  several  people  who  appeared  to  be  either  in- 
tensely stupid  or  loth  to  give  information.  And 
when  at  last  he  had  reached  what  he  was  told  was 
Leathway,  Boyd  stood  looking  .ibout  him  and 
telling  himself  that  there  were  not  even  the  three 
shops  and  half-a-dozen  houses  which  he  had  ex- 

820 


SINLESS 

pected.  There  seemed  to  be  nothing,  nobody  near 
him.  Afar  off  in  the  fields  he  could  see  men  and 
boys  and  here  and  there  a  few  women  at  work ; 
dotted  about  were  one  or  two  cottages  plainly  be- 
longing to  the  workers  ;  in  the  hollow,  at  the  bottom 
of  the  hill  down  which  he  looked,  now,  with  eyes 
screwed  up  against  the  dazzling  sun,  there  were  a 
few  more  houses,  a  flat  building  that  perhaps  was 
the  one  shop,  and  what  might  be  a  school  or  a  small 
church. 

He  went  down  the  hill,  wondering  if  this  really 
were  Leathway,  where  Edith  Walker  could  have 
lived. 

"  There  must  be  a  mistake,"  he  said  to  himself, 
and  hailed  an  old  man  who  was  coming  leisurely 
towards  him. 

"  Is  this  Leathway  ?  "  Boyd  inquired,  raising  his 
voice  because  the  man  looked  as  though  he  might 
be  deaf. 

"  Who'm  ye  shoutin'  at  ?  " 

"  I  beg  your  pardon — is  it  Leathway  ?  " 

"  It  may  BE " 

"  I  know  it  may  be,"  impatiently,  "  but  is  it  ?  " 

"  'Um,"  said  the  man  in  a  tone  that  might  have 
meant  yes  or  no,  and  walked  on. 

Boyd,  though  annoyed,  could  not  help  smiling. 

He  stopped  a  small  boy  next. 

"  Is  this  Leathway,  my  lad  ?  " 

"  Yis." 

"  Is  this  all  of  it  ? 

"  Yis." 

*'  Er — do  you  know  anyone  here  by — by  the  name 
of  Francis — a  lady,  a  stranger  ?  " 

221 


SINLESS 

"  Naw.  It  may  be  there  be  naw  strangers  this 
part." 

"  Thank  you."  Boyd  presented  him  with  a  six- 
pence and  sat  down  on  the  top  bar  of  a  gate  a  little 
hopelessly.  There  were  only  four  houses,  he  counted 
them,  and  came  to  the  conclusion  that  he  had  better 
knock  at  each  door  and  extract  what  information  he 
could  from  the  occupant  of  each  house.  Presently 
he  saw  a  woman  come  to  one  of  the  doors  and  stand 
there  ;  and  he  got  off  the  gate  and  went  towards 
her.  The  same  questions  and  very  much  the  same 
answers  passed  between  them  ;  and  the  woman 
looked  at  him  with  increasing  suspicion  when  he 
went  to  the  next  house.  There  a  man  spoke  to  him, 
and  evidently  suspecting  him  of  spying  upon  some- 
one, unceremoniously  shut  the  door  in  his  face. 

"  Of  all  the  uncouth  lot !  "  thought  Boyd  angrily, 
and  just  then  met  the  eyes  of  a  woman  who  was 
regarding  him  a  little  curiously.  She  was  young, 
and  she  had  a  pleasant,  pretty  face ;  also  she  was 
sufficiently  shy  to  blush  at  his  unconsciously  pro- 
longed stare.  Boyd  raised  his  hat  and  stepped 
through  the  open  gate  of  the  little  garden. 

"  I  wonder  if  you  could  help  me,"  he  said,  "  I 
am  looking  for  a  lady  who  came  I  believe  to  stay 
here,  and  no  one  seems  able  or  willing  to  tell  me 
anything." 

The  girl  smiled,  revealing  pretty  teeth. 

"  What  is  her  name  ?  "  she  inquired  accenting 
her  words  in  an  entirely  different  manner  to  her 
neighbours. 

"  Francis." 

"  And  a  lady  ?  " 

aas 


SINLESS 

"  Yes." 

The  woman  shook  her  head. 

"  There  is  no  lady,  and  no  one  named  Francis  in 
this  part,"  she  said.  "  Are  you  sure  it  was  at 
Leathway  ?  " 

"Well,  no,"  he  admitted,  feeling  suddenly  that 
he  had  but  slender  excuse  for  searching  for  Nell 
here.  "  But  she  was  seen  here,  and — and — I  am 
very  sure  she  could  not  be  staying  far  away." 

"  Bobbie  !  "  called  the  woman  loudly  to  a  small 
boy  within  the  house,  "  What  is  the  name  of  the 
lady  staying  at  Nurse  White's  ?  The  lady  that 
came  from  London,  and  that  you  took  the  butter 
and  eggs  to — up  near  Strachan's  farm,  stupid  ! " 

"  Don't  naw." 

*'  You  do  know,  if  you  think.     You  said  it  the 

other  day  when "     Boyd  produced  half-a-crown 

and  held  it  up  to  the  boy's  sulky  eyes. 

"  I  wonder  if  that  will  help  your  memory/'  he 
said. 

"  Be  it  Frawncis  ?  Maybe  it  is — Mrs  Frawncis — 
fra  Lunnon,  up  to  Nurse  White's." 

The  coin  changed  hands  instantly,  and  Boyd 
turned  again  to  the  woman,  who  blushed,  angrily 
this  time. 

"  A  good  clout  side  of  the  head  'stead  of  money," 
she  muttered  ;  but  Boyd  was  saying  : 

"  I  can't  thank  you  enough  ;  now  will  you  add 
to  your  kindness  by  directing  me  to  Nurse  White's 
house  ?  " 

'  'Tis  the  best  part  of  four  miles  away.  But  can 
you  see  that  far  hill  ?  and  the  little  line  of  smoke 
seeming  to  be  running  up  behind  it  ?  Yes  ?  Well 

223 


SINLESS 

'tis  close  there.  Everyone  knows  Nurse  White,  and 
her  cottage  is  called  *  The  Rest.'  She  and  her  old 
sister  live  together — you  can't  miss  it ;  and  the 
lady  you  want  must  be  there,  because  she's  from 
London  I  know,  and  'tis  the  first  person  like  that 
that  ever  came  to  stay  in  these  parts.  She's  been 
there  this  four  months  perhaps  or  near  to  it." 

"  I  am  very  much  obliged,"  said  Boyd  lifting  his 
hat  again,  and  passing  out  of  the  little  gate,  hurried 
along  the  road,  the  woman's  wondering  eyes  following 
him. 

Only  a  bare  four  miles  away — only  just  as  far  as 
the  blue  line  of  smoke  which  wound  slowly  skyward  ! 
It  must  be  that  Nell  was  there — no  other  woman 
calling  herself  by  the  same  name  could  have  come 
to  this  part  of  the  world.  Only  a  short  walk  after 
all,  and  he  would  have  found  her. 

The  sky  had  grown  blue  again,  the  song  of  the 
birds  cheered  him  on  his  way — it  trilled  forth  a  note 
of  hope  and  love. 

And  by-and-by  when  he  could  no  longer  see  the 
line  of  blue  smoke  in  the  distance,  when  instead, 
on  the  top  of  the  hill,  there  stood  before  him  a  pretty, 
old-fashioned  cottage,  ivy-covered,  and  far  back 
from  the  winding  road,  and  on  its  rough  gate-post 
painted  the  words  "  THE  REST,"  Boyd  came  to 
a  halt,  and  though  he  was  all  impatience  to  enter 
that  house,  to  hasten  up  the  garden  path  and  through 
the  door  which  stood  wide  open,  he  paused  for  many 
moments  close  by  the  gate,  not  moving  a  step. 
Then  at  last  he  went  in  and  knocked  softly.  An  old 
lady  came  to  him. 

"  Is — Mrs  Francis  at  home  ?  "  he  said  with  a 
324 


SINLESS 

quiver  of  half  dread  in  his  voice.  What  if,  after  all, 
he  should  be  refused  here  ? 

"  Yes,  she  is  at  home,  sir — will  you  step  in  ?  " 

"  Please  don't  announce  me,"  said  Boyd  hurriedly 

and  softly.  "  She  will  see  me  I  am  sure " 

There  was  irresistible  appeal  in  his  eyes,  his  face 
had  grown  very  pale  ;  the  old  lady  looked  at  him 
curiously  yet  half  pitifully,  and  after  a  moment's 
hesitation,  pointed  down  the  passage. 

"  That  door  which  you  see  right  at  the  end  of  the 
hall  is  the  door  of  Mrs  Francis'  sitting-room.  Mind, 
there  are  two  steps,  sir." 

Boyd  hoped,  afterwards,  that  he  had  said  thank 
you  ;  he  never  knew.  And  the  old  lady  smiled  as 
she  saw  that  he  covered  the  length  of  the  passage  in 
almost  one  step — then  she  heard  the  door  of  Mrs 
Francis'  sitting-room  open,  and  close  quickly  again. 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XXIV 

"  The  little  name  left  Boyd's  lips 
softly,  almost  sadly,  with  a  ring  of  passion 
that  held  all  the  pent-up  misery  of  long 
months,  yet  all  the  mingled  joy  and  hope  and  satis- 
faction, and  longing,  that  were  born  in  this  moment 
that  gave  her  back  to  him.  It  rung  softly  and 
clearly  through  the  little  room,  and  reached  the 
woman  who  had  been  sitting  by  the  open  window 
with  her  chin  sunk  wearily  in  the  palms  of  her  hands, 
and  her  eyes  looking  out  on  to  the  still  country,  with 
a  wealth  of  hopeless,  helpless  sadness  in  their  blue 
depths — who  at  the  sound,  sprung  to  her  feet,  only 
to  sink  back  again  into  her  chair,  so  white,  so  breath- 
less, that  for  one  horrible  moment  the  man  thought 
she  was  dead.  Before  the  next  clock-tick  he  was 
at  her  side  ;  he  had  lifted  her  in  his  arms  out  of  the 
chair,  and  she  lay  on  his  heart,  still  white  with  the 
pallor  of  death,  so  breathless  that  there  was  no 
movement  of  the  soft  breast,  barely  covered  with  the 
filmy  lace  that  fell  over  it. 

He  thought  he  had  killed  her.  Mad  with  fear  he 
besought  her  to  speak  to  him,  to  look  at  him  ;  he 
called  her  by  every  tender  name  at  his  command, 
he  covered  her  eyes  and  hair  with  kisses,  and  sought 
with  the  warmth  of  his  own,  to  bring  back  the  colour 
to  her  livid  lips. 

"  Nell — look  at  me — speak  to  me  !     In  mercy  give 

9*6 


SINLESS 


me  one  word.  Have  I  frightened  you — have  I  hurt 
you  ?  My  life,  ray  one  love,  look  up  and  say  you 
forgive  me  !  " 

She  stirred  then,  and  would  have  shrunk  away 
from  his  hold,  but  he  kept  his  arms  round  her,  and 
put  her  gently  back  into  the  chair  again,  and  knelt 
close  at  her  side,  his  face  pressed  against  her  heavily- 
beating  heart. 

"  Oh,  why  did  you  come — why  did  you  ?  "  she 
whispered,  leaning  back  from  him,  and  closing  her 
eyes. 

"  Nell,  look  at  me,"  he  returned,  and  now  there 
was  a  ring  of  command  in  his  voice  that  compelled 
her  to  obey,  "  look  into  my  eyes — "  he  held  her  closer 
with  the  utterance  of  each  word,  "  look  into  my  eyes, 
and  tell  me  if  you  do  not  know  why  I  have  come  to 
you,  why  I  would  have  ceased  to  rest  day  or  night  till 
I  had  found  you.  Tell  me  !  You  shall — you  owe 
it  to  me  for  the  torture  of  all  these  horrible  months — 
you  owe  it  to  me  for  the  knowledge  you  would  have 
kept  from  me.  Nell,  how  could  you — how  dared 
you  !  Oh,  my  God  !  if  you  had  really  cared  for  me, 
if  I  had  been  hi  your  life  what  you  were  in  mine, 
if " 

He  paused,  as  though  words  failed  him,  searching 
her  little  wan  face,  her  large  troubled  eyes,  hungrily. 

"  Did  you  never  realise,"  he  went  on,  "  that  you 
were  doing  me  the  cruellest  injustice — did  it  never 
come  to  you  that  in  leaving  me  in  ignorance,  in 
hiding  yourself  from  me  and  all  the  world,  here,  in 
going  out  of  my  life,  you  were  doing  me  a  wrong  that 
it  might  have  been  forever  out  of  your  power  to 
repair  ?  You  had  no  right — I  say  you  had  no  right 

227 


SINLESS 

to  do  it !  You  were  no  longer  your  own — you  were 
mine  !  Oh,  God  !  oh,  love  !  so  much  more  mine 
than  in  my  maddest  moments  of  remembered  joy, 
I  had  ever  dreamed.  You  belonged  to  me — how 
dared  you  seek  to  rob  me  of  what  was  mine  by  the 
greatest  of  all  rights,  the  divine  right  of  love  ?  " 
He  ceased  abruptly.  The  force  of  his  passion, 
stronger  than  his  strength,  shook  his  frame  ;  and 
he  was  silenced,  weakened,  by  the  sudden  tender 
pressure  of  her  arms,  where  he  held  them,  close  about 
his  throat. 

"  Was  I  so  wrong  ?  "  she  asked  him  piteously. 
"  Was  I  ?  Can  you  blame  me  in  your  heart  ? 
Can  you  not  understand  what  life  became  to  me  ? 
Can  you  not  imagine  the  terror,  the  utter  helpless- 
ness, the  terrible  hopelessness  of  it  all  ?  Oh,  what 
could  I  do — what  could  I,  except  what  I  did  ?  " 

"  If  you  had  loved  me — "  he  persisted ;  but  she 
drew  his  head  close  against  her  heart,  and  the  words 
were  stifled  in  the  laces  at  her  breast. 

"  Because  I  loved  you — "  she  whispered  to  him, 
gently.  '*  Because  I  loved  you  better  than  my  own 
happiness  and  my  own  peace  of  mind — because  I 
would  not  tempt  you  with  so  much  as  a  word — 
because  I  understood  so  well  that — that — if  I  had — 
let  you  know — nothing,  no  one  would  have  stood 
between  us.  Oh,  my  dear,  my  dear,  say  what  you 
will,  I  had  no  right  to  your  love  and  your  care,  I  had 
no  claim  on  your  life,  I " 

"  I  deny  it ! "  he  broke  in  across  her  words,  with 
a  touch  of  violence  in  his.  "  I  deny  it  utterly — and 
if  you  will  only  think  a  moment  you  will  own  that  I 
am  right.  Right,  sense,  justice  all  cry  out  against 

228 


SINLESS 

you  in  such  a  statement.  I  bring  upon  you — in 
ignorance  and  without  wrong  intentionally,  I  grant 
you — but  I  bring  upon  you  the  keenest  trouble,  I, 
who  love  you  with  all  my  soul,  with  every  beat  of 
my  heart,  with  all  that  is  best  and  truest  in  me,  with 
all  the  good  my  life  has  ever  held.  7  work  the  ruin 
of  your  whole  life,  and  you  try  to  tell  me,  you  would 
try  to  make  me  believe  that  you  have  no  right  to 
my  care,  no  claim  on  my  life  !  To  whom  should  you 
go  then — to  whom  should  you  turn  for  love  and 
comfort  ?  Answer  me  that."  But  she  could  not 
answer.  She  could  only  yield  herself  to  his  fond 
embrace,  only  admit  by  her  silence  that  she  had  no 
words  wherewith  to  contradict  him.  It  was  so 
sweet  to  hear  through  every  tone  of  his  voice  what 
the  strength  of  his  love  was  still ;  it  banished  fear 
so  completely  for  the  moment  to  know  that  he  was 
here,  with  her,  to  comfort  and  protect  her.  It  gave 
her  new  life  and  courage  to  fully  comprehend  that 
she  was  no  longer  so  terribly  alone — there  was  such 
tender  joy,  such  shy,  sweet  happiness  in  the  know- 
ledge that  at  last  he  shared  the  secret  that  she  had 
hugged  so  closely  and  jealously  to  her  heart. 

"  Answer  me,"  he  said  again,  and  rising,  lifted  her 
on  to  his  heart  once  more.  "  No,  you  shall  stay 
here.  Do  you  grudge  me  this  moment's  happiness  ? 
Have  you  never  thought  how  frightfully  empty  my 
arms  have  been  since  I  was  fool  enough  to  let  you 
out  of  them  that  day  at  Hedlam,  only  on  your 
promise  that  you  would  see  me  the  next  day.  And 
you  broke  that  promise,  Nell — you  sent  me  just  a 
bare,  cold  little  note  saying  you  were  going  to 
London,  and  never  another  line  !  Oh,  what  a  fool  I 

229 


SINLESS 

was  to  listen  to  you — what  an  idiot !  If  I  had  known 
— if  I  had  known,"  lifting  her  flushed  face  to  his, 
"  you  should  never  have  escaped  me — and  I  might 
have  guessed,  I  might  have  understood,  from  some- 
thing you  said  then — that  I  have  thought  of  since 
but  that  I  did  not  comprehend  at  the  time.  You 
broke  your  promise  to  me  that  day,  Nell — why  ? 
—why  ?  " 

"  I — we — went  to  town — I  could  not  help  myself," 
she  answered  him  a  little  faintly.  "  And  after,  I 
thought  it  was  best — and  I  was  glad  and — and — 
sorry  too,  that  I — I — heard  no  more  of  you.  I — 
bore  it  as  long  as  I  could — I  did  my  best  as  long  as  I 
dared,  and — and  then — I  came  away — I  came  here. 
I  wanted  to  hide  away  always,  I  did  not  want  even 
you  ever  to  find  me  or — or — to  know,  and  yet — oh, 
my  dear,  I  cannot  be  sorry  for  just  this  one  hour  of 
happiness  out  of  all  the  wretched  ones  that  have 
been,  and  all  the  more  wretched  ones  that  must  be, 
when  you  are  gone " 

"  When  I  am  gone  !  Gone  !  "  he  echoed,  laughing 
softly  against  her  throat.  "  When  I  go,  my  sweet- 
heart, you  go  with  me." 

"  Ah,  no — no — you  don't  know  what  you  say," 
she  cried  swiftly,  striving  in  vain  to  put  him  from 
her.  "  Dear,  be  reasonable — hear  me.  Life  has 
changed  for  us — I  will  admit  that — it  cannot  be 
lived  as — as — we  did  our  best  to  live  it ;  but  you 
must  leave  me — you " 

"  Leave  you,  now  !  Never,  my  God  !  I  tell  you 
that  no  prayer  of  yours,  no  earthly  power  shall  part 
us  again.  When  Fate  brought  us  together  we 
parted — we  did  what  we  both  thought  right  and 

230 


SINLESS 

best,  and  we  were  wrong.  Apart,  life  is  but  half- 
life,  together,  in  spite  of  everything,  we  can  find 
happiness  seldom  given  to  any.  It  is  our  just 
heritage — I  claim  it  for  you  as  for  myself,  the  right 
to  live,  and  love.  We  are  alone,  you  and  I,  and  we 
love  well  enough  to  defy  and  to  ignore  the  world. 
We  are  alone  I  say,  though  the  law  calls  us  bound 
each  of  us  to  another.  We  are  alone  in  our  love  as 
we  can  be  content  to  be  in  our  happiness.  We 
belong  to  each  other,  and  only  Heaven  itself  shall  part 
us.  You  think  I  am  mad  ?  You  think  I  speak  in 
the  passion  of  the  moment — no,  what  I  say  to  you 
now  I  have  thought  over  all  through  the  hours  since 
I  started  to  find  you,  all  through  every  plan  that  I 
have  made  for  our  lives — together." 

"  Together  I "  The  one  word  stirred  her  to  the 
depths  of  her  heart,  and  forced  upon  her  the  realisa- 
tion of  all  it  would  mean  to  part  from  him  now. 

"  Let  me  go — let  me  go,  a  moment,"  she  asked 
him  ;  and  Boyd  releasing  her,  put  her  gently  from 
him. 

With  a  little  staggering  movement  she  reached 
a  chair,  and  lay  back  in  it,  breathing  quickly,  while 
her  eyes  followed  him  in  his  sudden  restless  prowl 
about  the  little  room. 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean — what  you  are 
thinking  of — I — you  must  give  me  time  to  think," 
she  said  uneasily,  yet  all  the  time  with  the  thought 
of  how  sweet  it  was  to  have  him  think  for  her. 

"Give  you  time,"  he  said.  "What  for,  Nell  ? 
To  make  up  your  mind  against  me  afresh  ?  To 
remember  what  you  imagine  to  be  your  duty,  per- 
haps ?  No,  I  shall  give  you  no  more  time  than  it 


SINLESS 

will  take  me  to  see  about  procuring  some  sort  of 
vehicle  fit  to  drive  us  to  Alnwick,  and  you  to  gather 
togetheryour  belongings  here.  What  do  you  want  time 
for  ?  Isn't  it  sufficient  for  you  to  know  that  the  past 
is  dead — save  for  that  one  part  of  it  that  made  you 
mine — that  there  is  nothing  but  the  present  and  the 
future,  that  I  am  going  to  fill  with  love  and  joy  for 
you  ?  Don't  try  to  turn  me  from  my  purpose, 
Nell, — in  every  other  thing,  now  and  for  ever  I  will 
obey  you,  but  not  in  this.  Don't  try  to  send  me 
from  you,"  coming  over  to  her  side  and  taking  her 
back  into  his  arms,  •"  for  I  won't  be  sent.  Why  play 
with  words  ?  Why  speak  as  though  we  could  ever 
part — now  ?  Even  if  there  were  reason  for  the 
sacrifice  of  all  your  life  that  reason  would  be  swept 
away.  Later,  you  shall  argue  it  all  out  with  me  at 
any  length  you  like ;  but  now  you  must  be  guided 
by  me " 

"  But  you  don't  know  all — you  have  not  let  me 
tell  you." 

"  I  know  all  I  care  to  know  now,  all  it  seems  to  me 
that  matters.  Darling,  I  know  that  I  have  found 
you,  that  you  are  mine,  that  you  are  the  one  woman 
in  all  the  world,  and — "  he  held  her  closer,  he  looked 
long  into  the  sweet,  anxious  eyes  that  fell  at  last 
beneath  the  passionate  tenderness  of  his,  "  that  you 
are  the  mother  of  my  child  !  "  The  last  words  were 
whispered  against  her  quivering  lips,  so  low  that 
they  were  scarcely  a  breath.  But  she  heard  them, 
and  with  a  little  stifled  sob  turned  her  face  against 
his  breast.  In  that  moment  he  had  complete  com- 
mand over  her.  Then  he  loosed  her  from  his  arms, 
and  offered  her  no  caress,  as  though  to  show  her 

832 


SINLESS 


that  passion  alone  had  not  swayed  him.  "  If  I 
would  let  you,"  he  said,  "  would  you  send  me  from 
you  now  ?  " 

And  the  woman  crept  back  to  the  shelter  of  his 
arms  with  a  long  sigh  like  the  sigh  of  a  tired  child. 


•33 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XXV 

THERE  was  a  very  long  silence  in  the  little 
cottage  room  ;   the  snowy  window  curtains 
flapped    gently   in    the   soft   breeze   that 
brought  on  it  the  mingled  scents  of  box  and  mignon- 
ette and  stocks  and  all  the  wealth  of  old-fashioned 
flowers  in  the  little  fragrant  garden  beyond.     In 
the  great  trees  the  birds  held  high  revelry  ;    from 
afar  off  there  came  the  sounds  of  children  singing 
in  the  fields,  mingled  with  the  faint  clatter  of  tea- 
cups that  came  from  the  little  kitchen. 

In  a  vague,  half  restless  yet  contented  way,  Boyd 
heard  them  all,  while  he  held  Nell  closer,  and  tried 
vainly  to  silence  the  bitter  weeping  into  which  she 
had  broken. 

"  Don't  cry  so  badly,"  he  implored.  "  Nell,  you 
frighten  me — you  will  make  yourself  ill — "  and 
paused  suddenly,  his  heart  gripped  by  the  thought 
that  he  had  forgotten  how  unfit  she  was  to  bear  the 
strain  of  such  a  scene  as  the  one  through  which  they 
had  just  passed.  He  had  forgotten  everything  but 
that  he  had  found  her,  that  she  was  his  beyond  all 
earthly  power  to  part ;  he  had  forgotten  that  there 
was  another  living  creature  in  all  the  world  but  her ; 
and,  made  reckless  by  the  determination  that  never 
again  should  she  escape  him,  made  impatient  by  the 
love  that  he  had  held  in  check  so  long,  but  that  now 
had  gained  its  way  at  last,  he  would  have  listened 
to  no  word  that  might  mean  delay,  he  would  have 
borne  her  then  and  there  from  this  simple  home 

234 


SINLESS 


where  she  had  hidden,  to  a  home  of  his  own  making 
for  her,  to  a  place  where  fear  and  sorrow  should 
never  touch  her  life  again,  to  a  little  kingdom  of 
their  own  where  love  alone  should  reign. 

But  he  remembered  now,  and  with  memory  there 
came  a  strange  pang,  a  chill  uneasiness  to  his  heart. 
He  remembered  what  these  months  of  loneliness  and 
anxiety  must  have  been  to  her,  he  remembered  how 
she  had  been  failing  steadily  in  health,  and  he 
realised  with  a  pang  of  remorse  that  to-day  he  had 
come  upon  her  too  abruptly. 

Fear  seized  upon  him — fear  that  drove  the  colour 
from  his  face,  and  robbed  him  momentarily  of  all  his 
strength.  His  arms  that  had  held  her  to  him  with 
force  of  which  he  was  unconscious  slackened  their 
clasp  a  little  ;  with  one  hand  held  gently  beneath 
her  chin  he  lifted  her  face  to  his,  gazing  down  upon 
it  in  new  dread.  The  past  months  of  silent  suffer- 
ing, of  patient  endurance,  had  left  their  mark  upon 
it.  There  were  pallor  that  was  alarming,  depres- 
sions in  the  soft  cheeks  that  were  surely  unnatural, 
great  purple  shadows  under  the  lovely  eyes — they 
all  told  their  own  pitiful  tale.  And  there  was  a 
listless  droop  of  her  whole  body  and  a  tired  sound 
even  in  the  great  tearless  sobs  that  shook  her  slight 
frame  now,  which  seemed  to  drive  the  blood  from 
the  man's  heart  in  a  horrible  dread  of  which  he  was 
powerless  to  rid  himself. 

"  Forgive  me — I  ought  not  to  have  come  here  as 
I  did — I  ought  to  have  sent  you  word — I  ought  not 
to  have  frightened  you.  Forgive  me  !  See,  I  won't 
say  another  word  to  worry  you — I  will  do  anything 
you  tell  me." 

•35 


SINLESS 


He  put  her  into  a  chair  which  he  drew  close  to  the 
window,  and  stood  by  her  side,  remorseful,  miser- 
able, with  that  new  fear  still  tugging  at  his  heart  of 
which  he  dared  not  speak  to  her,  but  that  he  wished 
some  word  of  hers  might  dispel.  And  she,  divining 
his  thought  perhaps,  stretched  out  one  little  hand  to 
him. 

"  Will  you  really  do  what  I  tell  you  ?  Will  you 
— go  away " 

"  No.  Anything  but  that — I  told  you  so  just  now. 
Don't  ask  me.  Nell — Nell — you  came  back  to  me 
— you " 

"  I  know,"  she  said  softly.  "  I  don't  mean  for 
always — but  for  a  little  while — they — they — won't 
understand  here,  and — and — I  can't — I  dare  not 
come  away — now." 

"  And  I  dare  not  leave  you.  What  does  it  matter 
what  they  think  here — what  does  it  matter  what 
anyone  thinks,  to  us — we  who  from  this  hour  give 
up  our  world  ?  " 

"  That  is  what  we  have  to  talk  over,  you  and  I — 
when — when  I  am  able  to  talk  quietly  to  you — 
when,"  with  a  faint  smile,  "  we  are  both  calmer.  I 
can't  now,  and  I  can't  in  the  haste  of  the  moment  let 
you  or  let  myself  decide  upon  the  future.  You  must 
see  that  that  is  reasonable  enough.  Little  more 
than  an  hour  ago  I  thought  never  to  see  you 
again " 

"  And  if  it  had  been  so,  what  had  you  meant  to 
do?" 

"  You  asked  me  once  if  life  had  become  too 
hard,"  she  returned,  lifting  her  eyes  gravely  to  his 
face,  "  and  even  when  you  asked  the  question,  you 

236 


SINLESS 

knew  it  was  too  hard.  If — I  had  met  you  that 
next  day  as  I  promised — if  I  had  listened  to  all  you 
would  have  said  to  me,  I  should  have  been  too  weak 
to  resist  you ;  with  the  terror  that  was  getting 
worse  every  day  I  should  have  grown  reckless  too. 
And  beside  that,  it  was  brought  before  my  eyes 
every  hour  almost,  that  you  too  were  worse  than 
merely  unhappy.  I  should  have  let  my  heart  plead 
for  you  where  I  should  not  have  listened  to  its 
pleadings  for  myself.  I  knew  that,  and  I  was  glad 
that  chance  took  me  away  then,  and  that  you  never 
sought  me.  But  life  had  grown  too  hard — too 
bitterly  hard  for  endurance — and — yes,  to  you  who 
alone  can  understand  and  pity  me,  I  will  tell  all 
the  truth — there  was  one  moment  when — I  meant 
to  end  it " 

"  Nell !  " 

"  Is  it  so  wonderful  ?  It  was  no  use  to  me  and 
it  was  no  use  to  any  one.  And  then,  all  at  once, 
I  seemed  to  remember  that  though  I  might  con- 
sider I  had  a  right  to  end  my  own  life,  I  had  no 
right  to  end  another — a  life  that  belonged  to  you 
as  well  as  to  me.  With  that  thought  other  thoughts 
came,  that  helped  me  to  bear  my  life.  I  have  never 
been  strong,  and  lately  it  has  seemed  wonderful  how 
I  have  held  on  to  life  at  all ;  and  always  I  have 
felt  sure  that  it  cannot  last  long " 

"  For  God's  sake  cease !  Nell,  are  you  bent  on 
driving  me  mad !  How  can  you  ever  hope  to  get 
well  again  if  you  give  way  to  such  cruel,  horrible 
thoughts  !  Do  you  want  to  end  my  life  too  ?  Do 
you  ?  For  I  swear  that  without  you  I  would  not 
live  another  hour  !  There — I  wanted  to  be  gentle, 

337 


SINLESS 


calm  with  you,  and  you  have  made  me  rough  again, 

— I "  He  ceased  abruptly.  Her  words  had 

been  an  echo  of  the  thought  that  he  would  not  even 
let  his  heart  form  ;  and  they  seemed  but  to  open 
up  the  road  to  despair.  And  he  turned  sharply 
away,  and  leant  his  arms  on  the  low  mantelpiece, 
and  his  face  upon  them. 

Nell  followed  him  presently. 

"  Forgive  me,"  she  pleaded  in  her  turn  ;  and 
Boyd  snatched  her  back  into  his  arms  and  held 
her  there  as  though  he  never  meant  to  let  her  go 
again. 

"  Say  you  didn't  mean  it !  "  he  demanded  of  her, 
"  say  something  to  drive  out  of  my  mind  the  horrible 
fear  you  put  there.  You  have  been  killing  yourself 
by  inches — you  want  care  and — and — skilled  at- 
tention. Who  would  not  perish  in  an  out-of-the- 
way  place  like  this.  Say  that  is  all — say  that  you 
will  come  away — now,  this  moment " 

She  held  her  face  up  to  his  ;  but  he  saw  by  her 
eyes  that  everything  had  grown  dim  to  her. 

"  I  tried  to  think  and  act  for  myself,"  she  said 
dully,  "  and  I  was  wrong  all  through — you  shall 
think  for  me  now."  Boyd  came  back  to  the  present 
and  the  memory  of  all  that  had  to  be  done  before 
this  day  was  over,  with  a  long  sigh. 

Half-an-hour  later  he  had  come  through  a  slightly 
awkward  interview  with  Nurse  White  and  her  old 
sister,  who,  while  they  were  unable  to  regard  him 
with  the  eye  of  suspicion,  were  still  a  little  alarmed 
at  the  prospect  of  losing  their  lodger  so  hastily. 
Also  they  gave  him  the  information  that  there  was 
no  possibility  of  hiring  any  sort  of  conveyance,  fit 

238 


SINLESS 

for  a  lady,  nearer  than  Alnwick  ;  and  Nurse  White 
herself  strongly  advised  him  to  make  his  arrangements 
there  to-day  and  return  to  her  cottage  on  the  morrow. 
This  was  common-sense  after  all.  Instinctively  he 
chafed  against  delay,  instinctively  he  mistrusted  it ; 
but  he  was  obliged  to  own  that  for  Nell's  sake  it 
would  be  wiser.  And  so,  reluctantly,  and  with  an 
uncomfortable  touch  of  misgiving,  a  little  later  he 
left  her. 

But  when  her  old  sister  was  creeping  about  over 
the  closing  up  of  the  doors,  about  nine  that  night, 
Nurse  White  came  down  the  stairs  a  little  hurriedly. 

"  Don't  lock  up,"  she  said.  "  You'll  have  to  put  on 
your  bonnet  and  fetch  Doctor  Blake.  She,"  with 
an  upward  glance  that  meant  to  indicate  Nell  in  her 
room,  and  a  small  "I  told  you  so"  sort  of  sniff, 
"  won't  leave  the  house  to-morrow,  no,  nor  yet  for 
another  month,  if  I  know  anything ! " 


SINLESS 


CHAPTER   XXVI 

IT  was  a  soft  August  evening  with  just  a  touch 
of  chill  in  the  air  which  reminded  one  that 
autumn  was  close  at  hand.  The  sun  setting  in 
a  golden  ball  threw  a  dazzlingly  red  beam  right  across 
Kenneth  Forbes'  eyes,  as  a  little  laboriously,  and 
followed  by  Doctor  Oswald,  he  climbed  into  a  han- 
som in  the  yard  of  Waterloo  Station. 

He  gave  the  Half  Moon  Street  address,  and  then 
leant  back  with  a  smile,  which  found  no  answer  in 
the  doctor's  grave,  just  now  rather  anxious  eyes. 

"  So  we're  back  again,"  he  said  contentedly, 
"  after  five  months  and  a  bit.  more  of  real  holiday- 
making.  I'm  not  so  sure  that  you  have  found  it 
unmixed  joy,  Oswald — I'm  a  bit  suspicious  of  those 
one  or  two  visits  you  contrived  to  pay  to  town,  and 
the  letters  you've  been  so  very  jealous  about,  and 
those  you've  written  in  secret,  oh,  and  all  the  rest 
of  it." 

"  My  dear  Forbes,"  returned  Oswald,  with  a  touch 
of  rare  temper,  "  you  have  paid  me  well  to  take  this 
trip,  and  I've  given  you  my  best  advice — the  rest  is 
surely  my  own  business  !  " 

"  Keep  your  hair  on.  Just  tell  him  to  go  first  to 

G Street."  Oswald  obeyed,  and  wondered  a 

little.  He  wondered  still  more  when  Forbes  went 
into  a  rather  dingy  building  of  second-rate  offices, 
and  came  down  with  an  envelope  in  his  hand,  five 


SINLESS 


minutes  later,  and  a  mingling  of  anger  and  amuse- 
ment plainly  showing  on  his  dark  face. 

But  Oswald  was  in  a  hurry  to  get  home,  and  he 
left  his  patient  unceremoniously  at  the  corner  of  the 
street.  It  was  more  than  a  month  since  he  had  been 
able  to  learn  anything  of  Nell ;  he  felt  certain  that 
there  must  be  some  word  for  him  at  home,  and  he 
hastened  thither  with  a  strangely  uneasy  feeling 
creeping  over  him.  He  had  heard  of  or  from  her 
only  at  rare  intervals,  and  he  had  had  no  opportunity 
of  telling  her  when  Forbes  was  likely  to  return, 
because  Forbes  had  chosen  to  pretend  that  he  did 
not  know  himself. 

On  the  doctor's  table  there  were  letters  that  had 
accumulated  for  nearly  three  weeks,  and  among 
them  not  one  which  bore  Nell's  writing.  On  the 
desk,  where  the  very  latest  letters  were  put,  there 
was  a  telegram,  over  the  opening  of  which  Oswald's 
fingers  shook. 

"  Wiring  on  chance  catching  you.  Come  im- 
mediate. Urgent.  Nurse  White." 

Oswald  rung  the  bell. 

"  A  Bradshaw,"  he  said,  "  and  no  matter  who 
wants  me,  they  must  wait.  A  cab  in  half-an-hour. 
What  ill-luck  made  me  select  a  spot  at  such  a  dis- 
tance," he  added  to  himself.  He  carefully  avoided 
all  chance  of  seeing  Forbes,  and  made  a  bolt  for 
King's  Cross  like  a  guilty  school  boy.  He  deliber- 
ately rolled  himself  up  and  went  to  sleep  ;  and  woke 
up  in  the  very  early  morning  hours  feeling  cramped 
and  dusty.  He  swallowed  a  cup  of  coffee  at  the 
station,  got  the  best  trap  and  horse  that  he  could 
secure,  and  worried  through  the  drive  from  Alnwick 

Q  *4> 


SINLESS 

to  the  outskirts  of  Leathway  till  he  nearly  drove  the 
unfortunate  coachman  silly. 

"  The  Rest  "  presented  a  silent  appearance  which 
struck  a  chill  fear  to  his  heart ;  and  Nurse  White, 
herself  opening  the  door,  wore  such  a  grave  face 
that  he  stopped  short  in  the  little  porch. 

"  Not  the  worst  news  ?  "  he  said  quickly. 

"  No,  sir — not  the  worst,  but  pretty  close  to  it." 

Oswald  breathed  again.  "  Where  is  she  ?  "  he 
asked. 

"  Had  I  better  tell  you,  sir,  all  that  has  happened — 
upon  my  word " 

"  Not  a  syllable  till  I've  seen  her."  Nurse  White 
led  the  way  upstairs  silently  ;  and  a  minute  later  the 
doctor  was  looking  down  upon  Nell,  looking  down 
upon  a  still,  white  face,  closed  eyes,  set  lips,  a  rough 
tangled  mane  of  sunny  hair,  and  holding  in  his  fingers 
a  little  wrist  that  was  almost  pulseless. 

The  minutes  passed  and  lengthened  into  an  hour. 
Nurse  White  had  been  put  through  such  a  catechism 
as  she  had  never  been  put  through  in  her  life.  She 
had  watched  the  doctor  work  as  she  had  never  seen 
him  work  before,  and  she  had  had  to  move  with 
rapidity  that  she  would  have  thought  impossible  to 
her,  to  carry  out  his  varied  and  bewildering  orders. 
But  before  the  hour  was  quite  gone  she  heard  him 
laugh,  that  little  short,  satisfied  laugh  that  she  had 
learned  to  know  well,  and  that  always  meant  that 
he  was  pleased  with  himself;  and  she  saw  Nell's 
eyes  open  once,  and  heard  her  breath  coming  re- 
gularly. 

Then  he  signed  to  her  to  follow  him  to  the  next 
room,  and  listened  with  rather  a  puzzled  frown  while 

243 


SINLESS 

she  gave  him  an  account  of  all  that  had  hap- 
pened since,  after  the  arrival  of  a  stranger, 
Mrs  Francis  was  about  to  make  preparations 
for  departure  on  the  morrow  —  now  five  days 
ago. 

"  It's  the  most  curious  thing "  she  begun,  with 

her  slight  sniff  that  Oswald  knew  well. 

"  My  dear  nurse,"  he  said,  "  everything's  curious 
if  you  only  come  to  think  of  it.  Always  remember 
the  woman's  advice  to  the  dirty  little  boy — *  There's 
many  a  thing  in  this  world  you've  got  to  shut  your 
eyes  to — and  soap's  one  of  them  ! '  Your  patient's 
life  hangs  on  a  thread — that  is  all  that  need  concern 
you — or  me." 

Under  this  snub  Nurse  White  was  silent. 

"  And — he  ?  "  inquired  the  doctor,  who  was 
anxious  to  meet  the  stranger. 

"  A  lunatic — waiting  to  see  you,  and  racing  up 
and  down  my  parlour  till  there  won't  be  a  bit  of 
carpet  left !  "  rejoined  the  Nurse  tartly. 

"  There's  always  Tottenham  Court  Road,"  smiled 
Oswald,  and  ran  down  the  stairs  quickly. 

In  the  parlour  he  came  face  to  face  with  Boyd — 
Boyd  looking  twenty  years  older  than  his  age,  with 
blanched  face,  and  eyes  from  which  sleep  might 
have  been  forever  banished. 

"  You  may  take  that  look  off  your  face,  sir,"  he 
said,  in  that  voice  which  never  failed  to  inspire  con- 
fidence. "  I  do  not  need  to  ask  or  you  to  tell  me 
whom  I  am  addressing.  Names  do  not  matter — 
your  presence  here  is  sufficient.  I  only  wish  I  had 
met  you  sooner,  that  I  might  have  pointed  out  to 

you  which  way  your  plain  duty  lay " 

Q  a  243 


SINLESS 

"  She  is  going  to  live  ?  "  Boyd  breathed  im- 
patiently across  his  words. 

"  She  is  going  to  live.  Oh,  don't  give  me  the 
praise.  It  was  about  the  turning  point,  and  I  am 
glad  to  say  I  arrived  then — I  understand  her,  but  if 

she  had  been  left  to  someone  who  did  not "  a 

slight  shrug  finished  the  sentence.  Also  he  turned 
away  considerately,  because  Boyd  had  gone  to  the 
other  side  of  the  room,  and  words  were  impossible 
to  him.  After  a  long  pause  Oswald  went  nearer  to 
him. 

"  You  may  resent  my  words  if  you  like,"  he  said, 
"  but  I  am  proud  to  say  I  have  been  her  friend  as 
well  as  I  could  for  a  long  while — what  did  you  leave 
her  to  this  for — what  amends  could  you  make  after 
she  was  dead  ?  You've  the  face  of  an  honest, 
kindly  man — if  you  meant  to  desert  her,  why  are  you 
here  now  ?  " 

"  You  wrong  me — you  don't  understand.  If  I 
were  to  explain  to  you  you  never  would  or  could 
believe.  But  you're  her  friend — I  believe  that, 
just  as  I  believe  you  have  given  her  back  to  me 
from  the  very  jaws  of  death,  say  what  you  will — 
and  you  may  believe  me,  she  is  the  most  sacred,  the 
most  precious  thing  to  me  on  earth " 

"  You  use  almost  the  words  she  once  said  to  me," 
said  the  doctor,  bewildered,  "  I  suppose  I  don't 
understand " 

A  loud  knock  on  the  cottage  door  interrupted  him, 
a  faint  protest  in  Miss  White's  cracked  old  voice 
reached  both  men's  ears,  and  then  the  door  was 
flung  open,  and  Forbes,  a  little  breathless,  very 
husky  in  voice,  very  white  in  the  face  and  angry 

244 


SINLESS 


eyed,  stumbled  in,  not  looking  an  inch  farther  than 
Oswald's  amazed  face. 

"  You  only  beat  me  by  an  hour  or  so,"  he  an- 
nounced, nearly  choking.  "  You  infernal  ass,  to  think 
you  and  she  had  hoodwinked  me  so  long  !  I  came 
on  last  night — but  waited  for  breakfast — wouldn't 
hurry  myself  for  the  best  woman  on  earth — much 
less  the  worst.  Now  I'll  say  what  I've  got  to  say 
to  my  wife— Mrs  Francis !  MRS  FRANCIS  !  if 
you  please  !  " 

"  You'll  not  move  from  this  room,  and  I'll  trouble 
you  to  lower  your  voice  because  the  ceilings  are 
thin,"  said  Oswald,  putting  himself  before  the  door. 

"  Damn  you  !  "  cried  Forbes,  "  I've  come  to  fetch 
my  wife.  Perhaps  you  think  I  know  nothing — 
perhaps  you  think  I  hadn't  brain  enough  to  suspect 
her — perhaps  you  think  I  didn't  know  enough  lo 
have  her  watched,  and  to  take  my  little  journey  by 
way  of  giving  her  her  head  for  a  bit.  Perhaps  you 
don't  know  that  I've  had  everything  reported,  and 
that  I  mean  to  take  damn  good  care  to  ruin  you  in 

your  profession.  Perhaps "  Forbes  paused  for 

want  of  breath  ;  he  was  purple  in  the  face ;  and 
Oswald  prepared  for  a  severe  fit  in  which  he  thought 
it  would  not  be  a  bad  thing  to  let  him  die.  And,  in 
the  pause,  Boyd  stepped  forward,  and  from  the 
room  above  there  came  to  the  three  men's  ears  the 
long,  clear,  wailing  cry  of  a  child,  the  weak  cry  of 
a  child  not  many  hours  old,  a  cry  that  seemed  to 
say  it  had  not  many  hours  to  live.  Forbes  broke 
into  a  sneering  laugh,  and  he  was  evidently  on  the 
point  of  breaking  into  a  fresh  torrent  of  words. 
Then  for  the  first  time  he  saw  Boyd,  and  he  fell  back 

245 


SINLESS 

on  to  the  window-seat  as  though  he  had  been 
shot. 

"You!  Boyd  !"  he  gasped.  "  What— what— the 
devil  are  you  doing  here  !  " 

"  If  you  will  act  upon  my  advice,"  said  the  doctor, 
turning  to  Boyd,  while  Forbes  still  stared  blankly, 
"  you  will  explain  to  Mr  Forbes  exactly  why  you 
are  here.  But  take  him  out  into  the  road,  or  the 
wood,  or  to  Leathway  or  Alnwick — but  I  must  have 
absolute  silence  in  this  house."  He  assisted  Forbes, 
limp,  but  protesting,  to  the  door  ;  he  watched  him 
wildly  gesticulating  as  he  went  down  the  garden 
path  with  Boyd  behind  him  with  a  face  of  stone;  and 
then  Oswald  shut  the  door  and  went  upstairs  again. 

"  So  he'd  been  lying  low  all  the  time  ! "  he  said 
to  himself. 

Into  a  pretty,  rather  overcrowded  drawing-room 
in  a  house  which  stood  in  a  fashionable  part  of 
Wimbledon,  the  winter  sun  shone  on  to  the  heads 
of  three  women  sitting  rather  closely  together  over 
their  tea,  and  evidently  enjoying  a  little  exciting 
gossip.  Mrs  Gordon-Smith  was  the  hostess,  and  it 
was  her  voice  that  fell  now  to  a  thrilling  whisper. 

"  It's  a  terrible  thing — though  of  course  it  might 
have  been  even  more  terrible — of  course  I  know  I 
can  trust  you  all  absolutely,  or  I  wouldn't  say  a 
word,  for  I  should  be  the  last  one  to  spread  scandal 
about  poor  dear  Helen  Boyd  of  all  people.  You 
both  heard  something,  of  course." 

Both  heads  nodded. 

"  Well,  it's  very  hard  on  poor  Helen,  who  really 
takes  it  bravely " 


SINLESS 


"Then  her  husband  really  did — did — go  off  with 
someone  else  ?  "  The  vicar's  wife  looked  shocked. 

"  Yes  ;  he  pretended  to  be  going  to  Scotland  with 
some  men  ;  and  all  the  time  there  was  someone  he'd 
been  in  love  with — and  you  know  the  usual  sort  of 
thing.  The  woman  really  must  have  been  a  very 
bad  lot  from  all  I  heard.  Fortunately,  poor  dear 
Helen  never  really  cared  a  bit  about  her  husband — 
personally,  I  thought  him  a  horror — they'd  lived 
apart  so  many  years  you  know — but  it's  a  bit  of  a 
snub  to  one's  pride  to  know  that  he's  living  out  of 
the  world  with  a  woman  who  is  evidently  a  very 
dreadful  character.  I  did  not  really  hear  the  whole 
truth,  for  Helen  is,  for  once,  reticent  even  with  me ; 
but  Mr  Boyd's  supposed  to  have  gone  back  to  India  ; 
and  whatever  has  happened  does  not  affect  her 
position  in  the  least  you  see — he  has  not  left  her  in 
any  vulgar  way,  and  of  course  she  could  get  a  divorce, 
I  suppose,  if  she  liked.  But  I  don't  think  she  has  an 
idea  of  it  ;  and  she's  got  her  mother  you  know,  and 
she's  not  of  a  sentimental  turn  of  mind,  and  I  really 
believe  that  she  is  happier  than  she  has  been  since 
her  precious  husband  came  home,  only  to  make  all 
this  trouble  for  her.  But  still  it's  one's  pride,  you 
see,  and  she'd  feel  it,  naturally." 

"  She's  such  a  nice  little  thing ;  but,  I  always 
thought,  quite  unsuited  to  her  husband." 

"  Quite.     And  you  won't  breathe  a  word  ?  " 

"  My  dear  \  "  said  the  Vicar's  wife,  with  reproach 
in  her  thin  voice.  "  It  is  hardly  a  thing  to  be 
spoken  of !  " 

"  I  suppose  not.  And  as  poor  Helen  so  wisely 
says  herself,  least  said  soonest  mended." 

247 


SINLESS 

At  the  same  moment  Forbes  was  sitting  with  his 
feet  nearly  in  the  fire,  still  in  the  little  furnished 
house  in  town,  and  listening  to  Mrs  Jessop's 
sympathies  bellowed  at  him  in  all  kinds  of  tones, 
with  now  and  again  a  grunt  for  response. 

"  I  say  it  again,  Kenneth,  you've  behaved  beauti- 
fully— beautifully — but  quixotically.  I  shall  never 
cease  to  be  glad  that  I — I — met  the  shameless  hussy 
just  when  I  did,  and  that  I  was  able  to  warn  you. 
All  the  same,  I  think  you're  wrong — too  easy — and 
you  should  have  divorced  her — you  should  have " 

"  She'd  have  had  the  whip  hand  of  me  whatever 
I'd  done,"  grunted  Forbes,  roused  to  speech  by 
bitterly  disappointing  memory.  "  I'd  the  whole 
thing  cut  and  dried — I  spent  no  end  of  money  on 
having  her  watched,  and  every  little  happening 
reported  to  me.  I  went  a  journey  that  cost  no  end, 
and  that  I  didn't  want  to  take,  because — I  dis- 
covered things  that  made  me  think  I'd  make  her 
pay  for  her  deceit,  and  pay  dearly.  I  made  all  my 
plans  ;  and  I  only  wish  I'd  got  back  a  bit  sooner." 

"  But — "  began  Mrs  Jessop,  and  Forbes  kicked 
over  the  tongs  viciously. 

"  I  tell  you  I'd  made  my  plans — if — if — the  child 
had  lived,  Ellen  would  never  have  known  another 
day's  peace  ;  but  curse  it !  it  must  needs  go  and  die  ! 
She's  my  wife,  and  in  law  it  was  my  child  !  I  tell 
you  I  took  the  very  best  advice — but  it  died — con- 
found it — it  died,"  regretfully,  "  and  she  could 
snap  her  fingers  at  me — she  does." 

"  I'd  make  her  name  ring  through  London,  any- 
way  " 

"  Would  you  ?     My  name  !    Sense,  that  !    Bah  ! 
248 


SINLESS 

there's  no  peace  when  there's  a  woman  round.  Let 
'em  go  hang,  say  I !  But  there's  one  thing  I'm 
sorry  for — "  There  was  real  regret  in  his  voice,  real 
sadness  in  his  eyes,  and  Mrs  Jessop  thought  that 
after  all  he  might  be  feeling  the  blow  dealt  to  him 
more  keenly  than  he  would  admit. 

She  put  a  hand  sympathetically  on  his  shoulder. 

*'  I'm  sorry  I've  had  to  quarrel  with  Oswald — a 
wonderful  man ;  but  it  wasn't  his  physic  so  much 
as  his  manner  that  carried  one  along  the  right  way 
with  it.  I'm  going  back — I  can  feel  it — every  day, 
without  his  care.  If  it  wasn't  that  I  know  he 
wouldn't  come,  I'd  swallow  my  pride  and  send  for 
him.  He  didn't  behave  well  to  me  about  Ellen,  but 
I  expect  the  minx  wheedled  him  into  doing  all  he 
did.  He's  a  clever  man — and  knew  how  to  treat 
my  case.  I'm  sorry  I  had  to  quarrel  with  him — 
there  isn't  anyone,"  dreamily,  "  who  could  mix 
whiskey  and  honey  to  suit  my  throat  like  Oswald 
could." 

"  But— but— about  Ellen,  Kenneth " 

"  Oh,  hang  Ellen  !  I  wish  I  could  induce  Oswald 
to  give  me  the  prescription  for  gout,  and  I  wish 
Worth  would  learn  how  to  mix  the  honey  up  !  " 

And  the  setting  sun  cast  a  red  streak  also  across 
the  rippling  gold  of  Nell's  hair  and  into  the  blue  of 
her  eyes,  that  now  held  something  more  than  the  lurk- 
ing tear  which  always  seemed  to  linger  in  them. 
She  was  standing  on  the  deck  of  a  huge  steamer, 
that  already  was  beginning  to  throb  with  life,  and 
Owen  Oswald  was  standing  beside  her. 

"  Perhaps,"  he  said,  and  there  was  a  touch  of  sad- 
249 


SINLESS 

ness  in  his  eyes  and  in  his  voice  too,  "  we  shall  never 
meet  again,  since  you  are  bidding  good-bye  to 
England  for  ever ;  but  I  hope  that  may  not  be  so." 

"  And  I  too.  You  may,  some  day,  come  out  to 
— us  ! "  She  paused  over  the  last  word,  and  blushed 
over  it  a  little  as  well ;  and  Oswald  thought,  that 
with  that  slight  flush  on  her  cheeks  that  were  no 
longer  wan  and  pale,  with  the  soft  new  tone  in  her 
voice,  and  the  tender,  wondering  half  sadness  of  her 
eyes,  he  could  hardly  recognise  the  woman  whom  he 
had  first  met  when  she  was  lost  in  a  dense  London 
fog,  and  whom  afterwards  he  had  met  in  the  little 
house  in  Half  Moon  Street,  where  she  had  seemed  to 
shrink  away  from  the  very  glance  of  his  eyes,  where 
she  had  seemed  to  live  in  fear  of  her  own  shadow. 
"  Oh,  Dr  Oswald,"  she  went  on  softly,  looking 
dreamily  out  on  to  the  restless  little  waves  that 
lapped  the  ship's  sides,  "  I  wonder  if  I  shall  ever  be 
able  to  look  into  my  own  heart  without  remorse,  with- 
out the  feeling  that — oh,  don't  you  see — don't  you 
understand  that  to  take  one's  happiness  across  the 
grave  of  another  woman's  sorrow  must  rob  life  of 
some  of  its  sweetness — sometimes  I  think  of  all !  " 

"  I  can  readily  understand  it — if  it  were  so,"  he 
returned,  the  old  tone  of  comfort  and  strength  that 
his  voice  had  ever  held  for  her  coming  into  it  again. 
"  But  it  is  not — you  may  believe  me.  My  dear,  you 
are  not  rushing  headlong  into  the  life  before  you  in 
the  eager  passion  of  the  moment — without  con- 
sideration, and  without  thought.  You  know  your 
sacrifice,  if  sacrifice  it  be,  and  you  know  in  taking 
your  just  heritage  of  freedom  you  lay  yourself  by  a 
social  law  beneath  a  social  ban.  But  you  know 

250 


SINLESS 


your  own  heart  too,  and  your  own  truth.  The  world 
that  could  not,  and  would  never  care  to  understand, 
may  turn  its  back  upon  you  ;  but  I  think  the  world 
is,  and  will  ever  be,  very  far  from  you  !  " 

Nell  sighed,  and  her  eyes  grew  dim  ;  but  she 
stretched  out  her  gloved  hand  and  rested  it  with 
the  old  touch  of  dumb  gratitude  upon  his  arm. 

And  then  from  below  there  came  to  them  the  vio- 
lent ringing  of  a  bell,  the  shouts  of  "  All  ashore  " 
which  went  round  the  ship,  laughter  mingled  with 
the  sound  of  tears.  And  over  all  the  starting  of  the 
great  screw. 

Boyd  came  hurrying  up  to  them. 

"  I  had  an  awful  tussle  to  find  that  lost  bag,"  he 
smiled,  addressing  Nell,  "  but  it's  all  right  now. 
They're  just  going  to  hoist  the  gangway,  Os- 
wald  " 

Oswald  made  a  wry  face.  Then  he  said  good-bye 
with  rather  suspicious  haste,  and  lifted  Nell's  hand 
for  a  moment  to  his  lips. 

"  Be  very  good  to  her,"  he  said  aside,  a  little 
awkwardly  to  Boyd  ;  and  the  next  moment  he  had 
sprung  on  to  the  gangway.  Then  the  huge  vessel 
shuddered  and  trembled  and  forged  onward  slowly, 
steadily. 

"  You  have  no  regret  ?  "  Boyd  said  to  her  softly, 
that  night,  when  they  sat  alone,  in  the  white  light 
of  the  moon.  "  You  have  neither  regret  nor  fear, 
sweetheart  ?  " 

"  No — no  ;   it  is  not  I — it  is  if  ever  you " 

He  leant  nearer  to  her  and  drew  her  head  down 
on  to  his  breast. 

"  We  have  shaped  our  own  lives,  Nell — we  have 

251 


SINLESS 


given  up  the  world,  holding  it  well  lost.  You  go  to 
a  world  of  our  own  now — and  King  over  it  all  is 
Love.  Tell  me  you  have  no  regret." 

For  answer  she  lifted  her  shy,  sweet  mouth  to  his. 
She  could  not  trust  herself  to  speak  ;  and  even  as 
his  lips  lingered  on  hers  in  kisses  that  stirred  her  soul 
to  its  depths,  even  as  she  heard  the  loud  rapturous 
throbbing  of  the  heart  that  beat  alone  for  her,  she 
wondered  if,  through  all  her  life,  she  would  be  haunted 
by  the  thought  that  she  had  gained  her  happiness 
over  the  grave  of  another  woman's  sorrow, 

ff  Let  us  alone:    What  is  it  that  will  last  ? 
All  things  are  taken  from  us  and  become 
Portions  and  parcels  of  the  dreadful  Pasti 
All  things  have  rest  and  ripen  towards  the  grave 
In  silence ;  ripen,  fall,  and  cease. 
Give  us  long  rest  or  death ;  dark  death  or  dreamful  ease." 


THE  END 


Letters    of  a    Business 
Woman  to  Her  Niece 

BY  CAROLINE  A.  RULING 

Editor  of  The  BOOKSELLER  and  Latest  Literature 

These  letters  were  published  serially  in  an 
Eastern  Magazine,  attracting  considerable 
attention  and  adding  materially  to  its  cir- 
culation. They  embody  suggestions  in  the 
preparation  for  business  life,  getting  and 
keeping  a  position,  ethics,  dress,  conduct, 
the  investment  of  savings  and  the  man- 
agement of  a  business,  getting  and  giving 
credit  and  other  important  matters  of  which 
young  women  are  generally  ignorant.  There 
is  nothing  of  this  nature  on  the  market, 
and  a  large  sale  is  anticipated  for  the  book. 
Miss  Ruling  has  utilized  the  experiences 
of  twenty  years  in  business  life,  in  these 
letters  which  are  designed  to  be  helpful  to 
younger  women. 

Handsomely  bound  in  cloth,  and  neatly 

boxed  for  presentation  purposes, 
tamo,  in  size,  $1.00  net. 

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A  Sealed  Book 

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